


Nephilim

by robotomania



Category: D'espairsRay, Jrock
Genre: Alternate Universe, Criminal Mayhem, Cyberpunk Noir, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-06
Updated: 2013-03-06
Packaged: 2017-12-04 11:45:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 113,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/710436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robotomania/pseuds/robotomania
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tsukasa leads a powerful gang, & Hizumi comes to him for protection after his politician father, & mother, are murdered. Hizumi soon realizes his only option is revenge, whatever it takes.</p>
<p>Set in a distorted future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Shir, from a request on the JrockYaoi community on LJ.
> 
> I had so much fun writing this for you, & I really hope you like how it turns out. I'm just sorry it took so long.
> 
> Oh & I've been asked a few times what their ages are in this, so I'll go ahead & mention them here. Hizumi is seventeen, Tsukasa is twenty-one, Karyu is twenty-two, Zero is eighteen.
> 
> General warnings: violence, criminal behavior, blood, sadomasochism, unprotected sex, angst, paperwork.

I · Caenogenesis

 

On nights like this, it was as if the rain were the only thing holding him to the ground.

As if he could float away, into the flickering neon advertisements, into the dusky November sky full of clouds.

With his eyes closed, he felt unattached to anything. Just waiting. Waiting for the rain to wash him clean, to rinse away those things he had seen, but did not want to see.

Blood soaking into the expensive rug. The unbelievable juxtaposition of his mother's staring eyes, his father's gaping throat. The two wine glasses and their spilled contents, still wet, like painful metaphors.

His dead parents lying on the floor of his father's office.

With his eyes closed, but everything so clearly visible.

Hizumi drew a slow hand through dark hair and knew he had to keep moving.

Through the rushing press of shoppers and umbrellas, past the flashy shop with its display of mobile phone implants and upgrades, and the noodle shop that boasted the world's best teriyaki, beyond the safety and comfort of lights and crowds and familiarity. Into the dark corners, the shadows full of places where a good, well-bred boy like himself did not belong.

Asking questions of strangers, whispering names he should not even know.

He was looking for the Black Death.

Simple terms called them a gang, a unit of organized crime. But in other, whispered terms, they were more of a cult, a religion. A separate realm of existence, like the space between dream and reality where ghosts might live when no one was willing to see them.

The rumors were thick, drenched in blood, echoed with arcane chants and esoteric symbols.

Some said they practiced extinct forms of blackest black magic, that they sold their souls in exchange for power, and strength. Some said they were demons themselves.

Hizumi, if he were to be honest, did not know if he believed the hype. It seemed a little extreme, really. But he knew if there was anyone out there that could keep him safe, keep him from being the next victim, they were his only hope.

Hizumi was looking for protection.

Specifically, he was looking for the devil.

Down those cold and silent streets, the neon far behind. The rain so heavy, his school uniform plastered into his skin, he had no idea how long he'd been out there. How long since the police let him leave the station after endless questioning.

It might have been years.

But he had to keep moving.

Then as if such a thing could be conjured, the quiet splash of tires rolling to a stop.

Hizumi wondered if this was it, if his life was going to flash before his eyes, or if death was going to be a quick snap into darkness. If the entire night's efforts had been for nothing.

Standing on the cracked and puddled sidewalk, it wasn't really what he was expecting.

The limousine could have been a bullet. Black, seamless, glistening with rain. A door opened out of nowhere, but inside, it was a normal car.

Somehow that was a let-down.

"Get in." The voice was so smooth, it was almost a challenge. "Or do you like standing out in the rain like an idiot?"

Still, it could have been danger. That voice, that bombshell of a limousine in the dreamy, seductive dark of night. It could have been his death, hidden within the casual, leather interior.

But Hizumi let ruined shoes lead him to the door. Only hesitating for a moment, because he realized then, it would never happen like this.

Death would come in familiar spaces, those places that used to be home.

Sliding into the vacant seat, the sound of the door closing itself was barely more than a whisper. The man suddenly visible beside him, requiring all his focus.

Tall, smirking, taunting but not threatening. Auburn hair messy and dry, untouched by the rain. And wearing enough leather that he could have been part of the car itself, if it weren't for that distortion of a smile.

Snakes would smile like that.

Then a throat cleared, out of the deep end of the dark. "You've been looking for me. How may I help you?"

It hit him finally, who they were, where he was. Part of him might have relaxed, if one could relax in the presence of the devil.

"Tsukasa-sama." The name came out on the breath Hizumi hadn't noticed he was holding. "I need... I need protection. I can pay whatever you require. I just...."

Leaning forward in the dark, Tsukasa smiled. And it was so much more than serpents, so much more than fallen angels.

To Hizumi, it was _everything_.

"What do you think, Karyu?" Speaking to the leather man, but his eyes kept Hizumi pinned to the seat.

"I think it might be too late. I think he might already be dead, and there's nothing we can do about it."

Hizumi fidgeted, licked his lips and broke away from Tsukasa's stare. The tall, strange man, his expression was far too light and amused for such a harsh conclusion.

Karyu, Hizumi made the connection then. The devil's right hand.

"I'm not going to let them get me. But I need... I can't... I don't know how to do it alone." Back to Tsukasa. " _Will_ you help me?"

A paused moment, as the limousine turned a corner, allowing in the sound of water from a hollow distance.

The car settled, and Tsukasa leaned back, hands folded in a glimmer of silver rings. "Do you believe in fate, Yoshida-san?"

Said aloud, the name felt like a threat. Like everyone who wanted him dead could be listening, and know he was right there, sitting.... "Hizumi, just... Hizumi."

"Fine. Do you believe in fate, _Hizumi_?"

Beside him, Karyu, tense as if he were trying not to laugh.

Hizumi, left out of the joke, could only shrug. "I'm not sure. Maybe. What does this have to do with anything?"

"Fate has everything to do with anything. If you can accept that now, you might have a chance to survive."

He sighed, and it was tight with irritation. He wanted to scream, I didn't come to you for riddles. He wanted to scream, you're supposed to be my chance to survive.

Instead, Hizumi conceded. "I believe everything is connected, if you look hard enough. I don't know if it's fate. But that's enough for me."

Another pause.

Hizumi felt cold, in the sheltered interior of the car. Out of place, in the damp clinging uniform. "So are you trying to say that fate has already determined that I'm going to die, that anything I do is hopeless?"

"No." Karyu then, a little softer. "I think what he's trying to say is, do you need to go back to your house for anything, before we go home?"

It took a while to sink in. Hizumi was painfully slow that night; he wondered if he could blame it on the rain, or delayed shock. "Yeah. I need a few things, if that's okay."

Hizumi thought of fate, as they drove through the neon streets. The significance of the phrases "your house" and "home", brighter than the lights. He knew he would be walking away from the sprawling mansion where he grew up for the last time.

But somehow that was okay.

Karyu's playful smile told him he was finally moving in the right direction.

+

Hizumi packed only what was necessary.

Karyu went inside with him, but that was little comfort.

The yellow crime scene tape was much too distracting.

+

Tsukasa's office was the only thing on the second floor of that eccentric monolith of a building. Nothing on the first floor, nothing on the ten floors that followed. On the very top floor, a series of apartments where he and Karyu lived. And now Hizumi.

He wasn't sure if he should feel very isolated, or very safe.

"So... What are your plans?" Karyu, handing him a cup of warmed sake.

Hizumi looked to his reflection in the window and, for the moment, shrugged. Beyond that bulletproof surface, the mirror image of the two of them standing there with steaming cups, was a world that he no longer understood. As if everything out there had been flipped into its own mirror image.

"I don't know. First I have to find out what my options are, I guess." He blew on the sake. "If I have any options."

Tsukasa's reflection joined them, on Hizumi's other side. "There are always options."

Hizumi made a sound that was almost a laugh. "It doesn't really feel like it."

"Maybe not, not yet. Give yourself time." A brief squeeze to Hizumi's shoulder, and Tsukasa's reflection faded back into the room.

It was so quiet in there, time seemed meaningless. Like he could stand at that window forever, and nothing would change. Somehow, it was a calming thought, as if he were not only moving in the right direction, but that he no longer needed to be moving at all.

When his cup was empty, he realized Tsukasa was beside him again. "Thank you. For bringing me here, for everything."

Karyu's reflection smiled at him; Tsukasa's expressed nothing. "Don't forget what I said about fate." He took Hizumi's cup and was gone yet again. "You should probably get some sleep."

Outside, through a small crack between buildings, Hizumi could see the moon. Inside, Karyu was leading him away by the arm. "Come on. Tsukasa's right, you've had a long day. Decisions can wait until tomorrow."

Down a dark corridor, to a secluded elevator. "I'm waiting for this to feel real, I think."

Karyu laughed. "Tsukasa would say, nothing is real, and you'll be waiting forever."

Hizumi barely smiled as the elevator rose. "He's nothing like I thought he'd be. You either."

That time when Karyu laughed, it echoed. "Knowing what people say about us, I'll take that as a compliment." Then a look that Hizumi could not decipher, but some primal, instinctive part of his soul understood. "Just don't forget what we are. We might be kind to you, but we are still death."

The doors slid open; Hizumi found there was nothing he could say in response to that. He let the tall, strange man lead him away again. More dark halls and quiet rooms.

"This is my apartment. I never use it, but it's the only other bed around here. We don't really plan for guests." Karyu smirked, and Hizumi felt that warm, unusual feeling return. "You have my number in your phone, need anything, call me. Otherwise do what you want. We'll see you in the morning."

It was when Karyu turned to leave, that Hizumi managed another "Thank you." And there was that cryptic smile again.

"Get some sleep, Hizumi."

Alone in the room, he noticed he could still see the moon, past his reflection on another bulletproof window.

+

Instinctively, Karyu knew it would be pointless to return to the office. By the time he made it to the room he shared with Tsukasa, the man was already waiting in bed.

Karyu felt the urge to comment.

"Someone's not wasting any time tonight."

Sprawled on dark sheets, Tsukasa gave a slow unfurling smile. A little crooked, the way Karyu liked it. "It's late. You expect me to stay up all night? I'm a businessman remember, I have things to be awake for tomorrow."

"Well in that case, maybe I should sleep on the couch tonight, let Business-Sama get his rest."

Nice try, but Tsukasa wasn't giving up yet. "Maybe you should go sleep with Hizumi, keep his boogeymen away."

Karyu laughed; it was always so easy, the way he let himself laugh like that. Sometimes Tsukasa envied him for it. "I don't think he has anything to worry about."

"No. Perhaps not." Watching Karyu shed clothing, Tsukasa's expression went a little contemplative. "Do you think he'll be okay?"

One sock left. Karyu shrugged. "Depends. You know this kind of thing can go two ways, and most of the time people choose to let it destroy them."

Quiet for a moment. "I'm not sure I want to let him self-destruct."

"Aww, Tsukasa-kun likes Hizumi-kun." Teasing, Karyu slid under the blankets, in time for a smack in the arm. Of course it made him laugh.

"Karyu-chan's asking for trouble."

"Hey! Why am I the 'chan'?" He did get a small laugh out of Tsukasa when he smacked him back.

And another crooked smile for his efforts. "Don't ask me, you started it."

"Psh. For the most badass man on the planet, you can be such a five year old."

"It's all about _balance_ , Karyu-chan." He looked so smug about it, and Karyu was hit with the memory of what Hizumi said in the elevator, about how Tsukasa was nothing like he expected. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Because you're unbelievable." Karyu had held back long enough. He leaned over and kissed him, wild and cruel. Feeling the beautiful man beneath him squirm and bite, drawing blood from Karyu's bottom lip, and Karyu thought he might be unbelievable, but he couldn't be more perfect.

Tsukasa's fingers wound into auburn hair, teasing out the scent of rain and gunpowder. Holding him deep in that bloody kiss.

He wanted to say, you're pretty unbelievable too.

Instead he shoved him over, following without breaking the kiss, swallowing Karyu's quiet, chuckling moan. Seated on Karyu's hips, Tsukasa finally pulled away. Reaching for the small bottle kept on the nightstand, then he leaned back, fully exposed and aroused and vulnerable.

Karyu loved him like that more than anything.

And that was saying a lot.

No guns, no blades, no whispered spells in languages long dead. Just skin, blood, bone, everything beneath the leather and danger.

"You're looking at me funny again."

Tsukasa's thighs were warm against Karyu's sides; he couldn't resist running both hands over them. "I'm thinking."

"Thinking." Incredulous tone.

"Thinking. I can do that, you know. I'm brawn _and_ brains." Karyu grinned, and his hands were almost where Tsukasa wanted them.

Perhaps in revenge, he reached behind him, where Karyu's erection pressed against his spine. Fingers slick with oil gave a brief caress. The little hissing response was satisfying. "Is it very important, what you're thinking?"

Karyu opened his mouth to reply, but Tsukasa cut him off. One smooth, casual motion, and Karyu was completely inside him. Whatever he was about to say came out as a gasped "Fuck."

Tsukasa, with his head thrown back, let himself laugh. "Good answer." Leaning forward, he kissed him before he could make some smart-assed comment.

Then Karyu was flipping them over, driving himself deeper, pulling Tsukasa's head back again so he could bite into his throat.

Soft pale skin, covered in scars and bruises.

Everything about him belonged to Karyu.

The blood dripping away from Karyu's mouth from the pull of gravity, the sensation made him twist upwards. Demanding roughness, wanting everything Karyu could give.

Don't you dare be gentle with me tonight.

So Karyu fucked him hard, left bites and bruises everywhere he could reach, kisses full of blood and those delirious sounds Tsukasa made when he forgot to control himself. Tsukasa pulling at his hair to get at Karyu's throat, leaving his own marks.

Everything about Karyu belonged to Tsukasa.

And as Tsukasa came beneath him, shivering tighter around him, Karyu knew it could never be any other way.

But still he somehow knew, as he followed him into bliss, Tsukasa's name gasped against bruised skin, that everything was about to change.

+

Standing at a bulletproof window again, his reflection was barely visible against the blue sky.

Sunlight everywhere, making the whole night seem surreal, like a dream that had yet to fade. But it would fade, sunlight was good for that.

At least that was what he told himself, there at the window, with a delicious cup of coffee in his hand.

Hizumi sighed, and wondered what time it was. Vaguely he thought about school, if he was missing a test somewhere. Maybe none of it really mattered anymore.

He barely startled when the door opened behind him, but it was only Karyu, and Tsukasa. "I made coffee. I hope you don't mind."

Karyu perked. "I have coffee in there? Awesome." Disappearing into the kitchen, while Tsukasa crossed the living room to stand beside Hizumi.

In the warm glowing sunlight, make-up washed away, in a loose t-shirt, Tsukasa could have been any ordinary person. Hizumi searched, but found no clue that the man was a dangerous criminal. He looked soft, delicate, perhaps kind with all the edges softened and his eyes turned to amber.

Hizumi decided, this must have been how Lucifer looked before he tripped.

"Why is everyone staring at me lately?"

Hizumi fully startled then, turned away with a rising blush. "Sorry. It's just...."

"Not what you were expecting?" Karyu told him about that, eventually. He watched Hizumi try to hide himself in the coffee mug, and halfway smiled. "Looks are deceiving, you should know that by now."

"I guess so...." It was difficult not to look at Tsukasa again after that, wanting to sneak little glances at his sunlit reflection. Hizumi sighed in some kind of annoyance at himself and turned away from the window. Karyu was sitting in the nearest chair, watching them, and Hizumi wasn't very surprised.

If it weren't for that devious smirk, he might have been angelic too.

"So, Hizumi, we're going out tonight. Want to come along?" And in Karyu's typical way, the question sounded like a challenge. Hizumi wondered sometimes if everything he said was meant to test him.

"Depends on where you're going."

He stood, long limbs unfolding from the chair. "Mayhem. That club by where we found you."

Where we found you. The words brought it all back, the rain and the night and the desperate searching.

The blood he could still see, but did not want to see.

He didn't notice his hands were shaking, until Karyu stilled them. Taking away the mug, holding them, protective in his larger, rougher grasp. Hizumi felt himself swallow, then one of those hands was lifting his head, forcing him to look up. To meet an unexpected comfort in Karyu's eyes.

"If you're not ready to leave here, it's okay. You're safe here. But you'll be safe out there too, with us."

Hizumi knew that, and it was a sickening realization, that he felt so much like a child, something small and weak to be taken care of.

He'd been looking for protection, but that could only be the first step.

Shaking his head out of Karyu's grasp, Hizumi drew a breath. "I can't stay here forever, I can't hide, not when that bastard is still out there somewhere. I got what I wanted, I know you'll keep me safe. But I can't...."

"You can't let him win." Tsukasa's quiet observation. Hizumi only nodded once. "So you've made your decision then?"

Looking out the window, at the bright sun, sparkling and shimmering on glass and steel. But it was suddenly blurry. "I have to find out who did this, I have to find them." He felt the heat of tears sliding down his neck. "I have to kill them."

Karyu, squeezing his hands to get his attention. "Killing someone isn't easy. It never leaves you, it takes part of you and never gives it back."

"I don't care."

Hizumi's voice was almost cold, and Karyu knew the decision was already irreversible. Still he had to make one final effort. "You should think about this, don't damn yourself so quickly." He shook him a little. "Hizumi, do you understand what I'm saying?"

He raised his head, focusing, as if he were finally actually seeing Karyu. "I understand. But if you can do it, I can do it."

Karyu hated the stab of guilt he felt then, and it was his turn to break the connection, to let go of the boy before he did any further damage. Briefly his eyes met Tsukasa's, before he moved away from the window. Away from Hizumi.

It was supposed to be simple, wasn't it? Protect this rich kid brat for a while, until he decided he wasn't in danger anymore, say goodbyes and throw in a few threats about keeping secrets for good measure. Then he would be gone, and they would forget about him. Tsukasa would make riddles about fate, and life would go on.

Crossing the room, Karyu let out a quiet curse.

Nothing was ever simple.

When he spoke again, he sounded almost defeated. "We'll be back in a few hours. Get some more rest, it's going to be a long night."

Tsukasa left without a word. The gentle way he brushed tears from Hizumi's cheek said enough.

+

Mayhem wasn't overly crowded yet, so Hizumi was able to get a good look around, without having to maneuver through bodies. He decided he liked it, everything painted black and grey like old stone, the wall at the back covered in artistic graffiti, the constantly-shifting prism of lights.

Most of all, he liked the way those lights shimmered on the two men in front of him. Tsukasa and Karyu, sleek and powerful in all that leather. Dangerous, exquisite creatures.

Hizumi felt a giddy mixture of pride, awe, and undeniable attraction.

The teasing peek of skin between Tsukasa's studded belt and ripped shirt made him want to touch, to taste, perhaps bite. The awareness was embarrassing, but no one would ever know. His mouth slightly dry, watching Karyu trace a discreet hand over the curve of Tsukasa's hip, Hizumi barely concealed a shiver.

It would be his little secret.

People were noticing them, drifting aside, and he could see the same awe and desire reflected in so many pairs of eyes. Most were greeting the two, and looking at Hizumi as if he were some new laboratory specimen. In his old faded jeans and t-shirt, he felt inadequate.

But only until Karyu reached back for his hand and pulled him along. The smile he gave was more reassurance than Hizumi could have asked for.

It doesn't matter what they think of you, you belong to us.

Tsukasa led them to a span of couches along the graffiti wall, the area scattered with tables damp with sweat from bottles and glasses. Hizumi sank into the couch beside Karyu, trying to mimic the way he lounged there so comfortably, while still entirely alert. Like some kind of hunting cat, patiently waiting for prey.

Hizumi knew he was watching for danger, any threat to Tsukasa's safety.

The dynamic was clear. Tsukasa was the untouchable god, Karyu was the bodyguard.

So what did that make him?

He decided, he wasn't quite ready to think about that yet. Instead he slid himself lower on the cushion, and watched Karyu, watching the room. Trying to see what he saw. But all he saw was people.

"You okay?" There was a difference in Karyu's voice, quieter, careful.

Hizumi nodded, and had a cold beer pressed into his hand. "Yeah I'm okay, just thinking." He smiled at the beer. "Thank you." A quick toasting motion before swallowing down most of it in one drink, as much as he could until his stomach began to protest.

Karyu wasn't facing him, but he looked amused anyway.

Beyond Karyu, Tsukasa was talking to someone, exchanging dark shapes that Hizumi couldn't make out. The person left, and he saw Tsukasa unfold a small computer from his pocket, inserting what was then obviously a drive into the side. Watching the screen light up, he was unaware of being observed himself.

"Do you dance, Hizumi?"

Tsukasa's question drew him from the screen -- it wasn't even his business anyway -- and he felt the blush spread across his face. "Um, not really." A flickered look at the dance floor. "I've only been to a club once. Usually I have too much homework to go out."

But that was light years ago.

Faintly, the sound of Tsukasa typing on the keyboard. "Consider this your new homework then. Get out there, learn to dance, learn to blend in and not be noticed. Camouflage is the most important defense you can have."

"But --"

"Karyu will teach you."

Karyu was smirking down at him, and Hizumi rolled his eyes before he could stop it. Karyu laughed. "Come on, Dance Club 101."

Tsukasa glanced up and watched a snickering Karyu drag a resisting Hizumi into the edge of the crowd. The boy was so hesitant and shy, but he refused to let himself be fooled. Tsukasa knew how to read people. Beneath it all, there was bravery and strength waiting to rise to the surface, visible in rare clear moments like the one in Karyu's apartment.

Hizumi's eyes might have been full of tears, but there was a glimmer of something he recognized as potential.

It was the same tiny spark he'd once seen in Karyu's eyes, when he was a young gangly thing grinning at him on the playground. When they'd shaken hands like Englishmen and pronounced themselves best friends.

_The two of us against the world, Kenji._

And it had been. But as he watched the dance floor, watched Hizumi close his eyes to the music, and the contented smile on Karyu's face, he thought it might be time to make it three.

+

Stretched out in the back of the limousine, Hizumi wondered if he'd ever been so drunk. But more than that, he wondered if he'd ever been so alive.

He'd learned to dance, and learned to spot the signs of weapons beneath a person's clothing, to tell if an aggressive face was a threat or merely a front.

He'd learned that watching Tsukasa and Karyu dance was just short of heaven.

Though even with his mind swirling in incoherent circles, Hizumi had realized something about himself, too.

All of his life had been spent trying to blend in, trying to get by without being noticed too much. Trying to exist without calling any unnecessary attention to himself, good _or_ bad. Keep his grades up, keep his room tidy, keep enough friends that his parents wouldn't worry about him being an outcast.

This dull grey mask of normalcy, it served to keep his parents happy and his life in a neutral comfort zone. Nothing too sharp, nothing too bright, nothing too dark, nothing too much or too little.

Tsukasa told him to learn camouflage, but he realized that was all he had ever done. Fading in, maybe there, maybe not there. Floating through it all like some silent, irrelevant ghost.

He could honestly say now, it wasn't the way he wanted to live anymore. In the bright lights, laughing with Karyu, taunting Tsukasa to make him smile, it was the first time he felt as if he were really _doing_ something.

As if he really _existed_.

And then like magic, Karyu appeared over him, and Hizumi had to reach up and touch his face, to make sure it wasn't a dream. Karyu simply grinned. "Oh good, you're awake."

"Barely. Are we there yet?" For the most part, he managed not to slur.

The Karyu blur disappeared. "Yup. Come on, hurry, I want cake."

This made Hizumi laugh. "Cake." They spent the night talking of guns, and suspicious bulges in jackets, and avoiding potential violence. And Karyu wanted cake. "Unbelievable."

But he was being pulled upright by his collar, directed out the door into the sulfur-yellow silence of the parking garage. Tsukasa stood in front of him with his eyes closed, head tilted back, and swaying perhaps a little too much.

Hizumi had the urge to bite his lovely throat.

"Cake is very believable, I'll even share." Karyu was pushing him forward, and Hizumi had to link his arm around Tsukasa's, so that the three of them stumbled along in one big lump.

"You're so generous." That was definitely slurred. "Hey, I've been thinking.... If I am going to hunt down that motherfucker, I need you guys to teach me eeeeverything."

Tsukasa, however, did not sound drunk at all. "Everything, define everything."

" _Everything_. Like how to kill him the right way, how to cover it up so nobody finds me. How to be like you, because I don't want to be like me anymore, because I've been too busy trying not to exist to ever learn how to do anything." The elevator snuck up on him, he slumped against the wall before realizing exactly where he was. "Fuck I'm drunk. But I mean what I'm saying, even if it's coming out wrong."

"I know you mean what you're saying, Hizumi, but you don't _know_ what you're saying."

Hizumi realized then, Tsukasa still had his eyes closed. Had he opened them at all, or did he trust the two of them not to let him run into anything?

"I know what I'm saying, I'm not naive, I'm not a fool." Rolling his head against the steel wall, trying to will Tsukasa to open his eyes and look at him. Look and see that he was serious. "I can't go back to who I used to be. Not anymore."

The elevator stopped, but none made any move to get out of it.

Dim lights from the hallway, making everything glow.

"I don't want you to just teach me how to hide."

Tsukasa opened his eyes then, the chromatophores of his contact lenses shifting to match the silver of the elevator. "You came to us for protection, not corruption."

Something about that made Hizumi's good mood turn sour. "That's how you think of me, some innocent spoiled helpless kid, isn't it."

"Innocent, perhaps. Spoiled and helpless, not at all." Tsukasa shifted, sort of slid down the length of the wall, placing a chilled hand on Hizumi's cheek. Or maybe his skin was too hot in comparison. "I see so much in you Hizumi, so much. And I would be honored to teach you, to make you into our equal, but...."

Then Karyu was there, arms drifting around Hizumi's shoulders from behind. "But not if it's out of revenge. Because one day you might have that revenge, and then what will you do? You'll look back on this ruining of yourself, and regret it."

"I'm not going to regret anything. Karyu... it's not only about revenge, it's about... I don't know, finally wanting to stop pretending that I'm like everyone else." The side of his head thunked against metal, away from Tsukasa's hand. Despite the way it made things spin, his eyes closed. "This life you have, it's where I want to be. I _want_ to be your equal. Maybe it's what I've always wanted, and this is the opportunity I didn't know I was waiting for."

The cool touch caught up with him, threading through the dark mess of Hizumi's hair. "What is it, exactly, that we are to you, Hizumi?"

It was a sensation more dizzying than the alcohol, the soothing motion of that touch. "You're strong, powerful, honest, dangerous, feared, beautiful, _real_. I've never known anything so real."

Karyu's arms tightened, whispering so quietly in Hizumi's ear, so close he felt the warm brush of lips against his skin. "The only thing real is death."

"Then I want to be death."

Somewhere in the distance, the elevator dinged to get their attention. But Hizumi was only aware of Karyu's light breath stirring his hair, the way the air seemed to burn as Tsukasa shifted closer. "Then you will be _our_ death."

And it could have meant so many things, that declaration. It could have meant, you will someday kill us. It could have somehow been a threat, a warning, a refusal.

But as Tsukasa removed that last bit of distance, catching Hizumi in the most gentle, yet possessive of kisses, and Karyu laid claim to the smooth patch of skin beneath his ear, it could only have one meaning.

Hizumi's hands raised to find Karyu's where they rested against his arms, and held them tightly, leaning into Tsukasa's kiss. Soft but not hesitant, cautious as first kisses often were, but there was such confidence in the way Tsukasa slid his tongue against Hizumi's that he was left feeling like he could spend the rest of his life right there.

As they pulled away, becoming three separate beings again, because the elevator was buzzing and complaining and demanding they either get out or push a damn button already, Hizumi found the breath to say the one thing he still needed to say.

"Yours."

And he thought he might finally understand what Tsukasa was always saying about fate.


	2. Chapter 2

II · Desiderata

 

Morning arrived with sunlight and nausea, a ringing somewhere deep in his ears, and the sudden, jolting awareness that he was not alone in the room. Hizumi opened his eyes to see Tsukasa leaning against the wall, looking content, and not at all hungover.

He'd never envied someone so much in his entire life.

"What time is it?" The words came out in a sort of groan; Tsukasa smiled.

"Close to noon. Get up, and I'll make you something for your head."

Somehow he managed to get out of bed without falling, to follow Tsukasa to the kitchen without throwing up. Using the cabinet to support himself, while Tsukasa made hot water, bits and pieces of the night came flickering back.

Music everywhere, dancing with Karyu, beer turning into shots, something about cake, and oh... kissing Tsukasa in the elevator.

It better not have been a dream, that last part.

"...Staring at me again and not listening to a single word." Tsukasa was dropping herbs into the water. "What are you thinking about?"

Hizumi, on top of everything else, felt ridiculous. "I'm sorry. I was.... I don't know. Last night."

Tsukasa turned to him then, his expression almost gentle. "If you regret anything, tell me now."

"I don't regret anything." Said quickly, before Tsukasa could interpret any hesitation as affirmative. "I meant everything I said. I want you to teach me, I want to be your equal, I want to be... I want to be yours. And Karyu's. Where _is_ Karyu?"

"Karyu is out taking care of some things, he'll be home later." A slow swirling of the cup, still watching Hizumi. This strange, unexpected boy. "So, if you are to join us, become one of the Black Death, to belong to Karyu and myself, as an equal, then there is one thing I must first make sure of."

"Anything."

He set down the cup then, leaving the water to swirl itself. A step closer to Hizumi, and a small blade flashing out of nowhere. "Give me your arm."

Hizumi tensed, dark eyes shifting from the slice of metal, to Tsukasa's calm face. His mind went through a riot of emotions and scenarios, questions he needed to answer at supersonic speeds.

He recalled the moment on the street, when the limousine rolled up beside him, when he thought he was going to die. Part of him knew, this could all have been a trick. Tsukasa could kill him, right there in that unfamiliar kitchen, and no one would ever know.

So it all came down to one simple thing: Did he trust Tsukasa?

The answer was faster than light or sound. It was instant, and clear.

Though his arm trembled, he pulled up his sleeve and held it out to him. Nervous eyes saying, please don't let me down.

But Tsukasa said nothing, only took his arm and held the blade against it. One slow cut, blood swelling into droplets, then overflowing. Lines of precious red on pale skin.

Hizumi found it almost impossible to breathe. The quiet sting of the wound, the wet burning trail of blood.... Something unfurled in him, slow and dark. As if he were finally realizing what he had been missing his entire life.

Tsukasa caught his eyes then, held his attention as he leaned to the wound, licking away the blood in one long sweet devotion. Hizumi's gasp made him smile. The way the boy was slumped against the cabinet, eyes falling closed, a blush rising on his cheeks because he _liked it_ , in ways he never imagined were possible.

Despite that it wasn't necessary, Tsukasa made one more pass of his tongue over the wound, and Hizumi almost whimpered. But he let go of his arm after that. Holding the collected blood in his mouth, he whispered a set of words as old as the earth, dreading the change that might come.

But the blood stayed warm.

"What the hell did you do?" Hizumi still sounded breathless, almost accusatory, as he pressed a towel to his arm.

Tsukasa swallowed the blood, and handed over the cooling cup of herbs. "Drink this. I was making sure you did not mean us harm."

"By drinking my blood? Oh." The rumors came back to him, black magic, the power of devils. Tsukasa saw the awareness on his face, and decided not to answer. "So it's true then?"

"Depends on what you mean." He flipped a hand at the cup. "You really should drink that now, it tastes worse when it gets cold."

Hizumi decided to hold back his questions and take the advice, swallowing the liquid down as fast as possible. The face he made afterward was priceless. "Oh fuck. You mean it can be _worse_?"

Of course, Tsukasa looked amused. "Much worse."

"Oh, fuck." But his headache was already fading, his stomach beginning to settle. The pulsing ache in his arm reminded him of questions still unanswered. "So about the blood. I've heard you practice magic, I wasn't really sure if I should believe it."

Tsukasa gave an impassive shrug. "We do a lot of things, Hizumi. Magic is such a harmless, inappropriate word." He turned to the sink, rinsing out the cup, knowing how Karyu would complain if he left it sitting there.

Hizumi felt bad enough about bloodying up his towel. But he wasn't given much of a choice. "Do I get to learn that, too?"

"If you wish." He sounded pleased, but sometimes it was hard to tell with Tsukasa. "Now tell me, did you like it?"

Hizumi was not expecting that. The simple question caused a sudden rush of dizziness that had him reaching for the cabinet again.

Did he like it?

His entire being screamed for a repeat performance, and the hand holding the towel to the wound pressed slightly harder. "I never knew...."

The way Tsukasa smiled at him then, he felt it to the very depth of his bones. "Good." And Hizumi thought he might pass out.

"Such a tease."

To his surprise, Tsukasa laughed. Hizumi noticed it made his entire face light up. "We have more than enough time, Hizumi. Don't make me have to teach you patience among everything else."

"That's okay, I was just making an observation." He blushed, and dared a peek beneath the towel. The blood was already scabbing. Part of him wondered if it had anything to do with the nasty herbs.

Then Tsukasa was leaving the kitchen, and he was hurrying to follow. "I have to check on things. What you should do, is contact someone in your family, let them know you're okay. We don't want worried relatives and missing persons reports. Use your own phone, we have a routing scrambler so it's safe, but don't tell anyone where you are. Say you're staying with friends."

Hizumi nodded behind him. "My grandparents will be staying at the house. I'll tell them I'll come by sometime to clean out my room. I know they'll want to sell it as soon as they can."

Paused at the door, Tsukasa had that gentle expression again, the one that made Hizumi feel so warm and safe. "I'm sorry, Hizumi. For what it matters, I'm so sorry."

He could only nod again, squeezing his eyes closed because he had to get past the point of crying every time he thought about it.

By the time he opened them again, Tsukasa was gone.

+

There wasn't much to eat in Karyu's kitchen, but Hizumi found a package of noodles that hadn't expired yet. Seated in the chair by the window, watching the afternoon sun pass by, he thought he might have to risk a trip to the supermarket eventually.

Idle thoughts, to get the conversation with his grandmother out of his head.

Funeral plans were already made for Saturday. All he had to do was show up.

Something about being left out of even the minor decisions made him feel completely abandoned, as if the death of his mother and father meant he was no longer part of the family.

A little boat, with its rope cut, drifting away from shore.

He'd never been that close to any of them, but that didn't stop it from hurting.

But in the quiet room with time standing still again, he decided he was fine with that. He had Tsukasa and Karyu now. And he had the feeling they might accept him for who he really was, not for who he pretended to be.

Twirling up the last bit of noodles with Karyu's chopsticks, Hizumi decided, they were all the family he needed.

+

Time was passing much too slowly, and Hizumi was tired of watching the reflection of clouds on skyscraper glass, when his phone buzzed with a brief text from Tsukasa.

_Come to my room._

Karyu was there when he arrived. Presumably newly-arrived himself, scrubbing at a bloody shirt in the bathroom sink. The unedited string of curses and insults he mumbled made Hizumi smile. It shouldn't have been cute, but it was.

"It must be boring in there, all by yourself." Tsukasa, comfortably seated in front of a muted television.

Hizumi stopped eavesdropping on Karyu and moved farther into the room. "A little. I hate not having anything to do. Usually it would be school, and if not school, homework, and if not homework...." He made an ill sort of expression. "I guess I would be sleeping."

Tsukasa looked up at him then, and patted the cushion beside him. "Do you want to go back to school?"

"No." Hizumi took the offered seat. Slouching at first, before correcting his posture to match Tsukasa's. "It doesn't matter, I know all of it anyway. Finishing high school was a formality to make my parents happy."

Briefly, Tsukasa's eyebrows raised. Hizumi filed it away as a compliment. "Good. Because we have other things for you to do. There is the matter of your training, which will be time-consuming, and difficult. I have decided it would be foolish to allow this opportunity to be wasted on mere revenge, so Karyu will train you as a bodyguard. This means you will accompany us to all functions where my safety is a priority. If you feel you cannot take this responsibility seriously --"

"I can." Hizumi hadn't meant to speak, to interrupt, but there it was. "I mean, I can't even express how honored I'd be, if you would trust me that much."

Tsukasa reached a gloved hand to Hizumi's cheek, leaving it there. He supposed Hizumi could be the second person allowed to interrupt him when he was speaking, as long as he didn't take advantage of it.

Karyu did that enough.

"This morning, I could have killed you. I know the thought crossed your mind." His hand slipped down to press against the wound, and he felt Hizumi shiver. "I will give you the same trust. But know this, remember this: My trust can only be broken once."

The implications caused another, colder shiver through Hizumi. He wanted to pull his arm away and hold it to himself. "I won't break your trust, I promise."

Out of nowhere, there were hands on his shoulders and a whisper in his ear, "If you do he'll eat your soul." Then Karyu was laughing, and Hizumi wondered if he could get away with smacking him.

Tsukasa looked amused. "He might not be joking." Leaving Hizumi at the edge of panic, and Karyu laughing that much more, Tsukasa crossed the room to pick up a small box.

Karyu took the time to lounge back and get comfortable, one long arm settled around Hizumi's middle. Smiling, because he knew what that box meant. "So that's what was taking you so long."

Seated again, Tsukasa barely rolled his eyes. "Patience training, for the _both_ of you."

Hizumi at least had the decency to blush. Karyu just laughed.

But Hizumi was more interested in the box at that moment; perhaps Tsukasa was right.

He watched him remove the lid, pausing with the tips of his fingers inside. "I have said, your job will be to protect me. But that protection goes both ways." Then he was holding a necklace, a silver skull linked onto a chain made of smaller skulls. Hizumi recognized it as the same that Tsukasa and Karyu both wore. "This is not to be removed."

Hizumi nodded, a little overwhelmed, as Tsukasa moved to place the chain around his neck. The leather of his glove was cool against his skin, but the metal skulls seemed almost warm. "Thank you." Barely whispered. It was all he could manage.

Still he wanted to ask, how was a little necklace supposed to protect him?

He decided it didn't matter, the fact that Tsukasa gave it to him was the important thing.

"So am I... am I officially Black Death now?"

His old self, falling farther and farther away.

Karyu answered with a grin in his voice. "Well, normally we make new recruits fight on their first day, as initiation." He waited for a moment, long enough for Hizumi to give him an uncomfortable look, for him to see the grin instead of only hearing it. "But you have to kiss us."

It took a moment to sink in, perhaps he was still waiting to be punched. Then Karyu was pulling him close, and Hizumi's mind caught up right as Karyu's lips met his.

Soft lips, amazingly soft, and Hizumi felt bold enough to lick at them, to give in to what he really wanted and _bite_.... But Karyu pulled away. There was a red mark on his bottom lip, but no blood. Hizumi must have looked disappointed, because Karyu smiled and leaned back in. "Try again."

He couldn't hesitate, something within him was burning, and when he bit again, there was finally the rush he'd been aching for.

Hizumi barely heard himself whimper, licking at the break in that soft skin, hands tight in Karyu's hair to keep him there. Then he was drawn into a deeper kiss, which still tasted of blood but was much more satisfying with the press of Karyu's tongue against his own.

Too quickly though he was pulled aside, caught by Tsukasa's mouth instead, and Hizumi had a moment of clarity where he was able to tell the difference between the two. Sometime, that might be important. And Tsukasa was licking what remained of Karyu's blood from his mouth, which was somehow even more intimate than taking the blood in the first place, and Hizumi thought he might die if this were to continue much longer.

He'd never been so on fire, so out of his mind for anything before.

Tsukasa ended the kiss, leaving Hizumi to sink back against the couch. His eyes were still closed, and someone was touching them, bare skin and not gloves so it must have been Karyu. "I'd take another turn, but we have a meeting to go to."

One eye cracked open and the touch disappeared. "Please tell me I don't have to stay here."

Tsukasa's quiet laugh, and a shift of the couch as he stood up. Hizumi opened the other eye to watch him stretch, like a deadly snake in silk and leather. "Yesterday you were afraid to leave."

"That was yesterday. Things are different now."

He turned, and there was that quiet strength inside Hizumi, closer to the surface. "Yes, I suppose they are."

Tsukasa turned off the television and went for his shoes, Karyu was standing up, and Hizumi was wondering if he'd missed something yet again, when Karyu's hand reached back for him.

As the three of them left the room together, Hizumi thought about change. How it could happen so quickly. Faster than breathing.

Faster than his pulse as Karyu and Tsukasa took turns kissing him again in the elevator.

+

The world through the bulletproof glass was dark, when they made it back to Tsukasa's office. Hizumi sat in a chair, staring out at the neon buildings and advertisements, but not quite seeing them.

His mind was full with vivid accounts of auto theft, opium smuggling, retaliation killings, arson.

Like every movie he'd ever seen, wrapped up in one meeting, and played out in an ordinary board room. Complete with rolling chairs.

Tsukasa was watching him, but it barely registered. "Not changing your mind, I hope."

"No, I... I had no idea you were into so much." He thought then, Tsukasa could own the world, if he wanted to.

If he didn't already.

"We're into _everything_." Karyu, sprawling on the couch. Hizumi watched him unfold a computer screen while the machine booted up. "I'd lie if I said it wasn't really cool. But you don't have to get involved in anything you don't want to get involved in. We're not the type to force people to rob liquor stores or anything to prove their loyalty."

He thought he heard a hint of disdain in Karyu's voice, and that made him smile to himself. "I know that. But I'm surprised you have hackers. I didn't think that was a gang thing."

Tsukasa's chair creaked as he leaned back. "You're interested in hacking?"

"I am, I mean..." Hizumi blushed, fidgeted. Perhaps he was afraid he wouldn't be taken seriously. "It's the one thing I _can_ do."

There was a bright laugh and a quick "awesome!" from Karyu, but it was Tsukasa's focused scrutiny that kept his attention. He wanted to squirm, wanted to protest that he wasn't lying, wasn't making things up like some stupid kid. He wanted Tsukasa to believe him without having to prove it.

Maybe, he really wanted him to say "awesome" too.

But his praise came only in the form of a slow smile, and a satisfied nod. "Good." And even that was enough to send that funny warmth rushing through him again.

"So I'm guessing you have encryption here? Or do I need to go outside the building, because I need to get into my father's files before they're deleted."

"It's safe here. I'll give you our access code."

Hizumi mumbled a thank you, but he was already drifting away. Memories like swiftly moving water.

The clean scent of the laboratory, wearing a lab coat many sizes too large, his father's gloved hands rolling up the sleeves. Chemicals in every color of the rainbow, like magic potions in their shiny glass beakers and tubes. The love in his father's voice when he spoke of his work.

_Watch this, son. Watch the mouse come back to life._

Hizumi drew a slow, shaky breath. "How am I going to find who did this? I don't even know where to start looking."

"Maybe you should tell us what you can." Karyu had that soft tone to his voice again, leaving the unused VR helmet on the table to crouch down beside Hizumi's chair. Looking up at him over the dark fabric arm, he barely smiled. "If anyone knows how to identify someone by their methods, it's Tsukasa."

His hand drifted into Karyu's hair, teasing the uneven waves, then settled down to rest against the warmth of his neck. Hizumi noticed a bite mark there, before his palm covered it. "They were laying next to each other on the floor. It looked like... like Mother had just walked in, bringing him something to drink like she usually did. That's where she was. In the door. She'd been shot, I don't remember how many times. I can get the police report, I --"

"It's okay, I don't need to know that. Tell me what you saw. If there was anything out of place, anything that seemed strange."

Tsukasa's quiet interruption gave Hizumi time to collect the images. That horrible scene brought into clarity, one last time.

His mother's staring eyes.

"He cut their eyelids off."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Both of them, their eyes were open so wide, and there was so much blood.... My father must have crawled that way. The blood started over on the other side of the room, and it looked like he crawled to my mother, because his hand was reaching out...."

Breathe. He could do this.

"He'd been cut up, little cuts, like torture cuts not killing cuts. There was a photograph on the floor, from when I'd won the regional science award. It was normally on his desk. Blood smeared on the glass.... Nothing else was out of place. In the end, he'd been shot too."

As if the words were a cue, Karyu was up and pulling Hizumi into a tight hug. Over his head, exchanging looks with Tsukasa. Wide, dark eyes saying, we can't let him down.

First to look away, Tsukasa saw only the reflection in the window, and didn't quite recognize the man sitting in his chair. Something spun within him like icicles, that he did not know how to express. So he said only what was necessary. "I know who is responsible."

Hizumi unfurled himself from Karyu, so much hope beneath the tears he rushed to wipe away. "Tell me."

A frozen, tight feeling, that he knew he did not like.

Tsukasa turned away from the window. "He was using the photograph to threaten your father, for no reason other than that he likes to create fear. He likes power. That is also why he cuts away the eyelids. So that even in death, they must see him, know he was the one who took their life."

Hizumi, tense and waiting, wanting to scream.... "His name. I need his name."

"Jimmy Bartholomew. A gaijin, from London." Barely a glance at Karyu, but it was enough to see the same concerns echoed. "You can't go after him yet."

But he wanted to. Oh, he _wanted to_. He had a name, which meant the killer was no longer some elusive shadow, but a regular human being that could _die_ , like any other.

Karyu felt him tense, tightened his arms around him, drawing his attention back. "He's right. You know he's right."

"I know, I know." So close, but Hizumi sounded so already defeated. He pried himself the rest of the way out of Karyu's arms, standing a little unsteadily. But he made it to the door without stumbling. "I'll be back, I have to get my computer."

Then the door was closing behind him, and Karyu was cursing at the floor. "This was not supposed to happen."

Tsukasa, staring at the closed door. "Perhaps it was."

"Dammit Kenji...." Karyu ran a frustrated hand through his hair, phantom sensation of Hizumi's light touch. "I'm not in the mood for your fate shit right now. This is...."

"This is _what_? Tell me what this is, if not fate."

"It's... I don't know, it's fucked up." He dropped into the empty chair, let his head roll back to face the ceiling. "But it's too late to matter now."

It was Tsukasa's hands in his hair then, as he knelt over his lap, crowding the chair. "What is done cannot be undone." He kissed him, brief and meant to be comforting, reassuring. "But we can take care of him from this point forward."

Karyu, with his eyes closed, nodded against Tsukasa's hands. "I guess that's all that matters."

+

Hizumi's bag had been tossed into a corner of Tsukasa's bedroom, out of the way of slouching piles of books and Karyu's infinitely discarded clothing.

There would be no more silent rooms, no more empty cupboards, no more waiting to be let out of his cage.

Hizumi shifted in his sleep, rolling to the side. Arms slid around him as Karyu mumbled something indistinct. Tsukasa's legs pressed against his, warm beneath the heavy blankets.

There was more than enough room for three.

+

He found that it helped, if he thought of it like homework.

Standing in the center of the Virtual room, surrounded by stacks of files, Hizumi was making a list of reasons why someone would want to murder his father.

He started with the obvious: politics or science.

It hadn't taken long to rule out politics.

During his two terms as Prime Minister, Yoshida Akihito had been well received by the people, retaining a high favorable percentage. There were no scandals, no protests, and those of the opposing sides kept their grumbles to a minimum.

The same could be said for what had been his current position on the Cabinet. He was still well liked, perhaps even well _loved_ , as he used his power and influence not for his own gain, but to improve peoples' lives. Hizumi already knew it, but every website out there seemed to repeat it. His father truly cared about the people of Japan.

Which meant it had to be science.

Growing up, his father had tried to shield him from the negative reactions to longevity research. The protests, the accusations of blasphemy and offenses against god and man. The occasional doctor or scientist found dead in his laboratory.

Hizumi really had never seen what was so bad about it. Great minds were working hard to eliminate disease, genetic mutation, to create immunity to the stresses brought about by our own environment. So they were trying to find a way to help people live longer, how was that a crime? Hizumi overheard his mother say once, if God didn't want us to cure disease and avoid death, he shouldn't have given us the will to live.

Not that he believed much in anyone's god, but he thought that was a valid point anyway.

A lot of people obviously didn't.

So Hizumi clicked the button that saved his note file, and left the peace of his research room for the messy chaos of the internet. Calling up the search screen, he would start with the protest organizations, those who were already responsible for the deaths of researchers. The violent ones with bombs and blowtorches instead of paper signs. Then he would move on to his competitors, the envious failures, the ones who missed out on the grants that his father's company always seemed to receive so easily.

By the time he pulled off his VR helmet, his list was almost a megabyte long.

+

Karyu came home to find Hizumi curled on the couch, sleeping, while a list of gibberish numbers streamed down the computer screen. He smiled and watched the crack program work for a moment, before placing a careful hand on Hizumi's shoulder. "Hey, sleepyhead...."

Hizumi mumbled something that sounded a lot like "fluffyhead", and Karyu laughed. The noise was enough to pull Hizumi the rest of the way out of sleep. "Oh, you're home. What time is it?"

"Around seven I think."

Hizumi was sitting up, turning the computer to face him. It was then that Karyu realized he'd been cuddling with his helmet. A vague disappointing regret that he had missed the chance to get a picture of that.

"It's late." He covered a yawn with his hand, then tapped on the touchpad to bring up a status screen. "Is Tsukasa still out?"

"He's in his office, he and Azaki are working up one of their crazy schemes." Karyu briefly grinned; Hizumi glanced up. "Don't ask, they never tell me until they get it figured out. But I do know there's an exotic car show in town."

Hizumi's eyebrows went higher. "Are they the ones who took that Ferrari prototype last year?"

As if expected, Karyu laughed. "That was one of theirs. Tsukasa wasn't actually involved in the doing, we have pros for that. Still brilliant though."

Finally, Hizumi's eyebrows dropped, and he shook his head. A lock of sleepy hair fluttered out of its upright position. "I think I'm impressed."

"You _should_ be." Another glance, another grin. Then Karyu was watching the screen, watching Hizumi reset the target parameters. "How long is this going to take? Got time for something else?"

Hizumi sighed. He looked so adorable, all frustrated like that. "It's taking too long already. What do you want to do?"

Karyu ruffled his messy hair, making it worse. "I'm gonna teach you how to fight."

Then there were hands fisting in Hizumi's t-shirt, dragging him up from the couch, throwing him to the floor before he had any chance to react. Sprawled on the rug, he wasn't even sure _how_ to react. "Wait, what?"

"I said, I'm going to teach you how to fight." No other warning, and Karyu was lifting him again, slamming his back into the wall.

Hizumi winced, eyes squeezing shut. "By throwing me around?" But with his eyes closed, he didn't see Karyu's fist coming. The sudden collision of knuckles against his mouth was as much startling as it was painful. "Fuck!"

Karyu drew back to hit him again, and Hizumi wrenched out of his grip, stumbling back into the open space of the room. "You don't like it? Hit me back."

The way he smiled, that deadly smile of his, and practically stalked after him, Hizumi could not help making predatory associations again. Backing across the room, he decided he would not want to seriously piss this man off.

But it wasn't until he bumped into the dining table that he felt like he might panic. "Shouldn't we, I don't know, be wearing boxing gloves or something?"

Karyu leaned over him, gripping the abused shirt again. "Someone jumps you on the street, they're not going to be wearing boxing gloves." Of course he also threw him again, harder, onto the floor. "And they're not going to wait for you to get up."

Hizumi was halfway onto his elbows when Karyu hit him, barely even shifted when he hit him again. He cried out that time, and managed to raise one arm to block a third, which only caused Karyu to punch him in the ribs instead. "Fuck! Stop!"

For a moment, he thought it might work.

Karyu's arm paused in mid strike, the expression on his face almost contemplative. Then he shook his head. "No."

The assault continued, keeping Hizumi on the floor, punches landing everywhere Karyu could reach. Sometimes between them he could squirm back a few inches, sometimes he could block and make enough time to almost get to his feet. But Karyu would always drive him down again.

Eventually he hit a corner. With nowhere else to go, Hizumi screamed, a raw, blood-thick sound that made Karyu finally stop.

The boy curled in on himself, protective, and Karyu crouched in front of him, carefully brushing back dark hair sticky with blood and sweat.

Hizumi was a disaster.

Karyu could see tear streaks in the blood on his face, bruises swelling in their wake, small jagged cuts from the one ring he wore. Between the rips in Hizumi's clothes, nearly every inch of visible skin blooming with color, smeared with blood.

Rubbing at his own sore, swollen and bloody knuckles, Karyu sighed. "All you had to do was hit me back."

Bruised eyes raised to look at him, narrowed and painfully accusing. Then Hizumi was screaming again, throwing himself at Karyu, hitting every part of him that he could hit with no concern for anything but making contact. Screaming curses and nonsense until finally Karyu caught him by the wrists.

It was almost satisfying, that there were at least a couple of bruises on that damn smug face. The place on his lip where he'd bitten him before, split open and freshly bloodied. A pink splash of moisture landed on Karyu's cheek, and Hizumi finally held still.

"That wasn't bad, but I think you need to work on your aim, your focus." The wrists in his hands were trembling. Hizumi curled a pretty, blood-drenched snarl, and Karyu felt an inappropriate sting of desire. "Don't be pissed at me, you asked for this."

"Fuck you." More blood, dripping down on Karyu. "I didn't ask to be beaten to death."

But the man just smiled. "You're not dead yet."

He easily flipped them over, pinning Hizumi's wrists to the carpet above his head. All that blood was too hard to resist; Karyu bent to kiss it away, but Hizumi flinched aside. Instead his mouth hit the bruised line of his jaw, and he bit it, hard.

Hizumi's resulting whine was small and defeated.

"I wasn't really trying to _hurt_ you. Don't be stupid, Hizumi. Had I meant any of that, you wouldn't have lasted half as long." He gave him one last meaningful look, then let go. Standing up, leaving Hizumi to curl on his side again.

Karyu had to admit to feeling a little guilty, perhaps a little disgusted with himself, as he looked over the mess made of the floor. The mess made of the boy he was beginning to care about. "Hizu --"

"Please leave me alone."

The quiet interruption caused something in Karyu to sink and curdle. He let out a sigh, crossing the room to pick up his jacket, searching his pockets for his phone. The rasping of material against his knuckles went ignored.

_Come take care of Hizumi._

_I fucked up._

_Be home later._

He sent the text to Tsukasa, and left Hizumi to the silence.

+

Swollen eyes opened to a dull, solid pain.

Hizumi took a moment to remind himself he could still breathe, then noticed the blurry figure lying awake beside him. A bit of squinting revealed the shape as Tsukasa. But the rest of the bed was empty.

"Where's Karyu?" The words almost choked him, his throat so full of clotted blood.

The Tsukasa-shape moved around, then nudged a cool bottle of water into Hizumi's hand. "He's sleeping on the couch."

Hizumi sat up, taking a careful drink, wincing at the pressure on his sore mouth. His gaze drifted to the window, to the neon-lit clouds. He wasn't sure why, but they seemed so much farther away than they ever had.

A few more cautious sips, and he felt like he could safely talk. "He doesn't have to."

"He wants you to have your space. He knows you'll come to him when you're ready." Tsukasa joined him in sitting up, reaching carefully for one of the larger bruises on Hizumi's jaw. A gentle touch with the backs of his fingers.

Perhaps it expressed everything, that Hizumi let him.

Maybe nothing was really ruined.

Hizumi finished half of the bottle without anything else to say. But he was thinking. And he wasn't _really_ mad....

"What if I'm ready now?"

Tsukasa studied him, the way the changes were so much clearer, even beneath the bruises. "If you want me to go get him, say so."

He touched a droplet of water on the bottle, causing it to drip. "Will you go get him?"

His vision was clearing, watching Tsukasa leave the bedroom. Straining to hear any conversation, but the sounds were too indistinct. Slowly getting closer.

Hizumi had to try not to be nervous as Tsukasa, then Karyu came into the room.

Tsukasa slipped back into bed. Karyu remained in the doorway, and Hizumi could swear the man was more nervous than himself.

It reminded him of what he already knew. Karyu had not meant to hurt him. He should have fought back sooner, and paid attention to what he was trying to teach him.

Finally, Karyu moved to the bed, taking the other side of Hizumi, but leaving space between them.

It felt like miles.

Hizumi had nothing to say, he simply reached over Tsukasa to place the bottle on the nightstand. Then he rolled over, stretching sore limbs beneath the covers, feeling Tsukasa shift beside him to get more comfortable.

After a while, he fumbled backward for Karyu's arm, pulling it around him where it belonged.


	3. Chapter 3

III · Obsidian

 

The funeral took place beneath a cold autumn sky, the color of ashes.

Old brown leaves crunching under the expensive shoes Tsukasa loaned him, the rest still clinging to their branches. Stubborn, Hizumi thought.

Because it was easier than thinking about the way his parents' bones had felt clenched between his chopsticks.

Following the sidewalk, leaving the cemetery behind, he still refused to cry. Among those people, the ones who were his family, but perhaps not so much anymore, he could not let them see him cry.

It was enough to answer the endless questions. Why were you not at the wake yesterday, oh gosh are those bruises on your face? Hiroshi, where have you been? Simple answers were enough to satisfy.

Everything is fine.

The truth was, he felt terrible for missing the wake. Terrible for knowing that he would not be attending the following week's memorial services. Though he had whispered his apologies to the peaceful faces of his mother and father, Hizumi knew he was missing out on something very important.

But like Tsukasa would say, what was done could not be undone. Hizumi had his reasons. He hoped they would understand.

The sleek limousine waited for him with all the other cars, and he wanted to run to it. To give up his pretense of cool and calm and _run_ , to Tsukasa, to Karyu, to the warm safety that would reaffirm that he was doing the right thing.

He would make it all up to his parents, he would get revenge.

The door out of nowhere, clicking open. Hizumi knew everyone was watching as he slid inside, creating more of those annoying questions. He wouldn't have to answer them anymore.

And Karyu's arms were waiting for him, as he knew they would be. Curling into them, with Tsukasa moving in on his other side, Hizumi finally let himself mourn.

+

Hizumi sat at the table, with a clear view of Tsukasa in the kitchen, making curry. Something about this ordinary domestic activity made him that much more endearing.

Karyu snuck up on him again, dropping into one of the other chairs, a little half-smile on his face. "He wants you to have something homemade to eat, since you weren't going with your relatives."

The kindness made him blush. It was still so unexpected. "He's so sweet to me. You both are. I don't... really know how to thank you."

Karyu made a noise that was almost a snort. "And yet, yesterday I beat your ass into the floor." He sounded so regretful; it made Hizumi ache.

Reaching across the table, he picked up Karyu's hand where it rested on the wood, touching the healing scabs on his knuckles. "You didn't mean to. I know you were trying to get me to defend myself." Then he smirked, a little. "Next time you hit me, I'll hit you back."

There was the laugh he was hoping for. "You better." He looked down at their hands, turning his over so he could link their fingers together. Hizumi's were cold. "I'll teach you how to focus, how to have the greatest effect with the smallest strike. Some places you hit a person, it hurts you more than it does them. But you can also kill a person with a punch to the right place. I'll teach you how to block, too. And Tsukasa knows a stupid amount of martial arts, so he'll teach you some of that."

Hizumi's mind drifted off as Karyu spoke. He couldn't help imagining his future self as a badass fighter, taking on a whole gang of thugs at once, kicking and punching like a mad crazy dance. Huge vicious dudes dropping like flies in puddles of their own blood.

Back in the present, he gave Karyu's hand a squeeze. "Next time, give me some warning first."

Karyu squeezed back. "I didn't want you to have any warning. I wanted to see what you could do, when you had to react and not think about it."

"Apparently, he waits until he reaches his breaking point, then he breaks your _nose_." Tsukasa, bringing out dishes. He smirked at Karyu, who just laughed.

Though Hizumi looked horrified. "I broke your nose?!"

"A little. I deserved it though." He let go of Hizumi to start making gimme motions at all the food. But the poor boy was still staring, still horrified. "It's okay, really. Tsukasa fixed it. I'll break yours if it makes you feel better."

Hizumi's swift reaction was to cover said nose with both hands. "That's okay, I'll pass."

Placing a bowl of rice in front of Hizumi, Tsukasa looked far too amused. "You'll have to break it someday, so you can learn how to set it."

As much as he wanted to protest, he understood the logic. Hizumi let his hands drop to pick up his chopsticks, and decided he would have to experience every kind of pain, every kind of wound, so that he would know what to expect. It wasn't a very _pleasant_ idea, but one that was unfortunately necessary.

Hizumi understood, he needed to beat and break and bleed the spoiled little rich boy right out of him. Yoshida Hiroshi had to be smashed into tiny pieces, so a better, stronger person could be created.

Pain was part of the process of change. Even in nature, nothing happened without a little destruction first.

Once that was settled, he reached for the bowl of curry. "So um, is there anything to do today?"

Tsukasa knew, changes could also happen when one was not aware of them. "Yes. We have work to do tonight, so you will spend today familiarizing yourself with guns."

Hizumi nearly dropped a carrot. " _Guns_?"

"Yes guns, you know, bang bang? Karyu will teach you. It's very unlikely you will need to use one, but it would be foolish not to at least carry it with you."

Hizumi used the time it took to chew and swallow said carrot to process the information. He decided then, he was no longer going to be surprised by these things. He was a member of a well-feared gang, the Black Death, and he was Tsukasa's bodyguard in training. Guns, fighting, these were all things that would have to become second nature. Not something to drop food about.

Reaching up to briefly touch the warm metal skull resting against his skin, he wondered if this was how an insect felt, when it left its old shell behind.

Hizumi let out a slow breath, and scooped up fragrant rice. "Okay. Guns, fighting, broken noses. I'm not going to let you down."

And Tsukasa smiled like satisfaction. "I know." There was never a doubt.

+

Hizumi finished loading the last round into the magazine, and slammed it into the grip. A quick check to make sure the safety was still on, then he tossed it onto the bed with the others. Oh, there were so many others. Hizumi had never imagined so many guns in his life.

Karyu was checking them out, nodding to himself as he went, and Hizumi watched his hands as they turned over weapon after weapon, the easy way he handled them. As if they weren't designed to kill a person.

Finally, Hizumi was getting anxious. "So... did I do them right?"

Picking up the last gun loaded, Karyu smiled. "Yes you did. Now, which one do you want? They're all new, all clean, nobody has ever used them."

Hizumi shuffled through the pile, listening to the metal clatter, slightly distracted when Karyu left the bed and went to stand in front of the closet. But he knew the gun he was looking for. The various studs and ridges were easy to find when his fingers slid over them.

Pulling the little handgun out of the mess, but Karyu was being even more distracting with leather. "I really need some of that."

Karyu laughed, a rare moment of cluelessness. "Some of what?"

"Leather."

He wasn't quite sure, but he thought Hizumi might have _purred_ when he said it.

Glancing back from the closet, Karyu smiled. Deadly, serpentine smile again. "You probably wear the same size as Tsukasa." Then he was flicking through the other end of the rack, picking out things as he went, draping them over his arm.

Hizumi fidgeted with the gun as he watched, clicking the magazine in and out, in and out. "I don't think he would want me wearing his clothes...."

Karyu plopped the armload of leather into his lap. "Trust me, he won't mind. Go put those on." When Hizumi hesitated, Karyu gave him a little shove. "Go. He'll be back soon, and if we're not ready, he'll get fussy."

Still hesitant, but Hizumi eventually made his way to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Waiting there, until he heard the rustling of Karyu changing clothes.

When he said he wanted some leather, he didn't really mean _immediately_.

Hizumi sighed, and resigned himself to looking like an idiot. There was no way he could pull off the mysterious and sexy leatherman look the way Tsukasa and Karyu could. But the pants on top of the pile looked so comfortably soft, already broken in by Tsukasa's pretty legs....

Before his mind could drift any farther, he shed the nice things he'd worn to the funeral, now dusty with gunpowder, and slipped into the borrowed clothes. The creases where Tsukasa's knees bent were a little lower than his own, but not enough to make things awkward. The shirt Karyu picked out was something between a tattered mess of cloth and a strange array of leather straps, but once it was on, it somehow worked.

Looking at the mirror, he decided it wasn't nearly as bad as he thought it would be. In fact, as he adjusted one of the buckles on the shirt to make it sit evenly, he thought he kind of looked... _right_.

"Karyu.... Come tell me I don't look like an idiot."

Karyu was still pulling on his long coat when he opened the door, and for a moment he simply stood there, one sleeve halfway off. "No. You do not look like an idiot." Then he was grinning, and finishing the shrug. "Damn, when I'm right, I'm right. Do you like it?"

Hizumi kind of wanted to squeal, making Karyu stare at him like that. The way Hizumi stared at him and Tsukasa, when he thought they weren't looking. Instead he calmly nodded once.

Karyu moved in behind him, hands sliding around his neck to tighten the collar, then down over his chest, to pull the boy against him. "You're very pretty, Hizumi. I hope you don't think we're going to let you believe anything less."

The words, so bluntly put, made him blush worse than he already was. Tilting his head at his reflection, he wasn't sure if he agreed. But he wasn't going to argue. "Don't get any ideas about putting me in dresses."

Karyu sort of cackled. "Spoil a man's fun." He smirked at the reflected glare he received. "I'm kidding. Wait, you need one final touch."

As he moved away, Hizumi was aware of feeling cold, where Karyu was no longer pressed against him.

Then Karyu was back, and he wasn't entirely surprised to see him holding make-up. Instinctively, one eyebrow went up in protest. Horrible visual kei drag queen images filled his mind. He was ready to break some more noses if he had to. "Karyu, I don't think --"

"Relax, it's just something for your eyes. So hold still."

He did, simply so he wouldn't have anything poked out. The sensation of things brushing over the lids felt strange, but only lasted a few seconds, then Karyu was letting go of his chin and stepping away.

Facing his reflection again, Hizumi had to admit, that wasn't so bad either.

With the morning's dose of herbs from Doctor Tsukasa, the bruises were faded enough to be ghosts. Yet Karyu's careful addition of deep black shadows made the wounds seem almost intentional.

And that shy little Hiroshi, nowhere to be seen.

The thought made him bold, and he turned to grip the lapel of Karyu's jacket, pulling him close enough to kiss. He felt Karyu smile against his lips, and flicked the tip of his tongue against the healing bite mark, before their mouths opened to each other. Karyu let him lead, and somehow Hizumi took this as approval.

Pulling back eventually, enough to speak. "I should dress you up more often."

Hizumi used the moment to lick at the scab again. "You can _un_ dress me later."

"Oh, I plan on it." Karyu's deadly smile, then he let him go, leaving Hizumi flushed and a little breathless, leaning against the wall as he left the bathroom.

From miles away, he heard Tsukasa talking about plans, the metallic rattle of guns.

Once he could breathe again, he put on the jacket Karyu had chosen for him, and went out to see where he was supposed to hide his, in all that tight leather.

+

Tsukasa was draped over the couch again, serpentine, yet entirely alert. Entirely in control.

But there was nothing casual about it this time. Back in Mayhem, but in a side room, private and nearly silent. Tsukasa on the couch; Karyu and Hizumi beside him, tensed and ready.

In case the other four men decided to get bothersome.

Hizumi kept himself calm by pressing one side of his arm against Karyu's, as if he could absorb his strength that way. Anything to keep from shaking. To distract from the weight of the gun tucked into the back of his waistband.

Tsukasa was talking, something about payments being late. Hizumi was trying to pay attention, but he kept looking at the other men, those signs Karyu taught him to watch for. The way one man kept shifting from foot to foot and wouldn't look at anyone.

That was the one, if there was going to be trouble.

Beside him, Karyu was also watching, waiting. The nervous guy began to speak, and he knew it wasn't going to be good.

"It's not our fault, man. Tell Tsukasa, tell him we're not going to fucking pay for what we can't even fucking sell yet."

Hizumi remembered then, very few people knew who Tsukasa actually was. This confident, pretty man in command of the couch was just another of the elusive crime lord's lackeys. The knowledge made him smile, the tiniest curve of expression, for himself alone.

Then Tsukasa was speaking, and he wanted to listen, because he loved the way his voice became so smooth and cold when he was away from home. As if his tongue were a sharp blade of steel.

"It is entirely your fault, _man_ , because the ordering arrangements were to be taken care of on _your_ end. No one else's. Yours. The deadline was agreed upon, and it was up to _you_ to place the order at the right time for the shipment to arrive, and merchandise to be taken care of _before_ said deadline. I see no reason to adjust our agreement because of an oversight on your part."

Hizumi had an amused moment of being glad he was on Tsukasa's side. But it was too soon shattered, when the man fumbled a gun out of his pants, not really pointing it, but the intention was clear. And Hizumi felt as if the ground dropped out from beneath him, and he was reaching for his gun, aware of Karyu doing the same thing.

One of the other men had a hand on nervous guy's arm. "Relax. He's right, you know those bitches take forever to get their shit out. Put your fucking gun away."

"But I --"

"Put your fucking gun away, now."

Hizumi tried to absorb the power play, the interaction, but he was watching so closely, the way the man's eyes kept shifting. Back and forth across the floor, up to the man who was clearly the boss, over to himself and Karyu once or twice, but never to Tsukasa. Never to Tsukasa.

He wasn't going to shoot.

A slow, deep breath, and Hizumi relaxed. Few more words exchanged, and the man tucked his gun back in his pants, turning for the door. Two others followed, leaving the boss man raising a placating hand to Tsukasa.

"Tomorrow, we'll get you payment in full, tomorrow. Tell Tsukasa it was a simple mistake and it will never happen again."

Tsukasa, so calmly nodding. As if he'd never been concerned that the man might shoot him.

But then again, he wasn't. Karyu and Hizumi were there, and he had no doubt they would kill the man before he even completed his aim.

He was merely annoyed at the delay, frustrated with what passed for business ethics these days, as the last man bowed his way out the door. When it closed behind him, Karyu let out a loud sigh and dropped onto the arm of the couch, a hint of his own nerves showing through, as he squeezed Tsukasa's shoulder.

Hizumi collapsed in the nearest chair. "Is it always like this?" It had only taken moments, but he felt drained, left shivering and replaying over and over the moment when he thought he might lose Tsukasa to some insubordinate thug.

Karyu's long arm crossed the space between them, found Hizumi's hand. "Not always. A lot of the time. The thing about criminals is, we're all full of ourselves, we're all defensive and arrogant and suspicious of everything else. What Tsukasa said, the man took it as a personal threat. They all did. I would have too. But sometimes, they get too jumpy. Because even though we all feel the same way, we can't let ourselves show it. We have to be calm. Do you understand, Hizumi?"

The fascinating thing was, he did understand. "It's like animals. A bunch of nervous animals, watching and sniffing and listening and hoping that every little signal is interpreted correctly. That's how I felt when I was watching that guy. Somehow, I just _knew_."

Tsukasa stood then, doing that eye-catching slinky stretch thing again. "Always trust your instincts, Hizumi. I keep saying this because I mean it."

Hizumi found the fact that he was wearing velvet that night, instead of leather, deliciously contrary.

"As long as my instincts keep being right."

Predictably, this was funny to Karyu. His bright comfortable laughter, leading them out into the pulse of electronic music and the crowd of people under its control.

+

They drove home in a perfectly ordinary car.

Karyu behind the wheel, with the stereo turned up as loud as the club they had left.

Tsukasa with his eyes closed, humming along.

In the back, Hizumi watching lights pass by through the window, sitting without trying to copy either of them.

+

Hizumi wasn't sure how he ended up naked, but there he was.

Somewhere on the bedroom floor, all that wonderful leather. Karyu's too. Because there was nothing but _skin_ pressed up behind him, nothing but heat where they sat together on the bed.

Karyu's mouth and those unbelievable sharp teeth on his throat, biting, mauling the left-behind shadows of bruises.

Hizumi could barely fit his hand between them, finding the scalding ache of Karyu's erection. Smiling at the way his breath stuttered against his skin as he gripped him tight. Karyu's hands slipping downward, stroking him much too slowly, but they were both still waiting for Tsukasa.

Listening with closed eyes as he shed his clothes. The sensation of the bed dipping to the side caused Hizumi's hand to clench tighter, and Karyu's teeth ripped open one of the scabs left from his ring.

Finally Tsukasa was close enough to touch, and Hizumi's unoccupied hand went into his hair. Not quite pulling, definitely suggesting.

Then warm lips were on his, and Tsukasa was kissing him like violence and passion tangled into one blinding entity, while Karyu turned his strokes into something that was most certainly a demand.

And Hizumi was aware of something like a supernova, too fast too soon, trying to hold back a little while longer, but the pain didn't want to let him. The sharpness and the aches, and the faint tickle of blood sliding down his chest from Karyu's mouth, and that was suddenly everything.

He made a sound he'd never heard himself make before, falling back against a firm shoulder, Tsukasa's kiss-warmed mouth on his throat, as he came so desperately hard into Karyu's hands.

Then it was Karyu kissing him, because it tasted like blood, and that meant it was Tsukasa whispering in his ear.

"Karyu's turn."

Hizumi smiled into the kiss, as if they were being sneaky about it, and his hand that had gone sort of forgetful tightened again. His other reached back to join it, and Tsukasa was ripping Karyu out of the kiss by his hair, taking over. Licking Hizumi's blood from Karyu's mouth.

And Hizumi found himself in the perfect position to bite into Karyu's throat, thrilled at the way he could _feel_ the sounds he made, the vibrations of low growls against his teeth. It made him bite harder, turning his head more to bite higher up his neck.

He noticed Karyu's sharp thrusts into his hands were perfectly in time with the biting, and the rhythm of the kiss he knew Tsukasa was in control of. Then one of those delicious growls went higher than the rest and there was heat spilling over his fingers, and Hizumi stopped biting to lick slowly over the texture of the wounds. Vaguely aware of being disappointed that he hadn't made him bleed, but there was always next time.

Someone was kissing him again, Karyu, breathless and Hizumi could tell he was grinning that loose carefree grin. He pulled back to lick traces of blood from his lip, and thought he could get addicted to that.

Leaning forward to catch Tsukasa's mouth again because now it was his turn, and his slick hands found him hard against his stomach, treating him a little more gently than Karyu because he wasn't sure. But Karyu joined him, tightening the cautious grip.

Hizumi was aware of being hard again, burning to be touched again, but he tried to ignore it. Focused instead on kissing the bared length of Tsukasa's throat, letting one hand slip up into his hair, daring enough to bite.

And somehow that trembling gasping reaction was the most intense and perfect thing he'd ever heard. Because somehow, in the twisted hierarchy of his mind, he was not yet equal to Tsukasa. Tsukasa still remained the fallen angel, the one so high above him, far from reach. Yet in that moment he _could_ reach, and he could cause those reactions that told him he was doing something right.

So he bit harder, so hard it made his jaw begin to sting, but then there was the sharp rewarding heat of blood rising to meet his tongue, and oh, Tsukasa made a fierce snarling sound that set every inch of Hizumi on fire.

He barely heard himself gasp out "ohfuck" before his second orgasm crept up and shattered him.

And Tsukasa breathlessly laughed, arching back as he came, supported by Hizumi's hand still caught in his hair. Forcing his eyes open, Hizumi had to watch him, so much the image of the perfect god, sufficiently worshipped.

Then Tsukasa slipped away from both of them, dropping backward on the bed into a languid sprawl.

Make that, sufficiently _satisfied_ , and perhaps a little bit debauched.

Hizumi leaned into Karyu's arms, warm and comfortable and content to watch their god remember how to breathe. Karyu whispering then, as quietly as possible. "He's pretty like that, isn't he."

Hizumi laughed without making a sound. "He's perfect."

Karyu's smile, warm on the curve of his ear. "Never forget, it's our job to protect him. He's ours, and we keep him safe."

"But I'm so afraid... what if I fuck up?"

The man in the club, waving his gun at the floor....

"You won't fuck up. You won't because it will be like tonight, when there's a gun, or a knife, or anything at all pointed at him, your reactions will be automatic, instinctive. You'll do everything you can to keep him alive."

Hizumi swallowed, but it felt a little difficult. "How many times have you saved him, Karyu?"

"Too many." Then he kissed Hizumi's cheek and pushed him down toward the bed.

A bit of fumbling from the three of them had the blankets pulled up and arranged. Hizumi had brief thoughts about cleaning up, but decided he was too tired to care about it.

Instead, as he got comfortable with the pillow, he thought about the way Karyu spoke of Tsukasa, and wondered if he might ever love someone that thoroughly. And if they might love him back even half as much.

+

Morning arrived without much sunlight, the same heavy grey clouds, as if the earth had been swallowed whole while he slept. Hizumi left Karyu to the rest of the covers -- he'd stolen most of them already -- and found Tsukasa in the living room.

He was hit with the odd conjunction again, of how Tsukasa could look like such a normal person, when he was nothing like anything Hizumi had ever experienced. Sitting on the couch with coffee, wearing a pair of Karyu's sweat pants and some old t-shirt. Even in the grey absence of light, he seemed to glow.

"If you're staring at my coffee, go get your own."

Hizumi didn't even bother to blush that time, he just smirked, and went to the kitchen. "I was staring at you actually, but coffee sounds good too."

Back in the living room, Tsukasa's quiet laughter. Hizumi thought he could get used to hearing that.

He came out with a mug, stirring the sugar, and took the middle seat on the couch. Tsukasa was watching a news station, reporting about another strike in the automotive industry. The volume was turned down to a soft murmur, but Hizumi could hear it clearly enough.

Funny, that the sound of the reporter's voice made him think so completely of his father. All those mornings spent eating breakfast, watching the morning news, that same reporter. His father didn't like the man very much, and would mumble amusing commentary to make Hizumi laugh.

It was at times like that, he really, really missed him.

"Do we have plans for today?"

Tsukasa turned off the television. "I was thinking you should spend some time with Karyu, learning to defend yourself. Perhaps some target practice." A brief glance sideways. "But you sound as if you have something in mind."

Hizumi was blowing on his coffee. "No that's fine, I'd like that. I was thinking I should get some research in today. A few of those organizations, they've been active lately. I need to dig a little deeper into them."

He took Tsukasa's slow nod as approval. "Karyu has some computer work I need him to do also. Maybe you can get him to actually sit down and do it."

Hizumi laughed at that. "Do I have permission to use duct tape if I have to?"

"Duct tape, ropes, handcuffs, whatever it takes. But watch out or he'll turn it into something kinky, and then... there goes your day."

Laughing so hard then, he nearly spilled his coffee. Hizumi set his mug down, and watched the way Tsukasa smiled. "Speaking from experience I see."

"What experience?" Karyu and his insane sense of timing.

Tsukasa's smile went a little crooked, but he did not look up. "That you're a kinky bastard who'll do anything to get out of paperwork."

His laugh then, a little rough from sleep. "Oh, that kind of experience. Yeah." Halfway to the kitchen, he paused, suddenly entirely serious. "I'm not doing that shit today."

Hizumi muffled a laugh behind his hand, then occupied himself with blowing on his coffee again. Tsukasa had one neat brow arched in Karyu's direction. "Oh you most certainly are. Hizumi's going to make sure of it. And he's been warned about your tricks."

"But...." Whatever Karyu was going to say turned into a sulky whine, and he stomped the rest of the way into the kitchen.

Hizumi noticed Tsukasa's expression was far more amused than annoyed, and he wondered how many mornings had started out with the exact same conversation. And he realized how lucky he was to be part of them.

+

Karyu stretched as much as he could in the passenger seat of the retro Hummer, smiling as Tsukasa's hand left the gear shift, curling around his thigh instead. Leather-covered fingers slid upward, following the inseam. "You know we're going to have to kill them, right?"

He slid down in the seat, so that wandering hand was even closer to where he wanted it to be. "Mm-hmm. That's why we had to leave Hizumi at home." Karyu had an idea then, and took a long, concentrating look at the floorboard. "Do you think he'd be able to fit down here?"

Tsukasa's hand paused. "You entirely lost me, Karyu. Who would fit where? If you're thinking of taking the bodies with us...."

"No, no no _ick_ no. I mean Hizumi. Do you think he'd fit down here, in front of the seat. I might have to push it back a little more."

It was fortunate they were at a red light, because Tsukasa was staring at him. And then the light turned green, and he was still staring. "We're on our way to kill someone, and you're thinking of whether or not Hizumi can suck you off in the passenger seat?"

Karyu laughed. "Which one sounds more pleasant to you?"

Tsukasa sighed, and finally noticed the light. "You're lucky you did paperwork today."

Of course, Karyu laughed.

The warehouse was a predictable cliche, and Tsukasa felt a creeping headache of irritation as he shut off the lights and rolled up in the darkness. Karyu had the headset on, switching to infrared vision, scanning the warehouse. "Three of them, pretty close to the door. One's pacing, looks like he's waving his arms around. I could take the other two out from here if you want me to. They're just standing there."

Fingers tapped on the steering wheel, a catchy rhythm moving as fast as the options through his mind. Karyu _could_ take them out now, and save them some time. "Okay. Those two though."

Karyu's grin beneath the visor was nearly ecstatic. "Two's enough." He had a new rifle he'd been itching to try out. Flipping up the visor, he moved out of the car as quietly as possible, fetching the shiny new gun from the back seat.

Tsukasa slid out to join him, watching as he silently assembled the rifle to rest on the hood of the car. The snap to chamber the first round was loud, but did not echo. Nobody would be listening for clicks out there anyway. Especially not if the pacing man was ranting, as his motions suggested.

Karyu flipped down the visor, let himself readjust to the flashing colors, and aimed. The first shot was a whisper. The only real sounds were the bullet ripping through the shell of the building, and someone yelling as one of the red heat shapes fell to the floor.

Then the other two were running out, and everything got a whole lot louder and a whole lot faster.

Tsukasa and Karyu barely got themselves hidden behind the car doors before bullets went squealing past their heads. Karyu's fumbling with the headset cost him a few seconds, and Tsukasa had already taken a second man down before he was able to aim at the third. The shot went wide -- he wasn't completely attuned to that rifle yet.

He was already aiming again when Tsukasa's scream made him nearly drop the gun.

"Fuck! Take him out, Karyu! He's firing H-9s!"

Karyu wanted to look over and see what made Tsukasa scream, but he already knew. He'd been hit. H-9s were armor-piercing, which meant they went right through the Hummer's door, and they were mildly incendiary, which meant they not only tore a hole through Tsukasa, but _burned_ along the way.

Bile rose up in his throat, and it took one quick moment of concentrated focus to get a shot in line. The man's head exploded, and Karyu was tossing his gun in the back seat before the body even hit the ground. Surely the wound was still smoking as he went around to pick up Tsukasa, helping him to climb into the passenger seat.

He wasn't aware of repeating "fuck fuck fuck" until Tsukasa told him to shut up.

"Where are you hit? Oh fuck, H-9s... those aren't supposed to be out yet. Oh god, Tsu...."

"I'm okay, fucking go." But his voice was weak, and Karyu had to look, and see where his hand pressed against his shoulder, where blood dripped over the leather glove. Bright red splashes on the side of his too-pale face. "Fucking go!"

He did. Ripping the Hummer out of the gravel drive, trying to focus on controlling the car and not making things worse. "Please tell me it went through."

"It went through, it.... Oh fuck it hurts."

And Tsukasa admitting to pain, so much that he could not complete a sentence, sent the most overwhelming, almost blinding rush of fear through Karyu. "You'll be okay. You'll be fine, it shouldn't bleed too much, H-9s are cauterizing as a result of the heat. Since it went out, it didn't explode. You'll be fine." Mostly talking to himself, trying to be reassuring.

Because home seemed like so far away, right then.

"Fuck, should I call Azaki, get him to come over?"

Tsukasa's hand found Karyu's leg again, squeezing not as a tease, but as a sort of grounding. "No, you can take care of it. It's no different from any other."

"I don't know if I can stop shaking...."

"You can. You will." His teeth clenched, cutting off what he wanted to say next. Fuck, it really did hurt. "It's no different, Karyu."

But it was, because it could have lodged in his shoulder blade and exploded, and Tsukasa wouldn't be speaking at all....

Karyu drew a slow, trembling breath. It could have, but it _didn't_. "Okay." Another breath. "Okay."

The hard part after that, was sneaking into the apartment without waking Hizumi. Every movement was like new bursts of fire in his shoulder, and he had to bite down on the collar of Karyu's coat to keep himself quiet.

Into the bathroom, while Karyu silently closed the bedroom door. It took everything not to scream as he removed his jacket, letting Karyu cut off his shirt because he could stitch it back together later.

Because there were tears on Karyu's face and he wanted this to be over with so he could wipe them away.

But Karyu was soaking up blood, cleaning the ugly, charred wounds as carefully as possible. Ignoring the way Tsukasa flinched, and squirmed, and how tightly he clung to the toilet seat to keep himself still. Ignoring the clenching of his jaw as he stitched up the holes.

Then he was off the floor, pressing Tsukasa to the wall, kissing him deeper and hotter than any bullet. Pressing the palm of his hand against the wound to make it _his_. And the sounds Tsukasa made then were his too, shaky gasps as he all but ripped open his belt, quite sure he did rip the zipper as he shoved his hand into tight leather.

Fast, sharp strokes, and Tsukasa's trembling was his, gloved hands clenched in the back of his shirt when he came. And the kiss turned lazy, gentle, not quite so desperate anymore. Now that Karyu had reaffirmed that everything Tsukasa was, was his.

Taking a step back, enough room to breathe but not much more. Tsukasa's eyes were still closed, but he was peeling out of his gloves, working on getting his pants over sweaty hips. "I told you, it's okay."

Karyu was aware that he was still shaking as he went to the shower, starting up the hot water. "It's not okay. How did we not know these people had that shit? How did we fucking not know it was out? Ren... Ren would have fucking known this."

"Ren has been strange lately."

The observation gave Karyu chills. He paused in undressing to give Tsukasa a serious look. "You think there's a problem?"

"I don't know." His sticky pants finally came off, and he moved over to help work on Karyu's. "I don't think so, it could be one of his moods. But I think we need to talk to him. Tomorrow. We'll grab Azaki first, see if he's noticed anything."

Azaki was good like that. It was the main reason Tsukasa kept him around.

Karyu was very slightly growling under his breath. Tsukasa thought it was rather sexy, the way he did that. "I'd say we should talk to him right the fuck now, if I wasn't so fucking angry." Because angry meant, he would rip the man's head from his shoulders without giving him a chance to speak.

Tsukasa thought that was rather sexy, also.

"I know, that's why I said tomorrow. Calm down now, okay?" He kissed him, right through the snarl on that lovely mouth, and stepped into the shower. "I need you to be useful again and wash me."

Karyu switched almost instantly from angry to amused, because Tsukasa could sound so petulant and spoiled when it suited him. "As you wish, Tsukasa-sama." That of course earned him a smack from Tsukasa's good arm, when he was close enough.

The shower had to be kept short, they knew the sound of running water could have already interrupted Hizumi's sleep. Leaving the bathroom in towels, they were prepared for questions, prepared to give the simplest answers.

So finding Hizumi's eyes open and locked on the door wasn't much of a surprise. "Everything go okay?"

Karyu wriggled into bed still wet, faster than he intended to, and curled around Hizumi. As if the sleepy boy could make everything bad go away. "Yes and no."

Hizumi looked a little panicked, petting Karyu's wet hair and looking to Tsukasa for answers. "Can you be... a little more specific?"

"Our intentions were successful, if that's what you mean. But there were... unexpected complications." Tsukasa moved a bit more carefully into bed, and Hizumi's eyes went wide.

"You're hurt! What happened?"

"I'm okay." He found Hizumi's questing hand and held it. "I was shot, but I'll be fine. Go back to sleep. You need your rest. Karyu gets to beat the hell out of you again tomorrow."

Hidden in Hizumi's shoulder, Karyu snickered. He gave his hair a tug and felt him laugh against his skin. Hizumi wanted to protest the dismissal, but he could see in the bare light that Tsukasa's eyes were already closed, and he thought maybe he could be quiet this time.

But his hand remained tight in Karyu's hair, and Karyu's arms were tight around his ribs, and they were both so terrified of losing Tsukasa that there was nothing they could do but lay there and watch him sleep.

The slow rise and fall of his breathing, as the night hours passed into morning.


	4. Chapter 4

IV · Proditor

 

Time passed in eras, in decades. In leaps and jumps and eternities. Sixty minutes to a second. Sixty seconds to an hour.

Entire civilizations rose and fell, but really only a week.

Hizumi felt himself become extinct, only to be born again centuries later.

But really only days.

Drifting through the late night streets again, wet with rain that had fallen that afternoon, now drying. There was within himself a clarity, a sudden calm, and he really couldn't recall the exact moment it happened.

The week had passed in a predictable routine -- boxing, target practice, research.

It could have been any moment.

The first time he knocked Karyu to the ground. The first time he hit the center of the target. Quiet evenings with only the clicking of keys and mouse buttons from three computers, and the deepest sense of finally belonging somewhere.

Or it could have been in the little moments in between.

Morning coffee with the news whispering in the background. A fierce kiss in the elevator. Changing Tsukasa's bandages even though he liked to protest that he could do it himself.

Hizumi stopped at a crosswalk and listened to leftover water trickling from the mouth of a stone dragon, and decided it wasn't really important to know when it happened, only that it did.

He was stronger now, faster, and when Karyu did manage to get him pinned to the floor, it wasn't as difficult to get back up. Except when he decided to use the situation to his advantage, and kiss the blood from Karyu's mouth.

Blood was now something he could not live without. Blood and pain.

They were waiting for Tsukasa's shoulder to heal, then he would begin training with him. He remembered, he had wanted to learn martial arts when he was a child, but his mother thought it was too violent. She wanted him to learn the piano instead.

Sometimes, he felt like he was trying to play catch-up on a life entirely wasted.

The nights were his only regrets. Always too tired and sore for anything more intimate than sleeping, but they refused to let him sleep on the couch. Hizumi noticed, they both seemed a little more worn out than normal lately. Tsukasa healing, Karyu worrying, and Ren had yet to be found.

The gun prodigy's absence was creating a nervousness within the ranks of the Black Death. Hizumi didn't like it, least of all the way it piled more stress on Tsukasa when he didn't need it.

So Hizumi was cautious, passing through the crowds, more watchful than he'd ever been. He realized, he had not left the apartment since the night at Mayhem. It wasn't necessary. But he was getting tired of it, and the research was growing stale.

He decided, if they were going out at night, he was going with them.

Three sets of eyes and ears were better than two.

As the streets turned darker, leaving behind the bright shopping crowds, Hizumi was thankful for the warm pressure of the gun against his spine. He was used to it now. Worn in a slim holster tucked into his waistband, it was almost comfortable. Held in his hand, it was almost natural.

Strange, those unexpected changes.

As if the life he'd led as Hiroshi was becoming nothing more than a dream. And now he was awake.

Which could have explained why it took someone three tries to get his attention, calling him the name that did not feel like his anymore.

Turning back, another manifestation of that dream, sitting on a step outside a closed bookstore. One of his classmates, wasn't it? "Michi-kun?"

The boy smiled, as much as he ever smiled, some enigmatic little smirk that could have meant anything or nothing. "Everyone's been worried about you, since you didn't come back. Are you doing okay?"

Hizumi remembered him now. They hadn't really been friends, this boy was too wild, too free. Hizumi was too caught up in his good boy image for anyone like that. "I'm okay. I've been busy, searching for the killer."

Eyebrows raised. "Really? You're working with the police?"

He couldn't help but laugh, just a little. "No, not the police. I have friends who know things...."

That smirk again. And the way he was watching him, _studying_ him, made Hizumi a little uncomfortable. "I never imagined you the criminal type, Hiroshi. Or the leather type. It's a nice surprise."

"Things are different now." Hizumi shrugged; the leather that night was a biker jacket, bought online so he wouldn't have to keep raiding Tsukasa's closet. "And we're not in school, you can call me Hizumi."

"Good. Then you can call me Zero. No more of that 'Michi-kun' shit." Standing up, a creased manga got shoved into a messenger bag. Hizumi was much more interesting. "So, where are you going?"

Hizumi was also amused. "Mayhem. Want to come?" He didn't wait for an answer, just turned around again, walking in the direction of the club.

Zero caught up to him, hands in his pockets. "Didn't imagine you as the Mayhem type, either."

"Do you imagine me a lot, Zero?" The question hadn't meant to come out that way, but he couldn't take it back.

Zero simply shrugged. "Maybe. What else did I get wrong?"

Hizumi thought instantly of the gun on his back. "Probably everything. I'm nothing like I used to be, and that's a good thing. But Zero...."

He stopped then, because maybe this wasn't something he should casually drag someone else into.

Waiting while Zero stopped, and turned. The sound of his bag rustling against his jacket seemed loud in the silence. "I may have made a mistake, I don't know if you should come with me. Things I'm into now... it's dangerous. People get shot."

Zero closed the two steps between himself and Hizumi, almost nose to nose. Close enough to see the bruises, the bite marks. The way Hizumi's pupils dilated when he leaned even closer. "I'm not scared of _anything_ , Hizumi." Then he spun away and continued down the street.

Behind him, Hizumi thought maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea after all. He thought, Tsukasa and Karyu would probably like this kid.

Watching his hips sway a little in his baggy jeans, Hizumi thought he might like him too.

And it wasn't as if he were forcing him to come along.

Mayhem caught up with them quickly. The man at the door was familiar, with a small black skull tattooed on his neck. Black Death. Funny, how a simple bit of ink could make Hizumi relax.

"Are they still here?" He knew the door man would know who he meant.

And more of a relief, he nodded. "In the back."

"Thank you." One hand briefly on Zero's shoulder, leading him past the dance floor. The way the boy seemed to be soaking everything in at once, Hizumi couldn't help but think of his own first time. "Been here before?"

"Nope. Usually I'm over at Lockjaw, you know, that thrasher place by the crazy meat pie shop."

Hizumi had no clue. "Never heard of it. Maybe I should try it, I'm always looking for new things."

That time, the twisted little smirk on Zero's face might have been illegal. "I could show you some new things."

And that time, Hizumi's smirk matched. "I bet you could."

Zero started to laugh, but then there was a tall, angry, scary-looking man grabbing Hizumi by the arm. The man wasn't looking at either of them, scanning the room with some kind of deadly intention that made Zero reach for Hizumi's other arm. "Hey!" The moment was surreal. He wasn't sure how to react.

But Hizumi was pulling both of them closer, trying to follow the tall man's line of sight. "It's okay, Zero. Karyu, what's wrong?"

"You were being followed. Where the fuck did he go?"

"Who?" The Zero arm instinctively went back for the gun, resting there, for now.

"I don't know his name, but he's been showing up ever since we've been asking around for Ren. Nobody knows his name. That's what's pissing me off." He noticed then, there was an unfamiliar boy latched to Hizumi's arm. "Who's this?"

"This is Zero. Zero this is Karyu. Should we... I don't know, leave?" Hizumi squirmed. If Karyu was here, then where.... "Where's Tsukasa?"

"Tsukasa?!" Both of them then, staring at Zero, who immediately blushed.

"He's in back, and I don't think he's going to like this." Karyu led them on through the crowd, and Hizumi didn't think the dance floor had ever felt so huge, so endless.

Zero was still holding on, so as not to get separated. Whispering as much as he could through the music. "Do you really mean _the_ Tsukasa? As in, Shinigami Tsukasa? Black Death and all that?"

"Yes, that Tsukasa." Hizumi felt an odd thrill of amusement. Yes, that Tsukasa. _His_ Tsukasa. Over his shoulder, he smiled at Zero, and it might have been a little creepy, by the way the boy's eyes went wide. "He's nothing like you'd imagine either."

And Karyu must have heard that, because he was laughing. Still grinning as he pulled them through the door to the back room.

Everything in there was conversation. A small crowd gathered on the various couches and chairs, but Tsukasa was easy to find. Graceful deadly elegance in a chair that seemed only to exist because he was sitting in it. He glanced up and saw them, and shooed away the person he was talking to.

"Hizumi, what are you doing here?" He sounded almost worried, and Hizumi wondered how bad things actually were, if he could sound like that in public.

"I was bored. All that research, it was starting to feel like school." He tried to smile, tried to will Tsukasa to smile. All he got was a nod.

But the relief in dark eyes was clear, if one was looking for it. "Well... we can't have that." He stood up then, which brought him close enough to Hizumi to touch. A light, discreet brush of gloved fingers against his cheek. Enough to have Hizumi's eyes slipping half closed. "Let's get you something to drink. And your... clingy little friend, too, I suppose."

Zero immediately let go of the arm he forgot he was holding, and Hizumi barely laughed. "This is Zero. Karyu was dragging us kind of fast to get back here." Which was a sudden, cold-rush reminder. "He said we were being followed."

Tsukasa's expression went dark, and he was off across the room in seconds. Hizumi watched him lean down to where Karyu was sitting. They were too far away for him to hear. Looking over at Zero, who was somehow pale and flushed at the same time, he felt remarkably guilty. "I'm sorry. I tried to warn you."

But Zero's eyes were bright, above his flushed cheeks. "Shut up, Hizumi. I told you, I'm not scared of anything."

So they stood there, shoulders touching, voyeurs on a scene that wasn't making sense yet. Tsukasa and Karyu were talking fast, angry but Hizumi could tell it was not at each other. Zero shifting, warm against his arm. "Can you at least tell me what the hell is going on?"

Hizumi shook his head so slowly it was barely motion. "I really have no idea. We've been looking for this guy Ren, because we think he might have set up Tsukasa and Karyu to get killed. And you heard the same thing I heard about the man following us, and that's all I know about it." Hizumi sighed; Zero was raising an eyebrow at him. "They don't always tell me everything yet. They still think they have to protect me."

He looked at Hizumi for a moment, considering, processing. Those things he was saying, without having to say them. "You're fucking the most dangerous man on the planet, aren't you."

Hizumi laughed, a quick, surprised sound. "The _two_ most dangerous men, but yeah. Sort of."

Zero rolled his eyes. "That's it, I refuse to let anything about you shock me anymore."

"Oh, just wait."

And as Tsukasa and Karyu came to get them, not bothering to ask if Zero was coming along, leading him out the door too, Hizumi was aware of feeling as if changes were about to made again, without their permission.

+

Karyu steered the Hummer through downtown traffic, a still, pinched expression on his face. Now and then, glancing over at Tsukasa in the passenger seat, on the phone with Azaki.

Hizumi was aware of holding his breath, trying to listen. Though the strained conversation was much too quiet to carry back that far. A murmur of words, enough for Hizumi to catch that Tsukasa was angry, and trying not to yell.

That alone scared him a little.

Beside him, Zero looked kind of nervous, but maybe more excited. His eyes were still bright, shifting between the window, and the back of Karyu's head. "So um, where are we going?"

Before Hizumi could answer, Karyu was passing him a tiny folded knife. "You know what to do."

"Wait, what?" Okay, Zero's nervousness was beginning to override the excitement. Watching Hizumi unfold the switchblade, leaning a bit more toward the door.

He wondered if it would be locked. He wondered if he wanted it to be.

But Hizumi was looking at him with amusement instead of malice, perhaps a little sympathy as well. "It's okay, they freaked me out with this too. I just need your arm, Zero. I need to know if you mean us any harm."

So much for not being shocked anymore. Zero rolled his eyes, and shoved his arm out toward Hizumi. "I don't mean you any harm."

Pushing up Zero's sleeve, Hizumi rather liked that all his nonchalance was ruined by the slight tremor running through his arm. He liked the way that he shivered, when the cold metal pressed against his skin.

He wanted to say something comforting, but instead he made him bleed.

Zero barely gasped, and Hizumi raised his arm to lick the blood away. "If you wanted to be kinky, you could have asked."

In the front, Karyu laughed. Hizumi smirked up at him, a little bloody, and licked his lips. "Where's the fun in that?"

Karyu of course, laughing even more.

He wanted to stay there, taunting that delicious wound, Zero's pulse quick and unsteady beneath his fingers, but one thing needed to be done. Gathering enough blood into his mouth, he leaned between the seats so Karyu could whisper the spell into his ear. Hizumi repeated the words, and waited.

Karyu was watching him expectantly. "Well?"

"It's still warm." He swallowed, and hadn't realized how much he'd feared a change until that moment.

And Zero was looking at him strange, blood making a slow trail down his forearm. Hizumi couldn't resist taking it back, licking it away. "If you wanted to kill us, it would have turned cold."

Zero's eyebrows went up. "Well that's useful. Mind teaching me so I can try it on that new biology teacher?"

Hizumi quietly laughed. "That bitchy guy who glares at everyone? I think it's already obvious." He let go of Zero's arm then, because the wound was trying to clot, and he was only hindering its efforts.

Other than that, he decided he really liked licking Zero.

Part of him felt suddenly very guilty. Glancing into the front seat, Karyu and Tsukasa were having a quiet conversation, Azaki's name passed back and forth. Hizumi leaned forward again. "Can you tell us what's going on now?"

Tsukasa's hand found his where it pressed against the seat. "Azaki says we should check with the Scarecrows." A brief, pointed look backward. "Are you really sure he should come with us?"

Zero heard that. "I won't be in the way...."

Hizumi smirked. "He's not scared of anything. Who are the Scarecrows?"

"Crazy, crazy bastards. I'm assuming you have your gun."

"Of course." But he didn't know if he was ready to use it. Thinking back to that night in Mayhem, he wondered if he could now, if he had to.

Karyu was slowing down, making a U-turn, taking a different road. Hizumi landed a little kiss on Tsukasa's cheek and sat back in his seat. Zero kept peeking at the wound, but the bleeding had stopped.

Not much later, Karyu found a parking spot.

Hizumi slipped out of the car, staring up at the blinking neon sign. Another name he didn't recognize. Tsukasa and Karyu were leading the way inside, into the blare of music, and Hizumi waited for Zero before following.

"I've always wanted to come here." Zero, shouting over the heavy bass. "It's supposed to be really hardcore and insane. But I didn't really want to come by myself."

Karyu smirked at him while the door man stamped their wrists. "Probably a wise decision. People here would eat you alive."

There wasn't much of a dance floor to pass through, more of a mosh pit, which they had to go around to avoid being trampled. Tsukasa led them to a set of stairs, into a long narrow room that seemed mostly populated by men in fancy suits.

Hizumi impulsively grabbed at Karyu's sleeve. "They've all had their throats slit."

Karyu nodded. "Scarecrows."

Exchanging raised eyebrows with Zero, Hizumi really hoped Tsukasa knew what he was doing. In a place like this, they wouldn't stand a chance.

He was nervous again, and he didn't like it. The gun in his waistband felt like it was laughing at him.

Then the trip down the rabbit hole was over, and they were standing in front of another slick-suited slit-throated man, lounging on a couch in a way that seemed like he was trying to be as cool as Tsukasa, but failing. Hizumi felt a little better then, taking his place on Tsukasa's left side, Karyu on the right.

"Tsukasasasa! Long time no see!" The man grinned, and his teeth were all gold.

However, all relief Hizumi felt dropped right back out of him, because this man knew who Tsukasa was. He could kill him, right there....

He had to stop thinking like that.

"I see no reason for our paths to cross, under normal conditions. So I have a question for you, then I will be out of your way." Grinning man motioned for Tsukasa to continue. "I have reason to believe that you might know the whereabouts of our man Ren."

He wasn't grinning anymore. "All this time, and you come to me with accusations?" He clicked his tongue, shaking his head. "I thought we were _friends_ , Tsukasa."

Hizumi felt Zero tense against his arm, and he flicked a quick glance over at Karyu, who thankfully still looked relaxed.

Tsukasa, as calm as ever. "If friends is what you want to call it, Yuki. I'm not making accusations. I'm merely inquiring."

Yuki smiled a little. "In that case, I might know something. Couple weeks ago, Ren was in here, got in a fight with someone and had to be thrown out. There were other Deathers in here that night, don't know what your boys are doing on my turf, but hey.... Share and share alike, right? So then I heard something floating down the pipe about Ren missing a delivery, that he skipped town and had been acting awfully guilty lately."

He paused there, and Hizumi caught Tsukasa's eyes narrowing. Only a slight movement, but enough to mean something. Hizumi shifted, and Zero's hand was tight on his arm.

"Then I get these rumors that you were almost killed one night, because of something Ren should have told you. Kind of makes me wonder...."

Tsukasa's jaw muscles flexed. "You're not saying anything we don't already suspect. If you know where he is...."

"I don't. As much as I'd _love_ to brag and wave it in your face, dangle it over your pretty little head for a while, I don't have a clue." Flipping his hands in the air, then he shrugged. "All I know is he hasn't been back to Tokyo since he left."

Tsukasa drew a slow sigh, nodding, and somehow that was a cue for everyone to relax. "I appreciate the truth, Yuki. If you hear anything and feel the urge to brag about it, you know where to find me." He turned to leave, and Yuki laughed behind him.

Hizumi followed him away, keeping his eyes focused on Tsukasa's back, so he wouldn't have to see all the men staring at them.

Before they were too far away, Yuki called out, "Don't forget, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Or vice versa. Because that fight he had in our club that night? It was with one of his boys."

Hizumi caught the startled expression on Tsukasa's face before he schooled it away. The implications caused a cold ache deep down in his stomach. But he wanted to believe it didn't really mean anything.

Surely, a fight couldn't mean that Ren really had turned against them.

+

They dropped Zero off at his apartment building, with numbers exchanged and a promise from Hizumi that he would call, and they would do something together that hopefully wouldn't result in confronting scary gangs.

Not that Zero wasn't thrilled about being involved in something so exciting. But Hizumi was Hizumi, and he still felt guilty about dragging him into it.

As he sat in the chair in Tsukasa's office, watching the neon-lit clouds reflected on the building across the street, he was aware of feeling guilty for another reason.

He wasn't going to admit it, but he liked the distraction this Ren fiasco was providing. Now he had something else to think about, aside from finding the man who killed his parents, and whoever might have hired him.

He liked the idea of this being a practice run.

Or maybe he was angry.

Glancing over, he could tell Tsukasa was angry too. He hadn't said a word since they left the club, and he hadn't let either of them touch him, which was obviously beginning to affect Karyu. Sitting on the couch, hands twisting together in a nervous fidget, eyes locked on Tsukasa.

Waiting. They were waiting.

There was a flush to Tsukasa's cheeks, and he kept shifting in the chair, flipping through pages of a file spread out on his desk.

Hizumi felt like he was sitting at the edge of a volcano, waiting for it to explode.

Because these things were always inevitable.

The silence in the room had become a thing of its own, when Tsukasa finally blew up. One moment he was sitting there, the next moment he was throwing his heavy luxurious chair across the room.

The resulting crash was loud enough to scare Hizumi nearly to death, and he thought he heard a "fuck!" from Karyu, as Tsukasa went out the door. No hesitation before they followed.

Karyu caught him in the hall, hands on his arms from behind. "Dammit Tsukasa, you have to talk to us!"

He spun around, and the unfiltered rage on his face made Hizumi ache. "What do you want me to say?! Someone out there, someone we fucking _trusted_ , wants us dead! What am I supposed to fucking say about that?!"

"We don't even know if that's true yet! So far that's only one interpretation of the facts!" Karyu sighed, and pulled Tsukasa into his arms, feeling the most dreadful sinking feeling that he had failed him somehow. "I'm sorry. I don't want to jump to conclusions, not yet."

Tsukasa let his eyes close. "I just hate not knowing who I can trust."

It wasn't right that he should sound so lost.

Hizumi left the doorway then, leaning against Karyu's shoulder, and drifting a careful hand through Tsukasa's hair. "You can trust us. You have us, we'll find Ren and sort this out."

He caught that cautious hand and kissed the palm of it, then squirmed himself out of Karyu's hold, taking a few steps away from them. He wasn't sure what to say, how to express that for the first time he really felt vulnerable.

But he didn't have to, because Karyu understood. He draped an arm around Hizumi's shoulder, a brief reassuring squeeze, then turned back toward the office. "Let's go to bed. We can make a plan in the morning."

Moving the broken remnants of furniture out of the way, switching off the lights, Karyu thought about changes again too.

How they were not always for the better.

+

Another dim grey morning drifted in.

Tsukasa had not slept much, and eventually gave up his prize middle spot in the bed so his restlessness would not wake the others. It was cold on the couch, but he was okay with that.

Sitting there in the dark, waiting for answers to come.

How could he not have known? He was always so careful, always so suspicious.... And yet there was his glaring mistake, which could have cost him Karyu, if one of those bullets had gone through the other side of the car.

Tsukasa found it difficult to breathe, trying to swallow past the way his throat closed up, and the forceful burning behind his eyelids. Biting the knuckles of one hand to keep quiet, because the tears came whether he wanted them to or not.

Then someone was kissing them away, moving his hand to kiss his mouth, warm body settling over his lap while arms slid around his neck. "It's going to be okay." Hizumi's voice.

Tsukasa drew a shaky breath. "I could have lost Karyu."

"But you didn't. And you're not going to. And we're not going to lose you, either." Hands in Tsukasa's hair, pulling his head back so he could lick the moisture from his throat. "I know what you're thinking, but you can't always predict what people are going to do. Even if you bled them and tested them every day, something could change an hour later."

Tsukasa carefully shook his head. "I still should have known. He'd been acting strangely, but I thought it was one of his moods."

"What if it was? How can you be sure it was betrayal?" He sat back then, resting on Tsukasa's thighs. Watching him pull free of his hands and turn to the window again.

"Because he would have let me know he was leaving, he would have called, emailed, something. He would have told me, whatever the reason." A quiet sigh, and he looked down at Hizumi's shirt, tugged at it for something to do. "It's still early, Hizu. You should go back to bed."

"Not without you."

He stood then, using one of Tsukasa's hands to pull him up from the couch. Bold enough to lean in and kiss him, his other hand pressing lightly against the healing wound on his shoulder. Tsukasa's stuttery gasp was a sudden rush of heat.

Hizumi smirked. "We could wake Karyu...."

Tsukasa laughed, though mostly silent. "I thought you were too tired from being roughed up all day."

Hizumi's smile was a little dangerous. "Not anymore. I'm getting used to it."

"Good." Another silent laugh. Then he was serious again, contemplative, as he reached up to lightly touch Hizumi's face. "I suppose I should have said this sooner, but I'm glad you're here with us, Hizumi. Circumstances perhaps were... not the best... but I'm glad we have you."

Hizumi felt himself blush, knew Tsukasa felt it also. "I'm glad I'm here too, and that I have you, and Karyu. I don't know what I would do without you."

"You're strong, stronger than you think. You would be okay."

A quiet laugh from Hizumi then. "I doubt that. I'm only okay now because of you."

Tsukasa closed his eyes, a cold pain inside of him as a reminder.... Everything was fate, but fate was cruel. He moved away from Hizumi, arms tight around himself, but that pain would not go away.

To Hizumi, every step away from him felt like light years. He wasn't nearly as good at reading people as Tsukasa was, but he could still tell something wasn't right. "Tsukasa?"

"Let's get some more sleep. It's going to be a long day."

Hizumi tensed. "It's not your fault." Watched him pause near the bedroom door, barely looking over his shoulder. "I know you and Karyu think you've corrupted me, that you've ruined me somehow, making me a big bad criminal too. But I'm happy this way. It's what I asked for, not something you should feel guilty about."

But Tsukasa's eyes were still so sad. "Someday you'll understand." Then before Hizumi could say anything else, he slipped into the shadows of the bedroom, away from the rising morning light.

+

Hizumi pulled off the VR helmet, and watched the rain. Switching off the computer, he was aware that he hadn't been entirely focused on his research, something to pass the time while Tsukasa and Karyu did research of their own.

Making phone calls, sending emails, visiting forums and chat rooms and everything else they could think of that might yield some piece of information.

Hizumi was tired of it.

Slipping out of the room with a sigh, finding his phone where he left it in his jacket pocket. Waiting as it rang a few times, then Zero's bored voice on the other end. "Hey, Zero. I hope you weren't busy."

"Not really, doing homework." The abrupt sound of a book being slammed shut. "So what's up?"

Hizumi almost wanted to ask what the homework was, what book, what class. Instead, "I know I promised you we could do something that _isn't_ criminal activity, but.... How would you feel about doing a little detective work?"

Zero laughed, quiet. "Looking for Ren?"

"Yeah. I mean if you don't want to, it's okay...."

"No I want to, that sounds good."

"Okay." He couldn't help sounding relieved. "Okay, I'll meet you outside your building then, is that good?"

"Yeah that's fine. I'll be waiting."

Hizumi said something sort of rushed as a goodbye, and snapped his phone closed. A light sound behind him, and he turned to find Tsukasa leaning in the door. Part of him felt like a child caught sneaking out.

"Zero?" Hizumi nodded, and Tsukasa returned the gesture. "Take the limo. You know how to work it, right?" He waited while Hizumi nodded again. "You're safe in there, nothing can get through. If anything happens, get inside and stay inside. The car will take care of everything."

Hizumi was quiet for a moment, fidgeting with his phone. "Are you sure you can really trust the word of this Scarecrow guy?"

"Yuki and I, we're old friends. We only pretend to be rivals. So we watch out for each other, and we put up fronts when we have to, but we tell each other the truth. If he says something's up with Ren, something's up with Ren."

The tension he'd been holding slipped away. Hizumi sighed, and put his phone back in the pocket. "Okay, good, that's all I needed to know."

Tsukasa moved forward, catching his shoulder, making sure he had his attention. "Hizumi --"

But Hizumi cut him off with a kiss. Almost urgent, almost desperate. Saying so much more than he ever could. "I'll find him, Tsukasa."

If it were possible, he looked even more sad, then. Raising a hand to rest against Hizumi's warm cheek, that strength was right there at the surface. "I hope not."

His phone rang, and he left Hizumi to answer it. Left Hizumi feeling that much more determined. He wasn't afraid. He would find Ren.

And he would kill him.

+

It was his first time alone in the limousine, and he wasn't quite sure where to sit. All that open space, all that plush leather interior competing for his attention.

He chose the far end where Tsukasa usually sat, beside the navigation panel. Pressing a button, the door whispered closed, and dim lights brightened. He couldn't help being nervous as he felt the engine rumble to life.

Blinking cursor on the panel, waiting for his command.

Hizumi typed in Zero's address, and felt nervousness give way to a slight childish giddiness as the limo pulled smoothly out of its parking slot.

Like a lot of people, he grew up dreaming of someday owning an intelligent car. His parents were old-fashioned, and preferred to be driven around by real, living people. Machines, they said, could make mistakes.

Hizumi never understood that logic.

Human beings were much more flawed than machines could ever be.

The silent vehicle rolled to a stop in front of Zero's building, where the boy sat on the step, waiting. Hizumi watched him stare at the limo for a moment, then took pity and opened the door.

"Holy shit!"

Hizumi had to laugh. Various monitors flickered to life, following Zero's movements as he circled the limo, touching here and there. But mostly gawking.

Finally he leaned in the open door. "Holy shit! Is this a Nebula? Platinum class, right?"

Hizumi, still quietly laughing. "I think so. Get in, before it starts raining again."

Zero slid in quickly, a dreamy look on his face as he caressed the soft leather. Everyone was a sucker for that leather. The door closed beside him and he reached out to touch it, searching for the seams. "Wow."

"That was kind of my reaction too." Hizumi typed in the next destination, then moved over to sit closer to Zero. All that empty space, he felt like he had to shout.

Zero was still groping the car. "So... where are we going?"

Secretly, Hizumi thought it was rather cute. Maybe, he also envied the car a little. "Back to Six-Nine. I want to talk to Yuki again."

Zero stopped then, and raised an eyebrow at Hizumi. "That creepy guy, are you serious?"

"He's okay. He's actually a friend of Tsukasa's. But I can't think of a better place to start."

Zero shrugged, and went back to his curiosity.

Six-Nine was mostly empty that time of evening, more like a bar than a rowdy club, and Yuki was casually sitting at a table laughing with some of his boys, gold teeth flashing in the light. Seeing him that way made him a lot less scary. Though both Hizumi and Zero were still fatally drawn to the deep scar grinning along his throat.

Hizumi wondered if he would slit his own throat for Tsukasa, and immediately answered yes.

Yuki spotted them, and raised his wine glass in what was probably a mocking toast. "Little dead boys! How can I help you?"

Hizumi glanced around at the others. "I was hoping we could talk in private, actually." He leaned over then, whispering carefully into Yuki's ear. "I know you and Tsukasa are old friends. I want to talk as people, not as our gangs."

Yuki studied him for a while, lips pinched in thought. Then he nodded. "You got it kid. Everyone, you've all got stuff to do, go do it."

A few grumbles as the Scarecrows drifted away. But Hizumi noticed they weren't going too far.

Then Yuki waved a hand at the chairs. "You might as well sit down and tell me what you're after."

Hizumi felt the gun brush against the back of his chair as he sat, and hoped he wouldn't have to pull it too quickly. Zero took the seat beside him, leaning back with his arms folded, and Hizumi was instantly jealous of the way he managed to look so casual, so effortlessly _bored_.

"The guy Ren was fighting with, do you know his name?"

"I think he goes by Snake. He's been around a while, runs opium these days."

Hizumi filed the name away. "Do you know where we could find him?"

Yuki was laughing before Hizumi even finished his sentence. "What do you expect to do, kid? Go around questioning these guys? If it was that easy, don't you think Tsukasa would already be doing that?"

Hizumi felt his eyes narrow. "Don't worry about what I'm going to do."

Yuki laughed a little more, and held up his hands. "Fine, fine. Snake's usually at Mayhem, same as the rest. Is that all?"

"No. Who else was here that night, when the fight happened?"

That time Yuki sighed, but it was a deep thought kind of sigh. "I don't really know. I don't keep track of all of Tsukasa's boys. There was a bald guy with tattoos on his head, they had a couple girls with them, might have been Pink Killers, they usually run with Deather boys."

Hizumi ran through it in his head. Snake at Mayhem, bald guy with tattooed head, Pink Killer girls.

"Alright, thanks. That's a start." He stood then and bowed, deep and respectful. "Thank you for your time."

Yuki looked up and smiled, for once a little more normal than creepy. "You be careful, kid. That necklace you're wearing means Tsukasa cares about you a whole fucking lot. But it also means the other guys aren't gonna like you much. I know about you, how Tsukasa found you, how you cut right in line and moved right to the top. None of them have seen you fight, and they don't like that. And this kid...." Tossing a nod at Zero. "He's not even stamped. You better be able to take care of him if things go south."

Hizumi looked to Zero, standing beside him, that sarcastic eyebrow raised again. He wanted to laugh. "He can take care of himself, I bet. But thank you, we'll be careful."

Yuki toasted them again as they left. But Hizumi was more interested in the way Zero was almost giggling as he walked beside him. "You're really having fun with this, aren't you."

He shrugged, light and amused. "Beats homework." He smiled, and Hizumi found it easy to smile back. "So, off to Mayhem?"

"And Snake better be there."

As they left the club, cold rain began to fall again, and Hizumi thought it couldn't be more fitting, for the crazy movie this night was turning out to be.


	5. Chapter 5

V · Vertigo

 

The rain was fading away again, leaving everything glistening like mirrors. Hizumi shook off the cold as he stepped into Mayhem, vaguely aware that he was beginning to feel comfortable in the place, and that it wasn't such a big deal anymore.

Karyu would say it had everything to do with Hizumi's self-confidence, and nothing to do with the actual club.

Moving through the mostly-empty room, he would probably have to agree. The fact that he no longer felt like an outcast made a huge difference in his level of comfort.

And beside him, Zero doing his casual nonchalant thing again.

Hizumi wondered if he ever felt out of place anywhere, or if he was just really good at hiding it.

"I think I see tattoo guy." Seated along the couches at the graffiti wall, along with the usual door man, and various other men in tattoos and leather and punk rock paraphernalia. Hizumi glanced over to make sure Zero was paying attention, before heading to the back.

But Zero was indeed paying attention, and he smirked as he leaned to speak into Hizumi's ear. "After the Scarecrows, your guys look pretty good."

Hizumi laughed. Leather and tattoos were better than suits and greasy hair any day.

And all the spikes in the door man's face weren't bad either. "Hey, Hizumi, right? They're not here yet tonight."

"Yeah, I know where they are. Thanks though. I was actually kind of looking for someone else."

Tattoo guy squinted up at him. "You guys still looking for Ren?"

Hizumi tried not to express the relief he felt at not having to be the one to bring it up. "Unfortunately." There was a chair empty next to him, so he sat down. Zero perched himself on the padded arm. "I heard you were there the night he and Snake got into it."

Door man and a few others laughed; tattoo guy snorted. "Snake gets into it with everybody. But yeah, I was there for that. I remember it because he fucked up Ren's arm."

This was new. "What happened?"

"Ren was gonna shoot him, had his gun out, but Snake... well I guess you don't really know Snake. They call him that because he's fast with his knives. You know, like a snake and its fangs. So he stabbed Ren before he could shoot him, in the wrist." Holding out his arm, poking one finger into the underside of his wrist. Hizumi couldn't help a little wince. "Right there. Then Ren ran off."

"That had to hurt. Is there another doctor he might have gone to, one that isn't ours?" Because their own doctors were among the first calls Tsukasa and Karyu made.

"If there is, I don't fucking know. Ren's like... psh, crazy secretive. Paranoid and shit."

"I heard Ren like almost got Tsukasa killed or something. Is that why everyone's looking for him?" Hizumi didn't recognize the man speaking, but his eyes went immediately to the tattoo on his neck.

"That's the gist of it yeah. You know anything?"

"Nope. But I was there, I heard part of what they were yelling about. Something about Tsukasa."

Tattoo guy elbowed him hard enough to slosh his beer, and Hizumi barely heard Zero cough back a snicker. "That don't mean shit. Anytime anyone's yelling at anyone, Tsukasa's name comes up. Tsukasa's gonna be pissed, Tsukasa's gonna kill you, blah blah blah."

The poor guy looked so scandalized, Hizumi finally had to laugh a little himself. Silently, behind his hand, discreetly. "It's okay, it's useful anyway. I don't suppose anyone knows where he went when he left Six-Nine?"

All heads, shaking. Door man spoke up. "I know there was some shit about a delivery that he missed, that's all. I guess you've asked Azaki."

"Yeah, he doesn't know either. Which is what makes this really fucked up." Hizumi sighed. This wasn't getting them anywhere. 

Beer guy was starting to look a little worried. "So... there's a chance Ren might have turned against all of us, right?"

Everyone then, looking to Hizumi. "We don't know yet. I don't have all the facts, and I don't want to make a judgment call yet. It looks bad, but maybe all the events are unrelated, and there's some other reason Ren is missing. Maybe he's mad about his arm and off somewhere pouting about it."

Door man did not seem convinced. He made a face for a moment, then pressed behind his ear, activating the mobile implant. "Page. Select all. Input... Red alert Ren." He pressed the same spot, and shrugged. "We'll see what comes up."

Hizumi nodded, the more eyes out there the better. "I hope they'll know to watch out, in case I'm wrong, and he really has turned."

Door man reached for his beer, but he didn't drink from it, just swirled it around. "If anyone so much as hears him breathe, they'll call me."

"Thank you." Hizumi noticed Zero was getting fidgety. He stood then, and took out his phone. "We should go. I'll give you my number. If you hear anything, or Snake shows up, give me a call." Unfolding the small device, he touched it to the scarred place on the man's neck, and hit the sync button.

"You too. Cause I don't go for this traitor bullshit. And be careful." His expression when he faced Hizumi was the most serious he'd seen it. "I'm not kidding about that."

But Hizumi merely smirked. "Everyone keeps saying that to me. I'll be careful. You guys too, just in case...."

Zero was still fidgeting as they left, as they slipped into the limousine. Hizumi watched him chew at his lip a while, then that was enough. "Okay, Zero, what is it?"

"I don't know. Something doesn't feel right." He was watching the monitors, watching the people around them as the car sat patiently in its parking space. "It's freaky the way nobody knows anything."

"I know. It makes me think there really is something going on with Ren. Otherwise, _someone_ would have talked to him. Everyone seems so... connected." Which made it all that much more frustrating.

Hizumi slid down in the plush seat, head tilted back to stare at the ceiling. So black it was barely even there. Which made him think of Ren. How could someone seem as if they were not even there?

The answer was sudden, random, and chilling.

Hizumi snapped upright and pulled his phone out again, hitting speed number one. Tsukasa. "Quick. What would be the one reason you would not be in contact with Karyu, or Azaki, or me?"

Tsukasa barely paused. "If I were dead?"

A sharp intake of breath from Zero, and Hizumi shifted the phone to his other ear, so he could listen too. "That's what I'm thinking. I've been talking to some guys at Mayhem, and nobody has heard anything from Ren since that night, nobody has even seen him. You'd think there would be at least one person Ren would be in contact with, a friend. He has to have friends." He was rambling, but somehow it was making sense finally.

Tsukasa was quiet for a moment. "That deal he didn't make."

"Exactly. If you're dead, you can't show up."

"Fuck." More silence. "Maybe you and Zero should get back here."

"No, not yet." He was not ready to give up.

Neither was Zero. He spoke up then, stating the obvious. "Has anyone checked Ren's home?"

Tsukasa, after a moment. "Azaki has. He didn't answer the door."

Hizumi smirked at Zero, he knew right what he was thinking. "But has anyone been _inside_?"

"Hizumi.... No. I'm saying no to this."

"What is his address?"

"Hizumi --"

"What is it? Or I'll go right back in Mayhem and ask someone else."

He took Tsukasa's sigh as a sound of defeat, and Zero briefly grinned. "We'll meet you there. Don't you dare go inside without us."

But that was victory enough, and Hizumi felt as if they might finally be getting somewhere.

+

He was watching the ceiling again, as the limousine cruised through the streets.

He thought of that empty blackness, that sensation of there, but not there.

He thought he might actually be relieved, if they found Ren dead. Because it meant Tsukasa had not been betrayed by someone he trusted.

Zero fidgeted still beside him, looking out the window, messing with the car. Hizumi realized they actually hadn't talked about much, all this time. "I'm sorry, I hope this isn't boring the shit out of you."

Zero laughed, and stopped yanking on a monitor. "You really have no idea, do you." He shifted on the seat to face Hizumi, leaning on the back of it, which to Hizumi looked a little like he was cuddling with it. "If I was bored, I'd get out of the damn car."

Hizumi laughed then. "Okay, I get it. Zero's not bored. So is this... something you ever wanted to do? I mean, run around town, chasing after someone who might not want to be found?"

He shrugged the arm not pressed against the seat. "Maybe. Everyone craves excitement, don't they?"

Hizumi couldn't help but think of his own life, and he knew Zero was right. "Could mean we're all idiots."

"So, you'd rather be back home, doing schoolwork, watching some dull TV show?" The tone of Zero's voice meant he already knew the answer. "Maybe I owe you a thanks, for letting me tag along."

Hizumi laughed at that. "You don't owe me anything, Zero."

The limo was slowing, stopping, and both of them moved to look out the window. Ren's apartment building looked dark and mostly abandoned. And there was a moon-silver Hummer parked across the street.

Hizumi watched Tsukasa get out of the driver's side, rubbing his shoulder. He really hoped Karyu would scold him for that. "Tell me something. Have you ever seen a dead body?"

Zero wouldn't admit it, but he was watching Karyu's ass. "You mean other than a funeral, then no, just pets. I'm not gonna freak or scream or puke or do something girly, if that's what you're wondering."

Okay, Hizumi laughed again. "Had to make sure." He opened the door then, physically, which earned him a baffled look from Zero. "I'll show you where the button is later."

He heard Zero muttering "crazy fucking car" as he got out, and smiled.

Then Karyu was there with an arm around his shoulders, pulling him close, and Hizumi thought he could melt right there on the sidewalk. Because aside from being left at home doing research, this was the longest he had been away from them. The first time he'd actually been out anywhere without them.

He would never confess it, but he _missed them_.

It was this spontaneous awareness that had him reaching for Tsukasa, halfway moving forward and halfway pulling. Stopping millimeters away. "I don't know why we're mad at each other, but I don't want us to be anymore."

Tsukasa pressed gloved hands against Hizumi's face, meeting his eyes. "I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at myself, but it's not right of me to take it out on you." He kissed him then, briefly, because they were exposed out there on the empty street. "Are you mad at me, Hizumi?"

"I don't know. I want you to stop hiding things from me, stop freaking out every time I tell you how grateful I am to have you." His grip tightening on Tsukasa's jacket, he kissed him again. Because he didn't really give a damn where they were. "Can you at least do that much?"

Distantly, he heard Karyu snicker. Tsukasa glanced over Hizumi's shoulder, and mildly glared at him. "I can try." Then he stepped away, and drew a slow breath. "Let's go find Ren."

Inside was even more unsettling than the outside. It was all dusty, faded, as if it had been decades since anyone lived there. Not a sound, not a whisper.... Not even running water or a television.

Hizumi shivered when they stopped at the last door on the second floor. Visions from every horror movie he'd ever seen came rushing back all at once.

But he was probably distracting himself again.

Karyu was crouched on the floor, picking the lock. It didn't take but a second before the door creaked open. Four of them exchanging looks, then Karyu and his gun led the way.

Hizumi hurried to pull his out -- he hadn't even thought of that. Too busy watching for ghosts, for long hair sliding down the walls, for shadows moving where they shouldn't be.

"Ren, are you here?"

Tsukasa's quiet call pretty much startled everyone. Hizumi heard Zero snicker behind him, and looked back. Zero just shrugged.

Then a less amusing "oh fuck" from Karyu, in the bedroom. "I found him."

And there he was, the absentee Ren, sprawled on his bed wearing nothing but a towel and layers of blood. He'd been shot so many times, it was hard to tell where one wound ended and the other began.

But it was the strange, muffled sound from Tsukasa that finally turned Hizumi to ice.

Moving quickly, catching him in his arms, because he seemed as if he might collapse, if Hizumi was not there. Tsukasa's hands raised to tighten around his, and he was beginning to shake. The sudden rush of fear and rage made him almost sick, made him dizzy.

This unrestrained display of emotions, Hizumi almost did not want to see what had caused it.

But he had to ask. "What is it?"

Karyu, leaning over the body, swallowing hard before he could speak. "When... When the Black Death kill someone, and we want everyone to know who did it, we brand them on the forehead. With a skull."

That time it was Zero with the "oh fuck", because he was at the right angle to see around Karyu, to see what shape was made out of the blackness on Ren's face.

And there went the bottom of the world, right out from under him again. Clutching tighter to Tsukasa, Hizumi felt things spin for a moment, as his mind tried to catch up with the information. "So... one of ours killed him?"

Karyu motioned them all out of the room then, giving little nudges and shoves to get everyone out of the apartment. His urgency had Hizumi nervous. The fact that Tsukasa still wasn't saying anything had him terrified.

Karyu quickly shut the door behind them. "I don't know what this means exactly. If we were right in the beginning and he was a traitor, and someone found out, and killed him because of it.... But I think that person would have spoken up, reported it. They would have been proud of that. So I can only think, there's an actual traitor out there, and he killed Ren, possibly so he would not give Tsukasa the information about the H-9s, and potentially die that night."

Zero's eyes went wide. "That means everyone we talked to tonight, it could be any of them. It could be _anyone_."

Hizumi thought of Tsukasa saying, I don't know who to trust. He thought, there was no one left _to_ trust. Only them, the four of them. And the Black Death was enormous.

Going back down the stairs, Hizumi stopped halfway and took out his phone, scrolled through to the newest name and number. Door man. Out of curiosity, he selected it, and listened to it ring.

"Hey, Hizumi-kun, any news?"

Hizumi tried to detect anything out of place in his voice, anything that might be a clue. "Yeah. Ren's dead."

A loud outburst of air. "You're shitting me. Dead?"

"Dead." He caught Tsukasa's attention, where he had stopped a few steps down, and tapped above his brow. Tsukasa nodded. "There's a black skull on his forehead."

There were unidentifiable noises then, people talking, then fading away. Hizumi had the impression he was moving to a different spot. "Okay, okay, are you really sure about this? Does Tsukasa know? Shit. Shit this isn't good."

"That was kind of our reaction too. But yes I'm sure, and Tsukasa knows. So I guess no one has responded to the red alert?"

"Not yet. But that doesn't mean anything. Shit, get Karyu or someone to call me, okay?"

"Okay. Let me know if you hear anything." Hizumi hung up, and tucked away his phone. The others were watching, waiting.... "He really sounded surprised."

Zero, fidgeting again. "But now he knows we know."

"And he's the only one who knows we know. That's our advantage." He smirked at Zero, and continued down the stairs.

Zero smiled at him as he passed. "Cute, and clever too."

Of course, Karyu laughed.

+

Tsukasa's chair was beyond hope, so he sat in the chair usually occupied by Hizumi.

Karyu sat beside him on the floor. Inches away, but it could have been miles.

Hizumi and Zero on the couch, neither of them really sure what to say.

But Hizumi didn't want a replay of last night's events, either.

"Tsukasa?" Quietly, almost timidly. He stood and moved over to the other side of the chair, crouched there, and put a cautious hand on Tsukasa's arm. "We need you to tell us what to do."

But Tsukasa moved his arm away, folded both around himself. Withdrawing again.

Hizumi felt a deep unavoidable ache, and rested his head on the unoccupied arm of the chair.

Staring through bulletproof glass, but in that moment, it seemed way too thin. As if there were nothing at all between them and the world.

That comfortable safety he'd felt on his first night seemed so distant.

He heard Karyu sigh, the rustle of clothes, and looked up to see him turned around. He was watching Tsukasa, and he did not look happy.

"Hizumi's right. We can't sit here like this, we need a plan. Someone out there killed Ren, and someone spread the rumor that he left town. And there's the matter of the guy that keeps following us. Maybe related, maybe not. But we need to find out. And we need _you_ to quit sulking and fucking focus."

That got Tsukasa's attention. Eyes narrowed, turning on Karyu. "You think I'm not focused? You think I'm what, daydreaming here?" He snarled then, barely. But enough to make the hair rise on the back of Hizumi's neck. "I have a plan for you. Get the fuck out of my office."

Karyu sighed again, and it was such a defeated sound. "Hizumi, maybe you should get Zero set up in the spare room. I'm sure he has to get up for school in the morning."

Hizumi found he didn't like being dismissed, but he understood. And there was nothing to say, so he got up from the floor, and led Zero into the hall.

When the door closed behind them, he leaned against the frame.

Zero leaned beside him, inspecting the ceiling, because it was there. "Is this a common thing?"

"What, Tsukasa being pissed like that? No. This is... I don't know, he's never been like this." He looked over at the door, then away. "He's been upset since we talked to Yuki that first time."

"The whole thing is kind of fucked up." He was also observant enough to realize Tsukasa wasn't the only one upset by everything. So he took Hizumi's hand, and gave it a tug. "Come on, show me to my room already. I'm not sleeping out here in the hall."

Hizumi laughed, and let Zero pull him to the elevator. Saying nothing as it took them upward, the warm press of Zero's hand against his own, and maybe he really did need that, because if he were forced to admit it, he would say he was seriously afraid. But most of all, he was worried about Tsukasa.

The two emotions did not sit well within him. Like crosswinds, creating violent storms.

Karyu's bedroom was exactly as he had left it, with the bed untidy and an empty glass on the nightstand. Looking out the window, trying to find the moon, it was a strange disorienting deja-vu.

Zero met him at the window, a smile on his face as he watched the distant lights. "So, you um... want to stay here a little while?"

Hizumi shifted the distance of his vision from the sky, to Zero's reflection. That curious smile, lit by neon. Hizumi wanted to say yes. But he knew he shouldn't. "I would, but I should probably get back to them. I don't want him to think I'm that easy to get rid of."

Zero laughed at that. "Okay. Probably a good idea." Then that dangerous smirk of his, as he turned from the window. "But if he throws you out again...."

Hizumi watched him slink out of his jacket, knowing Zero knew he was watching, and somehow that was okay. "I'll keep it in mind." Watching Zero unfasten his belt, his eyes still on Hizumi. And it was time to find the door. "Good night, Zero."

"Good night, Hizumi."

The door closed, leaving the empty room to hear his disappointed sigh. But as he stretched beneath the unfamiliar sheets, he wasn't _too_ let down. This adventure was only beginning, after all.

+

Karyu was waiting by the elevator of all places, looking painfully lost and unsure. Hizumi leaned beside him, letting him speak when he was ready.

It took a few minutes, before Karyu exhaled, much too shaky. "I've never seen him like this. I don't... really know what to do."

Hizumi reached up, sliding a comforting hand through Karyu's hair. "Is he still in the office?"

A quick snort. "No, he went to bed. Basically told me to fuck off and sleep on the couch."

Hizumi's eyes went a little wide then. "He doesn't mean that, does he?"

But Karyu merely shrugged. This was unexplored territory, and he had no memory to guide him. Like some nightmare terrain unfolding out of the dark.

Still, after a long moment, he managed to smile down at Hizumi. "I haven't had a chance to say, that was some awesome work tonight. Without you, we'd still be stewing on our asses."

"You would have eventually found out the same things I did." Hizumi gave a modest squirm. Though it secretly felt good to hear the commendation.

Karyu was shrugging again. "Maybe not. We wouldn't have called any of those people, especially not Yuki."

But Hizumi was looking down the hall, to the last door. "Well, it doesn't really matter now. There's still a lot of information we don't yet have." He sighed then, and pushed away from the wall, heading for that closed door.

"Hizu, wait. If you go in there, he'll kill you."

"I don't care. Let him, if that's what he needs." He heard Karyu's intake of breath behind him, most likely about to give him some kind of protest, then a sigh. Hizumi stopped at the door and looked back.

Karyu caught up, and turned the door knob. "He'll have to kill us both then."

They found Tsukasa stretched out beneath the blankets, but it was difficult to tell if he was sleeping. Lying on his side, facing the window, away from them.

Hizumi thought he looked terribly fragile, alone in the large bed.

Trying to quietly pull off his jacket, watching Karyu shed clothes across the room the way he always did, he wondered what he might do, if Tsukasa would not accept them there.

He knew, Karyu's heart would probably break.

Then Karyu was under the covers, and Tsukasa was turning over to face him. "I told you to fuck off."

"I did. But I came back." One hand sliding cautiously up Tsukasa's bare arm. "Tsu...."

"I said fuck _off_ , Karyu."

"No. You can hit me if you want, stab me with the knife you keep under the pillow, but don't you dare push me away like this. Not after everything...." Gripping his arm tight. "Not after all we've been through together."

Tsukasa's eyes closed, and Karyu took that as a step in the right direction.

"We can get through this, too." He leaned forward and kissed him, carefully, expecting to be shoved off.

But Tsukasa pulled him closer, instead of pushing him away. Kissing him with almost desperation, as if he had to convince himself that Karyu was really there.

Then his legs twined around Karyu's, because he needed more, he needed _everything_. The little gasp Karyu made as they pressed together, it meant he was still alive. It meant he had not lost him.

And he really was being unreasonable. But he did not like to admit it.

Karyu sat up, sliding his knees beneath Tsukasa's thighs, fingernails making sharp red lines among the scars on his stomach. He smirked then, and looked over to where the one missing piece stood fidgeting near the door. Still frustratingly dressed. "Hizumi's wearing too many clothes, and much too far away."

A quiet, bare laugh from Tsukasa. But the look he sent Hizumi set him on fire. He thought he might never breathe again, as he cast away shirt, pants, whatever meaningless things he happened to be wearing.

Crawling onto the bed, leaning over Tsukasa, licking against his parted lips. He wanted to provide some kind of comforting words like Karyu, but instead he kissed him. Putting everything he couldn't say into the slow way their mouths fit together, into the shaky touches over closed, black-dusted eyelids.

I'm here for you too.

He was barely paying attention when Karyu tugged at him to get one leg over Tsukasa's hips. Yet fully aware when Karyu bit the back of his neck, something slick and warm sliding inside him.

Hizumi sighed against Tsukasa's jaw, open-mouthed kisses down his throat. Nervous, as Karyu prepared him, but trying not to show it. Instead he traced fingertips over the tender wound on his shoulder, pressing enough to make him gasp, because he _liked that_.

Tsukasa tangled a hand in Hizumi's hair, pulling back up to kiss him again. One hand on Hizumi's hip to steady him, as Karyu guided him down, slowly onto Tsukasa's cock.

The way Hizumi shuddered over him, the way he bit into his shoulder to hide a breathless moan, made Tsukasa want to be rough. Tightening the hand in his hair, pressing against bruises left from training, unable to resist biting the exposed side of his neck.

Blood on his tongue and Hizumi so warm and trembling, shoving up the rest of the way into him, which tore the most beautiful sound from Hizumi's throat.

Tsukasa pulled back, and did it again. Hizumi cursed against his skin, and Tsukasa barely laughed.

Finally the thighs beneath him shifted, and Karyu curved over them both, stealing Tsukasa's mouth. Licking Hizumi's blood from his tongue as he fit himself inside in one easy motion.

Then he raised up, arms around Hizumi to pull him along, which drove Tsukasa deeper. Hizumi thought he might burn right out of his skin, if it weren't for Karyu holding him so tightly.

Tsukasa was so _hot_ , and it hurt but it felt so amazing, and he arched back against Karyu, hissing out, "Bite me again."

And there was no way Karyu could deny that.

Sharp teeth sunk into the same place Tsukasa had already ripped open, and he drove into Tsukasa, trying to begin some sort of rhythm between them. Watching Tsukasa sprawl and writhe beneath the double assault, the back of one hand pressed tight to his mouth, the other scratching at Hizumi's thigh.

Biting farther down Hizumi's throat, pulse so deliciously frantic against his lips. Karyu reached down to twine his fingers with Tsukasa's, making twice the lovely marks on Hizumi's skin, making him whine and twist his hips.

Making Tsukasa snarl, vicious and beautiful.

Hizumi's hands were in Karyu's hair again, as the hand on his chest slid downward, closing around him so wonderfully tight. Gasping for breath, because the burning edge was so close, so right within reach.

And Karyu's fingernails bit into the sensitive flesh, tearing from base to tip, and Hizumi nearly screamed as it all caught up with him. The way he could feel Tsukasa so intensely inside of him, and every bite and bruise seemed to expand until he was nothing but desperate nerve endings.

Tsukasa twisted like a snake, the sudden clenching of Hizumi's body drawing out incoherent curses, and Karyu slammed into him harder, _just right_. And Hizumi bent and stole the hand away from his mouth, kissing him just as rough.

Then Tsukasa gave a hard shove into him, and Hizumi felt the heat of his release, felt him shivering beneath him, inside of him, and he knew he could get addicted to feeling Tsukasa like this.

Remembering that first night, the awe of watching him so blissed-out and satisfied, and knowing he was responsible for it. His perfect fucking angel.

Karyu had gone still, and Hizumi looked back at him, kneeling there breathless and sweat-damp and unbelievably beautiful. Hizumi gave him a lazy smile and moved off of Tsukasa. The abrupt motion caused an ache, an emptiness, but he would survive.

Distracted anyway, watching Karyu slide down, catching Tsukasa in a sloppy devouring kiss.

Watching as he rolled his hips and thrust deeper into him. Slowly, so slowly, a few long moments before he tensed, the kiss growing slack and forgotten. Lost in the way reality seemed to burn out of existence as he licked the sweat from Tsukasa's neck. A lazy smile as Tsukasa pressed a kiss to his temple.

Then he rolled over to the other side of him, serious again, as a still-shaky hand ghosted over Tsukasa's cheek. "Say you won't push us away anymore."

Tsukasa's eyes opened, and his expression was almost a glare, almost a challenge. Then a resigned sigh. "It's not like you idiots listen anyway."

Karyu laughed, quiet but so full of relief. "No we don't. And next time, you're not getting any sex, you're getting our cold feet pressed against you in the middle of the night. So remember that."

This made Hizumi laugh; Tsukasa rolled his eyes.

But they were right. If the walls he built around himself were keeping out the ones he cared about, he didn't think he wanted them anymore.

So he stretched, yawned, and made a point of getting comfortable. "Whatever. Someone get the blankets already."

Hizumi snickered, and decided it was the least he could do. Sitting up, he looked back, and the spoiled, contented smile on Tsukasa's face made him warmer than any blanket ever could.

He knew then, they would be okay, as long as Tsukasa could still smile like that.

+

Hizumi had almost forgot about the way the school gates liked to creak in the wind.

Standing on the leaf-strewn sidewalk, listening to the subtle noises, after everyone else had gone inside.

He thought of the way Zero had turned back, halfway up the path. The way he stopped, hands in his pockets, before removing one to wave goodbye.

Something about the gesture made him sad.

Perhaps it was so much like his parents, when they would both walk him to school in his younger years. When he would turn right inside the gate and wave to them.

With his eyes closed, he could still see them waving back, his mother always blowing an exaggerated kiss.

But they were really only fake goodbyes, then.

Now, he'd give anything for one more blown kiss.

+

The clouds were burning away in the sun, giving the illusion of warmth, but the cold air whipping in from the north made Karyu glad he'd worn a heavy coat. Pulling the collar up higher, as he leaned against the top railing of the parking garage. Lighting a cigarette for the first time in months.

Tsukasa watched him fight the wind, finding the right angle that wouldn't blow out the flame.

He supposed there was symbolism in there somewhere.

"So you're smoking again?"

Karyu shrugged, tucking the lighter away. "It's as good a time as any."

"I suppose." He reached over then and stole the cigarette, taking a long drag of it as Karyu laughed.

"Hey!" Tsukasa smirked around it. Until Karyu stole it back. "You quit too, remember."

"Doesn't seem so important now."

The statement made them quiet, made them thoughtful. Karyu exhaled smoke and passed the cigarette back.

Changes again, rearranging priorities.

It was hard to worry about lung cancer when someone wanted you dead.

Tsukasa chewed at the end of the filter, and watched the sleek limousine glide down the street, turning into the garage below. Quickly he found his phone, sent a message. _We're on the roof. Come up._

Karyu lit a second cigarette. "We need to figure out what to do."

"I know."

Turning to face Tsukasa, watching his face as he spoke. "I mean it, we need a plan."

His brow furrowed, irritated. "I know, Karyu. Why are you telling me what I already know?"

Soft, quiet tires crackling on dirty pavement.

"I'm making sure you're really with me." Because he was thinking of the chair, of the way Tsukasa seemed to be so distant, since the beginning of this whole mess.

"I'm here, Karyu." Brief flicker of dark eyes, to Karyu, then away. "We'll make a plan."

Hizumi's boots scuffed, perhaps to let them know he was there, without interrupting.

Karyu gave him a smile. "Took you a while. Everything go okay?"

"Yeah, I... I went by the graves. Figured I should since I was out."

Tsukasa, nodding. He tried to blow his smoke away from Hizumi, but the wind was having none of that. "We'll get you some flowers to take next time."

"I forgot about flowers. I could have stopped...." He sighed, leaning his elbows on the rail beside Tsukasa, looking down. "So, what were you saying about a plan?"

Karyu chuckled. "That we need one. And maybe we need to suck it up and go talk to Yuki again."

"Because he's not one of us." The thought was out of Hizumi's mouth before he could stop it. Glancing sideways, noticing the way Tsukasa dropped his head a little. "I'm sorry."

"No, you're right. You're right, because right now we can't really trust any of them. I don't even know if we can trust Azaki." And that hurt to admit. Azaki... Tsukasa thought of him like an older brother.

Karyu's hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort. His voice soft on the wind. "I want to think we can trust _Azaki_."

Tsukasa sighed. "I do too."

"But, it doesn't really matter, because he's already told us everything he knows. So it's not as if we have to depend on him for information."

"Even though it's strange in itself that he knows so little." Tsukasa tensed, and slammed his palm on the railing. Hizumi startled; Karyu was somehow expecting it. "Fuck, I do not want to be suspicious of him, I do not. But Azaki always knows something. The fact that Hizumi got more out of grunt boys than I got out of our so-called General...."

Hizumi squirmed. "Really, I keep saying this. It's probably because nobody else thought to ask them. Did Azaki say he asked everyone?"

"No, he didn't. I don't know who he asked." Tsukasa sighed again. The filter was a mess from chewing, so he took one last drag and flicked it away.

"Exactly. So if Azaki didn't have the same information we got from Yuki, he wouldn't have known to look for Snake, or anyone else who was there."

Karyu snickered, because the logic was sound, and Tsukasa really didn't look too happy about it. "Gotcha. But seriously, I think we should be careful what we say, to anyone. Including Azaki."

Tsukasa, fidgeting with his rings, watching the silver flash in the sunlight. "And about your new friend Zero, I don't think he should come around anymore. It's too dangerous. Even if he's not Black Death."

Hizumi wasn't going to admit it, but he'd been thinking the same thing. "Dangerous isn't going to stop him."

And Karyu, laughing again. "I like that kid. He kinda reminds me of you, Tsukasa. Fearless, stubborn...." He grinned when Tsukasa turned to give him a look. "It's the truth."

Tsukasa snorted. Hizumi beside him, comfortably amused.

"Okay, I won't call him, I won't answer when he calls. But don't blame me when he shows up at the door."

Karyu laughed even more.

Then a few calm moments, passing in silence. Watching the clouds drift by, chasing the wind.

Eventually Karyu pushed off from the railing, boots crunching on pavement grit. He couldn't help touching the hood of the limousine as he passed. "Well, Hizumi, let's go do some target practice. Nothing to do about anything until tonight anyway."

Hizumi smirked, following. "I'm going to hit dead center today, you watch."

Karyu laughed, and the wind carried it away.


	6. Chapter 6

VI · Heresy

 

Another cold November day, another target practice.

The empty lot was still wet from the morning's rain, ground squelching in random puddles under Hizumi's boots. Then the silence broken by the ring of another gunshot. It hit inside the spray painted circle, but not close enough to the dot in the center.

Hizumi sighed, and aimed again. "I am going to hit that fucking dot."

Karyu stood beside him, amused as ever. "You're already doing good."

"Not good enough." He fired. It went low that time. "Fuck."

"Relax, Hizu. You don't have to push yourself so hard."

"Yes I do." He aimed, but did not fire. Instead, he let his arms drop, turning the gun over in his hand. All the little details dulled in the tired light. "I have to hurry, get good enough. I can't stand thinking of him still out there, how many other people's parents he's killing, how many people's children."

That deep ache rose within Karyu again, that sharp, painful twisting he felt, whenever Hizumi said those kinds of things.

He let out a slow breath, and closed his eyes. "Hizumi.... What is it you think we do, Tsukasa and I, when we go out alone? We're not bank robbers, not car thieves or drug runners. We're assassins. We kill parents and children. You knew this when you came to us, it's _why_ you came to us."

Hizumi was quiet for a while, the soft rustling of wet grass drifting in between them.

Finally, "But they always deserve it, right?"

"We really don't ask."

"So you...."

"We kill people."

Silence again. Hizumi tried to decide what he was supposed to think, how he was supposed to feel. He realized, for the first time since finding Ren, how many people there were out there, who wanted Tsukasa and Karyu dead.

All those grieving families.

Jimmy Bartholomew had a family too, didn't he?

It was an endless cycle of violence and revenge. Let them come after him then, if they needed to. He would understand.

So Hizumi raised his gun again, exhaled to steady himself, and fired. Karyu's last words rang louder in his ears than the gunshot. We kill people. But he was right, that was why he came to them, and he supposed it was too late to regret it now.

And as Karyu ran a hand briefly through his hair, he knew he wouldn't change a minute of it, even if he could.

+

That night at Mayhem, everything seemed tense. Seated on the couch beside the graffiti wall, Tsukasa in the middle, discussing something with a man Hizumi didn't recognize. They were all pretending everything was normal.

As if Ren were still out of town, and not in the morgue.

And so far, Yuusuke's red alert had turned up nothing.

He was reporting regularly to Karyu, asking around, listening in on conversations as he checked people in at the door. No one saw Ren after he left Six-Nine. Most believed the story about him being out of town, but very few remembered who told them. It seemed like a casual, useless bit of information.

But Yuusuke was trying. And Hizumi really, really wanted to trust him.

He was currently perched on the arm of the couch next to Karyu, giving one of his reports, and Hizumi wished he could hear. Something about the way Karyu seemed more interested than usual, instead of disappointed.

And he knew something was going on when Karyu suddenly elbowed Tsukasa, interrupting his conversation. Then they were standing, and Tsukasa was pulling Hizumi's jacket sleeve to get him moving, into the quieter back room.

Karyu shut the door. "Tell them what you told me."

Yuusuke looked nervous, rubbing at his implant scar. "Someone else is dead."

Tsukasa, calm, but his hand remained tight in the leather of Hizumi's sleeve. "Care to elaborate?"

Hizumi thought the man's expression looked as if he wanted to say, not really. That alone gave him chills, made him lean a little closer to Tsukasa, a discreet hand on his hip.

"Okay... look... I know how this is going to sound. I have a... police contact. We trade information sometimes. Today he told me that one of our boys was found dead. Not Ren, someone else. And they were... branded, like Ren."

Hizumi gasped, he couldn't help it, and looked over at Tsukasa. His eyes were closed.

It was Karyu who finally spoke. "Who was it?"

But Yuusuke shrugged. "I don't know yet, they're still working on identification. None of the guys I work with are missing though, we've been keeping a pretty tight watch on each other lately. I paged and got a report back from everyone almost immediately."

Tsukasa let go of Hizumi's sleeve, took out his phone and moved to the other side of the room. Hizumi heard Azaki's name, and hoped they were still right about him, too. Karyu and Yuusuke were talking again, but Hizumi was trying to think, trying to process.

Could it have been someone who knew too much? Someone whose death would leave Tsukasa vulnerable again? Or... was Ren's death completely unrelated to the H-9s, and someone was merely working their way through the Black Death?

Hizumi shivered, and realized there was more than one good reason to learn to hit the center of the target.

+

Leaving Mayhem felt like walking underwater. Each step too heavy, all the colors and sounds distorted, muted. Everything moving much too slowly, as if time were stretching out around him and leaving him behind.

Hizumi accepted the fact that he was probably going into some kind of shock, but he could not shake himself out of it.

All he could think was that he wanted to lock Tsukasa and Karyu in the apartment, high in the safe secluded building, like princesses in a tower. One look at Karyu, the worried expression on his face as he tried to get Tsukasa's attention, and he knew he was thinking the same thing.

Because Tsukasa was withdrawing again. Flinching away, when Karyu tried to touch him.

Outside, two steps down the cold street, Karyu grabbed his arm. "Don't you dare --"

It was all he got out, before Tsukasa hit him.

"Fuck, Tsu!" His lip split open, an old raw wound that kept trying to heal.

Tsukasa was wearing his spooky contacts, and Hizumi watched them shift to the bright red of fresh blood. It was such an appropriate color. Distantly, Hizumi felt goosebumps rise on his skin.

Of course it didn't help that he'd never seen Tsukasa actually _hit_ Karyu before.

"Do not tell me what to do, or what not to do, Karyu."

A brief snort. "Then don't be a fucking dick."

Tsukasa's eyes closed; Karyu took a moment to clean the blood from his face. Hizumi wanted to lick it off, but did not feel it was quite the appropriate time. Instead he chewed his leather glove, and watched the people passing by, paying no attention to them standing there.

He realized then, he was looking at everyone's neck.

Looking for little black skulls.

Hizumi sighed, and looked back to Tsukasa. His eyes were open again, chromatophores shifting between black, grey, indigo. Nighttime colors.

Feigning bravery, he stepped past Karyu and found Tsukasa's hand where it clenched so tight against his arm. Unlocking tense fingers enough to slip his own between them. "Can we go?"

Barely, as if hesitantly, Tsukasa's fingers curled against his. A slow exhale, and Hizumi took it as a good sign. Reaching back for Karyu, he took it as his job then to pull them along, get them moving.

Being on the street was making him paranoid.

Karyu's Hummer seemed so far away, as if days passed before he was sinking into the back seat, closing the newly-reinforced door. Then he was leaning forward, draping his arms around Tsukasa's shoulders.

Karyu drove them home in silence.

+

He wasn't that surprised when he woke early, and found Tsukasa gone from the bed.

Still dark, and raining again, quiet against the bulletproof glass. Tsukasa on the couch, smoking one of his black, fragrant cigarettes in the glow of the muted television.

Hizumi sat beside him and watched the perky Saturday morning news cast try to bake a cake.

Everything there was bright, happy, carefree. It was a strange thought. How life could keep going on out there, while people were dying.

Hizumi looked to Tsukasa and felt that warm feeling again, so solid within him now that he barely ever noticed it. But so obvious, at times like this.

Reaching over, he found Tsukasa's hand where it rested on his knee.

Tsukasa exhaled smoke, and gave Hizumi's hand a small, grateful squeeze. "I'm calling a surprise meeting today. I do not run the kind of business where people can... kill each other and get away with it."

In some odd, private way, Hizumi liked how Tsukasa always referred to his gang as a business. "Do you think it could be someone trying to fight their way to the top?"

But Tsukasa shook his head. "We don't work that way. Rank is based on performance, skill, accomplishments. Fights do happen sometimes, not everyone gets along, but... there's nothing to gain by marking the body."

Hizumi looked back to the television. Perky happy people putting icing on the cake. Symbolism, everywhere.

Tsukasa shifted to put his cigarette out, then Hizumi leaned against his shoulder. "We'll find them, Tsu. Don't worry."

With his eyes closed, he missed Tsukasa's gentle smile.

The rain pattering on the window made everything seem peaceful, and this strange, unexpected boy was warm against his shoulder, and he was able to admit in that soft moment, things might not be so hopeless as they tried to seem.

He was able to admit, maybe it was time to stop thinking about what he could have lost, and think about everything he still had.

+

The meeting was short, and to the point. The leadership in attendance was told to take stock of their men, make note of anyone missing, anything out of place. They were told to be careful.

There is at least one traitor among us.

Hizumi nudged food around in his bowl, remembering how nervous and angry they all looked as they left. None of them looked guilty. But then that really didn't mean anything.

Tsukasa and Karyu desperately wanted to trust them, but Hizumi had no reason to. In his mind, everyone was now a suspect.

He realized what an exhausting way this was to live.

"So, Hizumi...." Tsukasa, nudging at his own food. "You haven't said anything lately about your research."

He shrugged, and wanted to say, it hasn't been as important lately.

But he understood somehow, Tsukasa was hoping for a distraction.

"It isn't really going anywhere. The list of protesters and religious groups keeps growing, there's so many people against longevity research. Nothing though that makes me certain who could have hired a hit man to kill a scientist."

Karyu watched Hizumi stare at a piece of broccoli for a moment. "What about anyone that your father openly had problems with? Anyone specifically targeting him or his lab, or making threats, arguments, anything like that?"

"Quite a lot, actually. His lab was the best, and a lot of other labs didn't like that. And when he made a breakthrough last year, there was this American preacher who tried to crash his ceremony. Failed, but... it was a big scene. I remember that." Hizumi put the broccoli down. "I thought it was funny, at the time."

"But you've ruled that guy out?"

"Yeah. Mostly. There isn't anything concrete, about anyone. I could say, sure, it's possible any one of them did it, but that doesn't help much."

Tsukasa wanted to say, he knew that feeling exactly. Instead, he slid a warm hand up Hizumi's arm, and left it there. "What are you going to do, then?"

Hizumi shrugged again. "Change directions, I guess. Maybe instead of looking at the people, I'll look deeper into the research. There are a lot of files with passwords that I haven't tried to crack yet. Sometimes it feels like there's way too much information, and I'm missing some vital piece of knowledge that would let me make sense of it. Like something I'm not seeing."

The hand on Hizumi's arm gave a light squeeze, then moved away. "You'll find it."

His phone was buzzing in his pocket. "I know. If it's out there to _be_ found." Buzzing louder, the vicious little ringtone that made him want to throw it across the room. "It's Zero again."

Then it was Tsukasa's making noise, and Karyu gave a quick laugh. "Hey, now I'm starting to feel unpopular."

Hizumi wanted to laugh, but the expression on Tsukasa's face was much too serious. Pushing away from the table, much too dangerous.

"Get your guns, hurry. There's someone on the limousine."

Tsukasa was all the way across the room before the words made any sense in Hizumi's brain. Karyu was already pulling him out of the chair, before he fully understood. "Wait, what?" But he rushed to check his gun, put on his boots, not nervous yet but almost.

"That was the limo, it says someone is sitting on it." Tsukasa paused at the door.

Hizumi was caught in an absurd moment of wanting to ask, what did it say? Help Tsu, someone's sitting on me! Then he was simply reminded again of how _awesome_ that car actually was.

"Are we sure it's a live person?" Leave it to Karyu, to be morbid.

"The limo detected body heat."

None of them were really sure if they should be relieved by that or not.

Either way, it meant someone had hacked the code on the security gate, and that the gate had not felt it necessary to warn them.

The ride in the first elevator seemed to take forever, and the walk down the dark hall past Tsukasa's office made Hizumi jumpy, expecting the door to swing open at any moment. Paranoid, everything was making him paranoid.

The second elevator was faster. And the absolute silence of the parking garage felt so heavy, as if it were pressing in on him as he followed Karyu down the short hallway. A monitor recessed into the wall allowed Tsukasa to pan around, past the Hummer, past the covered shape of a car Hizumi had yet to be introduced to. Finally to the limousine, parked sideways.

They could clearly see a figure seated on the hood, something in their hands. Movie images flashing through Hizumi's mind at light speed. A gun? Bomb detonator? Whatever it was, they were touching it....

And Hizumi's phone rang again. The figure's head turned at the sudden noise, and Hizumi wasn't sure if he should laugh or cry. "Zero. It's fucking _Zero_."

"Hizumi? You over there?"

But Karyu held him back, and Hizumi noticed he still had his gun out and ready. "Zero, put the phone in your pocket and your hands on your head. Slowly get off the limousine, and do nothing else. Do you understand?"

On the monitor, Zero closed his phone, but made none of the other moves. "Karyu?"

"I'm not kidding, Zero. Phone in your pocket, hands on your head, off the limousine."

"Okay okay."

Hizumi watched him follow Karyu's instructions, and understood. Zero was still a threat. He realized then, how off-balance everything really was. And the realization left a sick feeling in his stomach.

He was suddenly very glad Zero had come, because there was no way he could protect him, if he were left alone.

Turning the corner behind Karyu, and the boy was standing so casual, looking entirely bored, as if there weren't guns waiting to tear holes in him. Then he watched the dull mask shift into something like relief, when he saw Hizumi. "I thought you were dead, you fuck! Why wouldn't you call me back?"

Hizumi tucked his gun away. "Because it's dangerous. We decided you would be safer if we weren't in contact."

Zero snorted, rolled his eyes. "That is the stupidest..." Started to drop his arms, until Karyu's gun shoved at him. "And now, what, I'm the enemy?"

Tsukasa, exchanging the gun for his knife. "That's what we need to make sure of."

Zero sighed, but obediently let Tsukasa take his arm. "It might turn a little chilly. I'd kinda like to punch Hizumi out right now."

Karyu tried not to laugh, and it came out as a sort of cough. Tsukasa gave him a look, before slicing into Zero's arm, not interested at all in the way he shivered. Catching blood on his tongue and they were all waiting so tensely as he whispered the old words. Then a second time, to make sure.

Hizumi thought he might explode if he didn't give them the answer already.

After the passing of long centuries, "He's clear."

Hizumi let out the breath he was holding, and Karyu put away his gun.

Tsukasa, still not impressed. "And we're changing the passcode on the gate."

Zero just shrugged.

The ride back upstairs was awkward, at the very least. Hizumi kept drawing in a breath, planning to speak, but never quite finding a way to get the words out.

He wanted to apologize to Zero, he wanted to tell him, he was glad to see him again. But mostly he wanted to apologize to Tsukasa and Karyu, because he felt like he was causing more problems on top of the problems they already had.

If he had only kept walking that night, and not invited Zero to Mayhem.

One glance at Zero's reflection in the elevator wall, and he knew he wouldn't take it back.

Secretly, he'd always admired that quiet, unusual boy at the back of the class. The one with the unruly hair and the smirk that said he might be plotting something terrible, but he wasn't going to tell _you_ about it.

And maybe that was why he called him that day, when he needed a partner in crime to go out looking for Ren. He liked to tell himself it was because it was safer than going out alone, and Karyu and Tsukasa were busy in their own way, and he didn't have anyone else to call.

But maybe he just liked having Zero's approval.

He liked that odd, pretty little Michi finally saw him as something interesting, and not another boring teacher's pet.

Back in the apartment, putting his gun away, the truth made him feel even more guilty. His pathetic need for approval could end up getting pretty little Michi killed.

"Hey, Hizu...." Zero in the bedroom door, leaning on the frame. Hizumi noticed he looked a little less bored, and a little bit guilty himself. "Should I not have come?"

Hizumi sighed. "Probably not." He watched Zero drop his head, chewing at his bottom lip. "We didn't want you mixed up in this shit."

Zero looked back up. "Too late for that, isn't it? Should've thought of that before. Now you think I can forget about everything?"

Hizumi shrugged. "You could find other exciting things."

"That isn't the point! Seriously, for someone who's supposed to be a genius, you can be so dumb." Zero rolled his eyes again, and crossed the room, until he stood right in front of Hizumi. "You could be this asshole's next target. And you think I wouldn't care?"

Hizumi was grateful that he only had to speak quietly to be heard. There was an odd knot in his throat, and he wasn't sure he could get much of his voice past it. "Why _would_ you care, really? I'm just... some guy from school."

There again, another eye roll. "If you ever looked up from your stupid books, you'd see I've had a crush on you since ninth."

Zero didn't really care what Hizumi might have to say to that. He leaned forward, and kissed him. Holding there for only a moment, enough to collect the warmth from Hizumi's lips, because he knew he had Tsukasa and Karyu, and it wasn't his place to kiss him.... But he had to make his point.

And he'd wanted to do that for four years.

"Now you get it?"

Hizumi had to take a step backward, had to look away, before he betrayed himself and kissed him back. "I just thought it was some big adventure for you."

"That's because you're an idiot, Hizumi." Zero halfway smiled, but it lacked something, somehow. So he gave up, and turned for the door. "Okay, enough sentimental shit. Karyu wants you to finish eating, he says you and Tsukasa do way too much picking at your food, and not enough actually eating it."

Hizumi had to laugh. "Great, now I have _two_ mother hens."

Zero smirked. "Get used to it."

Hizumi thought, he probably could.

+

The crack program was running its merry course, trying to unlock a tall stack of research files. Hizumi had been through everything else, he'd even run detection programs on all of them, in case there were hidden layers. But there was nothing.

Which meant if there was anything to be found, it would be in these folders with names that made no sense at all.

Everything else had a filename that was logical, and self-explanatory. Stem cell management, vaccines and their corresponding DNA codes, resuscitation and reanimation in small rodents. It was all so neat and tidy and so like his father that sometimes it hurt to look at the list.

And then there were these. Letters, numbers, essentially gibberish, and Hizumi felt there had to be some kind of answers inside.

One did not open Pandora's box expecting merely to find dust.

So the crack slogged on through. Now and then he would change variables, but nothing seemed to make any difference. Of course, this only made him more determined.

And so intensely focused that he did not realize when Tsukasa lighted on the cushion beside him. "No luck yet?"

Hizumi startled; Tsukasa smirked. "None. There has to be something really important in here, or he wouldn't have it locked up so tight. The others were easy to crack, and they're full of secrets the competition would love to have. So this... this must be something _good_."

Tsukasa's expression softened into a gentle smile. Hizumi was so full of energy like this, following clues, hunting down facts.... "You would have made an amazing detective, Hizumi."

That got his full attention. Hizumi turned, and thought Tsukasa might have been smiling, but he still looked so sad. "What's this about?"

"Nothing. You're good at these kinds of things, that's all." His shrug did its best to be casual. "I'm a businessman, I deal with facts right in front of my face, I work in possible outcomes related to these facts. I manipulate them to suit my needs. You... you work in maybes, in what-ifs. You see things that are not yet obvious, not yet clear. You work the facts like an intricate puzzle, and perhaps if I were more like you, these things today would not be happening. Perhaps I would have seen...."

"No, Tsukasa...." Hizumi let out a slow sigh, turning fully around on the seat. "You have to stop blaming yourself. There are so many people in the Black Death, and isn't it the job of each of the team leaders, or whatever you call them, to keep track of their men? It looks like the failure is somewhere down the line. Or whoever this traitor is, has been sneaky enough to not be noticed. Which could seriously be the case. I mean, this guy, he might act completely normal in every other way. Loyal, doing his job right, everything that's expected of him. There would be no _reason_ to suspect a guy like that, right? Because if you did, you'd have to suspect everyone in the entire gang. Even Karyu."

But Tsukasa was shaking his head. "Then if it's a failure of one of the leaders, it's still a failure of mine for having complete faith in them."

"No." Hizumi, also shaking his head. "No. It is not your failure. If someone becomes untrustworthy, it is their fault, not yours. It is their choice, their doing, and unless you have some spooky mind reading power I don't know about, then you aren't going to see it until they act on it. And then it isn't your fault for not knowing."

Tsukasa had a moment of realization: he hated when Hizumi made sense. Closing his eyes, he let his head drop back against the couch. The light sensation of Hizumi's fingertips tracing the line of his necklace wasn't distracting enough to keep him from thinking, he's probably right.

Karyu would be laughing, if he were there.

"So, let's assume you're right, and it's not my fault. Let's assume it's not the fault of Azaki, or any of the leadership, or any of the other members who work with the traitor. It is only the fault of the traitor."

"Yes. And when you take away all the blaming, you're left with only one thing. Who is the traitor? What facts do we have about him?"

"He's fast. He had to be fast, to get Ren. It looked like Ren was coming out of the shower, but he keeps guns within reach, no matter where he is. He told me once, he has five guns in the bathroom alone." But a horrible thought crept in, which led him right back to that same, painful topic. "Or it was someone he trusted. Someone he could let his guard down around."

Hizumi ignored the obvious emotional response, and asked the question. "Who did Ren trust?"

Tsukasa inhaled, and let it out. "Nobody."

"Well, at least that narrows it down a lot."

Tsukasa's unexpected laughter was startling, but what Hizumi needed to hear. Leaving a smile on his face as he drifted a hand through Hizumi's hair.

Quiet, for a while. Only the soft clicks of the computer doing its share of the work.

Hizumi let his own mental crack program run through other possible ideas. "The second guy, do we have an identification on him yet?"

"Not yet. Yuusuke's source says the guy's prints aren't in the system, and there are at least a dozen who haven't reported in. Yuusuke was able to see a picture, he doesn't recognize him, which means it's not someone in his group."

Hizumi nodded. "When we do find out, we can do a cross-reference, see if this guy has anything in common with Ren. People, contacts, jobs, girlfriends, boyfriends, whatever. Someone who could get close enough to both of them to kill them."

The hand in his hair gave a little tug. "See, you're good at this."

Hizumi gave Tsukasa's a revenge tug. "You would be too, if you'd quit blaming yourself for everything."

Tsukasa swatted him away. "I already said you're right. You don't have to rub it in."

"You didn't specifically say that, you said 'assume'."

"It's close enough." But Hizumi was laughing, so Tsukasa shoved him over on the couch, and stood up. "Psh. Get back to work, code jockey."

Hizumi watched him do that hypnotic stretch thing, and forgot what he was going to say. But he did think of one thing, as Tsukasa opened the apartment door. "We'll get him. You know I'm right about that too."

He paused there, staring down at the sprawling pile of Karyu's various shoes, beside the tidy row of his own. "I know. There is no other option."

Because he had his entire world to protect, and no one was going to take it away from him.

+

Karyu stood at the window, watching the sunset cycle through its usual colors. He could hear Tsukasa in the bedroom, on the phone with Azaki again, tension in his voice clear even through the walls.

They were getting nowhere.

He shifted his vision to the reflection of the room, to Zero and Hizumi on the couch watching a movie. Like regular, ordinary teenagers, laughing and making jokes. Soda bottles and candy wrappers on the table beside Zero's school books.

It was all deceptively peaceful, if he could pretend Tsukasa's knives were not on the table, and Hizumi's gun was not lying in its holster, draped over the arm of the couch, and there was no bruise on Hizumi's cheek where Karyu hit him particularly hard that morning.

The end credits were rolling, and Hizumi's reflection came to join his in the window. Dark enough now that the inside was brighter than the outside. "I can't believe you guys watched that whole thing."

Hizumi snorted a quiet laugh. "I can't either, it was seriously awful."

Both of them then, watching Zero's reflection get up, and leave the room. Hizumi heard the bathroom door close, then he sighed. "I need to ask you something, and I don't want you to get pissed."

Karyu's eyebrow went up. "It's that bad?"

"Probably."

"Okay. What is it?"

Hizumi fidgeted, suddenly so intensely nervous that his hands began to shake. So terribly, that all he wanted to do was say nevermind, and go back to the television.

That thought alone convinced him this had to be done.

Looking out at the sky, at the criss-crossing jet trails, at the neon lights. Anything but Karyu. "I need you to let me kill someone."

And the traitor could have snuck in then, stabbed him right in the heart, and it would have hurt so much less. "Hizumi... no."

"I need to do it, I need to _know_ that I can do it."

"No you don't. You don't ever need to know that." But Hizumi sounded so resolute. Karyu remembered the first day, when Hizumi said he was going to hunt the bastard down, and kill him. Somehow, it hurt more now than it did then.

Hizumi's thoughts were in a similar direction, and he felt as if he might scream from the frustration of it all. "So you want me to get all the way to Jimmy Bartholomew, stick my gun right in his face, and not know if I'll be able to pull the trigger?" A slow, twitchy sort of breath. "You said you would teach me how to kill."

Karyu thought he might shatter, right there, on Tsukasa's nice carpet.

He sighed and stole one of Hizumi's hands from its fidgeting, thinking of the confident way he held his gun. Thinking of all those changes again. Lightly, tracing the layers of scars healing on Hizumi's knuckles. He was nothing but scars these days, and the thought made Karyu press the still-shivering palm to his lips.

Falling apart, every little piece of him.

"I don't want you to be a murderer, Hizumi. Let me take care of Jimmy."

Crossing the few steps between them, Hizumi pressed his other hand to Karyu's face, then slid both of them into his hair. Leaning up to kiss his chin, his bottom lip. "I have to do it myself."

Karyu sighed. "I know. But I had to try." His arms dropped around Hizumi's waist, trying not to hold too tightly, but probably failing. As if he were somehow afraid of letting go. "We'll talk about this with Tsukasa."

Hizumi nodded, carefully, where he leaned against Karyu's shoulder. He didn't really want him to let go either. 

Then Tsukasa was clearing his throat in the doorway, tossing his phone back and forth between his hands. The agitation made Hizumi nervous. "I'm sorry if I'm interrupting, but I was talking to Azaki, and he needs us to meet him at Mayhem."

Zero behind him, messing with the rings on his fingers, and Hizumi wondered how much of his and Karyu's conversation they might have heard. "I get to come too, right?"

Tsukasa turned, watched him fidget for a moment. "I suppose it's too late to keep you out of this." Zero shrugged. "Just keep your mouth shut."

"Ask Hizumi, I know how to stay out of the way."

Hizumi was already strapping on his holster. "He's quiet, Tsu."

Tsukasa hummed, and Hizumi knew there was going to be an awkward conversation, sometime in the future.

When they finally made it to Mayhem, the air was buzzing, something tight and electrical that made Hizumi's skin want to itch. He noticed Karyu was walking a little closer to Tsukasa than usual; even Zero seemed unable to keep up his casual facade. "What the hell is going on in here?"

It took two steps to find the answer.

In the center of the dance floor, Yuusuke and Snake at a stand-off, pistols drawn and pointed. Azaki and a few others Hizumi recognized, standing around looking uncomfortable, trying to talk them out of it.

"Put your fucking guns down. Now." Tsukasa's quiet voice got their attention, seemed to have a startling effect.

Snake looked ashamed as he lowered his, but Yuusuke just looked angry. "Snake and I were having an interesting conversation. About Ren."

"I told you, I didn't goddamn kill Ren!"

Hizumi was vaguely aware of reaching back, resting his hand on the grip of his waiting pistol. Taking a step forward to put himself partly in front of Tsukasa, and realizing Karyu was doing the same thing. He hoped Zero would have the sense to stay behind.

Yuusuke visibly tensed. "Let's recap, shall we? Miyu has pictures of you leaving Ren's apartment building on the last night anyone heard from him, _you_ were the one spreading the rumor about him leaving town --"

"Because he said he was going to! He fucking _told me_ he was going to visit some aunt, grandma, I don't fucking know! How was I to know he didn't actually go anywhere?" Snake was a violent shade of red, but his eyes were honest somehow when he turned to Karyu. "I swear on my fucking life, I did not kill Ren. We had a fight, it got nasty, I went over the next day to try and work shit out. We were cool when I left."

Hizumi tilted his head, something occurred to him.... "Did he say who took care of his arm?"

Snake twitched, and looked at Hizumi as if he'd popped out of the floor. "Who the fuck are you?"

In the back, very quietly, Zero trying not to laugh.

"I might be the only person wanting to believe you right now. So answer my fucking question."

And Karyu, beside him, trying not to look as proud as he felt.

But Snake conceded, and shrugged. "I don't know. It was bandaged, he said it wasn't too fucked up and I left it at that. He usually goes to that old guy with the thick glasses."

Karyu, then. "Doctor Morimoto said he hadn't seen Ren."

"Then I don't fucking know! I don't know." Snake exhaled, and after a long moment of staring at the floor, flipped the safety on his gun and put it away. "But I... I wouldn't kill Ren."

Yuusuke returned the gesture of trust, his gun tucked away in his jacket. "How can we be sure?"

Snake's head snapped up, eyes narrowed, and he shoved a finger at the tattoo on his neck. "Because this fucking means something to me, that's why! Brothers don't kill brothers!"

A hand on Hizumi's shoulder almost startled him, but it was only Tsukasa, sliding out from behind him and Karyu. "I believe you, Tsukasa will believe you too. Perhaps we should all go sit down and have some drinks, and stop taking up the dance floor."

Part of Hizumi tensed and panicked when Tsukasa moved close enough to pat Snake on the back. Exchanging a quick look with Karyu, he saw the same tension reflected there. They might believe him, but they weren't ready to trust him, either.

Quickly, they caught up with Tsukasa. Hizumi made a few checks to make sure Zero was following, and noticed he was back to his usual nonchalance. That alone made him relax a little.

Even if his hand was still reluctant to move from his gun.

As they clustered in the back room, he caught Zero off to the side, where they had a little space to talk. Zero was still his Watson. "Okay, what do you think?"

Zero stopped chewing his lip and shrugged. "I think he's telling the truth, same as you do."

"So now we're one suspect down, but we're back at the beginning again." Hizumi sighed, annoyed.

"Except now we know he _did_ have his arm treated."

"Okay, I can think of three possibilities for that. One, Doctor Moto-whatever is lying about seeing Ren, and we have a new suspect. Two, Ren went to someone else. Three, Ren took care of it himself. Two and three would make the facts irrelevant, so we need to focus on resolving number one."

Zero went back to chewing at his poor lip. "So... we need to find Doctor Moto-whatever. Find some way to make him talk."

Hizumi smirked then. "How, drag him to our torture chamber?"

"I'm not above breaking a few fingers to get the truth."

Hizumi watched him for a moment, how he still looked so casual, leaning against the wall, absently messing with the little finger of his left hand. As if he were actually thinking about it.

Finally, Hizumi had to laugh. "Remind me not to piss you off."

Of course, Zero just shrugged.

+

Hizumi sat on the edge of the bed, watching Tsukasa sleep.

So peaceful, lost in his dreams, and Hizumi could not resist gently brushing long strands of hair from his face. He thought maybe he could sit there watching him forever, then thought, he would never admit that.

But time kept on passing around him. Numbers on the clock, strolling forward.

Hizumi sighed, and leaned to carefully kiss the side of Tsukasa's throat, where Karyu's newest bite spread in a fresh, dark bruise.

He whispered then, "I'm going to solve this for you."

Quietly he dressed, and every rustle of fabric, every scrape of gunmetal against his skin, seemed much too loud in the night. But he made it out without incident.

Out to the darkness of the living room, where Zero waited.

Sharing an understanding nod, leaving together, without a word needing to be said.


	7. Chapter 7

VII · Algea

 

Standing on the sidewalk, Hizumi was aware of being numb to the cold again.

Looking up at the sleek sculpted lines of Tsukasa's building, the dark squares of windows, grey stone sliced into surreal columns and angles. The topmost windows were still dark, and he was grateful for that.

Still it gave him an odd feeling, walking away from it, so late at night. Zero's quiet footsteps beside him provided some comfort, but he supposed it was guilt sinking in and distorting everything again.

Tsukasa was going to be _angry_ when he woke up.

Farther down the street, where the building could not watch, Hizumi took out his phone and let it dial Yuusuke.

"Hey, Hizumi. Is everything okay?"

He didn't sound as if he'd been asleep, so Hizumi was spared more guilt from that. "Yeah, everything's okay. I need to know where to find Doctor Moto-whatever."

Yuusuke snorted a quick laugh. "Doctor Morimoto?" Then he was quiet for a moment. "Wait, you're gonna go talk to Morimoto...."

"I want to find out if he treated Ren's arm. And if he did, why did he lie about it. It's a starting point. I have all these questions, and the more I get answers for, the closer I'll be to finding out who the traitor is."

Yuusuke sighed. "Does Tsukasa know you're doing this?"

Hizumi pinched the bridge of his nose, trying not to let his temper make an entrance into the conversation. He wanted to scream, I'm capable of making decisions on my own. But instead, "Do you know where I can find him or not?"

For a while, he thought the man wasn't going to answer. Then he gave a reluctant address, and reminded Hizumi to be careful.

Closing his phone, Hizumi realized he was tired of hearing that from people.

Then Zero was raising an eyebrow at him, waiting to be filled in. "He has an office not too far from here, so it shouldn't take long to walk. Yuusuke says he's usually there at night in case he's needed."

Zero tilted his head. "What if he's _not_ there?"

Hizumi shrugged. "Then I guess we break in and look around."

Zero watched him for a moment, then laughed. "Always more surprises with you."

Hizumi just smirked.

Blocks away, Morimoto's office sat peacefully, tucked in among closed shops and restaurants. A few lights were on, and Hizumi took that as a good sign. "Maybe we're in luck."

"That's if he knows anything." Zero frowned briefly at one of the windows, before following Hizumi around through the alley, to the back entrance.

Hizumi rang the buzzer, and stepped a little away from the door. One hand on his gun, because he wasn't sure what to expect. Beside him, Zero fidgeting, but efficiently hiding behind the boredom again.

Time passed, and no one came to answer. Hizumi buzzed a second time. "Okay, looks like we're going with Plan B."

Zero stepped over and gave the door a testing shove. "It's going to be hard to kick this thing in."

"I'm not kicking it." He smirked, pulling a small black pouch from his pocket. "They're Karyu's, he'll probably kick _me_ for taking them, but I'm glad I did."

Zero couldn't resist petting a hand over Hizumi's hair while he crouched in front of the door knob, working with the thin slices of metal. "He'll forgive you. He'll have to, when you solve this traitor shit."

The door popped open; Hizumi raised his head to Zero and smiled. "I like your optimism."

Zero shrugged, but faintly smiled back.

Everything was quiet inside, with the clean smells of antiseptic, something citrusy like floor wax. They were in a tidy waiting room, a few couches and chairs and a television dozing along the wall.

Passing through, Hizumi thought their footsteps were much too loud. No other sounds, except the soft whirr of the heating unit, and muted noises from outside. So he followed the beam of light from an open door.

The office was a complete disaster.

Paper, everywhere. White, pink, yellow, copy paper, files, scattered and crumpled over every inch of surface and floor. Hizumi's heart seemed to be trying to crawl out of his throat. Because he was quite sure that was blood on some of the papers.

Fresh, glistening blood.

"Zero, I think we might be too late." Stepping into the room, making himself breathe, making himself not scream, as he noticed the arm sticking out from behind the desk. "Oh shit, oh shit."

Bloody hand, wet blood, bright red lab coat sleeve.

Hizumi covered his mouth and turned around, but the room was empty. "Zero?" Had he not followed him inside?

Retracing his steps, carefully over the papers, not wanting to leave footprints or step in blood. Back into the hallway, where everything exploded into bright white pain.

Hizumi had a moment of recognizing the pain as coming from his head, and a figure standing in front of him, before he slipped unconscious.

+

There was a distant sound, like an insect persistently chirping, dragging Hizumi back into a world where every part of him seemed to ache.

His eyes barely opened, and saw his phone laying in front of him on an unfamiliar floor. The screen was lit up with Karyu's name, and Hizumi snatched it quickly, answering with a hello that came out as more of a groan.

"Hizumi! I've been calling for an hour, what the fuck are you doing?"

Hizumi thought his ears might be ringing too, with how distant Karyu sounded. "I'm sorry, I don't... I think someone hit me, I --" He sat upright then, ignoring the suffocating dizziness. "Zero! Oh shit, where is Zero?!" Trying not to panic....

"Hizumi, calm down, tell me what's going on."

"I don't know. We... we were in Doctor Moto-whatever's office, and he's dead. We found him. And I turned around and Zero was gone, so I went to look for him, and... someone must have knocked me out, and Karyu I don't know where I am, I don't see Zero either...."

Karyu also, trying not to panic. "Okay, Hizumi, listen to me. I want you to hang up, turn your ringer off but leave your phone on. I'm going to track you, and come get you."

Hizumi took a moment to think, to let the daze of his head calm down enough to focus. "No, no they already know I have a phone. It was lying out on the floor." Thoughts came crashing in then, causing another dizzying rush. "That means they don't care if you track me, that means this is a trap, and oh god Karyu don't come here!"

"I have to Hizumi, I'm not leaving you there."

"No! Karyu --" The line clicked, and Hizumi let out a frustrated scream.

It was a trap, and they were walking right into it.

"Fuck!" He turned his phone off anyway, but it was probably already too late. So the only thing he could do was find Zero, and get out of there, before Karyu and Tsukasa arrived.

Taking a slow breath, Hizumi assessed the room. It looked sterile, like an empty operating room, so he might still be in the clinic. There was nothing else on the floor around him, but a quick check revealed his gun was missing. Karyu's pouch was still in his pocket, which meant they didn't search his pants.

They were only after his weapons. That had to mean something.

Hizumi took another slow, steadying breath. In, out. Then he scooted the few feet toward the wall, and used it to help himself stand. Everything inside of him seemed to tangle in knots, as if he were upside down and being squeezed out through the top of his head.

But he was conscious, and that was enough.

Carefully, crossing the room, listening for any sounds, but all he could really hear was the buzzing in his own head. And the door was locked of course, but that was not a problem.

In the hall, he recognized the smell of antiseptic and lemons and relaxed somewhat. If he actually was in Morimoto's clinic, he knew how to get out. So he assessed the hall. Mostly open doors, and when he peered inside, they were all the same clean rooms like the one he had been in.

Passing them all quickly, because he had the worst feeling about the one with the closed door.

Unlocking that one was a little more difficult, his hands were shaking.

And he wasn't thinking about traps, he wasn't thinking that maybe there could be people inside waiting to shoot whoever opened the door, because as he knelt there in front of the lock, he could clearly see blood on the frame. A wide smear, feathery, as if it had been made by a very soft paint brush.

Or someone's hair.

It was another operating room, however much less sterile than the rest. Blood had splattered along the floor, smudged here and there, punctuated with larger smears and puddles. At the end of the trail, a wet, huddled shape that suddenly went blurry and vague.

All Hizumi could think was please, please don't be Zero.

He tried to dodge the blood, but it was mostly impossible. There was so much, so much.... Kneeling beside the crumpled, discarded form, he couldn't tell if they were still breathing.

But he recognized the black hoodie with the safety pins and silver studs.

"Oh fuck, Zero...." Gently touching his shoulder, where the material had been ripped, and he thought he heard a quiet gasp. "Zero, can you hear me?"

A sick, wet sound that must have been Zero trying to breathe. "Hizu.... Fuck, get out of here idiot."

"Not without you. Do you think you can get up?" It was a stupid question. All that blood.... The back of Zero's head was soaked in it.

"I can't feel my legs. Just fucking go, please." Reaching up with a bloody hand, finding Hizumi's where it rested on his shoulder. Zero lifted it up, and threw it off.

Hizumi grabbed the bloody hand instead. "You're the fucking idiot if you think I'm leaving you here."

He gave the hand a squeeze, then let go, trailing careful fingers down Zero's back. About halfway down, a fierce, swollen knot. He pulled up the layers of shirts. So many bruises, as if someone had been trying to break him in half.

Hizumi made a sound that could have been a sob, if he were paying enough attention to judge it. "What did they do to you?"

"Beat the shit out of me... obviously." Zero shivered then, a sharp, brief convulsion. Hizumi's arms were immediately around him. "Let go, I'm already dead, just... just _go_."

"Shut up." Hizumi tightened his hold, and let himself run through the options.

Zero's spine had obviously suffered damage, and it would be foolish to move him. Common sense said he should call for an ambulance, but what if the people who did this were still there? That would be putting innocent people at risk. Dead EMTs would do nothing for Zero. But this _was_ a clinic. Hizumi had seen gurneys here and there in rooms, he could get one, put Zero on it, risk worse damage but he would make it out alive....

But Zero was so cold, and there was so much blood. His hand pressed against Zero's chest, but the heartbeat beneath was so faint.... All logical thoughts crumbled, and everything crashed so heavily down, and Hizumi could do nothing but cry against Zero's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry."

Zero thought then, if he could move enough, he would finally punch Hizumi right out. Instead, he reached back and pressed his hand against the tears on Hizumi's face. "Don't you dare. I don't care that I'm dying like this. I always make my own choices, Hizumi. And I always know the consequences."

He kissed the chilled palm, and slid his hand up to Zero's cheek. Oh god, so much blood, like a fucking ocean.... "If I had kept walking --"

"Then I never would have had any of this. No regrets, Hizumi. Now, if you're not going to get your stupid ass out of here, hold me and let me die in peace." It was so Zero, Hizumi almost laughed. Almost, because he was crying too hard, holding him tight through another trembling convulsion.

When he stilled again, Hizumi forced himself to let go, forced himself to stand. "No. No, fuck you, I'm not letting you die like this." Rushing down the hall, trying to remember where he saw the gurneys.

The first one he found, he nearly yanked his arm out of socket trying to move it. "Fuck!" The goddamn wheel brakes. He kicked them loose and pulled the bed out the door. But there was nothing to use to support Zero's back, and Hizumi realized how foolish he was to think he could lift him on his own like that.

He would have to wait for Tsukasa and Karyu. There was no other choice.

So he left the bed in the corner, and curled up behind Zero, arms around him tight and protective. He could at least keep him warm, keep him from being alone.

Refusing to let him die.

+

The limousine rolled to a stop behind the clinic, in the quiet alley.

Tsukasa and Karyu were entirely alert, wearing goggles tuned to a light heat sensory overlay. Shapes in the building, but Tsukasa couldn't tell how many. "Looks like the front is clear. Can you count them?"

Karyu moved closer, guns ready. "Sort of. It looks like there's two moving around at the back, and I can see something on this end, but it's... like they're on the floor. It might be Hizumi and Zero."

Tsukasa had to state the obvious. "At least it means they're alive."

The door was still unlocked, and they entered silently, watching the shapes. They seemed to be busy in one room, moving around, back and forth. Perhaps looking for something.

Passing the disaster area that used to be Morimoto's office, Karyu let out a quiet whistle. "So Morimoto _was_ involved somehow. Hizumi had the right idea."

Tsukasa briefly glanced inside, enough to see the doctor's arm around the corner of the desk. "He usually does."

Moving on, past empty rooms, offices, storage areas. Unspoken agreement took them toward the motionless warmth. There was a very small chance that the two busy shapes could be Hizumi and Zero, stubbornly continuing their detective work, but he doubted it.

Hizumi at least would have had the sense to call them and tell them they were safe.

Down the hall with the sterile rooms, to the door smudged with blood. Karyu made a sound in his throat, something like a whimper, because there were two people in there, but only one had a strong heat pattern.

He instantly _hated_ himself for hoping that one was Hizumi.

Then quietly, "Hizu...."

And Hizumi immediately turned, very much alive. "Karyu. Karyu they fucked him up." Words broken and strained by tears and panic, but Karyu still understood. "They... He's bleeding to death, and his back... we have to get him out of here, we have to get him to the lab."

That part he didn't really understand, but he nodded, because time was short and questions could be asked later. "Okay, let's get him out. The fuckers are still here, but they're at the other end of the building."

Hizumi reached up and grabbed Karyu's jacket. "We have to _kill them_ for this."

"I know. We will." He detached the hand from his clothes and used it to pull Hizumi up from the floor. Caught him as he nearly fell.

Then Tsukasa, from the doorway, "Karyu, they're not moving anymore. They're standing very still."

"Oh. That's not good."

Everything sort of erupted then.

A door at the end of the hall flew open, and Tsukasa squeezed the trigger as bullets splattered into the wall behind him. One man fell, and Karyu's quick aim brought down the second. Stepping past Tsukasa, firing every last round into the two men on the ground, until there were nothing but clicks coming from his pistol.

"Fuckers. Mother _fuckers_." Crouching down beside them he realized, he didn't recognize either of them. "They're not ours! What the fuck is going on here?"

"Karyu!" Hizumi's startled yell made him turn, and his mind wasn't sure how to comprehend what he was seeing.

Hizumi with his arms around Tsukasa, Tsukasa with his hand over his mouth, blood dripping between his fingers....

"Fuck no, Tsu!" Not again, please not again.

Tsukasa coughed, and felt something in his chest go painfully tight. Blood in his throat and it was so hard to breathe. Hizumi passed him over to Karyu's waiting arms, and hurried back to grab the gurney.

Karyu was fumbling through his phone directory. "I don't know who to call. I don't know who we can trust."

"They could all be dead too. We're going to my father's lab, they'll take care of Tsukasa and Zero." Lowering the guard rail, reaching to help Karyu move Tsukasa to the bed, but Karyu was just staring at him.

"Hizumi...."

"I know what you're thinking, but we have to trust them. We can give them fake names. But we have to fucking hurry!" Because Tsukasa was going pale, and something wet rattled inside his chest with each breath. And Hizumi himself was going to pass out soon if his head did not stop throbbing.

Karyu swallowed all of his protests, and together they got Tsukasa and Zero settled on the bed, rolling it quickly out of the clinic. Getting them into the limousine was tricky, and Hizumi refused to think of what all the moving around was doing to Zero's spine.

He only let himself think, his father's people can make it right.

When the limousine was moving, Hizumi collapsed on the floor beside Karyu, curled into his warm arms, and pulled out his phone. Speed dial number three. "Doctor Tanaka Mariko, and please hurry."

Shifting around while he waited, petting through Karyu's hair, allowing himself only to focus on the fact that they were all still alive.

Finally, a woman's voice. "Doctor Tanaka speaking."

"Mariko-san, it's Hiroshi, Doctor Yoshida's son. I need your help."

"Anything. Are you in trouble?"

He was hit suddenly with tears again. The sound of her voice, and so many things from his lost childhood came rushing in at once.... "I need you to prepare two operations. One, he's been beaten, he's lost a lot of blood, and there's blunt-force trauma to his spine and head. He said he couldn't feel his legs. Two, he's been shot, I'm pretty sure it hit his lung. His breathing is stable, but weak."

Hizumi stopped and caught his breath, looked over at Tsukasa, at Zero, both unconscious and pale and much too still. "Mariko, you can't let them die."

"We will take care of them, Hiroshi-kun. Everything will be ready when you get here."

"Thank you." He snapped his phone closed, and stared at it. Smears of blood across the screen.

Karyu's arms were tight around him, but Hizumi noticed they were shaking. "You're sure about this...."

Hizumi nodded without hesitation. "My mother fell down the stairs once, when I was young. Snapped her neck, smashed part of her skull and there were fragments of it embedded in her brain. She didn't die, but she could have. Or she could have been paralyzed. But she wasn't. You know the treatment they use now for brain injuries? My father invented that. He used my mother as a case study, as proof that it worked, in order to get trials approved. She used to go around to hospitals, telling her story and inspiring all the injured patients to have hope."

Letting out a slow breath. "They will be okay."

Holding tight to Karyu, and Karyu holding tight to him, they both had to believe he was right.

+

Hizumi stood at the window, made of ordinary glass. Outside, the horizon beginning to lighten, the world cast in shades of blue.

Like rising up from deep waters, into the light.

But still so dark there, in his father's office, waiting for news.

Doctors had met the limo as it pulled up, quickly rushing Tsukasa and Zero inside, into the prepared rooms.

It had been difficult to let them go. Hizumi thought, if he let them out of his sight, he might never see either of them again. Foolish thoughts, but it was that kind of night.

It was Mariko who finally convinced him and Karyu to let the doctors take them, promising she would take good care of them both.

Now they could only wait.

Hizumi closed his eyes against the sunrise and leaned back into Karyu. Neither had been able to let go of each other for one moment, and Hizumi thought it might be the only thing keeping him from breaking apart.

He liked to think, he was holding Karyu together, too. Taking care of him, for when Tsukasa woke up.

But all he really wanted to do was curl up with him somewhere and cry, and scream, and confess how much he hated this sick fucking world.

But for Tsukasa, for Zero, he stood quietly at the window, as they held the pieces of each other together.

+

When the sun began to shine in, they moved to the couch.

When the shadow of the desk began to stretch across the floor, the door finally opened, and Mariko entered with two unfamiliar doctors. Hizumi and Karyu stood immediately.

Mariko was smiling. "I have very good news. We were able to repair your friend's lung, and with proper rehabilitation, it will go on to function normally."

Hizumi let out the breath he was holding, and Karyu squeezed him tight, making a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob.

"We will need to keep him sedated for a little while. But you can go see him, after we get him settled into a room. As for your other friend...." Mariko's smile began to fade, and Hizumi felt his heart skip. "I want to introduce you to Doctor Santos. He was your father's main partner in his research, so I'll let him talk to you."

One of the other doctors stepped forward. He was tall, European, and Hizumi thought he remembered him from photographs. "It's a pleasure to meet you Hiroshi, your father was one of my dearest friends."

Any other time, Hizumi would have been warmed by the words. All he could do then was nod. "And _my_ friend?"

Hesitantly, Santos began. "Your friend has... suffered... tremendously. Whoever did that to him...." He shook his head, wiped a hand across his face. "There is much to mend, but we are using the procedures your father perfected. You remember, your mother...."

"My mother turned out fine."

Santos, slowly nodding. "However, the procedures are difficult, and take time. I ask that you have patience. I also feel you should know... your friend lost a large amount of blood. We have had to revive him twice. His heart... it keeps trying to give up."

Hizumi was aware of being suddenly dizzy, upside down again, and Karyu's arms holding him tighter. "You can't let him die."

"We are doing everything we can, Hiroshi. And I understand that you are here with secrets, but if we could contact his regular physician --"

"I'll get his records if that's what you need. We can't have anyone know we're here, Doctor Santos. _Anyone_."

The man's lips thinned, and it was clear he did not approve, but he nodded. "Very well. Get me what you can on both of them." He turned to leave. "I'll see if your other friend is ready for you to visit."

When they were alone again, Hizumi dropped onto the couch, hid in his hands and tried not to cry. Karyu quietly whispering, "He'll be okay. You're not going to lose him."

Hizumi completely broke then. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I didn't... Zero... Tsukasa... It's all my fault. And I could have lost you, too."

"It's not your fault, none of this is your fault. Weren't you telling Tsukasa the same thing? We can't make ourselves responsible for the things other people do."

"But if I had stayed home, if I had not gone to find Morimoto...."

Hizumi was shaking his head, but Karyu caught his chin, held it still. "Let me tell you something I've learned, Hizumi. There's no place in life for regrets. We make our decisions, we do what we feel is right, and sometimes things go wrong. When I was younger than you, I swore to Tsukasa that I would protect him, no matter what the cost. And I used to spend every day recounting all the times I was almost too late, and all the times my choices led him into trouble. This life we live... maybe there are no right choices. Maybe everything we do is going to get Tsukasa shot, get our friends hurt."

Hizumi thought then, he'd never seen Karyu look so lost. "So what do we do?"

"We carry on. We hold them while they heal, and we never look back. Because if we let ourselves get lost in regret, then we forget our purpose. Then those choices we made become pointless. Do you see? You went out looking for Morimoto for a reason, and you found him, and now we have some information we would not have if you hadn't looked. So we have to use that information, use it to move forward, or Tsukasa, Zero, it's all meaningless."

Hizumi drew a slow breath, searching for the calm he knew was there, somewhere. Let Karyu's words sink in, because he was right.

The next breath came a little easier. "Okay. So we need to find out who those guys were, and how they relate to everything else. If we knew what they were looking for in Morimoto's office...."

Karyu barely smiled, and drifted a hand through Hizumi's hair. He knew, all he had to do was shift him back into detective mode, get him thinking again. "I'll call Yuusuke, send him over there to look."

"You _really_ trust Yuusuke?"

"I do. He's more than he seems, but I'll need his permission to tell you about that." Hizumi made a "psh" sort of noise, and Karyu barely laughed. Taking out his phone, dialing and waiting.

Beside him, Hizumi shifted around until he was sitting properly on the couch, hand locked tight in Karyu's.

Then Yuusuke's rushed voice. "Karyu, what the hell is going on? Why aren't either of you answering your phones?"

"I had to turn them off. Some shit went down, and... I don't really have time to explain. Morimoto's dead, we didn't kill him, but the guys who probably did are still lying dead in his clinic. They were looking for something. And they're not ours."

"Shit." Yuusuke exhaled, and Karyu could hear him moving things around. "Okay, I'm on it, I'll call you when I find anything out."

"Oh and see if you can find Hizumi's gun, they took it from him and I'm sure he wants it back."

"They... what? No, wait, tell me later. If you start, I'll keep asking questions. Anything else?"

Karyu smirked. Everyone and their questions. "No that's it, just be careful."

Unexpectedly, Hizumi laughed. "Be careful." But then it wasn't so much laughing as crying, because he'd never heard such useless, wasteful words in his entire life.

+

More eternities passed before they were allowed to see Tsukasa.

They were keeping him sedated, keeping him on a ventilator until they were confident that his lung would remain stable.

It was the sight of the tube snaking out of his mouth that finally broke Karyu.

Nearly collapsing, only the edge of the bed and Hizumi's tight hold keeping him up. The sobs that tore through him were silent, but it felt as if everything inside of him was trying to come out, as if there was some painful center core ripping away.

He was supposed to keep him safe. Supposed to protect him.

Oh Tsu, I'm _sorry_....

"He's going to be okay." But Hizumi's voice cracked, and Karyu made a choked sound that tried to be words and failed, and Hizumi wondered if anything would ever be okay again.

He thought about what Karyu said. Everything we do, every choice we make, we can't always keep the people we care about from being hurt.

Watching Karyu trace over Tsukasa's closed eyelids with a trembling hand, he wished again that he could hide them all away somewhere, so the world could never touch them.

From the very beginning, Karyu had felt the same way about Tsukasa. From the first time he saw him bleed, saw him bruised from a fight with an older boy in the hallway, Karyu had thought of nothing but keeping him safe.

It had been an immediate response, pounding that older boy into the ground, smashing out his teeth on the soccer field. Telling him, if he ever so much as _looked_ at Oota Kenji again, he would rip out his eyes. And he had _meant it_.

Following the line of Tsukasa's cheekbone, refusing to let his own eyes see that horrible tube, he almost wished those two men from the clinic were still alive, so he could kill them again.

Slowly.

Karyu drew a hitching breath, and leaned to press his ear against Tsukasa's chest. Calmed by the steady, reassuring beat of his heart. He knew now, all he could do was uncover each and every one of their secrets, find out who they were, and solve this mystery. This traitor bullshit.

Expose them and tear them apart with his bare fucking hands.

Then Hizumi was moving around beside him -- he hadn't noticed when he left. But he was back with chairs, and bottles of water, pushing one into Karyu's hand as he pushed Karyu into sitting down. "Tsukasa's going to need us to be strong. He won't approve of you blubbering over him like an old widow."

That got a laugh out of Karyu. Quiet, strained, but there. "He does hate to be fussed over."

Hizumi smiled, and moved his chair so he could still lean against Karyu. Still in pieces, but trying to keep them together. "I sort of got that impression."

Barely, Karyu smiled back. "The first time he got shot, it was his leg. No major arteries, through and through, no big deal. It hurt like a bastard, but he was tough, using his jacket to bind it up, and a broken step ladder as a crutch. Me however, I was screaming like a little girl the whole time." Of course, Hizumi, laughing at this. "He finally smacked me in the face and told me to shut up, that nothing useful comes of being hysterical. That's when I smacked him back and told him I loved him, and I could get hysterical if I fucking well pleased."

His smile then, as he looked back to Tsukasa, was so tender, so much in love, that Hizumi was hit again with how fortunate the two of them really were.

Then Karyu reached back, and found Hizumi's hand where it rested on the arm of the chair. "I guess he had a point though. But I still freak out every time he so much as cuts himself shaving."

Privately, secretly, Hizumi had to admit to thinking overprotective Karyu was rather adorable. "He freaks out about you too, you know." Karyu glanced up. "The whole thing that bothered him about the traitor, is that you could have been shot with the H-9s. More than anything, he's afraid of losing you."

Fresh tears on Karyu's face, as he looked back to Tsukasa. As he leaned forward and laid his head on the pillow beside him. Thinking of how he screamed and cried like a little fucking girl that night.

And how Tsukasa had kissed him, and told him he loved him too.

+

Mariko brought in a second bed, told them to get some sleep.

It would still be a few hours before they tried taking Tsukasa off the ventilator, and Zero would be in surgery for a while longer.

So they pushed the bed against Tsukasa's and slept as close as the mess of tubes and wires would allow.

+

Afternoon was already creeping in, when Mariko woke them with the news that they were removing the tube from Tsukasa's throat.

Watching nervously, but so far, he was breathing on his own just fine.

Karyu nearly jumping out of his skin, impatient as the doctors injected the chemicals into Tsukasa's IV that would allow him to wake up. Fidgeting with a lock of his hair, hoping the sensation might draw him out of sleep, give him something of reality to grasp.

Hizumi had to ask, before the doctors left. "My other friend?"

One of the doctors nodded, and the gesture seemed confident. "He is doing better. Surgery is almost complete, Santos will give you an update soon. But we're going to suggest again, please consider getting in touch with his family."

Hizumi's nod was distracted. Relief, flooding through him like warm water. "I'll let him call them himself." It was his way of saying, he would accept nothing less than Zero's full recovery.

Then Tsukasa was beginning to squirm, and Karyu leaned down to whisper in his ear. Quiet words to lead him home. And the most wonderful laugh broke out of him when Tsukasa's eyes flickered open.

Immediately closing again, as he found himself with an armful of Karyu, climbing right onto the bed with him. Holding tightly, but still so careful. Then Tsukasa's hands were rushing over him, searching, feeling for bandages, scabs.... "Karyu, tell me you were not hurt."

"I'm okay. Hizumi has a nasty bump on the back of his head, but he's okay too. But you...." One hand slipped down to the padding of gauze over Tsukasa's ribs, wanting desperately to rip them away, to bite at the wound until it was _his_.... "I'm tired of these fucking close calls."

Tsukasa sighed at that. "Me too." Reaching for Hizumi then, because he remembered something. "Zero. Tell me Zero made it."

"He did, he's... still in surgery." Hizumi's voice slipped. "They really fucked him up."

Tsukasa pressed a hand against Hizumi's cheek. "And how does this fit into your theories?"

Hizumi laughed then, a tired sound, and he shook his head. "It doesn't. Why would they beat the shit out of Zero, and not me? And who were they, and what were they looking for? All I have are more questions."

Tsukasa smiled. "You'll find the answers." Hizumi was good like that. "But first, maybe you should tell me everything that happened, and I'll try not to be pissed at you for running off in the middle of the fucking night."

Well, Hizumi was expecting it at some point.

He made his explanations without apologies. Just facts, and theories, and observations. The way the office had been torn to pieces, and the men had not been Black Death after all. He remembered, Yuusuke had been sent to investigate, but had not yet reported back.

Karyu distracted himself then with sending a brief text, and hoped he was just taking his time.

But before there could be a response, Mariko was leaning in the door, smiling brightly at the sight of Tsukasa awake. "How is my patient?"

Tsukasa indulged her with a smile of his own. "Fine, thank you." His mind wandering then, he would have to make a generous donation to the lab, it was the least he could do.

Mariko nodded, and bowed. "I'm very glad. We'll be checking up soon, but... right now I thought Hiroshi-kun might like to come visit his other friend."

Hizumi perked at that, yet suddenly nervous all over again. Karyu gave him a couple of shoves toward the door. But then changed his mind and stood up after him, catching him in a tight supportive hug. Whispering, so the doctor couldn't hear. "Bring him back to us, Hizu. And I'll call you if I hear from Yuusuke."

He might have cared what Mariko heard, but he didn't care what she saw, so he leaned up and kissed Karyu, as if it were somehow a confirmation that everything really was going to be okay. Then his own quiet whisper, "Give Tsukasa one of those for me."

Karyu laughed, and it was the best sound in the world.

Hizumi let Mariko lead him to Zero, to the operating room, where Santos was still tidying up. He looked tired, and Hizumi felt vaguely guilty for throwing this on him, on Mariko and the other doctors. "I'm sorry about all of this, Doctor Santos. I know how busy you are around here, but... there was nowhere else we could go."

The man shook his head, and closed a metal drawer. "Don't apologize. We are doctors, this is what we do. But I hope soon we can have a proper conversation about this. Your father would expect an explanation from you."

Hizumi sighed. Still standing a frustrating distance away from Zero, but somehow afraid of moving any closer. "I know, and I'll tell you everything I can, later. Things are very... precarious... right now."

"I may not approve, but I understand." His voice was gentle, as he made his way to the door. "This job, it is full of secrets. We have no right to force anyone else to tell theirs."

He left then, and there was nothing else to distract him from the quiet form on the bed, the softly beeping monitors. Hizumi drew a slow breath and moved toward him, finally close enough to find Zero's hand where it lay under the blankets. Still so cold. "Zero.... Zero, can you hear me?"

They had him lying on his side, supported with pillows and rolled towels. Hizumi had to look. Bandages low on his back, surrounded by bruises glowing in the sharp light. Bruises _everywhere_.

It reminded him of that first fight with Karyu, except so much worse.

Because the back of his head was shaved and bandaged, and Karyu had never bashed in his skull like that, never tried to kill him.

Truth sinking in then, colder than ice. How close he came to losing this fearless, wonderful boy.

Hizumi felt heavy with tears again, and he touched the lines of gauze and tape, over Zero's bruised cheek, the raw scabs on his lip. So carefully, moving to kiss one small space on his jaw where the bruises were light. "Come back to me, Zero. I know you have this stupid idea of some big heroic death, but I finally got you, and I'm not ready to let you go."

Only the quiet beeping in response. But each little sound the monitors made, it was as if they were saying, still alive, still alive, still alive.

Hizumi thought, maybe sometimes that was all that really mattered.


	8. Chapter 8

VIII · Ischemia

 

Hizumi was aware of sounds, more than anything else.

The light murmur of the television some lab guy brought in for them, the steady beeping of Zero's monitors, the louder crunch of Karyu eating chips from the break room. Perhaps it was because his mind was too busy to let his eyes focus on anything.

But when they did, they fell inevitably on the unconscious form of Zero, lying in the other bed.

Close enough to reach, but light years away.

He convinced the doctors to put him in the same room as Tsukasa, so they could all be together, and Hizumi wouldn't have to divide his time between them. This way, he could keep an eye on both.

And Karyu. Who seemed somehow just as damaged, but without the benefit of external wounds to mend.

Hizumi wondered if he really saw the television, as he sat there watching it, eating his chips because Tsukasa told him to. Tsukasa, who was half awake, half asleep. That awkward limbo provided by a steady supply of pain medication.

But he could tell Tsukasa was paying attention to the news, and he knew exactly why.

Morimoto had been a prominent Tokyo doctor, his death would be mentioned at some point. His death would be a big deal.

So far, only wrecks on the highway, some woman trying to commit suicide on the subway tracks again, and a cheerful winter weather forecast that made Hizumi cold to think about.

Finally, he had to say something. "Do you think he's been found yet?"

Tsukasa did not even pretend to not know what he was talking about. "He should have. He would have had clients coming in, finding the door kicked open. Someone would have called the police."

Hizumi was a little confused by the look Tsukasa shared with Karyu, but left it alone. "Maybe they've already reported it, and we missed it." He wasn't sure why it mattered, he knew what happened, he was fucking _there_ when it happened.

But he was thinking about the two other bodies, about the lack of contact from Yuusuke, or Azaki. Especially Azaki.

Karyu offered him a chip from the dwindling bag, and he chewed on it as the suspicions chewed on him. If Azaki was Tsukasa's general, as he liked to put it, shouldn't he be in contact? Shouldn't he be finding things out, reporting to Tsukasa, or at least Karyu, instead of this cold, nerve-wracking silence?

Hizumi sighed, louder than most other things in the room, and fell back against the pillows. Staring at the ceiling his eyes were not seeing.

Then Karyu's face taking his attention. "What is it?"

Hizumi reached up to touch him, because he could. "I can't figure anything out."

Karyu laughed, and this wasn't much of a surprise. " _You_? Did that bump on your head knock you silly?"

His expression skewed, and he felt more like pinching, than touching. So he gripped Karyu's cheek and shook it. Which made him laugh again. "I'm trying to remember the last time we got any information from Azaki."

Tsukasa, sounding much too tired. "The last few times we spoke, he's had nothing to report. The last time I talked to him was... two nights ago, I believe. He hasn't called since, and he hasn't returned mine, either."

"Exactly." Hizumi nodded, and Karyu made some kind of unhappy growling sound that expressed everything Hizumi was feeling. "And that's a little strange, isn't it?"

Tsukasa's eyes closed. "I wonder if they got him, too." He looked so pained then, so sad, that Hizumi had to scoot sort of behind Karyu and across the pillows to find his hand.

"I'll go out tomorrow and look for him. I'll check his house, his --" Tsukasa was shaking his head. "What?"

"You're not going anywhere, Hizumi."

"What? No, I have to, I --"

"No." Karyu, that time. And when Hizumi opened his mouth for another protest, Karyu took him by the shoulders, and turned him to face Zero. "That's what happened last time you ran off. You're not being careful, and we're running out of consequences."

Hizumi's vision failed again, blurry, as the tears came so quickly he couldn't stop them. "I didn't mean for this to happen, you _know_ I didn't!" Angry then, and he couldn't stop that, either. Sitting up and mocking Karyu's actions, turning him to face Tsukasa. "You were careful, weren't you? And look what fucking happened anyway."

It was cruel, and Karyu turned on him as if he might hit him. Maybe Hizumi wanted him to. That beautiful snarl on his face, all pain and rage and yes, also guilt. "Fuck you, Hizumi."

"No fuck _you_ , Karyu. This isn't all my fault. And someone needs to be out there looking for Azaki and Yuusuke!"

"And what, get yourself killed?! Get Tsukasa killed when he comes running to save your fucking careless ass?!"

"If the two of you do not shut up, right now, I'm going to kill you _both_."

Tsukasa's quiet words made them stop, made them ashamed. Hands had been tight on shoulders, fisted in shirts, and they let go. Karyu looked down at the blanket, Hizumi turned to Zero. Anything but each other.

Tsukasa sighed, and it sounded far too strained. "We can't do this, we can't tear each other apart over what we cannot change. But it stands, no one is to leave here until we know what's going on. We are not to walk blindly into another unknown and dangerous situation. Do both of you understand?"

Karyu nodded, and Hizumi felt as if he should say something as official as "yes sir", but instead he only shrugged. "I understand, but I don't like it."

"I don't care if you like it."

And that was the end of that.

Tsukasa's final words seemed to echo, as those small sounds crept in again. The television, talking about the Space Station and some new discovery on Jupiter. Soft, steady beeping of Zero's monitors. Karyu finishing the last of his chips, but the crunches sounded angry still.

Hizumi wished he had something to crunch, something to take it all out on.

But he didn't want to take it out on Karyu. So he sat up, and leaned forward against his shoulder, and let the gesture say everything he couldn't.

The night continued on.

+

Noises in the room, voices, and Hizumi woke with his face pressed against Karyu's back. Mariko and another doctor were checking up on Tsukasa, and another seemed to be transferring information from Zero's monitor onto a handheld.

This one, Hizumi turned to. "Do you know when he's going to wake up?"

The man shook his head. "Sometimes it's days, sometimes it's weeks. But the damage is minimal, so I would say, no more than a week."

A week. A week seemed like forever. But then the doctor was heading for the door, and Hizumi had to accept that this was one question he wasn't going to get a real answer to.

Turning over, he reached to pet through Zero's hair, in case he might be able to feel it. More than anything, he just wanted Zero to know he was there.

Then Mariko and the other doctor were leaving, and she paused in the doorway. "You have to call his parents, Hiroshi."

"I know. I will, today." That satisfied her, and the door closed. Immediately the news came on again.

Still grasping for information.

Karyu slipped up behind him, touching the arm that stretched across the space between beds. "What are you going to tell them?"

Hizumi sighed. "I'll use Zero's phone, send a text, say he's doing something with friends for the week. It's not unusual, he disappears a lot. But if I tell them what happened, they're going to want to come here, and that puts them at risk. This way, they're safe."

Karyu, nodding against his shoulder. "I think Zero would be okay with that."

And neither wanted to say, the fewer people who knew where Tsukasa was, the better.

Everything these days came down to paranoia.

Then the volume of the television got louder. Morimoto's name made them both sit up. Tsukasa also, sitting up. All of them waiting.

"...Firemen were called to his office early Monday morning, and found it entirely in flames. Hours later, there were calls to the offices of Doctors Hayashi and Suzuki, on opposite sides of the city, also engulfed in flames. The buildings are a total loss, and no one knows yet if the bodies found inside belong to the missing doctors. More details will be given as we become aware of them. Meanwhile, the woman who jumped onto the tracks of --"

Tsukasa muted the television. Only then, the beeping monitors, and Karyu's slow exhale. "So that's... that's all of them. They're all dead."

Tsukasa wanted to hit something. "I don't understand what's going on. First Ren, then Chiku, now this.... What is the purpose? If they're trying to break down the Black Death, this is an inefficient way of doing so."

Karyu stole his hand from the remote, before he squeezed it to death. "I don't see where Chiku fits in. Ren was our main gun man, take out Ren, create a weakness in our defenses. Take out our doctors, we have no one to go to when we're wounded, which means Deathers will be going to different doctors, and risk more exposure. But Chiku... he chopped cars. Like a dozen other boys."

Hizumi squirmed, because his head was spinning again. "Do you think he could have stumbled onto something he shouldn't have?"

"It's possible." Tsukasa let out a sigh. Then he picked up his phone, and dialed Azaki again. "What I really want to know, is who those men were in the clinic." Waiting, as it rang, and went to voice mail. Frustrated, he hung up without leaving a message. "And I'm afraid we may have to consider Azaki either dead, or compromised. Yuusuke as well."

Karyu watched the muted television for a while, the same stories as the night before. "There isn't anyone we can trust now, is there."

Tsukasa, shaking his head. "It's just us."

And it was going to be a cold, cold winter.

+

It was precisely five days later when Zero began to wake up.

Slowly, as if crawling out of a deep, dark hole.

Out of a grave.

He must have been dreaming, because everything before the moment where he opened his eyes felt fluid, unstable. And now things were finally becoming static, becoming real.

The quiet sound of rain against the window was soothing, and his eyes came to focus on the sleeping form of Hizumi, not too far away. Zero exhaled the breath he was holding, relieved because it meant Hizumi had survived. It meant his plan had worked.

With a smile made crooked by something uncomfortable and heavy on one side of his face, he reached across the bed, ignoring the ache in his bones, and touched Hizumi's face.

Instant reaction, tired eyes snapped open, and grew wide. "Zero!" A rushed whisper, and Hizumi stole the hand from his cheek. Holding tight, with the irrational fear that he might still be asleep if he let go. "Do you feel okay?"

Zero sort of shrugged. "I hurt all over, but it's not so bad. You're okay though, right?"

Hizumi nodded quickly. "Bump on my head where they hit me, but that's it. Why... why did they do this to you, do you know?"

Zero rolled his eyes, and Hizumi wasn't sure if he looked amused, or annoyed. "They were trying to get information about Tsukasa. They thought I was you, and kept asking things like, who is Tsukasa, what is his real name." A quiet snort. "Idiots."

But Hizumi was caught in a loop, cold and suddenly miserable, replaying those few words.

_They thought I was you._

He swallowed past the tightness in his throat, and pulled at Zero's hand. "And they didn't believe you when you said you weren't me? Because I don't understand, why did they not --"

"I didn't tell them."

And the cold inside Hizumi splintered into open wounds. "What?"

"I let them think I was Hizumi, and refused to answer any of their questions about Tsukasa." Another halfway shrug. "I said you were some new recruit and didn't know anything."

Hizumi's vision began to blur again. "But Zero... they... they could have killed you. You almost died!" _Did_ die, technically, but he wasn't going to say that.

Zero closed his eyes then, because he didn't want to see Hizumi's reaction. "Why didn't you fucking let me?"

But he wasn't going to escape that easily. Hizumi leaned across the space between beds, fingers tight in Zero's hospital gown, pulling him forward to get his attention. "How can you even think that I would let you die?"

With his eyes still closed, the response was simply another infuriating shrug.

Hizumi understood then, and it felt like the sudden loss of gravity. He let go of Zero, moved back to his own space. Feeling Karyu starting to move around behind him, waking up.

For a moment, he hoped he might wake up too.

Closing his eyes, opening them again, but nothing was any different.

"You wanted to."

Zero smirked, and it had never looked so bitter. "Seemed like a good way to go."

Hizumi was unable to think anymore, unable to make sense. As if he were somehow outside of himself, watching his body sit up, climb off the bed, slip into his boots, and walk out of the room. As if it were a vivid movie, listening to the untied laces click and drag across the tile floor.

He had no idea where he was going, but the hallway ended in a glass door that led out to the balcony, and there wasn't really anywhere to go after that. So he stood at the railing, sheltered from the rain, but still feeling a little bit underwater.

Because Zero had nearly died because of him. Not his recklessness, but because he wanted to. Because he somehow thought it was a good idea to pretend to _be_ him, so a couple of thugs could beat him to death.

Hizumi felt concrete bite into his knees, and vaguely realized he wasn't standing anymore. Not that it mattered. Everything was falling apart anyway.

Then footsteps, and the fabric rustle of someone sitting down beside him. Long legs stretching into his field of vision. Karyu. "Everything okay?"

Hizumi laughed, a harsh, defeated sound. "Sure. Everything's superb."

A warm arm settled around his shoulders, and Hizumi didn't really feel like he deserved that. "He'll wake up soon. Then together, the four of us, we'll make a plan, and --"

"He's already awake, didn't he say anything to you?"

"Zero? He's awake? Then what...." What was Hizumi doing sulking out on the balcony, but that didn't need to be said.

"He wanted to die, Karyu. And it was all because of me, they thought he was me, and were asking questions about Tsukasa. And he didn't tell them anything, so they...." Hizumi shook his head. "It should have been me, bleeding to death in that room."

Karyu wasn't sure what to say, wasn't sure how to process the information. He wanted to tell Hizumi he was glad it wasn't him, but really didn't know how to make that not sound insensitive.

So he tried to channel a little bit of Tsukasa, and say something logical. "So you think, if Zero had said 'wait, I'm not Hizumi, that other guy is Hizumi', you think they would have stopped beating him? Or do you think, it would have been both of you, bleeding to death? Because that's kind of how I see it happening."

"I don't care. This... it isn't right, that's all."

"A lot of things aren't right, Hizumi. I should have been the one standing in that doorway, getting shot in the chest. But I wasn't, it was Tsukasa. And maybe you should have been the one interrogated and beaten, but you weren't, it was Zero, and we... we can't change these things."

Hizumi sighed, and he realized then how cold he was. "You keep saying that. And maybe you're right, but... it doesn't change that Zero wishes I'd let him die, and I don't know what to do about that."

Karyu tugged at him, waited until he looked up from the rain. "Maybe that's the one thing you _can_ change, Hizumi." He didn't feel like waiting for a response though. He stood up, and tugged at him again. "We should probably get inside. If Tsukasa wakes up and we're gone, he'll have a fit."

Hizumi snorted, and dusted off his pants. "He really is bitchy when he's injured."

Karyu laughed and held the door open. "You should see him when _I'm_ injured. You think this is bad...."

Slipping into the warm building, Hizumi caught Karyu's hand. "Then we'll have to make sure you don't get injured. Because if he gets any worse, I might have to smother him with a pillow."

Karyu laughed, then let it out in a sigh. "I think once we're able to get out of here, he'll be okay. He hates this as much as you do. Not knowing anything, not able to get out and have questions answered. This feels too much like hiding."

"It does, and now that Zero's awake, I... I need to go, I need to do something, anything."

Of course, Karyu shook his head. "You're not leaving on your own."

But there was the door to the room, and Tsukasa was awake, Zero was not, or at least pretending he was not, and Hizumi was spared having to make promises he did not intend to keep.

+

Hours passed like some surreal experiment.

Karyu and Tsukasa huddled together in Tsukasa's bed, whispering. The television constantly replaying the woman jumping off the platform. Zero pretending to be asleep, but Hizumi could catch him watching him, if he let his own eyes close.

Squinting them open, just barely. Watching Zero look up... then close his eyes again when Hizumi's lids so much as twitched.

Perhaps it was some sadistic game. Something to pass the time, since no one was talking about the things that needed to be talked about.

Finally Hizumi grew tired of it, rolled over and drifted one hand into what was left of Zero's hair. "Stop hiding from me."

Zero's quiet response, "Who said I was hiding?"

Hizumi sighed, and that wide distance between them was much too symbolic, so he crawled over the rails into Zero's bed. Carefully, oh so carefully.

And Zero rolled his eyes and moved his arms out of the way, because he'd been expecting this. Expecting Hizumi to shove right into his personal space, poke himself right through all the cracks in his walls, which was exactly why he'd been pretending to sleep all day.

He did not want to talk about this. And he knew, Hizumi liked to talk.

Following his own train of thought, Zero blurted it out. "You're such a girl, Hizumi."

Hizumi laughed, entirely lost. "What?"

"You're expecting me to talk, right? That if I can't get any sleep around here, I might as well tell you why I don't care if I die, and spill all my pathetic little guts, right?"

Hizumi's humor sort of bled out, and he was left staring at the lack of expression on Zero's face. The way he refused to look at him.

Hizumi sighed, and let one arm settle around Zero's waist, because there was nowhere else to put it. "I don't expect anything, Zero. But you've been unconscious for a week, and I'm tired of watching you sleep."

One of Zero's eyebrows went up, and despite the sutures crimping the skin, he almost looked amused. "Do I really need to comment on that?"

Okay, Hizumi laughed. He wanted to smack him, but had no idea where the bruises ended. "You know what I mean, dirty mind."

"You're the one that said it." But Zero smiled, and shifted his head a little closer to Hizumi's on the pillow. "I'm surprised you're even here, anyway. Thought you'd be out playing detective again."

Hizumi made a quiet, irritated sound. Then answered much louder than was necessary. "I wanted to, but Tsukasa wouldn't let me."

Laughter from the far bed, and a snort from Tsukasa. "If you keep it up, Hizumi, I'll get the doctors to sedate you."

Hizumi smirked. "I doubt they'd do it."

"Oh, you'd be amazed what money can convince people to do."

"No I wouldn't. I still doubt they'd do it though."

Zero had to speak up. "Sounds like a dare, Tsukasa."

"Hmm, that it does...." Tsukasa sounded so contemplative, so considering, that Hizumi had to laugh.

Rolling over, to see that plotting smile he knew was there. "No, Tsukasa. No bribing the lab people."

Tsukasa looked much too amused. "Then I suppose you better make the promise you've been avoiding."

"Fuck." Hizumi rolled back over. Zero was raising eyebrows at him again. "What?"

He shrugged. "Nothing." Thinking maybe, he knew Hizumi too well. So he whispered as quietly as possible. "Wait until I can move, I'll sneak out with you." His smile then, completely dangerous.

Hizumi laughed under his breath. "We're bad for each other, you know."

"Terrible." But he looked so content, with his eyes closing, and his smile settling into something less twisted and more gentle.

Hizumi sighed, speaking quietly again. "That's why I can't let you die." He thought of what Karyu said, about how maybe this was something he could change, something he could make a difference about.

So he leaned over and kissed him.

Gently, because the sharp taste of blood and antiseptic, medicine and chemicals, the unfamiliar texture of suture glue on the inside of Zero's lip, they were all harsh reminders of how thoroughly broken he really was.

But then Zero made a frustrated sound deep in his throat, and the awkward braces on his back kept him from moving the way he wanted to move, so he grabbed the front of Hizumi's shirt and pulled him closer.

And Hizumi forgot then about being gentle. Kissing him harder, rough and intense, because there were four years to make up for.

Four years of watching that crazy, wild, pretty boy at the back of the class. Almost hating him, because he wanted to be like him so badly. Because he _wanted him_ , even more than that.

Four years of not knowing that boy was watching him, too.

And the way Zero's tongue curled against his, so hot and unrestrained, it was exactly the way he thought it would. The way he shivered and pressed closer, when Hizumi's hand slipped past the edge of his gown, scratched at the bare skin along one undamaged shoulder blade.

Barely hearing the light clink of metal as Zero fought the braces, trying to squirm, trying to get closer. Hands sliding beneath Hizumi's shirt, over the warm skin of his stomach to make him gasp. Teasing lower, and the metal made a louder, grinding sound that made Zero pull back from the kiss, enough to mumble "fucking brace fucking bastard".

Because Hizumi was not nearly close enough to make up for those four frustrating years....

Then of course, Hizumi was laughing. And Zero had to laugh too, which entirely ruined the kissing. "Fuck. Shut up, it's not funny."

"Except that it kind of is." Hizumi grinned, and before Zero could make one of his protests, kissed him again. Slower this time, while his hand slipped down over metal and bandages, under the layers of blankets and past the stitched-up curve of his hip.

The sound Zero made then was beautiful and almost pleading, biting hard at Hizumi's upper lip, and the combination was enough to make Hizumi dizzy.

Though before he could really take time to enjoy it, there was another sound, from some other planet perhaps. A squawked and horrified "Oh! Sorry, sorry!", followed by the immediate laughter of Karyu and Tsukasa.

Hizumi jerked back in time to see the door closing, and he became aware then of how painfully fast Zero's monitor was beeping, and the conclusion was rather obvious. "Please tell me that wasn't Mariko."

Karyu looked absolutely breathless, he was laughing so hard. "No, it was that lab girl who always brings the medicine."

"What, the same one who walked in on you two yesterday?" Hizumi laughed. "That poor girl, we'll scar her for life at this rate."

Tsukasa looked actually quite smug. "Perhaps she'll learn to knock first."

Hizumi thought, he probably wouldn't have heard her knocking anyway, but decided it best not to say that. One glance at Zero's amused expression, and he figured he was thinking the same. Something about this made him warm, in a way that he hadn't been warm in days.

So he dared one more small kiss, before removing his arm from beneath the covers. Zero's disappointed huff was cute, but Hizumi crawled off the bed anyway, adjusting the blankets around him. "I might as well go see if I can bribe someone to get dinner for us." Because if he stayed, he would be right back in bed, under the blankets instead.

And despite his boldness before, he wasn't really ready for that with Zero.

As desperately as he wanted it, there was still Tsukasa and Karyu. And Karyu's vague suggestion of cheering him up wasn't really enough to qualify as permission.

But as he left the room with a list of crazy food requests, all he could think about was how _right_ Zero's mouth felt against his, and he knew he'd do anything to keep that boy alive.

+

The news was on again, but it didn't really seem important anymore.

There was nothing else mentioned about the three doctors, and the suicide woman at some point died in the hospital, and everything was too fucking depressing for Hizumi to want to listen to.

Besides, he had his own tragedy, lying quietly beside him.

Curled up warm in his arms, for that matter. Sleeping, because the fingers that had been twisting at his hair were finally still, and the brace was no longer complaining about the way he would not quit squirming.

Zero was restless; none of them could blame him. And the doctors said the brace could come off in a couple of days, if the scans continued to show improvement.

So Hizumi felt relieved, but two days was still a long time when one could not even get up to use the bathroom on their own.

But two days was better than death, or paralysis, and Hizumi was glad Zero could use the bathroom at all. Not that he would say that. It sounded a little ridiculous even in his own head.

Then sounds behind him, more complaining metal as Karyu climbed from Tsukasa's bed to the center one, and right over to Hizumi.

He had an absurd moment of thinking, everything in this lab was going to be glad when they were gone.

And then he realized, he was probably getting cabin fever already, and he needed to get out of there soon, for everyone's sake.

"How is he doing?" Karyu settled against Hizumi's back -- the beds were all snug against each other now -- and reached around to find Hizumi's hand.

"He's okay. Or, he says anyway. He's Zero."

Karyu quietly laughed. "What did I say about all of us being stubborn?"

Hizumi smiled, and leaned his head over enough that Karyu could see it. "At least we all match."

Silent for a moment, while his fingers locked in with Karyu's.

"I was thinking again, and don't say 'uh-oh'...." Of course, Karyu snickered. "We can't get in touch with Azaki, but Azaki's just one part of the chain, isn't he? Why can't we call the four leaders, and find out what's happening in the main body of the Death that way?"

Karyu said nothing, for much too long, and Hizumi was starting to think he'd fallen asleep, or that his suggestion was really stupid. Then finally, Karyu let go of him and sat up. "Fuck fuck fuck. You are so right." Shuffling across the bed. "Tsukasa, wake up, we need to call a phone meeting."

Tsukasa mumbled something, and Hizumi realized a little piece of his inner tension was relaxing. This was finally Doing Something. Finally taking action instead of laying around and waiting.

Shifting carefully on the bed, he watched Tsukasa run a hand through sleep-messy hair and make the first call. Listening, as he left a message, a time that he would call back, for the phone meeting to happen.

Three more calls, before he put down the phone.

Almost instantly, a texted acceptance, and Karyu made a thrilled sort of squeal. "That's one of them, at least one of them is still alive."

Then they were waiting anxiously as one more, two more, and finally three more texts made their way through.

Tsukasa let out the breath he'd been holding, and slumped against the pillows. "I've never been so glad to see little fucking words on a screen in my entire fucking life."

Karyu laughed and moved the phone to the table, curling up beside him, looking more content than Hizumi thought he'd seen him look in days. "Maybe we're not alone in this after all. I don't know if I'll trust any of them, but at least they're there."

Tsukasa nodded, nestled up beneath his chin. "It's a start."

None of them really wanted to think about what news the four might bring, because it was such a tentative, fragile optimism, that they did not want to damage it.

+

Time that would have been spent worrying, and speculating, was instead spent napping. This was one thing Karyu thought he was starting to like about their predicament, being able to sleep whenever they damn well pleased. He knew it would eventually get boring, but for now, it was a nice luxury.

Picking at the last bits of rice in his bowl, it was back to waiting again. The three of them crowded on the middle bed, to include Zero in the conversation, because they felt he'd earned the right.

Tsukasa had yet to find a way to thank the boy for nearly dying to keep his secrets. Even though he knew, it was all for Hizumi, not him. But he appreciated it all the same.

Finally he began making the calls. And when they were securely on the line, switched to speaker, and set the phone between them. "Can everyone hear me?"

Four affirmatives. Then one voice, "Tsukasa, you've no idea how worried we've been. Rumors are _everywhere_."

"I know, Daishi. I've been worried about all of you as well. And I'm guessing none of you have heard from Azaki...."

The same voice again. "I've left messages, but he never returns them." Then three humming agreements.

"Has he been passing on our reports?" A second voice, deeper. Hizumi was trying to place them, from the short time spent in meetings, but he wasn't sure.

"No he hasn't, that's why I've been so concerned, and thought perhaps I should contact you all directly." Tsukasa drew a slow breath, while the four men mumbled to themselves. "I want to hear your reports, I want to know what's going on out there."

Daishi spoke first. "Yuusuke's missing. We've all been keeping close tabs on everyone, and Yuusuke's the only one of mine that hasn't reported in. Not since the night the doctors were killed."

Tsukasa caught the disappointed look on Hizumi's face, and squeezed his hand. They would find him. "Inoue? Are all of yours in contact?"

A few indistinct sighs. "No, actually. One of mine was killed, branded, and.... Tsukasa, sir, I'm going to be honest. Everything is going to hell. He was supposed to make a delivery before he was killed, and because he missed it, the entire deal fell through. We have guys pulling out left and right, dropping contracts because the word out here is that Black Death is no longer reliable, and that you're either dead or don't give a shit."

A third voice, "I lost one of mine too, same situation. He was supposed to hack a bank transfer, and because he didn't, this guy is going to lose his entire corporation in some kind of settlement. He's blaming _us_ , even though I've tried to explain."

The fourth, then. "Two of mine. Drugs. We're losing our Columbian contacts because of this."

Tsukasa's eyes were closed, and Karyu's arms slipped around him tight, because all of that optimism from before was draining quickly out of him, leaving him on the edge of falling apart.

Hizumi threaded fingers through Tsukasa's hair, and let the information process. "Have other men been assigned to fill these jobs?" He was being too bold, he wasn't supposed to speak in meetings, but he didn't really care.

And there was hesitation, probably while the four men tried to figure out who was talking. Finally, the third voice answered. "There isn't much I can do for mine at this point, except try to calm the man down. However, the job Chiku was working, I had some boys take over for that. He's still an angry client, but no longer a vindictive one."

Inoue, then. "Our deals were dropped, they wouldn't accept a replacement."

Tsukasa tried to keep the anger out of his voice, but it was not quite effective. "And Ryu? Can the Columbians be salvaged?"

"They might be. We've told them what's happening, and they understand we aren't intentionally trying to deceive them, but understandably, they aren't full of much confidence in us. Not when we're so obviously having problems."

Tsukasa swallowed; the lump in his throat refused to move. So he spoke quietly. "They're killing us from inside out. Like a fucking virus."

Hizumi perked at this, and everything sort of faded out.

Virus.

He knew Tsukasa likely meant a living virus, but his computer-oriented mind went directly to the electronic kind.

"Containment." The word came out of nowhere, and all conversation stopped. "If it's a virus, we have to contain it. No one should be alone, no one should be alone with someone else, not even someone they trust. Everyone should move in groups of threes, and report at all times who they are with."

Pausing for a moment. "We can start by limiting the movements of the traitor this way, because obviously they're not going to be able to kill and brand Death members if they have two others with them. And if you choose the groups yourselves, it's very unlikely that, if there _is_ more than one traitor, they will be grouped together." He looked up from the blanket to see everyone staring at him. "I'm sorry, did that make enough sense?"

Absolute silence.

Hizumi felt himself go through about five shades of red, before Tsukasa spoke. "Nobody is going to like this idea, but do it. We have no choice. And that goes for the four of you as well, never alone, always with two others. Azaki is missing and I can't afford to lose any of you. Is this understood?"

Four reluctant agreements. Then Tsukasa was nodding, and sounding a little less strained, and Hizumi thought that was worth any amount of embarrassment. "So the doctors, does anyone know anything about that?"

Daishi, again. "Nobody knows if they were branded or not, nobody really knows what happened. Were you actually there?"

"I was, and I did not have a chance to look at Morimoto's body before we had to leave. The fire happened some time afterward." A brief glance at Karyu. "There were two men there, and they were not ours."

Murmurs, exclamations. The third spoke then. "I don't know if I should be relieved, or worried. It could mean that this is not the work of one of ours, despite the brands."

"Fortunately, Masato, it could. But the question is, where did they get the brand? Ren's was in his apartment, so was Chiku's, and if one was taken from a later victim, it would not explain the previous brands. Perhaps you should each call a meeting of your men, have them bring their brands, inspect them. If anyone's is missing, detain them and contact me immediately."

Ryu let out a long, loud sigh. "I don't like any of this, Tsukasa. It's as if... we can't even trust each other anymore."

That one painful fact that kept repeating.

"No, I suppose we can't. But that does not mean we will be defeated. So go, now, and call your meetings. Groups of three, remember. Report to me afterward, and... report to Karyu directly from now on, whenever you hear anything. Or even if you haven't. Just let us know you're still alive."

Mumbled goodbyes, and the phone went silent. Tsukasa sat staring at it for a while, still caught in Karyu's safe arms, letting the facts and the numbers and the losses all swirl together into a mess he wished he could carve out like a tumor.

It was Zero who picked up the phone, and snapped it shut. "So... who would want to take you down so badly, that they would do something like this?"

Tsukasa snorted, but it was Karyu who said what he was thinking. "The Black Death has more enemies than could ever be counted. It could truly be anyone."

Looking out the window then, at the neon advertisements flashing in a clear dark sky, Hizumi thought again of how small they really were, in such a huge, endless world.


	9. Chapter 9

IX · Fracture

 

Staring out the window again, silver clouds and filtered sunlight, the first day of the last month of the year.

Hizumi thought about how blatant the passing of time could be sometimes, when he wasn't paying attention.

Nearly one month since the death of his parents, one month since he stumbled into this new, intense life. And now he felt as if there were nothing left anymore of his old self.

Not even ashes.

Looking out, cars passing on a freeway loop, and he vaguely thought of how everyone out there would be preparing for Christmas now. Buying presents, putting up decorations, lights, making the city even more of a shining jewel than it already was. It all seemed so incomprehensible.

As if he were living in some other dimension, some alternate reality.

Hizumi exhaled against the glass, and everything disappeared for the moment, while arms slipped around his waist and allowed him to feel a little more stable. Teeth nipping at his ear, grounding more firmly into whatever reality this happened to be, and Hizumi smiled. "Someone's feeling better today."

Tsukasa's quiet laugh, barely even a sound. "And someone's being his usual window-brooding self." Hizumi snorted, and Tsukasa bit more gently on the side of his neck. "Your bruises are fading. So are Karyu's. I hate not being able to replace them."

Hizumi shivered, and gave a challenging smirk to Tsukasa's reflection. "So, do it."

But the responding expression was dark. "I won't have them asking questions that are not their business." So he licked over the exposed skin, to make Hizumi shiver again, and supposed that would have to be enough. "Speaking of Karyu, his birthday is in a week."

"Is it? I had no idea." Then for a moment, one cruel, unexpected moment, Hizumi thought of birthday cakes, parties, friends and presents and the way his parents would always smile when he ripped open the paper....

His breath caught, and Tsukasa held him tighter, and the reflection of the sun seemed like a big stupid joke.

"I want this to be over by then, Tsu. I don't want it to ruin his birthday."

Tsukasa pressed a kiss to the soft place behind his ear. "So do I."

"Then we have to do more than just contain the traitor, we have to find a way to draw him out." He turned then, tired of staring at reflections. "Isn't there anything you can do with blood?"

But the sky was still reflected in Tsukasa's eyes. "Not on this scale, not without having blood from everyone. There are rituals that could be done, but they would take time, and I don't have everything I need."

He watched as Hizumi turned the rest of the way into the room, still caught in Tsukasa's arms, his own hands raised up to rest on Tsukasa's shoulder. Looking over at the sleeping shapes of Zero, and Karyu. Then his eyes closed, and Tsukasa realized how exhausted the boy actually was, when he wasn't trying to fight it.

"Hizumi... I want you to know, I'm not mad at you. I'm proud of you. Somehow... it's as if you've become the strongest of us all." But Hizumi was shaking his head, so Tsukasa slipped a hand into his hair to still it. "You want to say you're not strong, but you don't see. And I know you're already thinking about how to sneak away." Hizumi flinched then. "And I know I can't stop you if you really try."

His cheeks flushed, guilty. "Do you want to stop me?"

"Of course I do. If I didn't think you would hate me, I'd follow through with my threat to get someone to sedate you."

Hizumi couldn't help it, he laughed, a light sound lost to Tsukasa's shoulder. "I wouldn't hate you, but I would get some nasty revenge later on."

Tsukasa snorted, amused. Then he sighed. "Please be more careful, Hizumi. Promise me that at least."

"I can promise that. I've learned from this." He wanted to say, don't come running after me this time. But he knew Tsukasa would refuse that, because he knew if it were Tsukasa, he would be the one to come running.

So he would have to be cautious, and alert, and make sure that nothing happened, so Tsukasa could remain safe. Because that was what all of this was really about, and every wrong move he made, every mistake that put Tsukasa in danger, it defeated the entire purpose of his decisions.

It was like what he and Karyu talked about light years ago, waiting in his father's office.

If he were to fail now, all of this would be for nothing.

+

Zero watched the door close through slitted eyes.

Part of him wanted to be angry at being left behind, but his logical side understood. They were wasting time, waiting for wounds to heal.

But that didn't mean he had to like it.

So he counted down the minutes, gave Hizumi twenty of them as a head start. He'd been aiming for thirty, but time was moving too slow, and the tension beneath his skin was becoming unbearable.

Finally, he drew a quiet breath.... "Tsukasa! Karyu!" Someone mumbled incoherent. "Hizumi's gone."

That had Karyu sitting up, tousled and not quite awake. For a long moment, trying to comprehend what time it was, there in the dark. "Maybe he went to the bathroom, Zero."

He waited until Karyu was laying down again, getting comfortable. And he couldn't help sounding a little smug. "With his boots and his jacket?"

Karyu sat back up fast enough to be dizzy, and Tsukasa propped up on his elbows beside him, squinting through the flickery television glow. "He fucking did it."

Zero instantly caught the meaning behind that, and felt his anger at Hizumi redirect toward Tsukasa. "You knew he was leaving! You _fucker_ , why didn't you stop him?!"

Karyu was muttering "fuck fuck fuck" and climbing over the beds, to the small table where only three phones remained. Part of him was relieved at that, it meant they could at least contact him.

"Do you really think I could have stopped him, Zero?"

He wanted to scream at Tsukasa for that. But he sounded so defeated, and Zero remembered Tsukasa's tendency to take everything so personally, and felt a little guilty.

Only a little. Because Tsukasa _should_ have stopped him.

But it was pointless to be mad at him. "Fuck, Karyu, give me my phone. I'll call the bastard."

Karyu made a noise that would have been a laugh, if it hadn't got all caught up in his throat. Passing Zero his phone, he held his hand for a moment, making sure he had his attention. "Let him know I'm kicking his ass for this."

Zero rolled his eyes, and scrolled through numbers. "Oh, don't worry, he'll know." Waiting as the phone rang, feeling a little breathless. A little betrayed.

Letting the emotions fester while he counted. One, two, three....

Hizumi's voice finally, quiet and nervous. "Did I wake you up?"

Zero however, very loud. "Damn fucking right you woke me up!"

"Shhh! Tsukasa and Karyu...."

"Oh they're already awake, and they're pissed. And so am I, Hizumi! You were supposed to wait for me!" His voice cracked then, and he hoped Hizumi wouldn't notice.

But he did, and it brought back all the guilt he'd been trying to push away. "I'm sorry, I am, but this... it had to be done. I --"

"One more fucking day!"

"That's when you get the brace off, not when you're okay to go out!" Another sigh. "Dammit Zero, I don't want you to get hurt again."

Silence then, just the soft creaking of the brace as it tried to keep Zero from squirming. Finally, "Fuck you, Hizumi."

Then maybe, just as softly, the sound of Hizumi's heart breaking. "I'm sorry. I don't know what more I can say."

"Whatever. Where are you, do you even have a fucking plan?"

"I'm at home, getting a new gun, and yes I have a fucking plan. I'm going to start by talking to Yuki. Look, I'll call you after I talk to him, I'll check in, keep you guys informed."

Zero snorted, rolled his eyes, and knew Hizumi would know he was doing it. "We're still kicking your ass. All of us. At the same time."

Another sigh from Hizumi. "Yeah well, it's worth it."

"Not if you get killed."

Hizumi's voice was bitter. "Oh, so you can die, but I can't?"

Zero sighed that time. "No you can't. If you won't let me die, then I won't let you die either. It has to go both ways, idiot. I just, I.... Dammit...."

Softer then, "I know, Zero. Me too."

Another nervous silence. Then Zero exhaled in a sort of resigned huff. "Be careful, asshole." He punched the off button before he went into another rant, or said more than he wanted to say, and slammed the phone down into the pillow.

Protests from the brace made him even more angry, and he hated that he was stuck there like some pathetic invalid, while he should be out there, helping Hizumi.... "Goddamn _fuck_!"

Karyu then, detaching his fingers from where they clenched in the pillowcase, a warm hand soothing over his shoulder. Zero realized how tense he was, and how every part of him was starting to ache. And he'd never felt so fucking helpless.

He let out a slow sigh, and caught Karyu's hand before it could disappear. "He'll be okay this time, right?"

"He'll be okay." But he wasn't sure if he believed it. And the way Zero raised an eyebrow at him said Zero didn't believe it either. "So where is he?"

"Home, getting a gun, then he's going to talk to Yuki." Zero tensed again, and shivered, and Karyu was there again trying to soothe.

"Relax, Zero. Hurting yourself isn't going to make Hizumi any less of an idiot."

Well, that made him laugh. Mostly silently, but enough to count. "I guess nothing is."

Beds creaking, Tsukasa climbing across to sit on the middle, beside Karyu. "You're an idiot too. He wasn't alone that night at Morimoto's."

Karyu snickered at that, and Zero gave him a wide-eyed "traitor!" look. "That's different."

"And you were going to sneak out with him again this time. That's why you're angry. Not that he left, but that he left without you."

Zero wanted to deny it, and perhaps if his head was not aching so much, he might find the energy to. So instead, he shrugged. And Tsukasa was shaking his head, looking disappointed, and Zero had the distinct feeling that everything was becoming a disaster.

He gave up and let his eyes close, and said what he was thinking for once. "I'm not trying to take him from you."

Karyu's hand drifted into his hair, one more attempt to get him to relax. "We know that. We also know there's some history between the two of you, and we don't fit into it."

Zero shrugged. "I don't know if I'd really put it that way. I've liked him since we met, but we never actually talked after that."

"Why not?"

Another shrug. "I've always been shy... I guess. And I was the new kid, in a school full of spoiled rich kids...."

But he could still remember clearly, Hiroshi standing over him in the hall, looking as if he were ready to beat someone to death with his Biology textbook. Hiroshi shouting at a group of older students, while Zero picked himself up off the floor. Wiping blood from his lip, trying not to let Hiroshi see, but he did, and that had him yelling more.

Zero remembered how vicious he looked, how beautiful, as the older boys ran away.

Then a shaky but gentle hand on his forehead, where he'd hit the lockers.

_They won't fuck with you anymore._

Zero had wanted to ask why, why defend him, but Hiroshi was already walking away....

"He was nice to me, when he didn't have to be. He could have beat me up like everyone else did."

"That sounds like Hizumi." The thought made Tsukasa smile. "So that's why you liked him?"

"I liked him because he was _different_. He wasn't just smart, he was fucking brilliant. The other so-called smart kids would give these boring textbook answers, but Hizumi... it's like he was the only one there who could actually think for himself. I think the only time I ever really paid attention in class was when he was talking. Because he would argue shit with the teachers, and it always made more fucking sense than what they were saying."

Karyu couldn't help laughing. "I guess he hasn't changed much."

Zero smirked. "He's getting worse, actually."

But he loved that about him, even if he would never admit it in so many words.

Tsukasa sighed then, and reached over to place a warm hand on Zero's, where it lay tensed in the pillowcase again. "We won't take him away from you, either."

The hand beneath Tsukasa's relaxed, and he hadn't realized how much he needed to hear that. Because even though he never said more than the occasional greeting, or apology for bumping, or thanks for a held-open door, he still thought of Hizumi as _his_.

Those knots that formed inside him when he heard he was missing, when he found him again only to learn that he'd given himself to the dangerous and gorgeous leaders of the Black Death, he felt them finally slip loose.

And he thought maybe, if he was going to be spending time with criminals and tough-guys, maybe it was time to stop being such a fucking wuss.

+

Hizumi felt unusually confident, stepping into the crowded upper room of Six-Nine. All those Scarecrows turning to stare.

But it was Yuki's attention he waited for.

Watching as the man's eyes opened a little wider in realization, and he made a few quick gestures in the air that had everyone else leaving. Glaring at Hizumi as they passed him on the way out. But he stood there, calm, and wondered if it was because he was wearing Tsukasa's jacket that night.

It was a good reason, he thought.

Yuki watching in return, and beneath the confidence, and the long leather jacket chosen for all its pockets, he could see how damaged Hizumi actually was. When the last Scarecrow went out the door, he sighed. "Tell me he's okay."

Hizumi immediately nodded. "He's okay. He was shot, but he's healing fast."

That time, not so much of a sigh, as a release of tension. Yuki waved Hizumi over. "Good, that's fucking good to hear. Cause I've been hearing some crazy-ass shit."

"What have you heard?" Hizumi took a seat on the couch, and the beer Yuki was holding out to him.

"This, that, buncha shit. People are saying the Black Death are falling apart, that they can't be trusted, that Tsukasa's dead or never even existed." Yuki shrugged. "So what's really going on?"

Hizumi watched condensation drip. "There's someone, a traitor, killing off our guys right before they have some deal to finish up. Cars, drugs, guns, I don't really know all of it. But it's apparently ruining a lot of contacts. And Yuusuke and Azaki are missing."

That made Yuki's eyes go wide again. "Azaki? You think he's dead too?"

"There's a chance. Or he's... he's part of it, and we don't want to think that."

Yuki nodded. "Better dead than that." For a long moment, he sat there too, watching water collect on amber glass. "So... you're on your own, huh? What you got planned?"

On his own.... Hizumi sighed, thought of how angry Zero was. And how right he was to be angry. "I'm going to find Azaki. I'll start with his apartment, maybe get some clue of where he might be, if he's not there."

Yuki grinned, gold teeth flashing, and he nodded again. "Good plan, kid." He swallowed the last of his beer and stood up. "Well, guess we should get going."

But Hizumi looked up at him like he was crazy. " _We?_ "

"You think I'm gonna let you run around out here on your own? Tsukasa'd have my fucking head." Yuki snorted. "Besides, it's Azaki."

Hizumi let that statement settle in, let it mix with all the other things Tsukasa said about Yuki, and Azaki. Old friends.... "You and Azaki and Tsukasa...."

Yuki was using the time to make sure the clip in his pistol was nice and full. "And Karyu. Yeah, the four of us grew up together."

Hizumi wanted to smile at how almost-sentimental Yuki sounded, but thought the man might not appreciate it.

So he covered it with the bottle, letting the alcohol rush through his system and soothe his anxious nerves. He stood when it was empty, and waited for Yuki to lead the way out of the room.

"I'll grab a couple of my guys, have them follow us. How'd you get here anyway?"

He watched Yuki wave at a table, two men immediately standing. "The limo. It's parked around back."

Yuki's flashy grin again. "Good choice. That thing could survive a fucking nuclear bomb."

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that."

Yuki laughed beside him, and Hizumi had a sudden nostalgic moment of wishing it were Zero there instead.

But Yuki and the other two Scarecrows were loaded with guns and experience, and sure, maybe they didn't make his heart flutter when they smiled, but he felt safe. He felt like they could actually _do this_. Find Azaki, find Yuusuke, find the traitor.

Save Tsukasa and his Death.

In the limousine, Yuki gave Azaki's address, and they waited for the other two to catch up. Driving a second car, just in case. And because Hizumi didn't really want a bunch of strangers in the limo.

The drive was thankfully short, and Azaki's building was bright and clean and nothing like Ren's had been, but Hizumi was still hit with flashbacks anyway.

That small burned shape, that laughing black skull.

He shivered, and slipped out the door. Taking out one of the borrowed guns and flipping off the safety, because he wasn't going to make any stupid mistakes this time.

Yuki and the two others, also armed and ready, but the look on Yuki's face said he hoped he didn't have to use it. Leading the way, motioning for one of the men to follow him, then Hizumi, then the other. As quietly as possible up the stairs, but Hizumi could hear televisions this time, and laughing children.

He almost wanted it to be a good sign.

Yuki paused at Azaki's door and whispered. "I don't know if I should knock, but busting in's gonna make even more noise."

Of course, Hizumi smirked, and the expression felt sly enough to have been borrowed right from Zero's playbook. "No need for that." Pulling Karyu's little pouch from his pocket, he moved in front of Yuki. "If he's here, and we catch him in a bubble bath, we can apologize."

Yuki laughed, and it was rough with his effort to stay quiet. "That's an image I never wanted."

Hizumi chuckled as he worked the lock. "Sorry." Then it was open, and he thought of Morimoto's, and wondered if everything tonight was going to give him flashbacks.

Or maybe it was his own mind's way of reminding him to be careful, to not make the same mistakes twice.

So he went silently, easing into the apartment behind the Scarecrows. The kitchen light was on, but everything else looked dark. It was also a mess. Papers strewn across the rooms, seeming to originate from the table, where there were stacks of print-outs and a computer sitting idle.

He went to that, while the other three spread out to look for Azaki. Nothing on the papers made sense. Most of it looked like financial data, stocks, accounts. He supposed it could be Azaki's messy method of doing his bills, but something about it did not feel right.

Then Yuki at his side, brow furrowed. "Azaki's not here. But I found this." Holding up a bundle of clothes, the smell hit Hizumi like a brick.

That distinct smell of smoke, of fire.

"The clinics that burned, you think he could have been there?" And that finally made one small piece of information click. One file he'd passed over, pale peach manila, had been identical to the ones scattered around Morimoto's office.

Hizumi drew a quick breath and shoved over a pile of papers, pulling out the folder. Flipping it open, and the sheets inside were stuck together with what could only be blood. Yuki whistled under his breath. Hizumi nodded, because that summed it up nicely. "He _was_ there. But why? What is this?"

Yuki took the folder, trying to unstick the pages enough to read them. "You think he went in after this while the office was burning? This ain't making any sense, Hizumi."

"I know it's not. I don't know what I think yet." Leaving Yuki with the folder, moving on to another stack, a messier stack. Photographs of Tsukasa taken from varying distances. Pages of nonsense, and a name that kept repeating. "Yuki... does the name Oota Kenji mean anything to you?"

The folder fell right out of Yuki's hand. "Son of a fucking bitch." Snatching up papers, scanning for the name.

And immediately, like that old familiar sensation of being on an elevator falling through space, Hizumi knew. "That's Tsukasa's name, isn't it. The men who attacked us in the clinic, they were asking questions about Tsukasa." Dizzy, and he had to hold on to the table.

"But why would Azaki be looking this shit up? These are his school records, his old jobs, his.... I don't...."

Hizumi found it difficult to swallow. And there on the floor, one thing he thought he'd never see again. His gun, the one taken from him, and as he knelt to pick it up, everything settled into place.

Oh, it was a horrible place.

Azaki was in the perfect position to know everything about the Black Death -- every deal, every contact. He knew right where to strike to cause the most damage. And Hizumi thought, if he could tie Oota Kenji to Tsukasa with physical proof, he would be able to bring him down. Which explained the pictures, the name....

"Because Azaki is the traitor."

Yuki had him by the shoulder, part shaking him, part holding him up. "You don't say that shit unless you mean it, kid."

"I mean it. I mean, I hope I'm wrong, but...." He picked up a handful of photographs, tossed them into Yuki's lap. "How else can you explain all of this?"

Yuki couldn't. And all his breath whooshed out of him, staring at the pictures, recent pictures, he was sure. Because Tsukasa's hair was longer in front now than it had ever been, and some of them were taken beside Karyu's Hummer, which he'd only bought earlier that year.

Finally he stood up, rushed into the bedroom, and came back out with a duffel bag. "Help me get all this shit in here. Computer too. We can't leave one fucking piece of this. Then we have to fucking get out of here."

It didn't take long, with the four of them. Packing it all up, rushing out the door and down the stairs, before the facts and implications even had time to fully sink in.

Slipping into the limousine, with a bag full of guilt.

Hizumi sat at the control panel, aware of trembling, aware of wanting to scream. "Where are we going?"

Aware of Yuki, feeling exactly the same way. "Back to Six-Nine. And one of us has gotta call Tsukasa."

The fact he was trying to avoid. But Hizumi nodded. "I'll do it." Typing in the directions, he wondered how much worse things were going to get, before it was all over.

+

Yuki left him alone in the limousine, parked behind the club, and Hizumi wanted to think it was some form of respectful privacy, but he probably didn't want to hear Tsukasa's second-hand yelling. He'd made some comment about it, but Hizumi was more worried about Tsukasa being silent.

Yelling meant he was mad. Silence meant he was hurt, and that was worse than mad.

So with only the Nebula there for support, he let his phone dial, and waited.

"Where the hell are you?"

See, that was mad, Hizumi could deal with mad. He took a slow breath. "I'm at Six-Nine. In the limo, if you want precision."

"I want _answers_ , Hizumi. We've been sitting here waiting for you to call...."

"We went to Azaki's." A pause. "He... wasn't there."

Hizumi heard distant sounds get louder, and figured he was being put on speaker. Confirmed it when Tsukasa sounded farther away. "We suspected that much. Is that all you've been doing?"

Glancing over at the bag left behind, Hizumi was hit with such a sudden, intense vertigo, that he thought he might be sick all over that beautiful leather. "Oh Tsu...." It was all that could come out before he choked.

Squeezing his eyes shut, at the sound of Karyu's worried voice. "What is it, what's wrong Hizu?"

"Azaki... he's the traitor."

Two curses, Karyu's and Zero's, and he could practically _see_ Tsukasa withdrawing again. Zero spoke then. "Why, Hizumi? What did you find?"

"I found... a bunch of papers that I don't really understand, but they have... they have Tsukasa's name on them. His real name. And my gun was there, and some clothes that smell like they were in a fire, and files from Morimoto's office, and... pictures, recent pictures. It's like he was compiling evidence of who Tsukasa really is."

And there it was, and what it all came down to.

He heard Karyu doing his "fuck fuck fuck" in the background, but nothing from the voice he wanted to hear. "Tsukasa?"

When he did hear it, the voice was cracked, shattered. "Come back here. Now."

"I can't, I --"

" _Now!_ " Hizumi opened his mouth to protest again, but Tsukasa beat him. "I will not argue with you about this, you come back here right the fuck now! Do not go inside. Call Yuki and tell him you're leaving, but you lock the fucking doors, and get moving."

Something about that set off all the warning sirens, and he instantly hit the lock button. "You don't think Yuki...."

"Right now I don't trust anyone."

And he sounded so broken, that Hizumi felt such a deep painful ache, and he realized he didn't want to be anywhere except with Tsukasa. So he typed in the address of the lab. "Okay, I'm coming, Tsu. What's Yuki's number?"

The conversation with Yuki was brief, because he seemed to understand that Tsukasa would want Hizumi back. But he didn't want to be left out, he wanted to be there when they found Azaki, and he made Hizumi promise he would have someone call him.

It was an easy promise to make.

For the entire slow drive back to the lab, Hizumi thought about childhood friends. About promises, and betrayals. About how much Azaki had to _hate_ Tsukasa, to do this kind of thing.

It wasn't enough to expose the truth about him, but he had to tear him down in the process.

Hizumi had another moment of realizing how fragile, how vulnerable, Tsukasa really was. And the realization terrified him.

The limo dropped him at the door, drove off on its own to find a hidden place to park, and Hizumi gave up all attempt at calm and ran inside. Impatient in the elevator, then throwing himself through the door to their room.

It was quiet, and he took his time in removing his boots, and the jacket he had borrowed. Tsukasa and Karyu were curled together on the middle bed; Zero looked as if he might be asleep again.

Tsukasa reached a hand out behind him, toward the door, wiggling his fingers in case Hizumi had not yet got the hint.

He left the guns tucked into his waistband and climbed over the beds. Settling in behind Tsukasa, slipping one arm around and between him and Karyu. "I'm so sorry, Tsu. I wanted it to be anyone but him."

Tsukasa sighed, and Hizumi felt him shiver with it. "I have to kill him. Do you understand that? All these years he's been my brother, and now I...."

Holding him tighter, because it was all he could do. "I know." But he wanted to say, no you don't, I'll do it. He wanted to say, I'll kill the fucking bastard.

But he knew it was Tsukasa's right, like killing Jimmy Bartholomew was his right.

So he pressed a kiss to the back of Tsukasa's neck, and let his mind sort through all of this new information. Because even the answers still weren't really answers.

"Maybe this isn't everything, maybe.... We still don't know who the men in Morimoto's were, and who was following us. If Azaki was compiling proof of who you really are, what was the point? Who was he going to give it to?" He sighed, and felt Tsukasa shift, felt him tense. "What if Azaki's a victim too?"

Tsukasa turned then, rolled onto his back and drifted his hand through Hizumi's hair. "He would have come to me. I know what you're thinking, that maybe someone is forcing him to do these things, but... he would have come to me. He would have found some way to _tell me_. This silence... it only means something is wrong."

Karyu leaned up on one elbow, and the determination on his face was painful, beneath a layer of regret. "So we have to make Azaki tell us who those people are."

Hizumi thought immediately of standing in the back room of Mayhem, with Zero casually saying, find some way to make him talk. He thought of Tsukasa, and his sleek, sharp knife, and knew there had to be another way. "I know there are herbs that can make people talk, I've heard you mention it before."

But Tsukasa shook his head. "He doesn't get the easy way out. I will slice away an inch of skin for every lie he tells, ever answer he fails to provide."

And the tone of his voice made Hizumi shiver, made him look to Karyu in worry, only to see the same determination as before.

It was proof of how ruined everything really was.

And as Hizumi leaned his head against Tsukasa's shoulder, he knew he would do anything to change it, to make it different. To fix it.

Anything.

+

The night was passing much too slowly, counting seconds like minutes, minutes like hours. As if the earth were somehow crawling instead of turning, and Hizumi thought he might tear right out of his skin if he had to endure much more of this.

This _waiting_.

Standing as usual, by the window, but close enough to the line of beds to have his fingers tangled in Zero's shirt. A grounding line, to keep him steady. He thought Zero might be asleep again, but he was never sure anymore.

Karyu and Tsukasa were definitely asleep, and Hizumi figured that was more out of a lack of anything else to do, than any real need for it. They were all sleeping too much; it was going to catch up with them eventually. But Tsukasa and Zero had their wonderful morphine patches, and he and Karyu could only watch television for so long before going insane.

Hizumi wished he could sleep then. Perhaps sneak down the hall and coax one of those patches away from Mariko, and let the hours wander past him as slowly as they pleased.

But instead he took out his phone, and dialed Yuki.

The man answered almost immediately. "Little dead boy! How's our fearless leader?"

"Asleep. Pissed." Hizumi felt Zero shift, and let go of his shirt. "I had an idea. How would you feel about setting some of your Scarecrows outside Azaki's apartment? That way if he comes home, we'll know where he is. And if he leaves, they could follow, keep track of him...."

A quiet humming sound. "I have some guys out looking for him right now, I could send some of them over there instead."

That first sentence looped a few times in Hizumi's head, and he smiled about it, because really, none of these guys were as tough and heartless as they liked to pretend. "Thanks, Yuki. I'd really appreciate that. I'd sneak out again and help, but...."

"But Tsukasa would rip you a new one?" Yuki's laugh was loud, Hizumi's had to be as soft as possible.

"Well that, and..." He decided to be honest. "I don't want to be away from him right now. When I'm here, I know he's okay."

Yuki hummed again. "Yeah, yeah, I get it. Don't worry about it, my boys will watch for him. You guys going out tomorrow then?"

"Yeah, I'm not sure when. We'll call you though, if you want to come with us."

"Fucking right I do. That bastard crossed a fucking line, man. I know what you're probably thinking, I'm over here in a different fucking gang from my supposed friends, right? But no Crow _ever_ hurt a Deather while I've been in charge."

Hizumi was smiling that private, knowing smile again. "I'm not thinking that. It's a completely different situation. Somehow I get the feeling, if you were going to challenge Tsukasa in any way, you'd be right out in the open about it."

Yuki laughed. "Damn right. None of this sneaky, cowardly bullshit. It doesn't fly with me, it doesn't fly with Tsukasa. Keep that in mind."

"I know." He nodded, though it wouldn't be seen. Glancing at the window, at the reflection of the beds, Tsukasa and Karyu still asleep. And he thought of the first thing he realized when he met them, so many lifetimes ago. "I've never met anyone as honest as Tsukasa. I could never lie to him."

"Good." And Yuki managed to simultaneously sound relieved, and to make that one word into a full threat.

Of course, Hizumi smirked about it. "Okay, well, let me know if Azaki comes home, or if your Crows find him, or... anything. Okay?"

Another quick chuckle. "Okay, okay. And you get some rest, kid."

At least he didn't say, be careful. "I will. Thanks again." Snapping the phone closed, he stared at the lit screen until it went dark, then tucked it away in his pocket.

Behind him, the creak of Zero's brace, and he wondered how long he'd been awake. "Hizumi... come sit down already." The words were slurred, so it must not have been very long.

Hizumi felt a sharp twinge of guilt, and moved to the other side of the bed. Barely sitting, before Zero was pulling at his arm to get him the rest of the way down. "Sorry. I can't stop thinking."

"I know." He moved his head from the pillow to Hizumi's shoulder, which was somehow more comfortable, despite being bony and a little jittery. "So you think if he returns to his apartment, finds all his shit gone... you think he'll actually stay there?"

It was a good question. Hizumi drifted on it for a while, pictured Azaki having one grand mal tantrum at the loss of all his stuff, and realized it might not have been a good idea to take it. He shivered at the implications, and Zero shifting against him made him actually flinch.

"Okay, what was that about?" He sounded almost amused, but really more worried.

"It's going to make him desperate. Whatever is going on, whatever this is about, proving Tsukasa's identity must be some part of it. Everything he's worked for so far, we took it all. And there's one more piece of the secret that we haven't yet factored in: He knows where Tsukasa lives."

Zero's eyes went wide. "You think whoever those other people are... you think he might tell them? You think he might lead them there?"

Hizumi shivered again, and realized he hadn't ever stopped, realized he was actually shaking. "It's what I would do. All of this has to be about telling someone else who Tsukasa is, and if all of my proof was gone, I would play my last card."

Zero gave a harsh pull on the blankets, yanking them out from under Hizumi, throwing them on top of him instead. The fact that Hizumi seemed to be freaking out had him more concerned than he wanted to admit. "So let's hope Azaki doesn't go home."

But Hizumi was thinking, what if he already told them, what if they already know? What if Tsukasa's only safe place wasn't actually safe anymore?

Zero was tugging at him again, so he rolled over, wrapped arms around him and tried to find some kind of comfort in the fact that he was warm and alive. That Tsukasa too, was alive, and he had to keep these things in mind, or else all the ways that everything could go wrong would drag him down.

He knew it was going to be a long night, trying not to think.


	10. Chapter 10

X · Hydra

 

It was raining again, but it seemed like it was always raining anymore, so Hizumi paid no attention to it. Instead, watching Doctor Santos carefully remove the brace from Zero's back.

He wasn't sure what he was so afraid of. The scans all showed the required amount of improvement, and it wasn't like Zero was going to fall apart without those bossy strips of metal stuck to him.

But Hizumi was nervous anyway, and Karyu of course thought it was adorable. Reaching out finally when Hizumi paced close enough, grabbing his arm and pulling him over to the bed. "He's okay, Hizu. Sit down."

He did, but when Zero flinched, he stood right back up again. Karyu laughed.

"What the hell is going on back there?" Zero sounded annoyed, and Karyu laughed more.

"Hizumi's freaking out."

Hizumi quickly sat down. "I'm not freaking out."

Karyu slipped both arms around him to keep him in place. "You're freaking out."

Then the brace was off, and Zero was sitting up, turning to look over his shoulder at Hizumi. One eyebrow raised. "Why are you freaking out?"

"I'm not freaking out!" He sighed, and Santos gave him a knowing sort of look as he left, which set Karyu laughing again. Hizumi felt entirely conspired against.

Zero smirked, and began exchanging hospital clothes for real clothes, and honestly, that felt better than anything else. Even though his legs were kind of wobbly as he pulled up his jeans, and his head was still a little swimmy from being upright.

If it weren't for the patchwork of bruises on his skin, and the cool breeze where his hair should be, he might feel almost normal again.

Karyu let go of Hizumi then, kissed him loud on the cheek and stood up. "We'll go get the limo. You two come down when you're ready."

He noticed, Tsukasa seemed almost perky as he followed Karyu out the door. As if this were actually a _good_ day. But he knew, Tsukasa hated being locked away in here most of all, and even if they were leaving for terrible reasons, they were still leaving.

Then he realized he was alone with Zero, and was suddenly nervous again.

Thinking of those days spent wondering if he would wake up, and all the things he never had a chance to say. And he had no idea what might happen when they went out looking for Azaki, but he knew that no matter how careful he would be, things could still possibly go wrong....

Hizumi sighed, and crossed the room. Leaning on the bed beside Zero, watching him, watching the rain. "I, um...."

Zero glanced over. "Don't say it."

"What?"

"Whatever you're going to say, don't say it. Not like this. Not because you think you might fuck up and get killed." Hizumi opened his mouth to protest, and Zero's glance became a stern look. "Don't you fucking dare."

So Hizumi sighed again, tense and frustrated, and stepped closer to Zero. Touching the mottled bruise on his face, the cuts that were probably going to leave faint scars.

But it was Zero who leaned the rest of the way and kissed him.

And it was slow, and real, and maybe saying all those things anyway, that they couldn't let themselves say yet. Then Zero pulled back, fought the magnetic force that wanted to draw him forward again. "When all this shit is over, but not until then. So promise me you'll be really fucking careful."

Hizumi didn't even need to hesitate. "I'll be really fucking careful. I promise."

Zero nodded, and gave up the fight then, pulling Hizumi by the collar of his borrowed jacket to kiss him again. And he hated how final it felt, despite the promises, and knowing that he was still helpless to do anything.

Hizumi finally stepped back, putting space between them. It felt somehow different to him too, and he didn't want to think about that. So instead he turned away, reached around enough to tug on Zero's sleeve. "I'm sure they've found the limo by now."

"Yeah." But the word sounded unusually flat, even for Zero.

Hizumi stopped at the door, and he could practically _see_ the bored, disinterested mask slip back into place. "Zero...."

And there, the predicted eye roll. "What? Just go." He pushed Hizumi the rest of the way out the door, toward the elevator.

Nothing else was said. Only cold rain, and the slick limousine waiting in front of the building.

+

Everything moved quickly once they were home.

Bloody clothes were finally exchanged for fresh, and Karyu and Hizumi sorted through weapons, while Tsukasa went over the surveillance reports from the building and garage. But no one had been around, so he concluded that Azaki had not yet told anyone where he lived.

He wanted to believe they were safe.

Shutting down his computer, he looked to Zero, sitting on the couch and trying to pretend he wasn't watching Hizumi load up a clip. "Are you sure you'll be okay here by yourself? Even if we find Azaki fast, we probably won't be back until we've found whoever he's working with. So we could take you home...."

Zero shook his head. "I'll stay here."

Tsukasa nodded, he didn't expect anything less. Crossing the room, he paused and rested a hand on Zero's shoulder, speaking quietly. "Hizumi's lucky to have you." He watched the corners of Zero's lips turn up in a brief, honest smile, then continued on.

Karyu tossed him a rifle and two pistols, and it was almost painful to see how serious he looked. None of them expected this to be easy. Sure, finding Azaki and getting him to talk might not be too difficult, but it was the unknown factor he was worried about.

Who was Azaki working for, and why?

Tsukasa backtracked to the bedroom, picked out a few extra knives to go along with his favorite. Picked out a few more for Karyu and Hizumi.

Then everything was ready. Holsters were buckled around shoulders, waists, ankles. All of them wearing long trench coats full of pockets -- pockets full of guns, Tsukasa's knives, tiny mojo bags sewn into the lining.

Zero thought, even as beautiful as they were in all that leather, they still looked like soldiers preparing for war.

Then he thought, that probably wasn't too far off.

Away to the door, lacing up boots, then Hizumi went back across the room to the couch. Leaning over Zero for one more kiss. "Eat something, watch television, get some rest. But don't worry. I'll call you every step of the way."

Zero sighed. "You fucking better."

Tsukasa smirked, pulling on gloves. "He will. And I've set the surveillance so the building will call you if anyone comes messing around. It will tell you what to do, how to get out if you need to."

Zero's eyebrows went up, then he realized it was pointless to be surprised by _anything_ anymore.

But Hizumi caught the surprise anyway, and quietly laughed. "Yeah, it's still fucking with my head too, don't worry." Then one more quick kiss, and Karyu was tugging at his arm, and they were out the door.

Tsukasa dialed Yuki, once the elevator started moving. "I'm guessing you haven't found him."

"Nope." Yuki sounded tired; Tsukasa wondered if he'd even slept. "But I do know where he's _not_."

"That's a start...."

"He's not anywhere in your territory, or mine. And I mean, my boys have looked everywhere. All of yours are accounted for, by the way. They're all out in nervous little groups, did you know that?"

Tsukasa tried not to sound too relieved. "I know, they're supposed to be. Hizumi's plan to contain the traitor."

"Hizumi's plan, huh?" Yuki laughed. "So what's _our_ plan?"

"I was thinking we could meet at Six-Nine, discuss where else we might look. What bothers me, is he hasn't been home yet, right?"

"Right. Not even in his neighborhood. So I'm thinking... someone must have tipped him off that we were there. I mean, your limo don't exactly blend in." More rough laughter.

"I'm going to hope it's a good thing that he hasn't been home, and that it means he doesn't know we have his files." Silence for a moment, while the elevator stopped. "Are you sure you want to be part of this, Yuki? You do know I'm going to kill him."

Immediately, "Fuck yeah I'm sure! Tsu, man, how would you even think...."

Yuki sounded entirely flustered, and Tsukasa smiled about it. "Had to ask. See you at the club." Yuki muttered something dismissive, and Tsukasa put the phone into his pocket.

And it was still raining.

Tsukasa was glad he didn't have to deal with bright cheerful sunlight, on a day like this.

+

"So this is what I'm thinking...." Yuki chewed at his lip a moment, staring down at a map he'd sort of doodled out while he was waiting.

The upper room was empty again, not because he'd sent them away, but because they were out looking for Azaki. And everything they'd found so far was on that map.

"He's not in your Shibuya, and he's not in our Chuo. We've been shaking trees like crazy, and what fell out is that he's probably in Shinjuku, possibly in Kabukicho." He stopped there, and let it sink in.

Tsukasa drew a slow breath. "He knows better than to go there alone. That means he doesn't care, or...."

Karyu let out a quiet "Fuck," and slid down on the couch cushions.

Which left Hizumi completely clueless. "I'm sorry, but what exactly does this mean?"

Karyu sighed. "There's a few gangs in Shinjuku, we've got parts of it, we kind of overlap. But Kabukicho... two of the gangs who claim it are sworn rivals of the Black Death. Which means Azaki doesn't care if he gets killed, or maybe he thinks he can hide. Or... he's working for one of them."

"And if we're lucky, he's working for the Rats, and not the Dragons." Tsukasa snorted. "And with the way things seem to be going, it's probably the Dragons."

Yuki sort of whistled, and shook his head. "Better hope it ain't the fucking Dragons. Could be Azaki's hiding there because he thinks you won't come looking."

"Well he's wrong." Tsukasa stood then; Karyu and Hizumi immediately after. "I'll say again, Yuki, if you don't want to get in this mess, I won't hold it against you."

Yuki stood quickly, and fisted a gloved hand in the collar of Tsukasa's jacket. Hizumi tensed, but Karyu put a hand on his arm. "I swear, you say that one more fucking time, I'll punch you in your pretty face. Got it?"

And then Hizumi wanted to laugh, because there it was again, the softness under all those layers of tough.

Tsukasa merely smirked, but his eyes were bright and amused. Unhooking the hand from his jacket, but not letting go. "Got it."

Yuki jerked his hand away, and predictably, it was Karyu who laughed. Draping an arm over Hizumi's shoulder to get him moving toward the door. Tsukasa and Yuki busy on their phones as they left, calling Scarecrows, calling the four leaders of Death, making arrangements.

Karyu's arm tightened and drew Hizumi closer, so he could whisper. "This is your chance to get out too. Things could get really fucked up, and it's okay if you want to go home and wait with Zero."

And Hizumi wanted to be insulted, he wanted to be angry, but after everything... he simply understood. "No, Karyu, I want to do this. I know you want to keep me safe, but I promised to help you take care of Tsukasa."

Karyu had that sad tilt to his smile again, and Hizumi wished they were somewhere private so he could kiss it away. "I have to keep trying."

Then Tsukasa was pushing them to walk faster, to get in the Hummer. "Daishi and some others are going to meet us there, in case we need them. But what I'm thinking, is we try to get in there, find Azaki without attracting any attention. We're some guys looking for a friend. We get him out of there, and I have a place we can take him that isn't too far away."

Hizumi thought again of broken fingers, of one inch of skin for every lie.

He realized then, it wasn't such a disturbing idea after all.

As they passed through traffic, with the gentle sound of windshield wipers swishing through the rain, Hizumi thought maybe he'd like to take a few inches of skin himself. Perhaps cut off Azaki's fingers one by one, because he thought he might like to hear him scream.

And that awareness really didn't scare him as much as it probably should have.

Karyu turned the Hummer into a busy parking garage, a few blocks from Yuki's mapped out starting point. The rain at least seemed to be light there, and the walk was only damp, and not soaking.

A group of men in fine suits crossed the sidewalk to meet them, and Hizumi relaxed at the sight of scars. Tsukasa stopped and pressed a hand to Hizumi's back, above his guns. "We'll split up. If you see him, don't stare, don't be obvious. Call Yuki, and we'll come get him."

Hizumi watched Yuki count them off and split them up. "What about ours?"

"Daishi will call me when they get here." Tsukasa used the hand to get Hizumi moving.

Then they were winding through crowds, peering into bars, restaurants, scanning faces. Dodging holograms dancing in the streets, ignoring cheerful advertisements calling to them as they passed. Hey gentlemen, come on in and make the afternoon unforgettable.

A stumbling group of businessmen crashed into them, and Hizumi faintly heard Karyu growl beside him, that wonderful snarl on his face as he pushed on by. Discreetly, he caught Karyu's hand, found it cold and rather tense. But Karyu smiled at him anyway, as they stopped in front of yet another door.

It was a small bar they were peering into. A quiet bar, without all the flash. Hizumi felt the hair rise on the back of his neck before Tsukasa even said it.

"There he is."

Yuki hissed something under his breath, and Tsukasa was motioning for them all to move back, away from the door. "Karyu and I will go in there. The two of you, watch _everything_." Barely waiting for their nods before turning to step inside.

There weren't many people, and Azaki was sitting at the back, both hands folded around a glass that was mostly ice. Glancing up from it, Tsukasa thought he might run.

Oh, and it was tempting to kill him right there, right where his lying, filthy self sat. Tsukasa's lip twitched, but he turned it into as much of a smile as he could manage. "We've been worried about you, you know."

Azaki shifted, squirmed. "Yeah, I'm... I'm really sorry, I've been looking for Yuusuke, trying to figure this shit out. So far I haven't found anything."

Tsukasa nodded, and sighed as if the information were a disappointment. "That's okay. We know who the traitor is now." Tilting his head, while Azaki looked more and more uncomfortable. "Well, aren't you going to ask?"

Azaki swallowed, thick and obvious. "Who is it?"

That time when Tsukasa smiled, it wasn't forced. And it wasn't kind. "Oh, you know exactly who it is. So why don't you get up, keep both your hands where I can see them, and come with us without any problems. Can you do that, _Aniki_?" The endearment turned into a snarl, and Azaki went pale.

Karyu's hand shifted in his pocket, and that was all Azaki needed to get him on his feet, letting Tsukasa guide him out the door. Out to where Hizumi and Yuki waited with a handful of Scarecrows and Black Death.

Like a man being marched to the gallows, as the group of them led him to the cars. Seated in the back of the Hummer, between Yuki and Hizumi, white-knuckled hands clutching his knees.

Hizumi smiled as they drove away, and sent a text to Zero.

_Got him._

+

The place Tsukasa had in mind was a suite of abandoned offices, damaged in some earthquake years ago, and condemned.

Hizumi could literally _see_ Azaki trembling.

"Tsu, come on, you're making a mistake." Even his voice shook. Glancing back at the line of cars, all the Scarecrows and Black Death leaning against them, looking so angry.

Tsukasa, looking like the devil at the edge of vengeance. "I'll give you one chance to explain." Pushing him through the corroded doorway, into a room full of dirt and debris.

Azaki was still looking back, as if anyone there might help him.

Karyu grabbed him by the hair and turned his head back around to face him. "I don't know if he even deserves one chance." Shoving him in farther, pushing him down into a rusty chair.

"You might be right." Tsukasa had that lovely knife in his hand, and Hizumi was barely aware of licking his lips at the sight, watching Tsukasa stalk closer to Azaki, and the way Azaki went so pale with fear. Pressing just the tip of the knife to his neck. "But still, I would like to hear his excuses."

Azaki drew a shuddery breath. "They made me do it."

"Who?"

"The Dragons, the Legacy. I couldn't say no or they would kill me."

" _I'm_ going to kill you." Tsukasa snarled. "Why didn't you come to me?"

Azaki shifted in the chair. "I couldn't! They would know, they would kill me!"

Tsukasa leaned closer then, caught Azaki by the chin, and hissed one quiet word. "Liar." The knife sliced into flesh, right above the black skull tattoo.

Azaki winced, but stayed quiet. Though his eyes went wide when Karyu stepped out of the corner, carrying a thick rope, and maybe then the seriousness of the situation finally sunk in. "Oh god, please.... I'm so sorry Tsu, I'm fucking _sorry_! I didn't tell them who you are yet! I was... I was stalling!"

Hizumi's lip curled. "You were waiting for proof. You weren't stalling, you just couldn't find anything to connect the dots."

"No! No that isn't true, please Karyu don't do this, it isn't true, please...." But Karyu calmly began tying Azaki to the chair, and his babbling became sobbing because he knew, he _knew_ what they were capable of.

It wasn't his first time in that room. It wasn't his first time touching those ropes.

"Please, please they were making me do it, they told me who to kill, they told me how to blackmail the doctors, it was all them!" Firmly bound to the chair, by the end of that.

And Tsukasa stood over him completely unimpressed. Slowly removing his jacket and gloves, passing them to Karyu.

The knife, catching every glint of available light.

"Oh I'm sure, they made you do it. Sure. Because they of course knew every deal the Black Death were making, when each deal was supposed to go down, so that each death made the right impact. Of course it was them. When you were the only one who knew all that." Tsukasa shook his head. "Try again."

Azaki shivered, opened his mouth, then closed it. The knife was making him nervous. "I swear, I'm sorry, I --" Whatever he was going to say next cut off in a brief scream. Tsukasa was not sliding the blade into his skin, but through it.

Delicately slicing away the tattoo.

One inch at a time.

And when Azaki was blubbering, sobbing, whimpering, Tsukasa leaned closer, and dangled the bloody skull in front of his face. "Now you are no longer mine." Dropping the skin to the floor, where Azaki could see it land. "So you might as well tell me the truth."

Azaki looked up from the tattoo, looked to Tsukasa, Karyu, Yuki, and saw only hatred and disgust.

Then quietly, he began to laugh, high and frantic. "There we go, the truth! The truth! The looks on your faces, there it is, right there. Oh Tsukasaaaa...." He turned the name into a sneer. "You all call me your brother, but I was never equal with any of you. When the Black Death wanted Tsukasa and Karyu, they didn't want me. But it was a package deal, right? Tsukasa, Karyu, and poor Azaki."

Tsukasa's eyes narrowed. "That's what this is about? Because the old leaders were imbeciles?"

"No, because they were _right_. I could never be as good as you. I knew it, they knew it, and all of you fucking knew it too." Azaki spit on the floor, right next to the skull. "Fuck you, fucking perfect Tsukasa. This was the opportunity I'd been waiting for. So I could bring you down from your high fucking tower and let you see the world the way it really is."

Karyu twitched. "What the fuck are you even talking about? You do remember what position you're in, don't you? Do you think Tsukasa _chose_ you as his general out of some kind of pity? No, he has always been proud of you, proud of your skills, your abilities as a leader. Talk about high fucking towers, and who does the entire Black Death report to?"

But Azaki laughed, and that time it was a broken, defeated sound. "I am nothing. Don't you get that? It's always been Tsukasa, Tsukasa, Tsukasa. The boogeyman that everyone is afraid of, while the rest of us are harmless shadows on the wall."

Tsukasa almost felt something then, almost sadness, regret, maybe a little guilty for never realizing how Azaki really felt.

But then he thought of how many times he'd come so close to losing Karyu over this, or Hizumi. He thought of days spent waiting for Zero to wake up.

Then all he felt was rage. And it was white hot, blinding, and he made some low noise in his throat as he slashed the knife through the air, through the side of Azaki's face. Two flaps of skin that used to be his cheek, and Azaki was screaming. "You're right about one thing. You _are_ nothing."

Movement beside him, Yuki, flushed and angry. "I'm ashamed to have ever called you my brother." Then he spit in his tattered face, and stepped back. "Tear him apart, Tsu."

And he did. Oh, he did. Slowly. Tiny pieces of skin and muscle, peeled away, dropped to the floor.

Hizumi watched, leaning against the wall because he no longer trusted his legs to hold him up. Watching as the man's face disappeared, bone stained red with blood, exposed teeth with nothing left to cover them.

At some point Azaki passed out, and Hizumi thought he might do the same. But Karyu's arms were there to support him. And the other side of Azaki's face was gone.

Blood everywhere, and Hizumi could smell it, could smell where Azaki pissed himself, and maybe he was already dead because how could someone survive without their entire _face_?

He barely felt himself swallow, and Karyu held him a little more firmly, whispering into his ear. "Are you okay with this?"

Hizumi nodded, sort of jittery. "I am, but it's... more than I ever imagined."

The skin of Azaki's neck was gone, and Tsukasa had been careful to avoid the arteries. Cutting open Azaki's shirt, exposing more skin, slick with blood.

Karyu felt Hizumi shiver, and smiled against his cheek. "Would you like to try?"

It was loud enough that Tsukasa heard, and he turned, saw Karyu's dangerous grin, and how Hizumi didn't quite seem so scared anymore, with Karyu licking up the side of his throat.

And Yuki's rough laughter beside him. "Go ahead, let the kid take his pound of flesh."

Tsukasa smiled, that rare, creepy smile, and held the knife out to Hizumi. "He's responsible for what happened to Zero. It's your right, too."

Zero. The one word flipped Hizumi out of his stupor, into some sort of vivid clarity. He drew a steady breath and took the knife. Slippery in his fingers, sticky blood, but he held it with confidence.

Moving out of Karyu's arms, poking with the tip of the blade at Azaki's exposed chest. The result was a dull, quiet groan. Good. He wasn't dead yet. "Azaki.... Azaki.... Can you hear me? This is Hizumi, are you listening to me? You hurt my Zero. I'm going to take out your eyes."

Another groan, a bit more forceful, and Hizumi almost hesitated. Touching the knife to the bloody disaster of Azaki's face, he almost felt bad about what he was about to do.

Then he thought of Zero again, the way he felt in his arms on the floor of the clinic, cold and bleeding and dying....

Hizumi made a sound that might have been a snarl, might have been a sob, and drove the knife into Azaki's eye socket. The man screamed and thrashed, but Hizumi held him still by the wet mess of his hair. Slicing until the eyeball popped out and rolled down, over Azaki's lap and onto the floor with the rest.

Yuki exhaled in a whistle. "He actually did it."

Someone shushed him, Hizumi couldn't tell, because he was too busy starting on the other eye. Slowly cutting, and Azaki was unconscious again. The eye fell to the floor, and the wet splat brought Hizumi out of his haze.

Back to reality, where he was standing in front of a living human being, whose eyes he had cut out of his skull.

Hizumi took three steps to the side, and threw up.

Immediately, Karyu was there. Taking the knife, passing it back to Tsukasa, then leading Hizumi outside.

Fresh air that smelled of rain, of ozone and pollution, but not blood. Hizumi took deep breaths of it, and threw up again. Karyu still holding him tight, brushing his hair out of the way, whispering something that Hizumi finally realized was a repeating "I'm sorry, I'm sorry".

"Don't be sorry." He turned, and wanted so desperately to touch him, but his hands were so bloody.... "I needed to do that, Karyu. He could have taken all of you away from me."

But Karyu was shaking his head. "No, you never needed to do that." And he didn't care about the blood, he just pulled him close again.

Eventually footsteps crunching on dirt, and Tsukasa came out of the building, wiping his hands on a towel. "The sink in the restroom still works, if you'd like to wash your hands."

Hizumi nodded, moved away from Karyu. "Is he dead?"

"Yes, he's dead." Almost regretful, as he slipped into his jacket.

Hizumi went back inside, aware of Karyu following, and secretly he was grateful for that. Because Azaki was a chaos of blood and intestines and Hizumi didn't think he could handle that if he was alone.

But he wasn't alone. So he snarled at the corpse and went toward the only other open door.

The restroom floor slanted, and only the cold water worked, but there was soap. Washing away the blood, the clear sticky fluid that had leaked from Azaki's eyes -- oh fuck, he cut out someone's _eyes_ \-- and he thought he might be sick all over again. But Karyu's hand was there on his shoulder, so he made himself breathe, and rinse out his mouth until all he could taste was water.

Karyu passed him a clean towel. "Are you okay?"

Hizumi nodded without having to think about it. "I'm okay." Then an absurd thought hit him. "You didn't get to do anything to him."

Karyu laughed at that, and shrugged. "He's dead, I can be satisfied with that. I did get to shoot the fuckers in the clinic, remember. So I sort of owed you one."

Hizumi drew another slow, calming breath. "And we're not done yet."

"No, we're not. I will ask you one more time...."

"I'm not backing out, Karyu. Stop trying to send me home." He threw the wet towel into his arms, and left the restroom. Proud of himself, because he walked right by what was left of Azaki without flinching, without even the slightest twitch of nausea.

Walking back to the cars, it was time to send Zero another message.

_He's dead._

And Hizumi wanted to smile about that, because it meant one less threat to the happiness he was trying to build for himself. But all he could think of was how much there was left to do before Tsukasa, and all of them really, could be safe.

One step closer, but still so far away.

+

The rain was long gone, but clouds were still drifting by, silvery with afternoon light.

Hizumi closed the door of the Hummer, and watched as the rest of the cars pulled in and emptied. Noticed how everyone seemed so solemn.

All those worthless deaths. Ren, the doctors, all the names Hizumi couldn't remember.

Tsukasa and Karyu were following Yuki inside, then Daishi, and the Scarecrows that had gone with them. Another car of Death, but one of them turned toward the Hummer instead of going inside.

Snake barely smiled, stopping in front of Hizumi, hands fidgeting in his pockets. "I heard you're the one who figured all this shit out."

Hizumi thought he might have blushed at that, but he was still quite numb. "It wasn't just me."

"But mostly." He smirked, and watched Hizumi shrug. "Don't be modest dude. You caught the fucker that killed Ren, and man, if there's ever anything I can do, and I mean fucking _anything_ , you let me know. Okay?"

Hizumi smiled then, looking up to see the honest gratitude in Snake's eyes. So many people affected. "You don't owe me anything. So... keep yourself alive through all of this."

Snake laughed. Nodded, and clapped a hand on Hizumi's shoulder. "Yeah. I can do that."

Then Karyu was making faces and hurrying motions at them from the open door, and Hizumi almost felt a little better, as he went inside.

Upstairs, and Karyu pulled him down beside him on the couch. Tsukasa on the other side of Karyu, gloves off again, smoothing stained fingers over a tiny open blade. Hizumi noticed, the knife that had been used to kill Azaki was laying on the table, still sticky-shiny with blood.

That upside-down loss of gravity feeling hit him again, and he leaned as discreetly as possible against Karyu. Which earned him a warm leather arm around his shoulders, and breathing wasn't so difficult after that.

Not until Tsukasa sliced his palm open with the tiny knife.

Hand held out, blood dripped onto the knife on the table, each drop sizzling like acid. Steam rose from the blade, and Hizumi thought he heard a few curse words from the collected men. But he was busy listening to Tsukasa whisper.

Old dead words again. And the more blood that fell on the blade, the more it began to boil.

Yuki then, quietly, nervously. "What's this mean, Tsu?"

Also quietly, "It means he was telling the truth."

"About the Dragons too?"

Tsukasa nodded, opened his hand and made a second cut. Deeper, the blood swelling and falling quickly, and Hizumi was aware of shivering, because all he wanted to do was lick it away.

Karyu's hand tightened on his arm, and a low chuckle in his ear. "I know what you're thinking."

But Tsukasa was already binding his hand in napkins, and Karyu moved before he could make any sort of reply. Leaning past Tsukasa to pick up the knife, tucking it carefully back into a dark, shiny bag. Something about that bag brought back Hizumi's nausea, so he made himself look away.

He realized then, it looked like something that had been hanging out of Azaki, when he had gone back into the building.

Everything spun, and Hizumi bolted off the couch, out the door with Karyu's call of his name fading behind him. Barely making it to the restroom, but only to the row of sinks. There wasn't really anything left to throw up, but his stomach was giving its best effort.

Karyu of course, rushing through the door seconds later. "Fuck, Hizumi...." Arms around him, holding on while he coughed up nothing, while the water turned on and Hizumi rinsed the bitter taste from his mouth.

Hizumi drew a weak breath. "I'm sorry, I'll get over this."

But Karyu was shaking his head. "No, no you don't, you...." His voice caught, and he dropped to the floor, taking Hizumi with him. And Karyu was actually crying, hard painful tears against Hizumi's shoulder. "I wanted to keep you from this. Fuck!"

Hizumi shifted around, kneeling over Karyu's thighs, and he thought he'd never ached so violently before. Because Karyu didn't deserve to be this upset. Slipping hands around his neck, into his hair, and the tears made him even more beautiful, and this was the final thing that caused Hizumi to entirely shatter.

Collapsing against Karyu, his own tears came and ripped him apart. "I want this to be over. I want to go home, I want us all to be safe, I'm tired of feeling like the entire world wants to take you away from me."

Karyu made a sound that was almost laughter, if laughter could sound so sad. "Now you know how I feel every fucking day. All I want to do is keep Tsukasa home, because every time he steps out the door there's something fucking out there that wants him dead."

Hizumi held him tighter. "It never gets easier, does it."

"No. It never does."

And all the times they'd had this conversation, it had never hit Hizumi so sharply, like bullets into every tender part of him. "Why do we fall in love, if it hurts so bad?"

Like knives, deep in Karyu's heart. His eyes shut tight, hiding in the cool leather of Hizumi's collar. "Don't ever love us, Hizumi. Please don't."

But that was what it all came down to, wasn't it? That warm feeling he could never place. That fragile, unexplainable tenderness when he thought of Tsukasa, and Karyu, and Zero. The ache like an open wound when he thought of losing them.

What he wanted to say without knowing how to say it, and Zero wouldn't let him....

Hizumi tensed, and let go of Karyu's hair before he ripped it out, letting his fingers tighten in the back of his jacket instead. Only able to whisper, "I already do."

Karyu pulled him closer, wishing he could somehow turn time backward to that night in the rain. Turn back, and keep driving. "I guess we're all damned."

And that was such a Karyu kind of reaction. "I guess we are."

Then something was buzzing, deep in leather, and Karyu had to let go to take his phone out of his pocket. Wiping his eyes clear so he could read the message. Tsukasa of course. Karyu barely laughed then, almost normal that time. "He wants to know if we've been abducted by aliens, or if we're coming back upstairs any time soon."

Hizumi managed to laugh too. "He did not say that." Snatching the phone away to read, and he let out a breath that somehow took all of his tension with it.

Tsukasa was joking about aliens. Everything was going to be fine.

He typed out a response, _As soon as we're done with the anal probe_ , and sent it.

Karyu fully laughed then, and Hizumi decided it was finally the right time to kiss him. Only for a moment, because they did need to get back upstairs. There were plans to be made, solutions to be plotted out.

But as Hizumi picked himself, and Karyu somehow, from the floor, he realized he was no longer foolish enough to think the completion of this would really be a true ending. They could take out one enemy of the Black Death, and more would be there, waiting.

Cut off one head, two more would grow in its place.


	11. Chapter 11

XI · Trebuchet

 

The upper room of Six-Nine was stuffed full of Black Death and Scarecrows.

Hizumi felt a little overwhelmed, looking out at all the skull tattoos and old scars.

And it wasn't even a bad kind of overwhelmed, more like... awe, because all those men were there to support Tsukasa. Even if half of them didn't know who he really was.

Maybe it all came down to this: What Azaki had done was dishonorable. And what the Dragons were trying to do was disgusting.

The choice to fight was an easy choice to make.

Tsukasa had called the other three leaders in, and the four of them were sitting to Hizumi's left, waiting for instruction. Waiting to see who would replace Azaki.

Tsukasa and Yuki were discussing something Hizumi couldn't hear, which left him fidgeting beside Karyu, trying to work things out in his head. But there was one vital piece of information missing. He leaned over then, nudging Karyu to get his attention. "Can you tell me about these Dragons?"

Karyu's eyebrow, right up. "You don't know about the Dragons?" Both eyebrows, when Hizumi shook his head. "Okay. The Legacy of the Dragon, they're an off-shoot of the Yakuza. Some low-totem-pole guys who got tired of taking orders, years ago they broke off and formed their own gang. They stay out of the Yakuza's way, and the Yakuza leave them alone. Tsukasa says it's like when kids don't want their parents to drive them to school anymore. To the Yakuza, they're brats trying to act grown-up."

Hizumi laughed at this, the mental image. Gangsters in school uniforms. "But that probably makes them even more dangerous, feeling like they have something to prove."

"Oh yeah, they're very dangerous. And what bothers me, is I can't figure out what they're trying to do, going after Tsukasa like this."

Hizumi stayed quiet for a moment, watching Tsukasa speak, Yuki nodding along. "I can understand the part about killing Death members to ruin contacts and jobs, break us down that way. That makes sense. But why require proof of who Tsukasa really is? Why not get Azaki to point him out?"

Karyu looked frustrated, when Hizumi's attention flicked back to him. "It makes me think there's more to this than the obvious."

That time when Hizumi laughed, it was tired. "There always is, around here."

Karyu laughed, and it was what Hizumi needed to hear.

Then Tsukasa was leaning across them, getting the attention of the four leaders, and Hizumi thought that might be important to listen to. "I know you're waiting for me to say which one of you is replacing Azaki. But right now, I can't make that decision. So until I do, you'll all report to Karyu."

The four men nodded; Hizumi noticed Tsukasa's hand on Karyu's knee, a light squeeze for confidence.

"I also need someone assigned to taking care of Azaki. I don't want to leave him there, I want a point to be made. Pick out a few guys you can trust to do the job right, but guys you know will talk about it." Tsukasa's lip curled, and the hand on Karyu's leg tensed. "Everyone needs to know what happens to traitors."

They were nodding again, and it was Ryu who took out his phone. "I know who to call. What do you want done with him?"

"Drag him out of the building, burn him, where everyone can see."

Hizumi's stomach did a little flip. Despite his best efforts not to think about it, he couldn't help but imagine the situation. The mess Azaki had been in when they left. He hoped those poor guys would think to bring gloves. Maybe buckets.

Tsukasa stood up then, a grateful distraction in a rustle of leather.

The entire room went silent.

"Here's what we're going to do. We're going after the leaders." Picking up his phone, he sent a mass message to every phone in the room.

A flood of beeps and rings and songs, and Hizumi found three photographs on his screen, along with names. He shared a look with Karyu, and a quiet whisper. "Ugly fuckers."

Karyu snickered at that, closing the files.

Tsukasa continued. "Everyone who wants to be part of this will be divided into groups, and we'll go out and search for these men. But what everyone needs to be aware of, is this will not be a clean hunt. There will be resistance. There will be retaliation. And anyone who tries to get in our way, I want them taken down."

Yuki stood finally, and Hizumi thought he looked a little too amused, a little psychotic, beside Tsukasa's calm. "So this is it, boys. Anyone wants out, now's the time to go."

Nobody seemed interested in getting up. But one man, a nervous-looking Scarecrow, shifted in his chair. "You realize, they have twice as many guys as we do. Even combined."

Tsukasa only shrugged. "Then we'll have to be twice as good. Anything else?"

Headshakes, mumbles, and Hizumi was aware of a sudden buzzing sensation under his skin. He recognized it as anticipation, that adrenaline rush from watching too many movies, the excitement that came whenever he realized he was actually living one, and that thought reminded him sharply of Zero.

Leaning forward, glancing at Tsukasa and Yuki seated again, mapping out locations, choosing groups. Then Karyu, who was also watching. Hizumi smiled a little, and held up his phone. "Need to go call Zero."

Karyu nodded as he stood, touching Hizumi's hand briefly, quick enough that it could have meant nothing. But Hizumi knew, it meant so much. "Tell him there's cake in the fridge."

He smiled, and repeated the contact. "Don't expect any to be left when we get home."

Karyu shrugged. "I'll buy more."

Hizumi just laughed.

He wasn't sure where to go, so he went out to the Hummer. Zero answered on the first ring.

"Do I get details finally?"

Hizumi felt a million pieces of himself break apart at the sound of his voice, and everything rushed in so quickly that he didn't even know where to begin. He had no idea what to say.

"Hizumi?"

But Zero wanted to hear _anything_.

"He's dead, we... killed him. I... I cut out his eyes." And he could still feel it, couldn't he. Slippery and hot....

"What?!"

Except he realized then, he didn't feel quite so sick. Part of him, quiet and meek and merely a whisper, but it was there, wishing he could go back and do it all again.

Azaki's screams echoing in his ears and this time, it sounded like justice.

"Tsukasa cut off his face, bit by bit. Oh you should have heard him _scream_ , Zero. And then I cut out his eyes, because you... you almost _died_. So we're going after the gang he was working for, but... I...." His voice sort of cracked, and that time it was his own words echoing. Almost died.

And the conversation he'd had in the restroom with Karyu was a sudden heavy weight.

"Zero, listen, I... realized some things today, and you probably already know because you're smart like that. But I also realized, this is always the way it's going to be. There's always going to be danger, always these chances of getting hurt, and if you want out, if --"

"Hizumi...."

"-- if you want to go home and forget all of this, I --"

"Hizumi."

"-- I won't blame you --"

"Hizumi!"

He tensed, but went quiet. With his eyes tightly shut. "What?"

"Shut up." Unexpectedly, Hizumi noticed how tired Zero sounded, and he wondered how much of that was his fault. "I'm serious, stop trying to get rid of me because you think you're protecting me. You don't really want me to go...."

It was a question, disguised as stubborn protest. And he wanted to lie, he wanted to say yes, go home, I don't care about you anymore.

Because he was thinking of Karyu, the night Tsukasa got shot with the H-9s, how he'd been too afraid to stop watching Tsukasa and go to sleep.

But he was selfish. And all he wanted was that comfortable warmth against his shoulder, that devious smile when they were plotting, and the way he kissed him like there was nothing to hide. "No. No I don't want you to go."

Zero exhaled, and it was a little bit shaky. "Good. Then tell me what your plans are."

Hizumi let his eyes open, and as he relayed Tsukasa's plan, he watched clouds drift by.

But when it was Zero's turn to speak, he forgot anything else existed.

+

It was the three of them in the Hummer. Yuki was riding with his boys in the same black hulking Toyota that followed before.

Hizumi felt anxious in the lack of music, listening to Tsukasa's end of a phone conversation. Apparently the cleaning crew were on their way. "Tell them to bring a mop." Barely mumbled, but loud enough for Karyu to hear, and laugh about.

Tsukasa looked vaguely amused in the rearview mirror, and that was good enough.

They were heading back to Kabukicho, the other side this time, where the clubs were managed exclusively by Dragons. One specifically, rumored to be their main headquarters of sorts. The Dragon version of Mayhem or Six-Nine.

The "open" light was off, but the door was unlocked, and Hizumi was hit with that movie set vibe again.

A room entirely empty, an ordinary bar, and the three of them with guns tucked in at every available angle, Karyu's darling rifles nestled beneath the sleek drape of leather coats. Completely out of place.

But Hizumi could admit he liked the feeling.

Behind them, Yuki and two more Crows, looking like they _might_ fit in there, if it weren't for those obtrusive scars.

Then eight men approached from a corner table, not quite as classy as the Crows, but trying. Hizumi glanced over the lines of their bodies and found the predictable sign of guns.

One hand slowly reached back, casual, to rest on his own.

"You kids don't belong here." An older man, sounding rather amused. "Little birdies and fleas need to go back to your sandboxes, before you get hurt."

Tsukasa curled a smile, that dangerous slice of expression. "You mean like Azaki got hurt?" Something flickered in the Dragon's eyes. "That's right. We caught him, and we know."

Guns drawn so quickly, clothing fluttering like the sound of wings.

Hizumi held the gaze of the man closest to him, gun barrels nearly touching. Then he realized his hands weren't even shaking.

And Tsukasa was speaking again. "I think what you should do is put your guns down, because we aren't here for you, unless you get in our way. Our business is with your cowardly leaders, that's all."

None of the weapons so much as _twitched_.

"They're not here. Maybe you should go home."

A long moment of tension, then it was Yuki who snorted, and turned around. "Yeah, these bitches ain't worth our time. Fucking cockroaches."

Hizumi listened to footsteps, out the door. Then Tsukasa nodded and turned. Karyu beside him, snickering about cockroaches.

But maybe it was some kind of psychic intervention, some kind of sixth sense kicking in, because neither he nor Hizumi wanted to turn their backs to the Dragons. Instead, walking backward toward the door. Three steps before the first gunshot went wide and bounced off Karyu's sleeve.

He didn't even bother to _think_ , he just shoved Tsukasa back and started shooting.

Hizumi had a moment where time slowed down, where reality sort of fell apart, because he was looking for blood on Karyu, and watching bullets falling to the floor instead. Then Dragons were falling, and the solid thud of something against his jacket caused time to speed back up.

All Hizumi saw then were Karyu's spray painted dots on the men still standing.

Another thud, and Hizumi fired on instinct at the man who tried to shoot him. Watched the front of his cheap suit blossom into red as he dropped.

It was easy, so _easy_.

Standing beside Karyu, Tsukasa safely a step behind them, and then there was one Dragon left. Bleeding, clutching an empty gun. The sudden silence left his ears ringing and buzzing, but Hizumi could still hear himself as he started to laugh.

It might have been slightly hysterical, if he were to stop and think about it.

Karyu caught his arm and got him moving toward the door again, pistol still aimed at the last man. "Pass that message on. We're not going anywhere until our business is finished."

There were already sirens rising in the distance, they had to hurry without attracting too much attention. Then the faded sound of Karyu's phone as they caught up with Yuki and the others.

Karyu went still, right on the sidewalk. The lit screen somehow much too bright in the dimming evening light. "Guys, there's a lot of shit going down. We're not the only ones getting shot at. And some of our guys are hurt."

Yuki made a face. "Yeah I got calls too. Seems the fuckers are out and waiting. They were ready for this."

Karyu rubbed at one of the distorted round scars on a bulletproof sleeve. "I'm not surprised. I bet they've been waiting ever since we took Azaki."

Tsukasa's phone interrupted, and Hizumi watched his expression turn cold. Watched him draw a slow breath before relaying the information. "The Dragon leaders are at Mayhem. They're threatening to blow the place up if Tsukasa doesn't come."

Karyu looked as if he might panic. "What? We can't go --"

"We _have_ to go." Tsukasa, moving again, quickly toward where they left the cars.

"But..."

"They're threatening to hurt a lot of people, Karyu. I have no choice."

Down the crowded sidewalk, with the buzz of police activity behind them, Hizumi thought they might have a choice after all.

Keeping Tsukasa safe was still the number one priority.

+

"...And across the city, violence seems to be breaking out in random locations. We urge the public to stay inside while the police deal with this matter. Here's Sergeant Andou with the latest."

Zero watched the screen switch to a stocky, bright-eyed man. "Right now we can't say exactly what is going on, only that it appears to be the work of at least two prominent gangs. So far we're responding to a large number of individual crime scenes, mostly in known gang areas of Shinjuku. There have been no casualties other than gang members at this time, and the violence does not seem to be directed at the public. However...."

He droned on, about people staying home, being careful, and Zero stopped listening. Bright cheerful commercials next, and he thumbed for the mute button. Aware so suddenly of being nervous, of his heart racing furious in his chest.

His phone was never out of reach. He sent a quick message to Hizumi, a simple _Are you okay?_ , then waited. One hundred heartbeats before his phone beeped with a return.

_This leather is bulletproof!_

Somehow, it wasn't the reassurance he was looking for.

Zero sighed and looked out the window, neon lights taking over for the setting sun, and he knew it was going to be a long night.

+

Mayhem was already thick with people, way too many people for Tsukasa's liking. Most of them ordinary customers, not Black Death, not Scarecrows, not Dragons. And that son of a bitch was threatening to kill them all.

Tsukasa wanted to think he was bluffing. But he knew the kinds of things the Dragons were into, and instead shifted his thoughts to where the dynamite, or C-4, or Blastol might be hiding.

He started to realize, they might actually lose this time.

At the back, by the graffiti wall, the three men they were all looking for. The three men responsible for everything. One of them turned, a big ugly dude with a scarred grin like an alligator. "Well well, more to join the party. You better hope your Tsukasa gets here soon."

Tsukasa scanned the space. Half Dragons, half Death, all guns and alertness. He drew a breath, let it out slowly. Ignoring the way Karyu was staring holes in the side of his face. "Tsukasa is already here."

A few mumbles, and alligator face laughed. "Oh goody! You, I suppose?"

Tsukasa opened his mouth to speak, but Hizumi was stepping forward, placing himself between Tsukasa and the drifting gun.

It didn't sink in fast enough for him to react, to stop him. To prevent Hizumi from making the worst mistake he possibly could.

"No. I'm Tsukasa. So let's end this now."

The reactions were immediate. Mutterings, various curses, someone somewhere actually laughing. Hizumi thought it sounded a lot like Yuki. And Tsukasa behind him, whispering, "Don't do this, Hizu. Please."

But it was too late. The Dragon leader took a few steps forward, closer to Hizumi, that awful smile on his face. "And finally, the big mystery is over. Look everyone, here's your big scary Tsukasa, just a boy. A boy! Now you can all watch him die." He threw his arms into the air. "Shoot them!"

Another eruption of chaos.

Hizumi felt himself shoved behind a set of chairs, which made his shot go too high and miss. But he was quick with another, even as the fabric in front of him popped and burst.

Tsukasa kneeling next to him, tense and angry. "What the fuck did you think you were doing? What if he had shot you? That jacket's bulletproof but your stupid _not-thinking_ head isn't!"

Hizumi stopped firing and looked at Tsukasa. "Neither is yours."

Before he could think of the right way to respond to that, Karyu was sliding in behind them, some disgusted, bitter expression on his face. "Those stupid sons of bitches are trying to escape!"

It was enough to get them off the floor and running. Hizumi realized he could see all the way across the club, to where they were fleeing out the door, because all the people were gone. The view was slightly disorienting.

And by the time they made it outside, the leaders were driving away in a beat-up sedan.

"Oh fuck no, they are not getting away." Karyu stopped, squinting at the escaping car. "Got the license plate. Let's go!"

Running again, jumping into the Hummer, and they weren't the only ones. Punks and suits pouring out of Mayhem, rushing to cars. Everyone chasing everyone.

Hizumi watched them all through the back window as Karyu fed the plate number to the Hummer's navigation. "This is insane."

Karyu snorted. " _You're_ insane! What was that shit, 'no I'm Tsukasa', _what the fuck were you thinking_?!"

That was enough. Hizumi spun around. "I was thinking I was saving Tsukasa's life and identity, that's what! It's what you've been training me to do, so both of you stop bitching at me for it!"

Tsukasa's hands tensed on the steering wheel, and Karyu turned in his seat, looking as if he might yell again. But he didn't. He couldn't.

Tsukasa exhaled, but did not relax. "I hate it when he's right."

Okay, maybe Karyu _could_ yell again. "He is not right! He's not! There's a difference between protecting you and deliberately putting himself in danger!"

Tsukasa flicked a glance from the road to Karyu, then back. "You're only mad because you didn't think of it first."

Well, that shut Karyu up. It was so unexpected, he had no idea how to react to it. So he sulked and placed his focus on the navigation, tracking the little blinking dot. "Fuck you. Fuck you both. Next time I get to be Tsukasa."

The real Tsukasa smirked, and followed the dot onto the highway. Right into rush-hour traffic. He turned onto the shoulder, driving past the slow line of cars. Not far behind, other cars were doing the same.

The back window distracted Hizumi again. He was thinking about how long it would be until the police tried to stop them. "Can't we get off this highway?"

"Yeah, in a minute. They got on another one. Doesn't look so busy." Karyu watched the dot speed up. "Where are those idiots going, anyway? That road leads out to nowhere."

Tsukasa sped up too. "That's probably the plan."

A long line of headlights in the dark, heading to nowhere. Sirens behind them, but never quite catching up.

Karyu took the time to reload everyone's clips, while the distance between themselves and the blinking dot eventually began to shrink.

+

Zero soon came to realize the news was making him paranoid.

Every new report, now involving cars flying down the highway, and all he wanted was to call Hizumi. Call and make sure it wasn't him in the ambulance they filmed driving away from a bar, or in one of those reckless cars.

Make sure he was still safe somewhere, bulletproof.

But he would always think, what if Hizumi was hiding, and the ring of his phone gave him away?

Another update on the television. Zero hit the mute button and stood up, pacing across the room, leaving the temptation of the phone behind.

The apartment seemed so empty and strange with no one else around.

Peeking into the quiet bedroom, scraps of clothes left on the floor, pieces of guns sprawled on the bed. The shirt Hizumi was wearing when he snuck out from the lab. It had been washed, but Zero could still see faint blood stains.

Like a bad omen.

He rubbed goosebumps from his arms and kicked the shirt under the bed, closing the door on his way out. As if he could trap the bad vibes in there with it. And as a final measure, into the bathroom to wash his hands, even though he hadn't actually touched it.

Drying off, he wanted to _call_. To type out a simple little "hey", and get a simple little "hey" back. Something. _Anything._

He decided then, he was acting like an idiot. It was a bloody shirt, probably his own blood anyway, because Hizumi hadn't really been hurt.

Just a bloody fucking shirt.

Zero snorted at his reflection, glared at it.

"Seriously Zero, don't be such a fucking girl."

Shaky hands slid back through his hair, and stopped at the bandages. That would give him something to do. Surely Tsukasa kept scissors around.

He found them in the cabinet, and started trying to make something decent out of the sad butchered mess his hair had been left in. At least it might distract him for a few minutes.

Until the next news report.

+

The smaller highway was mostly empty, and the sedan was near, around a curve. Their escape had failed, and Karyu felt a little better knowing that.

Wherever they were running to, it wouldn't do them any good.

Hizumi, still watching behind them. "Hey, that car is getting close. Is that one of ours?" Watching, as the passenger started to lean out the window, and realization hit as the bullet pinged off the glass above his head. He instinctively ducked.

"Motherfucker!" Karyu turned, angry, and another bullet banged on the trunk. "Bitch don't you dare fuck up my paint job!"

"Guess that answers my question." Hizumi picked a shiny Uzi from the seat beside him, and rolled down his own window. Ignoring Karyu's protests as he leaned out, fighting the harsh blast of wind.

He was aiming for the tire, but the spray of bullets took out the front bumper instead. Bullets jumped over his head, bouncing off the roof, but his second array of shots sent the Dragon car whirling into the other lane. Hizumi was aware of laughing again.

Ducking back inside made his ears ring. And Karyu was grinning in that beautiful way that Hizumi loved. "Fucking _nice_. Now watch this." Karyu flipped open a panel in the center console, exposing switches, buttons, knobs. The Hummer made a little twitch as he pressed something, and colorful LEDs lit up in a row.

Hizumi thought his eyes might pop out of his head. "You're fucking kidding me."

Karyu, still grinning. "Nope."

The highway curved, and Hizumi watched as another car made to pass them on the inside lane. Windows rolled down, and he figured they weren't trying to pass, but that the two men on their side were going to shoot at them.

Karyu pressed a different switch. The Hummer shivered as machine guns sounded, and the car beside them sort of burst open with little holes everywhere, swerving to crash into the center barrier.

Behind, more sounds of guns and screeching tires.

Tsukasa watched the black Toyota pull over to the side, but he couldn't tell if it was damaged or not. "One of you call Yuki, make sure he's okay."

Karyu sent a message. The highway straightened out, and Tsukasa took the opportunity to speed up, burning away the distance between them and the Dragon leaders in the time it took Yuki to reply. "He's fine. They're stopping to make sure none of those crashed bastards follow us."

Hizumi took that to mean they were going to kill them. He tried to feel pity, tried to feel _something_ , but it wasn't there.

He thought of Azaki, the men he shot in the bar. He thought of blood on the floor, the smell of gunpowder, the way his ears ached from all the explosive noise. And the only thing he was finally able to feel was anger toward all of them. Hate, rage, and something powerful and tight that he couldn't quite put a name to, but it made him reach for Tsukasa's shoulder, to remind himself he was still there.

Then the back of that ugly sedan, right in front of them.

Karyu pushed buttons, and the Hummer shivered again. Bullets pinged off the trunk, nicked a tail light, but otherwise harmless. "Shit. Guess it's the big boys for this one."

Tsukasa smirked, allowed a little more space between the vehicles. "Better hope they work this time."

"Hey! Don't jinx us. They'll work." Again with switches and shivers, then both back tires erupted and threw the car fishtailing across the road. "See, told you!"

Hizumi laughed between the seats. "That was awesome."

The Dragon car took a clumsy turn onto an exit ramp, ass dragging in pathetic sparks. Not much farther down a deserted road, until they finally gave up, coming to a stop in the middle of a rugged parking lot.

Tsukasa stopped not far away, and the sound of other tires crackling over rough pavement filled in behind them. Looking back, Hizumi saw Yuki's car pull in last.

Then an awkward silence.

Only a moment, before Tsukasa pressed the gas, the Hummer lunging forward in a spray of dirt, ramming into the side of the parked Dragon car. He backed up to do it again, but the men inside were jumping out. Karyu was already out the door before he could shut off the engine. "Hizumi...."

Paused, with his hand on the door. "What?"

Tsukasa wanted to tell him to stay in the car. He wanted to say, thank you for risking your life for me. But other car doors were opening and closing, gun shots already filling the night. "Please be careful." Then he slid out into the dark, and followed Karyu into the building where the retreating leaders had gone.

Hizumi, a step behind.

The building was actually a half-collapsed parking structure, full of shadows, and heaps of concrete and rebar. Karyu had his infrared switched on, leading them to a tilted column. "They're right over there." A bare whisper, pointing with his rifle at pure blackness. "Hizumi, take that column. Tsukasa, take that one. Okay, you see that one little spot of light coming through the cracks? They're below it. Fire that way."

Something outside exploded; Hizumi and Tsukasa used the noise to cover their movement.

Karyu started shooting as soon as they left, muzzle flashes lighting up the space, bullets tearing through concrete. Return fire caused his pillar to erupt, fragments hitting his goggles and making them mostly useless. "Fuckers, ruining everything."

And the fight outside was drifting inside, which meant he had to move, or be a clear target. Karyu darted right, toward Tsukasa's better hiding place, and felt a sharp pain in his arm before he hit the shadows. It was so out of place, he didn't know how to comprehend it. Because it felt like he'd been shot.

But his jacket was bulletproof.

"Oh, oh fuck, this is not good. Fuck." Because it wasn't just pain, it burned, hot and so obvious that he felt like screaming. Tsukasa beside him was saying something, Karyu couldn't quite hear it, because the facts were much too loud. "Tsu.... They're using H-9s."

"What?" Squinting, he watched Karyu slip out of his jacket, fumbling in the pockets for things he couldn't make out. "Seriously, say that again."

"I said, they're using H-9s. They shot me in the fucking arm!" Karyu snarled, evident in his voice even if Tsukasa couldn't see, and pushed the torn sleeve into Tsukasa's hand.

The rip was still hot. And slick with blood. "Fuckers. Cheating goddamn cowardly _fuckers_. How bad are you hurt?"

"Not bad. I'm taping it, I'll be fine." Karyu had to go by feel, sorting out the derma-tape and a numbing patch. "We have to get to Hizumi."

Instantly aware then of all the gunfire, all the bullets crossing back and forth. Karyu pulled his jacket back on, then gave his goggles an experimental shake. He managed to get a faint overlay. Better than nothing. In the direction of the Dragon leaders, only two heat signatures, huddled in the same hiding place. "Wait, one's missing."

The hair rose on the back of his neck right before he heard it.

Hizumi screamed, loud and rough, and Karyu was running, barely aware of Tsukasa yelling his name, yelling for him to stop. Two heat signatures on the ground. Karyu switched off the goggles and found Hizumi, then checked the second. One of the leaders, dead, but Karyu emptied the last rounds into his face anyway.

"Karyu... he's really fucked, we have to get him out of here." Tsukasa, crouched over Hizumi, but Karyu was looking at the place where the other two were hiding. "Karyu!"

"I heard you! Get him out of here, I'll follow when I can." Tossing his useless gun down, he picked up the one dropped by the Dragon. H-9 rounds inside, warm and waiting. Vaguely registering the gloved fingers in his hair before the sound of Tsukasa leaving with Hizumi.

Then there was nothing but anger. Hotter and more deadly than the H-9s, scalding to his very bones as he silently crossed the space.

Close enough to crouch behind a barrier, and shoot through the concrete hiding the two Dragons. One of them yelled, his heat shape collapsing, and the other stood and shot at Karyu in return. The barrier sort of crumbled, but Karyu was fast enough to shoot the man down before he could hit him instead.

Quickly, slinking closer again, shooting at his throat until his head rolled away with the dust.

Finally to the last remaining leader. Lying on the ground, clutching his chest, and Karyu shot his skull into mush.

And that was it, wasn't it. All three of them killed, the Black Death avenged, but the relief he waited for never came. Because all he could think about was Hizumi.

All he could think about was that boy, standing at the window of his unused room, back before Karyu taught him how to kill.

Lifetimes ago.

So back through the shadows, around the perimeter of the dwindling fight. Stepping over a body that could have been Dragon, or Crow, or Death. Out in the parking lot, he sent a message to Yuki.

_Hizumi's hurt, Tsukasa left with him already. I'm taking your car. The leaders are dead. Call me when you're safe._

Then he slipped into the waiting SUV and drove away.

+

Tsukasa wished he had the limo. Driving down the highway, past the wrecked cars surrounded by police and ambulances, he knew he was going to crash too, if he didn't stop looking back at Hizumi.

If he didn't stop counting the holes in his bulletproof leather.

Five, at least five that he could see. None too high, but that didn't mean anything.

One good shot to an artery in the leg could kill a man in minutes.

He had to keep reminding himself that Hizumi's lab friends could work miracles. And he had to believe that Karyu, too, would make it out okay.

"I'm sorry, Hizumi. If you can hear me, I'm so fucking sorry...."

No night had ever seemed so long.


	12. Chapter 12

XII · Samsara

 

Tsukasa thought it felt way too much like deja-vu, trapped in the quiet stillness of that same room in the lab. Waiting for someone to wake up.

Turning over, and he could see Zero, where he pressed against the bed rails, reaching for Hizumi even in his sleep. Fingers twitching a vacant rhythm on Hizumi's arm, one of the safe places to touch.

Because so much of him was broken.

Tsukasa thought, despite that, he'd been remarkably lucky. Most of the wounds on his side were grazes, enough to bleed and require stitches, but no permanent damage. But from the waist down, he was shattered. Hip and pelvic bones, left femur, right knee, something internal that he couldn't remember because he'd completely zoned out by then.

The reconstruction had taken most of the night. And they were keeping him asleep so the regrowth cells could do their job, before he started squirming around.

Knowing Hizumi, it was probably best.

Tsukasa felt Karyu shifting on the bed behind him, felt him reach beneath his shirt for the fresh bandages on his side. Somewhere in the drive to get Hizumi to the lab, his lung decided to collapse again.

He hadn't even noticed when it happened.

"Karyu, why aren't you sleeping?"

"I was." Shifting closer, curling around Tsukasa, wishing Hizumi wasn't so far away. "Why aren't you?"

"I can't." He sighed and rolled back the other way, ignoring how it made his ribs ache. Legs tangled in among Karyu's, and he could smell blood, concrete dust, burned gunpowder. "I can't stop thinking, all these questions still unanswered."

Karyu pulled him even closer. "They don't matter right now. You need to rest."

Quietly, Tsukasa snorted. "I'm fine."

"Sure." But Karyu wasn't in the mood to argue about that, and they were all stubborn anyway, so it was pointless. Instead he pressed his lips to Tsukasa's hair, and watched Zero continue fighting the rails.

The metaphors were so bright, they were blinding.

"He's gonna kill him when he wakes up."

"What?"

Karyu smirked. "Zero. Gonna kill Hizumi."

"Oh." Tsukasa completely sympathized. "It's a good thing you put all the guns in the car."

Karyu laughed, mostly silent. "Yeah, probably is." Then quiet for a while, as Tsukasa shifted against him, tried to get more comfortable. "Go to sleep, Tsu. We'll look for answers in the morning."

Because there was nothing in the dark but questions, nothing but waiting.

+

Hizumi woke to sunlight, and the quiet sound of Zero breathing, and somehow this told him he was alive.

And if they were in the lab, it meant Karyu and Tsukasa made it out too. It meant it was all over.

Or so he allowed himself to believe, in that moment.

Metal braces kept him from sitting up, but he was able to raise his head enough to look past Zero, to see Karyu and Tsukasa curled up and sleeping. Confirmation. And the way he smiled there alone in the sunlight, it felt like satisfaction. It felt like everything he had done, all the mistakes, all the broken promises, it was all worth it.

Because if they were there, it meant the Dragon leaders were dead. All three of them, not just the one he killed before his world exploded into blinding hot pain.

Now he knew what it was like to be shot. And he knew, he didn't really like it.

But that didn't change his mind about _anything_.

Zero squirmed, and sighed, and Hizumi drifted a hand into his hair. What was left of it anyway. The observation made him laugh, quietly, but enough to cause Zero's eyes to open.

Then wider. "Hizu!" Reaching both arms through the rails, hands on Hizumi's face to confirm he was really there. "You... you stupid... reckless... fucking... idiot bastard piece of fucking shit!"

Still laughing, a little louder. "Nice to see you too, Zero."

"No! You don't get it...." Zero was sitting up then, leaning over Hizumi and pulling away the thermal blanket he'd been wrapped in.

Underneath, nothing but bandages and braces and a few colorful wires.

"You promised you wouldn't do anything stupid, Hizumi. And what was this pretending to be Tsukasa shit? You could have been killed! You almost were! They had to put your fucking bones back together like a jigsaw puzzle! And if it wasn't for H-9s cauterizing everything, you might have died from so much internal bleeding. Ten fucking shots, Hizumi. Ten!"

He really wasn't listening, because he didn't think he'd ever seen Zero so emotional, so animated and _alive_. So absolutely perfectly beautiful. Hizumi bit back all of his sarcastic replies and pulled Zero down towards him, to kiss him. Because he thought he might die anyway if he didn't.

And Zero kissed him like punishment, like anger and betrayal, pure violence and worry and fear that he couldn't express any other way.

When Hizumi let him go, Tsukasa and Karyu were awake, so Zero took it as his chance to escape. Sliding off the bed, picking up his boots. Refusing to look at any of them. "Fuck you, Hizumi."

The door closed behind him, and Hizumi finally started to worry. "He isn't actually leaving, is he?"

Karyu shrugged, moving across the bed. "I doubt it."

But Hizumi stared at the door. "Please go make sure."

Karyu made a sound that might have been a laugh, might have been a snort, and went out after Zero. Leaving Tsukasa so far away at the other side of the bed.

Light years away.

"Tsu? Everything's settled now, right?"

He refused to move. "I don't know. Those Dragon bastards are dead. You killed one, did you realize that? Karyu handled the other two. Yuki's okay, doing roll call on his boys. Daishi and the rest are doing roll call on ours, but they haven't reported in yet."

Hizumi took a slow breath, but not quite able to relax. "You and Karyu though, you're okay?"

"Yeah, we're fine."

Almost relaxed then. Almost, because Zero and Karyu still had not returned. "Zero said something about H-9s. Is that how I was able to get shot?"

Tsukasa nodded, and watched Hizumi make a disgusted face about it. "What exactly happened?"

He didn't want to shiver, didn't want to feel the sudden rush of adrenaline simply from remembering, but there it was. Hizumi clenched fingers in the blanket. "He came at me so fast, but he missed. I didn't miss." A quick laugh then. "Karyu's a good teacher. But when he fell, I guess his finger got stuck on the trigger, because he shot me all the way down."

Tsukasa closed his eyes, swallowed hard and tried not to think about it. Something in his chest began to ache, and he wished Karyu would come back, because he didn't really know how to deal with this.

"I suppose... I should tell you, I'm proud of you for everything. I don't think Karyu and I were ready for you to get involved so seriously in this, but... you handled it all well. Professionally. And I think... I am lucky to have you, because if it was not for you, I don't know what would have happened. I don't know, but probably Azaki would have finished compiling his information, and I would be dead."

Hizumi stretched his arm across the bed, but couldn't reach. "Karyu wouldn't have let you die."

"Karyu would probably be dead too."

Quiet then, for a long moment, while Hizumi tried to move and failed. He gave up and sighed, and left his arm as close to Tsukasa as it could get. Still light years away. "I guess it doesn't matter now. We caught him, we stopped him. It's over."

"I hope." Tsukasa turned over finally, and let the tips of his fingers touch Hizumi's. "Zero's coming back, you know. He left his jacket and his phone."

The last bit of tension drained away, and Hizumi felt himself smile again. "Then I think I'll go to sleep, so he can't yell at me when he comes back."

Tsukasa reached a little farther, into his palm. "And I'm sure Mariko will be in to yell at you later too."

That time, he was able to laugh. "Great. So much to look forward to."

But he did, in a way that wasn't entirely masochistic, but somehow warm and comforting. And he didn't bother to question that.

+

The rails were down by noon, and Karyu had taken immediate advantage, curling right up next to Hizumi. Mindful of the braces and wires, keeping his long legs out of the way as much as possible.

Zero had asked for a third bed, and he hadn't said anything to Hizumi since Karyu dragged him back in the room earlier. He looked like he might be asleep, but knowing Zero, Hizumi doubted it.

And he hated that he was so far away.

But Karyu was close, Karyu definitely _was_ asleep, and Hizumi used the time to work the tangles out of his hair without him complaining.

Every little bit of concrete made his stomach clench.

"Hizumi...." Tsukasa, just a whisper. "We may have to leave soon, Karyu and I."

Fingers tightened subconsciously in Karyu's hair and made him squirm. "You're not going out to chase more Dragons, are you?"

"No, no, I have to call a meeting. Assess damages. Decide how we're going to repair what Azaki tried to ruin." His voice caught on the name. He hadn't really let it sink in yet.

The man he loved like a brother was dead.

But Hizumi wasn't letting him get away with hiding from the fact. "About Azaki... has he been found? Will there be any sort of funeral or anything that you can go to?"

Tsukasa sighed. "He was found, but not able to be identified. The boys did a good job."

Hizumi thought of buckets and mops, of burning flesh. He thought of that faded black skull left on the filthy ground.

He wasn't angry anymore, just sad.

"I'm sorry, Tsu. I'm sorry it had to be him."

"Me too."

This distance was killing him again. Hizumi unclenched one hand from Karyu's hair, and reached for what he could find of Tsukasa. But there was nothing but cold sheets. "It's okay if you miss him."

Silence, for so long, that he began to think Tsukasa had never been there at all.

Or maybe he had fallen asleep, and the pain medication was making him overdramatic.

"Tsukasa?"

Then a hand moved into his, more firmly than before. "I know. But I wish he could have died in a way that I could be proud of. My last memories of him... are of his intestines on the floor."

Karyu shifted, sighed against Hizumi's chest and mumbled something about fate. Carefully, Hizumi laughed. "I don't know if fate applies to something like this."

Predictably, "Fate applies to everything." But Tsukasa did not sound very happy about it. More disgusted, perhaps betrayed, by the concept he put so much faith in.

That seemed to be the trend lately.

Hizumi felt it was time to change the subject. "So, when are you leaving?"

"Tonight, probably. The sooner we get the facts, the sooner we can begin to find a solution." A quiet laugh. "I learned that from you, detective boy."

That time when Hizumi laughed, Karyu fully woke up. Turning over to give Tsukasa a sleepy look, not quite annoyed, but trying. "I don't know why we can't call."

Tsukasa shook his head on the pillow. "Because we're not hiding anymore."

Hizumi understood. And he tightened his hold on Tsukasa's hand, because it was all he could do. "Good."

And the conviction in Hizumi's voice was soothing, like he hadn't realized it was what he had been waiting to hear. Tsukasa wondered when this happened, and thought it might have something to do with lingering remnants of guilt.

Guilt for _everything_.

Then Karyu was giving him looks again, and Tsukasa forced himself to scoot over, resting against a warm spine that felt like home. "So we have to leave, but we'll come back."

That was what really mattered.

+

Hizumi stood at the window and felt like he'd survived some primitive form of torture.

The braces were removed that morning, and Mariko gave him crutches and told him to walk around. Slowly, with very small steps.

Hizumi thought he could feel the pins and rods moving with each one of those very small steps, maybe even the itchy crawly sensation of the regrowth cells working on his bones.

It was almost enough to keep him from thinking about the fact that Tsukasa and Karyu were gone.

And Zero still wasn't speaking.

Maybe that was the real torture.

He turned from the sunlight, ignored the pinch in his hip, and looked at Zero. Sitting up in the bed, watching muted television. Some cooking contest show with people throwing food at the losers.

It was probably funny, but Zero never laughed.

Careful steps to the bed, and Hizumi took the remote, turning it off. "Talk to me."

Zero turned the television back on. "Why, so you can lie to me again?"

"Zero --"

"You said you would be careful."

Hizumi felt his cheeks heat up. "I was doing my job!"

Zero too, flushed and angry. "Getting killed was not your job!"

"I had to protect Tsukasa!"

Zero turned away then, arms folded. Someone's failed cheesecake got dumped right on their head. He sighed, but it was tense. "You're never going to understand."

He paced back to the window, leaned against the wall. "So make me understand."

Bitterly, Zero laughed. "Your head is too fucking thick."

"No, it isn't, Zero... listen. I know you think I wasn't careful, but I was. I only got shot because of some... freak accident, I guess you could call it. If his finger hadn't stuck I would have been fine."

Zero rolled his eyes. "Missing the fucking point."

Hizumi exhaled sharp, looked to the window again, all that damn sunlight. "Then tell me the fucking point."

But Zero was climbing out of bed, disappearing into the adjoining bathroom. Another door closing between them.

Hizumi wondered if he would take everything back, if it would stop all those closing fucking doors.

No. He wouldn't. They would have to find a way to move past this.

Facing the bathroom, when Zero finally came out. When Zero stopped right in front of him, close enough for Hizumi to see the fading bruises, the soft pink scars. How wonderfully bright his eyes were in that damn sunlight.

And they were searching for something, but he didn't know how to help him find it.

"I would have done the same thing, if it had been you out there."

Curious eyes stopped, flicked over to Hizumi's, dark in the shade. Then on downward, to the dull grey scrub pants some tech had let him borrow. Because the ones Hizumi was wearing had to be cut away in pieces.

Zero shook his head. "Nope. Still not the point." Expressionless, as he went back to the bed, back to the distracting television.

"I never knew you were so selfish, Zero."

Another bitter laugh. "Now you're getting warmer."

But Hizumi wasn't sure he liked that direction. So he adjusted his crutches, and began frustrating slow steps to the door. This time, he would be the one walking out.

After all, he needed to find Mariko and start planning his physical therapy.

The sooner he could go home the better.

+

Tsukasa's office was still missing a chair, but the couch was sufficient enough.

Sitting there, after a night full of meetings, of assessed damage written in a list, scrolling endlessly down lined paper. Black Death members killed, wounded, the numbers added up to almost half. And the missed jobs, lost contacts, current jobs that would have to be reassigned because the teams responsible were all gone.

Gone.

Because Azaki was jealous? Was that _really_ all it came down to?

Tsukasa leaned his head against the back of the couch, the leather heated by a ray of sunshine. But he couldn't fully appreciate the warmth. Couldn't really feel it.

Karyu put his computer down on the table, and shifted closer to him. Stole the computer from Tsukasa's lap and put it on the table too.

Neither of them had slept. He was exhausted, but more concerned. The way Tsukasa had refused to be near Hizumi, the way he kept his distance even with Karyu, once they left the lab.

Karyu wanted to pretend it was "business mode", but he knew better.

Inevitably, his eyes moved to the broken chair, and understood how it felt.

"Tsukasa...." He reached up for the long strands of hair concealing Tsukasa's face, but when he flinched away, they fell right back down.

Karyu felt a growing irritation at all this futility.

"Kenji, I'm not putting up with this shit again. It's over, it's done, and I know you're still blaming yourself, but it's Not. Your. Fault. Do you get it?"

Tsukasa merely snorted. "You're sounding too much like Hizumi."

"Good. Hizumi makes sense."

Quiet for a while, then Tsukasa started to laugh. Maybe a little bitter, but it was an improvement. "Fuck, Karyu, what are we going to do?"

Karyu slipped an arm around Tsukasa's shoulders, pulled him closer, whether he liked it or not. "We're going to do what we've been doing. We'll take each problem, one at a time, and find a way to fix it. I'll take some of the hacking jobs, and we can move those boys to something else. Maybe give some hacks to Hizumi, since he'll be stuck on his ass for a while."

Another snort from Tsukasa. "That dumb fucking idiot...."

Karyu made a noise that wasn't quite agreement. "He's not the only dumb fucking idiot." Waiting until Tsukasa turned his head, finally looking at him. "Remember who was going to walk into Mayhem and give themselves up? It wasn't Hizumi saying 'we have to go', rushing off to get his stupid self killed."

Tsukasa said nothing, and Karyu made another attempt at messing through his hair. He didn't pull away that time.

"I understand why you did it. And I understand why Hizumi did what he did. But it's done, and aside from all the guys who died, I think the whole thing turned out pretty fucking good."

Because the traitor was caught and punished, the Dragon leaders were killed, and their own gang suffered a larger loss than the Death or the Scarecrows, and Tsukasa's identity was still a secret. Karyu thought, they should have been celebrating a goddamn victory, instead of sulking about a few minor details.

Tsukasa seemed lost in his own thoughts when Karyu moved again. His other hand into Tsukasa's hair, fingers locking at the back of his skull. "We won, Tsu." He leaned the rest of the way to kiss him, feeling hesitation only for a moment, before Tsukasa finally kissed back.

Then he was pushing Karyu over on the couch, fully expecting him to laugh about it, and breaking away from his mouth to set the sound free while he kissed a hot line down his throat. Down to where the bruises were supposed to be.

No warning before he bit, and the laughter cut into a sharp gasp. Karyu squirmed beneath him, rocked his hips up against him to feel the quiet sounds Tsukasa made against his skin.

After a few moments, Tsukasa moved from the wounds, leaning on his elbows to admire the damage. "So... I suppose you'll be wanting a victory fuck."

The words caught Karyu by surprise, made him fully laugh again. "You really have to ask?"

Because it had been forever, hadn't it. So long since they'd actually had time to enjoy each other, aside from rushed kisses here and there, in elevators, in the lab when they probably weren't supposed to. Never enough moments to make up for how much pain they were trying not to feel.

Karyu traced fingertips over Tsukasa's cheekbone, over the scars that couldn't be seen, but he knew by memory. Then he sat up, Tsukasa kneeling over his lap, and kissed him again, fierce and bruising and leaving his own possessive marks. Even though they had to break apart to remove shirts, fumble out of boots, pants, Karyu's leopard-print underwear that he only wore because it was the last pair clean and he really didn't care.

But Tsukasa took the time to laugh at them anyway, before he tossed them on the floor.

Karyu thought the humiliation was worth it, to get Tsukasa to laugh.

And the thought took him back to that first night when they picked up Hizumi, and he thought of how unbelievable Tsukasa was, and that cold unfurling sensation that change was coming. He wondered how different things would be if he had known what those changes were, if he'd been able to predict, and maybe prevent....

Then Tsukasa ripped open his throat with impatient teeth, and Karyu forgot how to think.

His back hit the couch again, and Tsukasa was so hot between his thighs, and vaguely he knew that it was all fate anyway, and even if he had been able to predict, he probably wouldn't have been able to stop it.

The realization wasn't quite so fatalistic as he thought it would be.

Perhaps it was a little bit freeing, because it meant he could release some blame from himself. That there was nothing he could have done, and instead of worrying about what he didn't do in the past, he could focus on what was happening now....

Which happened to be Tsukasa, staring down at him somewhere between amused and annoyed, but entirely beautiful.

"What?"

"You're not paying attention. What are you thinking about that's more important than victory sex?"

And Karyu laughed, because somehow that made everything click in a way that he could never explain. "Nothing. Nothing at all." Then he kissed the blood from Tsukasa's mouth.

Nothing else to distract them while they tore each other apart, making up for days, weeks, centuries. So many forevers, as Tsukasa fucked Karyu so perfectly into the cushions, made him actually scream as he arched up from the heated leather.

Tsukasa definitely wasn't thinking about fate while the pleasure and tension drained out of him, but it was probably there anyway, somehow. Reminding him that after everything, he still had Karyu, he had not lost him. That there was nothing to be afraid of anymore, even if he never really wanted to admit to being terrified in the first place.

With his cheek pressed against Karyu's shoulder, hands locked together on cooling skin, he could only think of victory. How it didn't always go the best possible way, and there would probably always be losses along with the wins.

But what mattered was how alive it made him feel, and how good it felt when it was over.

+

The clock read midnight. Tsukasa and Karyu had been gone over forty-eight hours, and Hizumi could feel the weight of every distant minute.

He hated knowing that if something happened to them while they were out there, he could do nothing to stop it.

And maybe then, in that sudden flash of reasoning, he understood what Zero was trying to tell him.

Hizumi was in the middle bed, too stubborn to let Zero's anger keep him away. So he rolled over and kissed the crease between Zero's eyebrows, and whispered, "I get it now."

He wanted to stay that way, but the position made his bones ache. There was no reaction from Zero anyway. Not that he expected one. Hizumi sighed at the weight of bandages when he shifted his leg, and wished he could go to sleep.

Instead, his mind wandered on. Slunk like guilt into the places he didn't want it to go. Crawled on its sleazy little belly into dirty little spaces until Hizumi was thinking of his parents, and what they would say if they knew what he had become.

Criminal. Fugitive. Murderer.

Nervousness kicked in again, the adrenaline rush that left him shaking, remembering the feel of Azaki's blood on his hands, and the inevitable and perfectly natural worry about getting caught. Would being the son of Yoshida Akihito allow the judge to be more lenient in his sentencing?

Would he be able to say, I'm doing it all for revenge, and have that make a difference?

Hizumi sighed, adjusted his legs again, trying to ease the soreness. He thought of Zero fighting his own brace, and knew that even if he was caught, he would never feel regret for anything he had done.

He thought maybe, his parents _would_ understand after all.

Hizumi shifted again, and that time Zero moved too. Letting out an irritated breath, scooting across the space between beds, to curl against Hizumi's side. "Quit squirming, I'm trying to sleep."

Hizumi barely smiled. "You're in my bed. Does this mean you forgive me?"

"Shut up and let me sleep, and I might."

He wanted to laugh, but he didn't want to ruin his chances. Instead, he decided to appreciate what he had, and let sleep take him away too.

+

There was no sun to bother Hizumi's mind, and he watched the clouds pass as he did his stretches. Mariko had brought in a legitimate physical therapist, and Hizumi had been left with an entire sadistic list of things to put himself through.

In some odd way, he found it comforting.

Like a literal manifestation of tearing apart the old to build the new.

And this time, Zero was watching him, instead of the television. Sitting on the edge of the bed, legs lightly swinging, and Hizumi couldn't help making the memory shift again to Zero lying there covered in bandages and metal. Those centuries waiting for him to wake up.

He felt his breath catch in his throat, and he crossed the space between the window and the bed. Propping aside one crutch so he could reach for the back of Zero's neck, the rough tangle of sutures, but the soft fuzz of hair growing out to remind him that the waiting was actually over.

Zero sat patiently, watching Hizumi's mouth open, beginning to speak but nothing would come out. Finally, "Just say it, Hizumi."

A harsh swallow. "While you were asleep.... All I could think about was... all the things I never had a chance to tell you. If you never woke up. I never had a chance to thank you, for doing all that dangerous shit with me, and I never got to tell you that I liked you too, that I'd liked you forever, and I always wished I'd been bold enough to talk to you in school. You were always so amazing to me, so much _more_ than me, and I never told you. And I remember thinking, I never got to kiss you back." He laughed then, and Zero had that particularly dangerous smirk on his face again.

"Well, at least we don't have to worry about that part anymore."

"No." Hizumi laughed again, and shook his head. That smirk seemed almost daring, almost challenging, and he loved it. So he kissed it. Holding Zero there for a while, a soft, unhurried moment.

When he let go, he moved to sit on the bed beside him, fidgeting with the crutch. Picking at the memoryfoam padding, warm from his arm. While something heavy came to settle in the tiny space between them, making it difficult to breathe. But impossible not to think.

"Zero, I... I need you to know.... I mean I think I've always known, but I didn't really understand, because for a long time I thought I might hate you. But I don't. And it took me almost losing you to realize that."

Zero was smirking again, but it was gentler. "That you don't actually hate me?"

Hizumi laughed almost silent. "Yeah. It's more... exactly the opposite."

Then Zero laughed, and the sound was so rare that Hizumi didn't recognize it at first. "That's not how you do it, idiot."

"What?" He dared a glance over at Zero. Amused, but not mocking.

And he softened as he met Hizumi's frustrated gaze, a true smile then. "That's not how you tell someone you love them."

And every tensed and paranoid knot within Hizumi relaxed, because even if it didn't come out the way he planned, it meant Zero understood anyway. Still he let out a nervous laugh, a little unsure. "Is it okay though, that I do?"

Zero couldn't stop the eye roll. "Do what?"

Hizumi matched the gesture. "That I love you. Idiot."

Zero looked entirely smug, entirely content, and Hizumi wished he could keep that expression on Zero's face, that unguarded smile as he turned from watching Hizumi to watching the clouds. But inevitably he thought of all his conversations with Karyu.

He accepted that peace could not last, and that it was foolish to hope for it.

But it was nice, while it was there.

"Zero?"

His head tilted, from the clouds, back to Hizumi. "I love you too. Idiot."

There was nothing left then, was there. Hizumi felt open, empty, exposed, and every other word he could think of. He let himself fall backward onto the mattress, tugging at Zero's arm to get him down too. Resting against him once he was there.

Zero reached for the necklace, heavy and warm on Hizumi's skin. Sometimes he wondered if Hizumi really understood what he was wearing. "Do you think Tsukasa would let me join the Black Death?"

He wasn't expecting that. "Do you want to?"

"I might. I mean... I'm already doing things with you guys anyway, might as well make it official."

Hizumi smiled, and stole Zero's hand from the charm. "I think he'd be glad to have you."

Zero linked their fingers together and thought it looked right. But he wasn't going to say it. Then musingly, "I think I'll look good with a tattoo."

Laughing again, and Hizumi raised up to see Zero smirking mischief, and he moved enough to kiss the space on his throat where the skull would go. "I think so too." He wanted to say, you would look good with anything.

Instead he sighed and dropped his head back down, comfortable on Zero's shoulder.

Outside, it began to rain. But neither of them noticed.

+

Hizumi woke to something heavy dropping itself nearly on his head, making the bed bounce unpleasantly, and sending him right out of whatever nice dream he'd been having.

Of course the sight of Karyu on the pillow made him forget it, whatever it was.

Hizumi couldn't count how long it had been since he'd seen him look so content.

"You seem happy. Did everything go okay?"

Tsukasa was still removing his boots at the door. "He got laid."

Karyu laughed, bright and real. "Yeah, and Tsukasa bought me a cake!"

The word "cake" brought Hizumi's mind into focus, a distracted expression on his face while he sorted the days. "It's your birthday already. Happy birthday!" Arms flung around Karyu's neck, and Hizumi felt him laugh against his shoulder. "Mariko wouldn't let me out to buy you a present, so you'll have to wait."

"It's okay, I don't need anything." He almost wanted to say, having you and Tsukasa alive is enough. But he wasn't in the mood for those kinds of thoughts. Instead he sat up, pinched Zero on the cheek to get him to stop pretending to sleep, and crawled off the bed.

Hizumi watched him open a big white box, where the beloved cake sat in all its glory. Karyu looked like he could dive right in head first.

Tsukasa rather meaningfully handed him a cake knife, and a stack of plates and forks, which did very little to calm his enthusiasm. Bouncing in place as he cut the cake, being careful to make every slice the same, and not cut through the strawberries. The precision made Hizumi laugh.

Karyu shook the knife at him. "Shut up. It's for good luck."

Tsukasa took a spot on the bed beside Hizumi, amused. On the other side, Zero was leaving, headed for the bathroom. Tsukasa waited for the door to close. "So the two of you, are you still yelling?"

Hizumi's smile was an answer in itself. "No, we're... we're okay now. Until I do something stupid again I guess."

"Then don't do anything stupid."

Hizumi laughed. "It doesn't seem to be under my control."

Karyu laughed, and very discreetly nudged over a strawberry. "There you go, the first step is admitting you have a problem."

If it wouldn't potentially damage the cake, Hizumi would have thrown a pillow at him. "I guess you would know, right?"

Karyu looked scandalized. "No cake for you!"

Then Zero was out, and glancing between them, not quite sure if he wanted to know what he was missing. So he crawled back to his place beside Hizumi and kept his questions to himself.

They seemed too happy to interrupt anyway, both of them flushed from laughing, and Tsukasa somehow exasperated and satisfied at the same time. Zero decided he liked it, seeing them like this. Like all the worries and the deaths and the losses were so far in the distance that they weren't visible anymore. A rearview mirror reflecting only the horizon and the road, and not what was left behind.

He liked feeling it in himself, too.

Then Karyu was handing him cake, and there was something warm in his smile that made Zero smile back without any hint of his usual sarcasm. "Happy birthday, Karyu."

He grinned. "Thank you."

The cake didn't last long, only one piece saved in the box for Mariko, and Karyu was sprawled across two beds at once, entirely content. He must have eaten about half of it himself. But that was what birthdays were for.

His head was in Tsukasa's lap, and Hizumi's fingers were tangled in his hair again, and he thought it might be the best birthday ever.

"Hey, Hizu, you're gonna be stuck on your ass for a while, right?" Waiting for the hum of agreement. "Would you like to help me out with some hack jobs for the Death, then?"

Hizumi felt something warm and exciting rise within him. That simple question meant so many things.

It meant acceptance, as more than some fragile object to protect, more than a puppy tagging along with the big boys. And it meant the Black Death was not broken, that it had not been ruined.

Tsukasa's empire.

"Hell yeah. So is that part of what you were off planning?"

Karyu nodded under his hand. "We're rearranging jobs, trying to get everything done the best way possible. I figure, you're a good hacker, might as well let you have some fun too." Grinning up at Hizumi, and Hizumi could only grin back.

"I haven't had a good hack in so long.... Those files don't really count." And he could work on both, couldn't he? Set his crack program running while he did his job for the Death.

Karyu watched him smile, sort of distant, and he could practically taste the code filling Hizumi's thoughts. And when Zero spoke, it was so unexpected, he almost thought the sugar was making him hallucinate.

"What can I do to help?"

Tsukasa leaned forward, so he could see around Hizumi. So he could see that Zero was entirely serious, and maybe a little embarrassed at himself. It was cute, really. "Well, what can you _do_?"

Zero shrugged. "You lost one of your car guys, right? I can do cars."

Of course it was Karyu who laughed. "Totally did not see that coming."

Hizumi pinched him, since Zero couldn't reach.

But Tsukasa seemed almost impressed, and after a moment, he nodded. "Okay, you can show me, and I'll find a place for you." Then quietly, sincerely, "Thank you, Zero."

Hizumi turned to him, discreetly pointing at the side of his neck. Zero quickly shook his head, mouthing the words, not yet. Tsukasa pretended not to notice.

Then Hizumi was sliding out of bed, leaving Karyu to undo the tangles he left behind. "I'll take this last piece to Mariko."

Karyu left the tangles as they were.

+

Zero and Karyu were asleep, overdosed with cake.

Hizumi stood with Tsukasa at the window, watching the moon drift by, a ghost among all the flickering neon and holographic displays. Thinking again, of everything.

But somehow, somewhere along the way, his perspective had changed.

His decisions, he knew now, had all been the right ones to make.

And with Tsukasa's reflection beside his on the glass, he made his next decision.

He would not waste any more time on regrets.


	13. Chapter 13

XIII · Lachrymose

 

Snow was falling in slow drifts past the window, obscuring the neon like fading dreams, blocking out the world.

Hizumi knew he should have been asleep. It was Christmas Eve, and he was full of food and alcohol like the rest of them, but he couldn't bring his eyes to close. Couldn't make himself relax enough.

Instead, sitting alone on the couch, in the dark, watching the first snow of the season. So late at night it was almost morning.

He thought maybe it was because he finally understood what it meant to be happy.

There was still the pain of loss, but knowing revenge was inevitable made it somehow easier to bear. And he had Tsukasa, and Karyu, and Zero. And he could look in the mirror to see Hizumi looking back at him instead of Hiroshi.

Maybe happiness meant finally feeling complete, and real.

He drew a slow breath in the dark, and heard the bedroom door click open. Waiting a few moments before a still-half-drunk Tsukasa dropped on the cushion beside him, a little crooked smile as he slid an arm around Hizumi's shoulders. "Snowing."

"Yeah." Hizumi laughed, quietly, and allowed himself to snuggle against Tsukasa's side. "Think we can get Karyu to make us a snowman?"

Tsukasa might have actually giggled, but he would never admit it. "Probably."

Hizumi's smile felt content, and big wet flakes were pattering on the bulletproof glass, and Tsukasa's breath was warm against his skin.

He did not realize when he fell asleep.

+

"Son of a bitch."

Hizumi shifted his attention from the two computer screens in front of him to Zero beside him, ripping up a piece of paper. He looked so frustrated. It really was cute. "Problem?"

Zero gave him a sharp look. "I hate this essay shit. Why do we even need to learn history? It's not like it's even the actual history, it's all edited and modified."

Hizumi shrugged. "Then think of it as a movie. Play the parts out in your mind, and it's easier to remember that way."

"But I still don't see the point." Hizumi was still watching him, so he rolled his eyes and slammed the book closed. Still watching, so he shoved everything onto the table. "What?"

Really, _really_ cute. He barely smiled, and saw Zero start to glare in return. "Nothing."

Back to the computer screens. The crack program running on one, still trying to find its way into the enigmatic files, and some stranger's bank account on another. Hizumi typed in the necessary figures, but inevitably his attention strayed to Zero again.

Almost pouting, rubbing at the grease stains on his hands from the engine he'd been working on, before Hizumi got up and made him start on the essay from hell.

"You really like doing cars for Tsukasa?"

Zero shrugged. "Yeah. I do." Then a little smirk. "I know you think I'm lazy, but I like building things. I like... doing something... and having an actual result. Do you know what I mean?"

Hizumi nodded. "I do." Pausing for a moment, while Zero seemed to relax. As if he'd been expecting a different response. "And I don't think you're lazy. Just... stubborn."

Zero gave him another look, before reaching for the textbook again. "Yeah, maybe. Now shut up and let me work."

Hizumi had to laugh.

The evening passed with the sound of computer fans whirring and Zero's occasional curse. Hizumi's list of jobs was complete, and he was at the window, staring out at the snow-covered city, when Tsukasa and Karyu came home.

There was something... something he couldn't place.

Something about the way Tsukasa kept looking between him and Karyu, while he removed his jacket. While he unlaced his boots, lined them up neatly, and Hizumi was about ready to scream for him to say whatever he wanted to say already.

Karyu, looking almost disgusted, went directly to the bedroom.

Tsukasa joined him at the window, and Hizumi thought he might buzz right out of his skin. "Tsu?"

"Jimmy Bartholomew is back in Tokyo."

And with those few words, everything changed.

Everything sort of... illuminated. Grew bright and clear in Hizumi's mind, like a line of code that suddenly made sense, made everything else make sense.

He slowly remembered to breathe, and nodded. "Good. I'm ready." Turning from the window, plans unfolding. "Where can I find him?"

But Tsukasa caught him by the arm before he could walk away. "Not yet."

Hizumi snapped back around. He wasn't sure if he was angry, or disappointed. "How can you say 'not yet'? I can do this, I've shot and killed people already, I know I can take Jimmy down."

"Hizumi, you can barely walk. What do you think you'll do? It's still Christmas, he's partying with his boys. You can't walk in and shoot him with everyone around."

Now he was angry. "Why not? It's what we did with the Dragons."

Karyu then, materialized behind him. "That's different." Arms around Hizumi's waist, pulling him closer, holding him to the spot. "Promise me you won't run off after him, not yet."

Hizumi sighed. It was so Karyu. "I don't understand why you want me to wait."

Karyu made that painful sound again, like sad laughter. "I know you don't. But take a few days, at least. Make a plan. You want to get him alone, otherwise, you might get to kill him, but you'd never make it out."

And it made sense, but Hizumi didn't want it to make sense. He wanted to have some logical argument, some facts to back up that yes, he _should_ go now, and that everything would turn out fine.

But Karyu was right. He needed a plan.

"Okay, you get a few days, that's all."

And his mind was already spinning again. Scenarios, variations, blueprints. Tsukasa's reflection eventually disappeared, but Karyu stayed and held him, while he plotted murder.

+

Tsukasa found Karyu in the office, trying to mend the broken chair.

Tools spread out on the floor, pieces of splintered wood and bent metal, and Karyu in the middle of it all. Carefully screwing a wheel back together.

One minor piece, but it was something.

Tsukasa immediately understood.

Quiet steps through the mess, until he could kneel beside him, watching him work. "I can get a new chair, Karyu."

"I can fix this one."

Tsukasa winced. There was so much anger in the depths of Karyu's voice. "It's not going to change anything."

Anger in his eyes then, when he turned to look at Tsukasa. Or maybe simply accusation.

"Karyu --"

"What, Tsuka? _What_?" He slammed the parts on the floor. "If you start giving me that fate bullshit again, I swear to fuck I will _hit you_."

Tsukasa tried to breathe, but he seemed to have forgot how. That cold icy tightness settling in again. He finally managed something like a shaky gasp, when he looked away from Karyu. "We have to let him do it."

A quiet snort. "We have to let him get himself killed, is that what you're saying?"

"You have so little faith in him?" A glance then, that was all. Enough to catch Karyu as he stabbed the screwdriver into the floor.

"You know he's going to go alone, right? He won't let us go with him. He won't even take Zero. It's going to be him, and Jimmy, and whoever else Jimmy has lurking around because you know he's _never_ alone." The screwdriver remained upright when he let go. "I've already ruined him; I don't want to lose him."

Tsukasa took the risk of being hit, or stabbed, and pulled Karyu closer. Pressing his cheek against the heated skin of his throat, the barest kiss to a healing bite mark. "You won't. If you don't think Hizumi can outsmart Jimmy Bartholomew and his goons, you haven't been paying attention."

Karyu almost laughed, a soft, restrained sound. "I think we should follow him, just in case."

Tsukasa nodded. "We can do that." He moved away then, and pulled the screwdriver out of the floor. "And I'll help you fix the chair."

It was the least he could do, when everything was so undeniably, so irreversibly, his fault.

+

The heavy snow had knocked down all of their wooden targets, lumps left behind in the crystalline blanket. Hizumi and Karyu brushed them off, uprighted them as much as they could, but a few still sat crooked.

Hizumi thought it was yet another glaring metaphor.

He moved back to his usual spot, one hand on his cane, one hand on his gun. He'd never shot one-handed before.

This was the point Karyu was trying to make.

"It's harder, not what you're used to. You're going to miss the first few times." Tracing his hand over Hizumi's arm, feeling the tense muscles beneath the thick coat.

"It doesn't matter. I'm not going to be shooting him from a distance anyway." His voice even more tense. And when he fired, the bullet barely grazed the edge of the target. Had it been a man, it still would have hurt.

Karyu shrugged. "I just want you to be prepared. Try again."

Hizumi had to readjust his balance. The snow made it difficult, the pain and lack of cooperation in his legs made it difficult. And the cane was a beautiful gift from Yuki before he left, but it really didn't help much on that slushy ground.

Briefly, Hizumi thought about the thin blade that kind gift held inside of it, and wondered if he could use that on Jimmy instead.

One inch of skin for every lie.

His stomach faltered, and he knew he would be stuck with the gun for now.

So he aimed, and shot the corner of the target.

Closer to the center with every shot, while Hizumi learned to adjust, to make up for the lack of stability.

When the clip clicked empty, he realized how much time had passed since Karyu actually looked at him. Hizumi drew a breath, and sighed. "I don't understand why you're mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you." A quick glance. "I'm not. I.... Have you thought of a plan yet?"

Nodding, even though Karyu wouldn't see. "I'm going to hire him."

"What?" That time, his attention stayed.

Hizumi nodded again. "I can hire him to kill someone, then when he gets there, it will be me instead, waiting for him." He shoved a fresh clip into place. "He works alone, doesn't he?"

Karyu's eyes closed against the too-bright glare of the snow, against the confidence on Hizumi's face. He thought of all the ways it could go wrong. If Jimmy were faster, if Jimmy somehow figured out it was a trick.

But he had more faith in Hizumi than that, didn't he?

Hizumi... who had solved the problem of the traitor with such little effort.

Karyu thought then, it might actually work.

"Yes, he works alone. No hit man wants to be followed around when he's doing a job." He and Tsukasa were the exceptions, but they were the exceptions to most things. If Jimmy had a partner, they would know about it. "Okay, so where will you send him?"

Somehow those words, almost an acceptance, made Hizumi relax. "Some hotel. I'll tell him when the target will be there, like he's someone here on business or something, so I'll know exactly when to wait. He won't be able to escape that."

Karyu kept his eyes closed. "And what will you do, when you have him?"

Both of them then, thinking of Azaki.

"What will you do if he won't tell you who hired him?"

Hizumi looked at the gun. The same gun that had gone missing, before he learned to be careful. "I'll shoot bits of him until he _does_ tell me."

Karyu thought it might be the lesser of two evils, as the saying went, but it did not make it any better. "And what if he still won't tell you? What if he never does?"

Hizumi shrugged, and it was much too casual. "Then I'll kill him, and go back to my research. I don't specifically need him to tell me. It would make things a lot easier though."

That time when he hit the target, the soggy corner blew right off. Hizumi was vaguely disappointed by the lack of blood.

He wondered where that came from.

"Karyu... do you see any flaws in my plan?"

For a long time, he said nothing. Cold wind came along and knocked the broken corner behind a drift.

Finally he shook his head. "I'm not the genius here. If you think it will work, I know you can make it work." And it hurt to say, it hurt because it was like he was giving permission, finally saying, do this.

Because his argument was gone, wasn't it? I don't want you to be a killer. But he already was.

It was too late. Too late, and no way to take any of it back.

"But we're going with you. I don't care what you say, we're going to be there. If you're in a hotel, we'll be in the next room."

Somehow, Hizumi expected the insistence, and that warmth that had become a familiar and welcome thing settled over him again. So he smiled, and nodded. "Yeah, I thought you might."

Still warm and content as he crossed the snow to the target, pressed the muzzle of the gun against it, and blew the center away.

+

Zero stood leaning on the door of the closet, making no attempt to disguise the fact that he was watching Hizumi undress.

Only a shirt, but still those burning eyes on his skin made Hizumi feel as if he were entirely naked. Something about Zero made him feel exposed.

He wouldn't deny he liked it.

"You're supposed to be getting dressed too, voyeur-chan."

Zero smirked, and moved from the closet, catching Hizumi from behind. One warm hand slipping down into his jeans. Easy to admit, he loved the way Hizumi shivered when he touched him.

"Zero...." It wasn't quite the protest he wanted it to be.

"What, I can't have time with you when I want?" Zero made a frustrated sound, and bit Hizumi's ear, hard. "Just because Tsukasa wants us to hurry doesn't mean we have to."

His hand drifted lower, feeling Hizumi grow hard beneath his palm.

Hizumi had to take a moment to catch his breath.

Then he turned and shoved Zero against the wall. Close enough to kiss, but staying at a teasing distance. "I thought we were going to wait."

Zero smiled, that devious, exquisitely dangerous smile, and returned his hand to where it was before Hizumi moved. "If your legs start to hurt, we can stop." His other hand caught Hizumi by the back of the neck, pulling him across that minute distance.

The kiss was hot, and entirely, shamelessly wanton.

Hizumi heard himself make some kind of desperate sound, and pressed his full weight against Zero, pinning him to the wall. Only a brief flash of concern until he remembered that Zero had been given an all-clear by Mariko earlier that week.

Which meant Hizumi could be as rough as he wanted.

The thought made him burn, and he squirmed a hand between them, into Zero's tighter jeans, making him sort of purr through the kiss.

It was his first time touching Zero like this, and he wanted to take his time with it, but Zero was making frustrated sounds and tugging at Hizumi in a way that was not so much a hint as a demand. He had to laugh a little.

Zero bit his lip for it.

Hizumi smiled, and bit him back, which made Zero shiver and Hizumi realize he wasn't exactly in the mood for slow either. So he kissed him harder than before, and copied the pace with his hand.

As they rocked into each other, breaking away from the kiss to breathe, Hizumi licked down the side of his throat. A quick pulse beneath his tongue, and he bit into heated skin.

Zero gasped, an almost startled sound, because yeah, he wasn't expecting that. And the sharp pain spread right through him, tensed against Hizumi with the unexpected rush.

Then he bit him again, and Zero came hard enough to make his knees give out, the pressure of Hizumi's body all that held him up against the wall.

Hizumi might have laughed, but he was much too close to allow himself the distraction. Focused instead on the blood swelling from the broken skin, the way Zero's hand still shivered, even though his grip had gone a little slack. He bit harder, sucked at the blood, and that was all it took to have him lost.

When his mind cleared, he realized Zero was entirely still. The smirk on his face seemed somehow... not quite appropriate for the moment. It was that taunting smirk, and he realized then that he was looking at the door.

Hizumi turned, and saw Karyu in the doorway, thoroughly amused. He knew he blushed every possible shade of pink, but he had to laugh. "Voyeurs, all of you."

Zero silently laughed, but Karyu shrugged. "Like I'd turn down that kind of show."

He watched Hizumi lick blood from his lip, and thought briefly of telling Tsukasa to cancel their plans for the night, that they were staying in. But they were still rebuilding trust from Azaki's sabotage, and there would always be other nights....

"You two should maybe get ready though, Tsukasa's pacing."

Zero rolled his eyes, and that was predictable. Hizumi kissed the corner of his mouth and pulled away, aware of the moisture cooling on his wrist, and somehow that made him feel invincible. "Tell him not to worry, we'll be there in a minute."

Karyu nodded, still completely amused, and left the bedroom.

When the door closed, Zero's lips were on Hizumi's again, for one quick, scorching moment.

Then Zero was out the door too, and Hizumi grinned like a dork at the empty room.

+

There never was a bomb in Mayhem.

That part had been a lie.

Tsukasa had the entire place scoured, and nothing had been found. He wanted to be relieved, but mostly he was angry. He'd been played. Obviously he didn't like that.

Hizumi had simply been relieved though, because he had worried that something could have set the bomb off anyway, at any time. He didn't regret any of his decisions that night, but he thought Zero might still hold it against him a little.

Maybe Karyu, too.

But it was nice to walk into the club and feel entirely relaxed for once. To feel entirely in control, with everything solved and behind them now. And it felt like Mayhem was as much his as it was Tsukasa's and Karyu's.

The shift in perspective was a little strange, but comforting.

A few steps behind them as always, watching them own the room with that beautiful strength of theirs, and he realized he might have some strength of his own finally. Even though the stitched-up bullet holes in the leather were there to remind him that everything strong still had its fragility.

And there was a new fondness for everyone he saw with a skull on their neck. Some still bandaged, wounded, laughing about the way they shot down some Dragon bastard. They all seemed... normal again. That haunted wariness they'd all carried when the traitor was still an invisible presence among them, it was as if it had never been there.

Hizumi wondered if Tsukasa noticed. Then realized that was probably a stupid question.

Settling onto the couch by the graffiti wall, the one he had come to think of as _their_ couch, warm between Tsukasa and Zero, he was aware of a lack of tension in their leader. He was nodding, talking to someone Hizumi didn't recognize, expression loose and soft with a hint of a smile, instead of tight with anger and the sharp edge of grief.

Karyu on the other side, laughing.

Hizumi noticed something else new, something unexpected, when it really shouldn't have been. Suits among the leather, scars among the skulls. Scarecrow boys he recognized from the Dragon hunt.

The official story was that a truce had been formed between the two gangs, between Tsukasa and Yuki. New alliances created, perhaps tentative friendships.

Hizumi knew it was because you could not go through something so intense, and not form some kind of bond with the man you stood and fought beside.

The thought inevitably made him miss Yuki.

And his mind followed the predictable trail to Yuusuke, and the phone number that stopped responding weeks ago. The number that was no longer in service. It worried him more than he wanted to admit.

Then Zero distracted him by squirming, and Hizumi was left wondering if he could actually survive the night, with Zero looking _that_ good in make-up and vinyl.

Zero caught him looking, and smirked. "Weird, isn't it?"

Hizumi felt himself blink. "Um, what?"

"We're not plotting anything. There's no... puzzle to work out, we're just... here." Maybe, he sounded a little disappointed.

Hizumi had to laugh at that. "I know. I don't think my brain knows what to do with itself lately. I mean there's still the shit with Jimmy, but that's all pretty clear, there's no mystery about it."

"Yeah." A light chuckle, and the hint of a smile. Then he was standing, reaching for Hizumi's arm, pulling at him. "Come on, let's dance. Sitting here is for old people."

Hizumi laughed, but it was Karyu that made a loud noise in protest. "Watch it, baldy! I know your infantile little mind can't wrap around it, but we're doing business here."

Tsukasa snorted back laughter. Zero flipped Karyu off.

Karyu, who did his best to look menacing. "Don't tempt me."

And Zero, looking smug. "Is that a promise or a threat, Karyu?"

"Both."

"Good."

Karyu laughed, and watched them until they were lost in the crowded dance floor. "Tsu, when this business is done, we're fucking dancing."

Tsukasa nodded. "Definitely."

The deal could not be finished fast enough.

+

Bulletproof glass.

Millions of miles away, ordinary clouds, slowly filling an ordinary blue sky.

Hizumi saw only the cheap mobile phone he held, bought from a kiosk that didn't ask any questions. One number had been dialed, and three sentences recorded to voice mail.

I have a problem. I can pay in cash. My number is....

He felt all at once thrilled, relieved, and terrified. Despite his urgency, he wasn't stupid. He knew this was a professional killer, a man trained in getting rid of people.

Hizumi was just... a boy, in a situation not quite as hard to bear as it used to be, but still a heavy weight holding him down.

But he was confident enough to make up for all of that. Confident in himself, and Karyu's training, and his plans.

Tsukasa insisted on loaning him the money, saying it would draw too much attention if he took it out of his own account. Five hundred thousand yen was a lot of money. Hizumi agreed only because he knew he would get it back.

He'd already found Jimmy's bank account. And once he was dead, he would hack it again, and disperse the funds to various charities. The part going back to Tsukasa would draw no attention at all.

Of course, it wouldn't go to Tsukasa directly. There would be no link between any of them, and the man Hizumi was going to kill.

This was his source of comfort, as he put the phone down on the table, and went back to reworking the code of the crack program. Waiting for answers. In case Jimmy Bartholomew had none.

+

Tsukasa found Hizumi on the roof of the parking garage, nothing but his footprints in the crisp layer of melted and re-frozen snow.

He seemed somehow tiny, there in the wind, in the fiery orange light of the setting sun. And Tsukasa might not have been as naturally sentimental as Karyu, but he could still see how quickly the changes had come along and rearranged him into something new.

But still something he needed to protect.

"Hizu... aren't you cold?"

"A little." He shrugged, and there was a flush to his cheeks, the tip of his nose. "Come warm me up?"

Tsukasa laughed, almost silent. "Or I could drag you back inside with the rational people."

"You know I don't fit in with that crowd." Hizumi watched him smile, watched him cross the roof. Closed his eyes and leaned back into warm arms that fitted perfectly around him.

"That's right, I forgot. You have lifetime seats in the idiot section."

Hizumi laughed. Then he sighed. "Karyu still thinks I'm making a mistake. Tell me I'm not."

Sunlight was already fading, leaving their shadows to fall over the edge of the building. Tsukasa's hand inevitably drifted down to the padded layer of gauze on Hizumi's stomach.

"I wish you would wait, but I understand why you don't want to. If I thought it would be a mistake for you to go after him, I never would have told you he was back. This is what you have to do. Karyu understands, he's just afraid of losing you."

Somehow it was exactly what he wanted to hear, that admission from Tsukasa, the understanding. Hizumi nodded, and thought of something else. "I'm afraid of losing him too. And you. And I wish you would both... stop, because I hate thinking that someone else might be out there planning this exact same thing against you."

Tsukasa had to concentrate to make his voice sound calm. "It's the risk we take."

"But why? There's no _need_ for it, you have enough money, you have other things to do if it's a matter of boredom. You're into _everything_. Why do you have to do something that puts you both in so much danger?"

"Because we enjoy it."

Hizumi swallowed hard, difficult. "And if you lost Karyu one day, would it have been worth it?"

He felt Tsukasa flinch, felt him shiver, before he let Hizumi go. Glowing in the last traces of sunlight as he walked away, across the roof. "It really is cold, Hizumi. We should get back inside."

But Hizumi didn't move. "You can't just walk away from it."

Tsukasa stopped, and turned. The expression on his face was pure anger, almost violence. A snarl so frightening and beautiful that it left Hizumi breathless. "Who the fuck are you to say these things to me? You think I've never considered it?"

"And yet, you still take the chance. Who's really the idiot?"

Back then, over those few steps, back to Hizumi. Tsukasa's hand shook as he grabbed the collar of his jacket, pulled him close enough to watch his eyes widen in what might have been actual fear. "Watch what you say, Hizumi. I care for you, so much, but I can still tear you apart."

That time when he walked away, he did not stop, did not turn. Hizumi watched him retreat into the shadows, heard the door slam. He realized he was shaking, but knew it had nothing to do with the threat.

It was Tsukasa's way of dealing with something he didn't want to face. He didn't really take it personally.

Instead it was the hopeless _knowing_ , that Tsukasa could lose Karyu, that Karyu could lose Tsukasa, that he could lose them both. And there was nothing he could do about it.

+

Hizumi wasn't sure how long he'd been laying there, he might have even fallen asleep, when he heard someone open and close the bedroom door.

Karyu's old room, away from everyone. Hizumi just wanted to be away.

Facing the window, he listened to footsteps careful in the dark, felt the bed dip with a light weight, but it was too colorful outside for him to see any reflection in the window. Waiting there, while someone moved the covers back and slid underneath beside him.

Not touching. Which meant it was probably Zero.

"Why are you hiding?" The voice confirmed it.

"I'm not hiding."

A quiet snort. "Of course you are. And Tsukasa's _pissed_ , which means you must be fighting over something, which has Karyu freaking out because Tsukasa isn't talking to him either."

Hizumi sighed, slow and sort of painful. Turning from the window, shifting to rest his head on Zero's shoulder, an arm around the warm middle of him. "Good. Let them freak out."

Zero raised an eyebrow, though Hizumi couldn't see. "It's that bad?" Wondering, what did I miss?

"It should be." Because if they were to get mad enough, Karyu would make Tsukasa talk about it, and he thought maybe, there might be some tiny flicker of a chance that Karyu would agree with him.

But that was surely wishful thinking.

"I asked Tsukasa to consider giving up killing people."

Zero almost laughed. "And you thought this was a good idea why?"

Hizumi shrugged the shoulder not pressed to the bed. "Going after Jimmy... I can't stop thinking, what if someone wanted to do the same thing to Tsukasa and Karyu?"

"And you think they never considered this?"

Of course he didn't think that, and he knew the question didn't really need to be answered. So again, an aching sigh. "I love them, Zero."

Softer then, "I know. I've always known. You're just slow."

Hizumi laughed without sound. "It's not something I was really prepared for, or _looking_ for."

"It usually isn't."

Hizumi closed his eyes, and wondered when Zero became the voice of reason.

Maybe he always had been.

"It hurts so much though."

Vaguely, he felt Zero nod, then the arm that had been resting against his side tightened, and pulled him closer.

"Does it hurt so much... loving me, too?"

Quickly, "No. Because you're not out there putting yourself in dangerous situations on purpose. I don't think anyone wants you dead."

Zero snorted again. "Now you see why I'm always mad at you."

And memories became train wrecks, because Hizumi could not stop himself from looking, from remembering how tightly he had held to Karyu in the Six-Nine restroom. How Karyu's tears had been so pretty, when he said they were all damned.

Hizumi thought he understood then, but the understanding had not been so deep as it was now.

Deep enough for him to not only think but _know_ that there was no way out of this situation, this pain, this endless circle.

The futility of it made him almost sick, curling into Zero, holding tight enough that it might have been uncomfortable, but Zero wasn't complaining about it. Chilled fingers in his hair, barely a contact point.

And Hizumi felt as if he were nothing but one big open wound that would never heal.

Night drifted on, a slow empty space, and he thought Zero might have fallen asleep, for how still he had become. Finally he said what Hizumi already knew, and didn't want to hear, but probably needed to.

To make it a reality he could force himself to deal with, and move past.

"It's never going to be easy."

No, it never was.

+

On the other end of the phone, which could have been miles away, or centuries, was such an ordinary voice that Hizumi felt an overwhelming sense of disorientation. His Japanese a little sloppy with the heavy English accent, but nothing more specific than that.

Hizumi wasn't sure what he expected really.

Something like the movies maybe, some dark whispery tone that always established the villain of the story. A voice full of shadows, of menacing laughter, threats and undertones and so on.

But Jimmy Bartholomew was just a man.

"And how do you know I'm the one to take care of your problem, kid?"

Hizumi thought he sounded tired, worn down. He made himself believe it didn't matter. "I've heard things. They say you're quick, discreet. I don't want this problem to be a big deal."

Jimmy laughed, sounding flat through the cheap phone. "I get ya. So where is this problem, and when would you like it taken care of?"

Hizumi swallowed, and hoped that same bad connection would keep the other man from hearing it. "Yoyogi Park Hilton, room five thirty-one, Wednesday night."

One night before New Year's Eve. Something about it felt... auspicious, in a surreal sort of way.

The sound of a pen scratching on paper floated through, then Jimmy hummed. "You said five thirty-one, Wednesday night. This Wednesday, two days from now, yes?"

"Yes."

"Then here's what I need from you. Tomorrow night you'll go to a club called Blacklight, and you'll put five hundred thousand yen, in cash, into locker 17-B. Then you'll leave. If I sense any shenanigans, it's off, and you deal with your own fucking problem. After, I'll call you again. You will answer, because I'm not talking to anyone's voice mail. I will tell you where to bring the remaining cash. Do you understand?"

Again, "Yes."

"Good." More pen-scratching, and Hizumi took the pause to realize they never actually said anything about killing people.

Part of him stupidly wondered what a conversation with Tsukasa or Karyu would sound like.

"Okay kid, here's the disclaimer part. Once you put the money in the locker, the deal is made. You change your mind before that, then you don't show up, and I consider the job cancelled. You change your mind after that, you don't get your money back. Either way you never hear from me again. Got that?"

Hizumi felt himself smile. "I'm not going to change my mind."

Jimmy chuckled. "Had to put it out there." Distantly, the sound of a book closing. "Well that's it. See you tomorrow." Then a soft click and silence.

Hizumi pressed the disconnect option and let out a breath that was much too shaky for his liking. The conversation was easy, so easy that he almost wanted to be suspicious. Did Jimmy know it was a trap? Did he know who it was, the escaped son of the man he was hired to kill, and was it a trap for _him_ instead?

Placing the phone on the table, he made himself relax. Still his hands were shaking and he figured that was not going to stop for a while.

Standing in the familiar quiet of Karyu's apartment, nothing but the soft hum of the building in the walls around him, everything still felt surreal and upside-down. Blurred and yet somehow clear. Hizumi wanted to feel some kind of excitement, so close, so _close_....

But he was only numb.

In some distant part of awareness, he did not want to kill Jimmy Bartholomew. He wanted to get the name of the man who had hired him, and kill that person instead. Because Jimmy was nothing but the weapon, the tool, the device.

Like Tsukasa and Karyu were merely weapons, tools, devices.

And then he realized it had nothing to do with any compassion for Jimmy, but some meager hope that if he were able to forgive him, then other people could forgive Tsukasa and Karyu.

Hizumi made a low, frustrated sound in his throat, and forced himself to sit.

There were two facts so glaringly clear, brighter than the winter sunlight shimmering through bulletproof glass.

One, they might have been weapons, but they were adults, capable of making their own choices. They all _chose_ to kill the people they were asked to kill. No one forced them to do it. Which made them -- as painful as it was for Hizumi to accept -- as guilty as the ones doing the hiring.

And that led to fact number two. Jimmy did not know, nor did he seem to want to know, Hizumi's name. He was an unregistered cell phone number, a voice, a figure that would surely be disguised when it delivered the money to the locker.

Hizumi could be anyone.

And the person who hired Jimmy before could be anyone.

Every muscle in his body seemed to give out at once. His head dropped into his hands, legs and stomach flared with dull pain, and he thought he might cry if it would do any good.

Because he realized, he wasn't going to get any answers. He was just going to kill someone.

Everything after that would come down to his hacking abilities, and if there was nothing in the research files that could lead him to a suspect, then all his choices would be gone.

Hizumi swallowed hard and refused to believe that. He'd already decided, if Jimmy wouldn't tell him who hired him, then it wasn't that big a deal. But that was before, when it was still one option out of many.

The silent room pressed down on him, left him feeling hollow somehow, grounded and firm in the plain pure reality of things. His movie fantasies of revenge were painfully that, fantasies.

Jimmy would tell him nothing.

He was no closer to a solution than the day he stepped out of the police station into the rain, and whispered prayers to a beautiful devil.


	14. Chapter 14

XIV · Kintsukuroi

 

The hotel room felt as if it were somehow lacking an atmosphere.

It felt suffocating, hot, and somehow outside of time. A little paper box of a room, floating in nothingness.

And Hizumi waiting in the bathroom, on the toilet seat, with the light off.

He could have been there for days, or years, or seconds. Really only a little more than an hour, because he wasn't sure when Jimmy would arrive. Repeatedly adjusting the infrared goggles for something to do with his hands.

In the main part of the room, pillows under the covers to look like a man asleep. A chair by the wall with arm and leg cuffs already attached to it, so there was no way the bastard could escape.

Jimmy. The man who killed his parents.

Hizumi noticed that the taste of revenge was a little coppery, like old coins, and something metallic and chemical that he could feel in the back of his throat, up in his nose. Nothing like blood, but something like the way people sometimes describe blood for a lack of anything else to compare it to.

Maybe it was the way a gun in his mouth might taste. Or the bullet, ripping through the softness of his palate and brain.

Those morbid thoughts. He didn't really know where they were coming from.

Perhaps he was simply preparing himself for the inevitable.

Telling himself one more time, you're going to kill a man.

Slow shaky breath, and his hand would not stop trembling, vibrating, and his heart was beginning to make his ribs ache with the force of it.

Then the phone silently buzzed, Zero's voice on the other end. "He's coming in now. He's big, Hizu. Be really careful this time."

Hizumi swallowed. "I'm always careful, Zero."

"Then be _more_ careful. Because your usual careful isn't really good enough."

He thought he heard Karyu laughing in the background, and for a fleeting second he wished he'd allowed them all to be here. So he could touch them, draw from them some kind of confidence that he thought he had on his own, but was starting to think he really didn't.

Hizumi heard the click that was Zero disconnecting, and was so overwhelmingly aware of his aloneness that he thought he might actually panic and fuck this up.

Thinking, could he get out of there before Jimmy made it to the room.

Could he get out, and find some other way to kill him.

His mind flashed then to his father's office, instead of escape routes. To so much blood on the floor, and bones between chopsticks, and ashes and graves and flowers and incense and Hizumi knew there was no way he would give this up.

Scared, but he would do it.

And the door was opening, tiny creak, soft muffled footstep on carpet.

Red and orange and yellow shape of a man entering, moving toward the bed.

Hizumi had practiced this part, walking in and out of the bathroom until he could do it without making a sound. Perfect silence, off the toilet, across the tile. Focused on the heat shape.

Then the bathroom was behind him and Jimmy was _right there_....

"Don't move, Jimmy."

His voice did not crack, but it didn't sound entirely like his own, either. But Jimmy didn't move, so Hizumi removed the goggles and flipped on the light.

Jimmy with a knife in his hand, bent and ready to murder some innocent pillows.

"Who the fuck are you?!"

Hizumi cocked the gun, leaning on his cane and ready to shoot him if he had to. "Put your knife down, your gun too. In fact take your coat off and come sit over here."

Whoever's voice it was, it sounded a lot more confident than he felt.

Watching Jimmy obey the commands, like anyone with any sort of survival instinct, laying everything on the bed and staring at Hizumi's gun with an animal wariness. Shifting back and forth between that and the chair with the brand new shiny cuffs on it.

"I said _sit_."

Licking his lips, a nervous little laugh, uneven steps because that gun tracked him all the way across the room. "Listen, kid, I don't know what the fuck is going on here, but this isn't something you wanna be doing."

Hizumi snarled, defensive reaction that made his finger shift on the trigger. "Oh, yes it is. You can make it easy though. Tell me who hired you to kill Yoshida Akihito."

Jimmy gave a blank look, then sort of shrugged. "The guy who used to be Prime Minister, right? You got the wrong guy. I didn't kill him."

Something zinged down Hizumi's spine, something like electricity, if it were made of claws. "There's nothing to gain here by lying." Two steps over to the side, and he switched on the television. Turned it up so the volume was louder than they were speaking.

Jimmy went pale.

Maybe he wasn't stupid after all.

"Kid listen, I wasn't the one who did him. Who the hell told you it was me anyway?"

Back across the room. "Cuff your legs to the chair, and one hand."

Jimmy stood up. "Man what the fuck!"

Gun pointed right at his face. "Do it!"

This was crazy, this was fucking crazy, and why wouldn't Jimmy follow the goddamn script and tell him who hired him, or tell him he didn't know? All these protests that made Hizumi much too tense.

Could Tsukasa have been wrong?

Watching Jimmy begin to sweat, cuffing himself to the chair because what other choice did he have? Resist and be shot. Everyone always hoped they might be spared if they complied.

Hizumi locked the other cuff, gun buried in Jimmy's crotch to make sure he stayed perfectly still. "Who else would cut off someone's eyelids? I thought that was your thing."

Jimmy kinda shuffled away from the gun, as much as the chair would allow. "I didn't do it! Why would I fucking lie?"

Hizumi sat down on the bed. He hadn't meant to, but the room sort of tilted up without his permission. Spinning, because what if he was telling the truth? What if Tsukasa got it wrong, and now Hizumi was wrong, and this was just some guy cuffed to a chair in a hotel room with a gun pointed at his balls?

What if it was _Tsukasa_ cuffed to someone else's chair?

Distantly, "Hey kid, you okay? Don't you dare faint with me tied up here."

Dizzy, but Hizumi managed to raise the gun, pointing at Jimmy's face. Angry, "Tell me the fucking truth."

"I am telling you the fucking truth! Why the hell is this so important to you anyway?"

Hizumi sneered, thought about lying, making something up, but nothing came to mind. "He was my father."

And then Jimmy, looking vaguely sympathetic. "Oh. Well shit. Y'know I always knew I'd be taken out by someone's family, but kid listen, I'm not the one who did your dad. That -- that's way out of my league, I wouldn't get hired for something that big."

"Then who would?"

"You ever hear of Tsukasa?"

There went Hizumi's world again, spinning out from beneath him. He thought he might never get used to hearing other people speak that name. "It wasn't Tsukasa."

"How do you know?" Jimmy started to laugh, until Hizumi flicked the warm metal skull from beneath his shirt collar. Then he shrugged. "Okay. Then maybe he was busy that night and they went to someone else. But man, I'm not even like... the next level. I'm bottom rung, kid."

Another pause while Hizumi sighed, tried to think, tried to catch some kind of solid ground, because this was exactly as he feared. He was going to kill an innocent man.

Following the same thought, Jimmy continued, "So how about you let me go and we forget this ever happened?"

Part of him wanted to. Part of him considered letting him go, apologizing, shaking hands, thanks anyway man, but the rest of him wasn't as much of an idiot, and he knew that if Jimmy didn't kill him the moment his hands were free, he'd hunt him down later. So with an unexpected twinge of sadness, Hizumi shook his head, and raised his gun. "I can't. You know I can't, and if you were me, you wouldn't either."

Jimmy nodded then, slow and honest. "Yeah. I wouldn't either."

Hizumi closed his eyes, and gave a slow squeeze of the trigger, that familiar kick and jolt like the clearest declaration of finality. A muffled thump from the silencer and a brief rattle of metal cuffs, then quiet.

Perhaps a full second of it before the television began blaring a commercial for dog food, synthesized dog barks forming a happy little song, and Hizumi opened his eyes to a wall blasted red and for one moment, wished he could take it all back.

Some kind of rewind button, undo, backspace.

But there was only Jimmy's dead body slouched in the chair, and a commercial for some kind of digital brain implant, and Hizumi's hands full of warm metal.

He felt himself breathing as if he were detached from the experience, felt his fingers uncurl from their tight grip. Standing up, unable to find any actual thoughts in his head beyond a few basic commands.

Put the gun away. Get the cuffs off. Put the disguise back on. Clean up. Get out of there.

A girl in pink on the television, crunching away at a stick of Pocky.

Gun, cuffs, goggles, into an ordinary backpack. The mask that made him look older, chubbier, slipped over his face. A heavy coat that he would burn later.

Hizumi, still not thinking of anything other than picking up the shell casing, using a tiny handvac to sweep over the bathroom, the floor, the bed where he sat, tweezers to gently pluck the bullet from the wall. He'd worn gloves so there were no fingerprints to care about. His boots were brand new and clean. So was the rubber tip on the end of his cane.

Everything later would burn.

Dark lumps sliding down the wallpaper through the blood, and Hizumi thought a little bit then. Thought that nothing had changed, and maybe this had been an innocent man, except that he wasn't really innocent because even if he wasn't the one who killed his parents, he killed someone else's parents sometime, and really, he deserved this.

One less murderer.

Hizumi flipped the "do not disturb" switch on the door, and closed it behind him.

Elevator up ahead. Doing good Hizumi, just walk, just breathe, don't think anymore because you won't like where those thoughts go.

Murderers....

Going down, blame that sick feeling in your stomach on the elevator moving too fast.

Don't think of Tsukasa and Karyu and you'll be fine.

Through the lobby, to the waiting limousine in the parking lot, everything out there so quiet and cold. Breath steaming in the air, snow melting on the ground into puddles. Little bit of echo of that annoying dog food song.

Don't think of Tsukasa and Karyu.

Jimmy's voice saying, you ever hear of --

Don't think.

Don't think....

"Well?" Zero, looking anxious, and Hizumi couldn't remember sitting down. But the limo was moving, and it felt like time had finally caught up with him.

Everything from the hotel room to the limo door was a hollow limbo.

Hizumi peeled away the mask and shrugged. "He said he didn't do it." Stuffing the mask into the backpack, and he realized he could still smell gunsmoke, and blood, and maybe burning hair.

Tsukasa and Karyu were putting guns away, and Hizumi realized they must have been sitting here ready to rush in if they had to. And he wondered if he even deserved that sort of concern.

"I think I killed the wrong person."

"You couldn't have let him go, not after that." The voice of reason again. Zero reached over and ran shaky fingers through Hizumi's hair. "So you believe him?"

Hizumi felt his eyes burn, felt his throat get achy and tense, and he pulled Zero's hand from his head to hold it. To touch something that might bring back reality, and let him out of this foggy dysphoriate hell.

Barely able to whisper, "Why would he lie?"

Even if Hizumi couldn't, Zero glared across the limo at Tsukasa. "You said it was him."

Tsukasa, sounding so far away. "I could have been wrong. It was Jimmy's method. Or he could have been lying because he knew he was going to die anyway, and it didn't matter."

It was Karyu then, who left the seat, crossed the space to kneel in front of Hizumi's legs. Leaning to catch his face in both hands, stealing tears. "Hizu.... Hey, come back, listen. Focus. Think of facts. What are you going to do next?"

Facts. That little switch in Hizumi's mind, back on. "I... okay, I have to find who hired the hit. Who actually did the hit is irrelevant now." Slow, painful swallow. "I have to get into the files, and... either they will lead me to who did it, or they won't. If they don't, I keep looking."

He wanted to be comforted by the pure simple logic, but he kept thinking of blood. Intensely aware of Karyu's hands on his face and then he was in so much pain he thought he could die from it.

Could have been Karyu in someone else's chair. Could have been Tsukasa.

Hizumi broke then, completely, every piece of him.

Such forceful tears that he curled forward, and Karyu caught him, held him tight while he sobbed and begged and cursed that they please stop killing people because he couldn't bear it if he lost them.

Please don't let someone lure you into a trap.

And Karyu hushing apologies into his ear because there was nothing else he could say.

While Zero's attention drifted out the window, and Tsukasa closed his eyes to keep his thoughts in.

While the limousine drove them home through the snow.

+

The crack program was running quietly, computer and VR helmet resting on the table while Hizumi stretched on the couch. Asleep, when Tsukasa and Karyu came home. Rush of water in the distance putting Zero's location as the shower.

Karyu slouched on the floor in a creak of leather, attempted to smooth the tension lines from Hizumi's forehead, as if it could actually make any difference. "This is not going to end well, is it."

Tsukasa sighed, standing much too far away. That _distance_ again that Karyu hated. "We knew this was a possibility from the beginning."

Karyu looked angry, disappointed, a million heartbroken emotions that couldn't be named.

He stood and jerked out of his coat. Sounds like the wings of birds. "And fate, blah blah blah."

Tsukasa, still watching him. "You could sabotage his program."

And Karyu turned so quickly he would probably be sore later. "Are you fucking kidding me?" Looking disgusted then, and Tsukasa hated the sudden rush of satisfaction from it.

So he shrugged. "I'm trying to give you options, Karyu, if you want to avoid the unavoidable." Leaving the room, the bedroom door closing behind him.

The shower shut off, and Karyu collapsed on the floor again.

Hizumi stirring then, an annoyed huff from interrupted sleep. Karyu drove long, gun-stained fingers through his hair, brought him the rest of the way to consciousness.

The way Hizumi smiled, content and lopsided, was a knife in Karyu's heart.

"Everything go okay?"

"Yeah, went fine. We owe a lot to Zero, getting those cars finished in time." Karyu's smile, not quite so bright as usual, but honest. "Any luck with your files?"

Hizumi shrugged against the couch. "Not yet. The algorithms are nothing I've ever dealt with before, I don't really know what to change, what's missing to make it click."

Karyu let his hand trace down over Hizumi's cheek. "You'll find it. You know that."

"Yeah." Hizumi sighed, relaxed into Karyu's warm touch, and let it soothe him.

Distant sound of Zero leaving the bathroom, entering the bedroom. Soft voices filtering through the walls.

"Tsukasa wants you to know he's sorry, if he was wrong about Jimmy." He started to go on, but Hizumi was shaking his head.

"It doesn't matter anymore. Not right now. Like I've said before, Jimmy or not Jimmy, the important thing is finding who hired him. Who actually _wanted_ my father killed. When I get to that point, I can get it out of them who they hired. If it's not Jimmy, I'll know who to go after next." Hizumi drew a slow breath, and turned to kiss Karyu's wrist before sitting up.

Hot whirring of the computer's fan. Everything making the day feel so slow and heavy. The clouds outside the window, Hizumi would swear they were still in the same place as when he went to sleep.

"So I'll focus on the files, and if there's nothing in them, I'll find another direction." Watching the stagnant grey, trying to find something in his mind to grasp. Some little thread that would let him get back to his comfortable analytical self.

Something to shake off the feeling that it was all so anti-climactic, that blanket of unsettled and crooked and wrong that he'd been wearing since he left the hotel. Like all the angles had been rearranged beneath his skin, a room full of moved furniture and he didn't know where to step, where to sit.

Changes that crept in again uninvited. Everything so unfamiliar and strange.

Hizumi looked to Karyu then, because Karyu was still Karyu and maybe that was important. Hands on his face, smooth on little scars, familiar curve of cheekbones, pretty lips that weren't smiling as much as he wished they were.

"Hizu --"

"Shh. I'm trying to find reality."

And if Karyu had any hope left, he could not find it then, and the only thing he could do to keep from breaking was to push forward and kiss him. Pressed against the couch, and not quite frantic but close enough.

Karyu's voice somehow fractured when he pulled away to speak. "Don't look too hard, you won't like it."

And Hizumi, unable to understand, but knowing he was missing something vital, just laughed. Soundless, half-hearted. "Since when are you the pessimistic one?"

Karyu only vaguely shrugged, and got up from the floor. There was nothing he could say to that.

Zero was in the hallway, quiet as Karyu passed him. Exchanging places. Waiting for the bedroom door to close again before taking a spot on the couch.

Hizumi tilted sideways and leaned on his shoulder, breathed in the smell of shampoo and clean skin. "Everything is so distorted."

Zero found Hizumi's hand and lightly held it. "I know."

"It wasn't supposed to be like this."

Quiet, for a moment. "It will get better."

Hizumi shifted his head, enough to see Zero's usual smirk. "You think so?"

And the usual eye roll. "Of course, idiot."

Hizumi kind of wanted to bite him then, but he didn't. Instead, he simply wanted to believe he was right.

Outside, the clouds looked like they were starting to move.

+

Midnight was close, sneaking up on them, and it seemed like every roof had fireworks already shooting off of it. Slicing through projected advertisements, drowning them out.

Hizumi thought the sight might be a little victorious, if he wasn't so distracted.

Standing on the sidewalk in front of Mayhem, drunk people _everywhere_. He should have been in a party mood, should have been drunk himself, but he was thinking too much about how Karyu kept treating him like glass, and Tsukasa hadn't looked at him in hours.

The drive to the club had been so much fun.

Zero was off with his parents, some kind of family tradition thing. Hizumi felt a little selfish, wishing he'd asked him not to go. But that wouldn't have been fair.

Ten minutes left until the future.

The press of someone at his shoulder, and he almost moved away, until he recognized Tsukasa in his peripheral. It hurt that he still wanted to.

But Tsukasa was fidgeting, shifting, and this made Hizumi curious enough to stay. "What?"

Tsukasa glanced over. His contacts were having trouble keeping up with all the changes in color. "It's not fair for us to be mad at each other over things that haven't even happened."

And Hizumi relaxed in one sudden unexpected moment, because that was what it really came down to, wasn't it.

Those damning maybes, those could-bes.

He sighed finally, and leaned into Tsukasa's shoulder. "Yeah."

"So you can't keep telling me to quit my job, and I can't keep telling you not to do what you need to do."

Hizumi nodded, and Tsukasa's hand was slipping into his, held concealed between them in the shadows. "It's... it's hard not to worry, knowing what can happen."

"Right." Tsukasa exhaled, foggy in the cold. "So if there's a chance our time together might be shorter than we want it to be, I don't want to spend it angry. I don't want any regrets, when it's over."

"Neither do I."

The big projected clock in the sky, counting down minutes. Hizumi stared at it a moment, then tugged at Tsukasa, turning back to the door. "Almost midnight. We should find Karyu."

It wasn't that difficult, picking out his tall head over the rest of the crowd. Standing at the bar, talking to someone that Hizumi soon realized was Yuki, and he wasn't really prepared for the relief he felt at seeing the man.

So much worry for everyone, because anything could happen when they were out of sight. And Tsukasa and Karyu had lost so much already....

"Hey, there they are!" Yuki, beaming a rainbow of reflected colors off his teeth. He made a toasting motion at Hizumi with a half-empty beer. "I heard you finally got your man."

Hizumi shrugged, tried to play it off with modesty. But talking about it still made him feel that jittery falling sensation. "Maybe. Unless I was wrong."

Yuki shrugged too, but it was careless. "Eh, whatever. He was a jackass anyway. Stole a big deal out from under me once, so... if you want, consider it a job done for the Scarecrows, and no regrets."

Yuki was giving him an out.

Hizumi really, really wanted to hug him.

Instead, he smiled. "Okay, but that means we're even then."

Yuki laughed. "You got it."

And there might have been more to say, but the crowd was chanting a countdown, ten, nine, eight, and Hizumi wanted to forget about everything for the rest of the night.

One, and an explosion of noise. Beside him, Tsukasa and Karyu were locked in a kiss, and he had another sappy moment of thinking that was more beautiful than all the fireworks in the world.

Then Yuki at his shoulder, zipping up his jacket. "Take care of them for me, kid."

"I will." Repeating it silently to himself as Yuki and his flash of gold were lost to the crowd.

Because it was all he could do. If he couldn't stop them from putting themselves in danger, he would have to do everything he could to protect them.

And love them while he had them.

+

Hizumi wasn't sure if he was hallucinating or not, when the crack program finally beeped.

The code had been broken, Hizumi's last parameters had been exactly right, and now the program was surging through the files converting nonsense into something he could read.

Alone in the apartment, he let out a loud "fuck yeah!" and wriggled into his helmet. The file folders that had previously been wrapped with ridiculous chains and locks were now ordinary folders, ready to be opened.

Hizumi's virtual hand hesitated on top of the first.

Whatever he found in here, they were his father's secrets. Probably they contained nothing more than the details of his research, the unofficial pieces left out of the common documents he'd already read through, boring rambling calculations and repetitive experiments.

But somewhere within them had to be the answers.

Hizumi drew a slow breath, and opened the folder.

+

Neon through the windows, and Hizumi pried himself from the VR helmet with no idea of how long he'd been in there, reading.

Zero beside him on the couch, quiet and still, that thoughtful expression on his face that Hizumi both loved and hated, because Zero's mind was sort of like an encrypted file too, and Hizumi felt cheated for not being able to crack the code. "Hey."

"Hey." Zero smirked, nudged Hizumi with an elbow. "Find anything?"

As if either of them expected it to be that easy. "Not really. The stuff I'm in now, it's what I already know, repairing brain damage. But the science behind it is fascinating."

"You would think that." Zero pressed his lips together to keep from laughing, leaving the sound to Hizumi.

Somewhere outside, a siren blaring, and Hizumi thought of Tsukasa and Karyu not yet home.

Zero thought of endless hours watching the news, waiting to hear if any of those flashing lights on the screen were for Hizumi.

Forcing himself to breathe, to stop fidgeting. "You know, school starts again next week. I'm thinking of not going back."

Hizumi looked to him then, ashamed of the selfish rush of relief. "It's only a few more months though." Trying to convince himself, more than Zero.

That frozen panic that seemed to be a permanent part of him now, nights spent awake where all he could think about was Tsukasa and Karyu shot in some anonymous hotel room, Zero snatched from school, all those hours he'd spend out of Hizumi's reach.

"I don't really want you to go, but you probably should."

Zero's fingers tightened in Hizumi's, because he knew, because he remembered how long it took for Hizumi to understand. "If I do, you have to promise not to do anything without me."

Endless days laying in hospital beds waiting, not knowing, left behind and worried....

"Anything happens, you wait for me, don't fucking rush off."

Wanting to say, okay, I get it now. Instead, "I can do that."

They could manage, plan around school days, homework, make the most of the weekends.

Not that there was much to plan these days. With everything settled, life back into a calm routine, the way it was before Azaki threw it all into a sort of apocalyptic blender.

Zero could work in the garage whenever he felt like it, as long as he met Tsukasa's deadlines, and Hizumi mostly sat around in front of a keyboard, if he wasn't off shooting things with Karyu. If Karyu wasn't behind his own keyboard in Tsukasa's office, the two of them plotting criminal mayhem, safe and sound.

"Maybe it's time for me to make this official. This Black Death stuff, I mean."

Instinctively, Hizumi's attention went to the side of Zero's throat, that pretty, smooth space between freckles, just right for a little black skull. "Tsu will be happy to have you. He's talked about it before, he's waiting for it to be your decision."

Zero smiled without his usual sarcasm, a rare, adorable blush to his cheeks, and Hizumi wondered how he'd survived all these years without him.

"Good. Then I want my skull before I go back to school. I want them to know who I belong to." His eyes met Hizumi's, and he didn't need his hacking skills to read the message.

You, not Tsukasa. Not anyone else.

And Hizumi couldn't resist kissing him, thinking of pretty little Michi in the back of the classroom, with his bored nonchalance and hidden dimples.

 _His_ Zero.

Sliding both hands into uneven hair, as Zero slid himself onto Hizumi's lap, VR helmet rolling somewhere under the table. Fitting themselves together as close as possible, with all the healing wounds between them.

Then Zero was licking through his mouth in a way that said he wasn't going to be content tonight with _anything_ between them.

Hizumi shivered, letting Zero pull him off the couch with a loose grip on his hand and that infuriating smirk, through the door of the bedroom, and to prove he could be spontaneous too, shoved Zero onto the bed. Zero's sudden, bright laughter lost to Hizumi's mouth.

He thought he should be nervous then, that this was finally going to happen with Zero, but all he could find was that warm content feeling. As if this was a natural extension of everything they'd already been through.

Hizumi thought that felt exactly right.

Impatient hands tugging at his shirt, and Hizumi laughed, peeled it off. Zero's sharp teeth instantly on his chest and Hizumi pushed him away, rid him of his shirt so he could leave his own marks. Both of them claiming every inch of skin not covered. Ripping away jeans, underwear, socks.

A vicious bite to Zero's thigh, muscles quivering beneath Hizumi's tongue, a shuddering gasp as Hizumi bit his hip bone. A bold sucked bruise on Hizumi's stomach at the edge of his bandages. Rosaries of violet and red left around throats, darker at the pulse points. The worshipful-slow trail of lips on soft skin, until Zero had to pull Hizumi back up by the hair. "You fucking tease."

Predictably, he laughed. Thinking, as he kissed him, of the first night when they'd brought Zero home with them so many lifetimes ago. Standing in Karyu's bedroom, and how he'd somehow known then that this crazy boy was forever.

And that Zero had known it too, and was patiently waiting until Hizumi, always the idiot, figured it out.

He pulled back from the kiss, traced a fading scar on Zero's cheekbone. Still the damning cold-furled guilt from dragging him into this, nearly getting him killed, but he couldn't convince himself to regret it. Not when everything now was so perfectly right.

Zero made a sort of frustrated huff, curling his leg over Hizumi's thigh, mindful of the damage. Hizumi got the hint, and laughed again. "Impatient bastard."

"You love it."

"Yeah, I do." Another unrestrained kiss as his hand fumbled onto the nightstand, for wherever the little bottle of oil got tossed last. Pouring out enough to slick himself up as he kissed down Zero's neck, biting through bruises as he slid careful fingers into him.

The combined pressure was enough to make him arch, make him moan and curse, then Hizumi pushing inside, a slow scalding moment while they both adjusted. While Zero's pulse beneath Hizumi's teeth went uneven, and Hizumi bit hard enough to draw blood.

Again, breathless, and Zero shuddered with each movement of his hips, and everything was rolling to a too-fast conclusion, with blood in his mouth and Zero's incoherent curses in his ear.

Kissing rough and ecstatic, and Zero did some kind of indescribable squirm, and that was it for Hizumi. Biting again, hard into Zero's shoulder, coming apart and barely aware of Zero following right behind.

Then Zero was laughing silently, and that made perfect sense. Hizumi shifted enough that he could lose some of the pressure on his healing leg, kissed Zero as he laughed, watched him stretch, content.

A lazy smile for Hizumi, and there were the dimples. "We should've done this a lot sooner."

Hizumi wanted to laugh, but all he could think of were miles of gauze, all the spilled blood and hospital beds keeping them apart. "We can make up for it."

Zero, thinking the same thing. "Damn right we will."

And they both wanted to be foolish and believe the worst was over, that they wouldn't have to deal with those situations again, now that they'd got them out of the way. But Zero's words still echoed, loud as curses.

It's never going to be easy.

+

Overnight snow left the streets white and glistening, the Hummer's tires hushing through the afternoon stillness, through the untouched blanket covering the driveway of Hizumi's old home.

He'd come alone, to finally pack, to clear away everything that was left of Hiroshi from that empty shell of a house. His grandparents met him at the door with stern expressions, a disapproving sniff from his grandmother as she let him in.

None of his family knew what to think of him anymore.

This somehow confident stranger, his bruises and black leather, his unfamiliar cars. The grown-up version of the boy who had walked away and disappeared when his parents were no longer around to keep him where he belonged.

Hizumi thought he should feel something, but none of them had ever loved him anyway. An heir to the throne, nothing more. At least his parents had loved him, and it was this that made his eyes sting with tears as he climbed the stairs, bare and cold because they'd already packed away the rugs.

Empty rooms, boxes in the hallway, waiting to be carried out, and he could see the green of his mother's dress, shiny white glow of a vase, the leather spines of books. His own room was untouched of course, but there were boxes and a roll of garbage bags on his bed, and he was almost angry then. Almost violently resentful that it was so easy for them, packing up their family's life like it was nothing.

Everything in the house was a memory, a piece of his existence, his parents' existence, their life together. Hizumi wanted to burn it down, to have a say in the situation. You want to get rid of it, here's how to do it right.

Instead, he detached himself from who he used to be, and began to pack.

Clothes he wouldn't wear again but were still in good shape, into a box for donation. Books, CDs, electronics, personal bits and scraps collected over a lifetime, into a box to take home.

Karyu said he could store it all in the spare apartment until he felt like dealing with it, so he didn't have to waste time on final decisions. Karyu always understood those kinds of things.

Most of it went into garbage bags, carried out to the dumpster they'd rented for the occasion. Four boxes marked with a black skull went into the Hummer, and as he closed the hatch on the last one, he felt the detachment begin to unravel.

Images, memories, the way his parents could laugh together like nothing mattered, blood stains on the office floor, a rain-slick limousine and how revenge was like fire under his skin that couldn't be put out. Hizumi sobbed against cold moon-silver paint, thought of Jimmy Bartholomew saying, it wasn't me, kid.

But it was someone. Someone paid the money and aimed the gun, and someone pulled the trigger.

Hizumi drew a weak breath, wiped his face clean and ignored the pain in his bones, one more trip up the stairs to make sure nothing was left. Creaky drawers turned out and empty, patches on the walls where posters had been, cobwebs in every corner.

He said a quick goodbye to his grandparents, and left.

Thinking again, as he started the engine, about fate. About change, and how the innocent boy Hiroshi was entirely gone, and what had taken his place was a stronger, braver creature than Hiroshi could have ever been.

Out of the driveway, back to the slick street, he thought of butterflies, and how they can never go back to being a caterpillar, once they have learned how to fly.


	15. Chapter 15

XV · Frashokereti

 

Tsukasa shook the bottle of ink carefully, swirling darkness, and filled the tattoo gun.

Zero sat waiting on the couch, nervous and sinfully anxious. A vibration in the room, and Tsukasa settled himself kneeling over Zero's thighs, intimate but convenient. "Ready?"

He refused to look at Karyu, slowly spinning in his chair, or Hizumi, perched on the arm of the couch beside him. Focused only on Tsukasa, so he'd know he wasn't going to change his mind, he was serious.

Like they'd asked him a million times.

As expected, Zero rolled his eyes. "Ready."

Tsukasa's palm rested warm on the side of his neck, holding him in place as he began the outline of the skull. The mark that would define him from then on, slowly taking shape.

Watching, Hizumi thought it was sort of like writing code for a new program. Piece by piece, until everything came together, and made it clear.

He'd never been one for watching art happen, never there at the birth of it, and he wondered if there was anything Tsukasa couldn't do with this calm, elegant precision.

Karyu had once wondered the same. "Hey Zero, does it hurt?"

Zero smirked, and Tsukasa looked up to see his eyes mostly closed, felt his pulse quick and thrumming under his palm. "Not nearly enough."

Karyu cackled and gave his chair a good hard spin, and Zero would have purred if he thought it wouldn't distract Tsukasa. Instead he let his eyes fully close, trying to follow the slow lines made by the needles, trying to imagine what it looked like so far.

Inevitably thinking, in a sentimental and ridiculous way, about what it meant.

That night not really very long ago, but feeling like years, when he'd followed Hizumi to Mayhem, and realized what his life was missing. How he understood what Hizumi meant when he talked about drifting along, a leaf on the current, and how he'd never felt so alive as he did in the moment when he thought he was going to die.

Lying on the cold floor, Hizumi curled against him, refusing to let him go.

Zero didn't really want to die anymore, didn't see it as the most interesting option. Too many possibilities now, so much trouble to get into, so many ways to feel alive without having to reach for death.

The tattoo gun shut off, a sudden silence in its absence. Zero opened his eyes while Tsukasa cleaned bloody ink from his skin, then it was Hizumi over his lap, and a kiss that melded with the fading pain in his neck, like a supernova.

Whispering against Zero's lips, "Now you're ours, now you're mine."

"I always was."

"I know. I'm yours too."

Zero smirked. "I know."

Neither were aware of exactly when Tsukasa and Karyu left the room.

+

Parked in front of the school, Hizumi felt a hint of regret, that he wasn't going back with Zero. A hint of guilt, that he might be letting his parents down by not graduating.

"They'll let you turn in your work online, you know. This whole tough-guy drop-out thing is pretty pointless."

He laughed quietly at Zero, and slid his hands over the unfamiliar steering wheel, letting them fall into his lap.

The car had been a sort of gift from Tsukasa and Karyu, a voluptuous black Porsche less conspicuous than running errands in the limousine. Hizumi liked it, liked how Zero looked doing his nonchalant thing in the passenger seat, like it was made for him.

"I guess I could do that." He met Zero's smirk with one of his own, then leaned and kissed him. People were watching, and he liked that too.

Tracing fingers lightly over the healing skull mark, the blatant announcement of what Zero had got himself into over winter vacation, a permanent souvenir.

"I'll tell them to send you an email." Zero smirked again, reaching for the door handle. "Hope you have a terribly boring day."

Hizumi fully laughed. "Hey I promised, nothing exciting without you."

Then Zero was out, walking down the sidewalk, blending in with the other uniforms. Inside the gate, he turned to wave.

Hizumi waited until he heard the first bell before driving away.

+

Saturday. Three days spent trying not to worry about Zero, buried in experiment logs, in hack jobs for Tsukasa, in the homework Hizumi's teachers cheerfully sent.

Three days of nothing but words on screens and Hizumi thought his eyes were going to march out of his face and go on strike.

Tsukasa and Karyu found him on the balcony, wrapped in blankets because it was still too far below freezing, even with the sun out.

Karyu couldn't resist. "Hey Grandma."

Hizumi kicked at him, muffled by wool, and Karyu danced out of the way, laughing. "If I have to stare at any more words, I'm going to die."

Tsukasa squirmed into the chair beside him, stole part of the blanket. "We were thinking the same thing, and that your bodyguard duties have been sadly abandoned lately."

"So you should come out with us tonight."

Hizumi didn't bother hesitating, not even for show. "Where are we going?"

Karyu's smile was unexpectedly content. "We're still patching up some of the trust Azaki ruined, so it's only a meeting, a formality. But it's on their turf, and we're not sure we like that. Some other guys are coming too. Snake, he's been asking about you."

That rush of fondness again, and Hizumi realized he thought of them all as his boys, even though they technically weren't. "Did you tell him Zero won't let me out to play anymore?"

"Nah. I blamed it on Tsukasa." Karyu snickered, and Tsukasa reached back to pinch him.

Hizumi watched them fight for a moment, trying to stay out of the way, which eventually meant getting out of the chair because Karyu was climbing over the back of it, determined to somehow tickle and bite Tsukasa at the same time. Predictably it ended with Tsukasa purring, his hands lost up the back of Karyu's shirt.

He hated to ruin the moment, but... "Has anyone heard from Yuusuke?"

Karyu, flushed and happy, shifted so he could face Hizumi and cuddle up on Tsukasa's shoulder. "Not since. But I'm not ready to write him off as dead yet. He could be in a situation where he can't contact us, maybe he's in hiding."

"At least we know he's not the traitor." Tsukasa still looked bitter, a festering wound, and Hizumi would always feel guilty, because he wasn't able to protect him from that.

"Yeah. I guess you're right, he'll be back when it's safe." And he would always feel guilty for simply being glad that his three were okay, that it wasn't one of them out there lost, unreachable.

His hand found Tsukasa's, then Karyu's, tangled them all together.

Refusing to think of hotel rooms, and all the things that could go wrong.

+

The meeting went fine.

Tsukasa and Karyu devastating in their leather and perpetual air of danger, the devil and his right hand. Zero at his side looking bored, yet somehow threatening, and Hizumi wondered how the hell he could do that, project so much without doing anything at all.

And he'd also wondered how he looked to everyone else, if he was dangerous, threatening, or the sad joke of a boy leaning on his cane because he moved wrong earlier and set his leg to aching.

But Daishi and Snake had smiled at him, treated him with respect and a sort of reverence, and Hizumi decided to assume he looked like someone that liars and traitors couldn't hide from, someone who could stand in front of a rival gang and dare them to kill him.

Someone who needed a cane to hold them up because he'd survived more bullets than half the people in the room combined.

The men they were meeting, a scruffy little crew of Chinese thugs who called themselves "importers of fine merchandise", seemed happy to be finalizing the deal. No threats, no arguments, just a lot of relief and enthusiastic handshakes.

It wasn't until they were on their way home that things went to hell.

The four of them in the limo, Karyu leading a conversation about explosives, when a little chime sounded from the instrument panel that made Karyu freeze with his mouth open, and Tsukasa rush to press buttons. On the screen, a massive red semi growing larger.

Hizumi's instant thought -- objects in mirror are closer than they appear.

"Shit. Hold on." Tsukasa barely had the words out before the limousine jolted forward, throwing them all crooked. "Seatbelts."

Hizumi had to watch Tsukasa and Karyu find theirs, and his hands were still fumbling for the hidden crease in the seat padding when the semi hit them again. "What the fuck?!"

"I have no idea. It's not those guys we just left, is it?" Karyu glanced at the screen before leaning over to find Hizumi's seatbelt, then making sure Zero's was secure enough.

The semi collided again and it wasn't so bad, now that he wasn't floating loose.

"I don't think so...." Tsukasa had a screen pulled down from the ceiling, typing in a command that made the limo shimmy for a moment, and Hizumi thought of the Hummer and the guns, wasn't surprised the limo had them too.

Remembering all the times he was told, the limo is the safest place you can be.

Still, he was kind of scared, kind of excited, because this was new.

Then Tsukasa did something, and the limo spun sideways with a howl of tires, turning around, it felt like, but they were slammed again before it could finish the turn.

Tsukasa cursed, and Hizumi looked behind him to see the entire span of windows filled with the grime-caked grille of the semi. It was such a disorienting view, he didn't really know what to think, how to categorize it in his mind.

Zero beside him whispering, "Holy shit."

He could feel the rumbling of that powerful engine, nothing separating him from it but layers of glass and metal, and it revved and the noise surrounded him, traveled through him like he was nothing. Karyu was speaking, but all he could hear was that engine.

Somewhere in the distance, squalling tires fighting to stay in place, aware then that the semi was pushing them _sideways_ down the highway.

Hizumi looked away from the windows, to Tsukasa and Karyu nervously working at the screens. He realized the pinging sounds he could barely hear were bullets bouncing off metal, and he never thought gunfire could sound so desperate and ineffective and small.

Then the world tilted.

"Fuck, they're gonna flip us!" Karyu grabbed for Tsukasa's and Hizumi's hands, and everything went upside down.

The limousine rolled, angry snarl of metal as it skidded across the road, came to a stop in a ditch full of snow. Upside down, the four of them pressed securely against the seats, because of course the straps adjusted for the momentum.

Hizumi thought inappropriately that it might have been fun, if he wasn't worried about dying.

Tsukasa let out a shaky breath, and touched the screen again. "Wait a minute, it'll flip back over. I'm doing a heat check, and that trailer is full of people, and it looks like they're coming out."

Screens unfolded in front of Hizumi and Zero, and Karyu uncomfortably stretched over to point. "It's like a video game. Drag this target icon to where you want to shoot, and press this button. Don't waste bullets if you can help it. We've got a lot, but we can't reload when we're out, and I don't really want to get out of this car, okay?"

Hizumi nodded, saw Zero do the same, dragging the little red circle and crosshairs around. "Okay. So can we go rightside up now?"

The limo responded with a groan of steel and hydraulics, a deep, teeth-chattering shudder as it rocked slightly to one side. A moment of clicking hesitation, then they were rolling again, landing the right way, and Hizumi could blame it on blood-rush dizziness when he stroked the seat and said, "I love you, limo."

Karyu cracked up and Zero snorted, but then there were people on his screen running towards them, shooting uselessly. As if tiny bullets could do something a multi-ton truck couldn't.

Hizumi directed his target icon, and shot a man in the leg.

It felt a little bit like cheating, doing it on a screen, instead of out there where he could get hurt too. But his healing bones reminded him he'd paid his dues, and it wasn't like this was something they planned.

"Do you know who these people are yet?"

"Dragons. The semi is registered to a company owned by one of the former leaders. I guess this is their idea of revenge." Tsukasa's soft chuckle was distracted, focused on blowing heads off bodies.

Karyu watched a particularly graceful shot take out a man's neck, sending his head flying into the arms of the man behind him, and couldn't help laughing. "Oh shit, Tsuka, that was amazing."

Trust Karyu to be having fun.

Still quietly laughing when there was nothing left to shoot, bodies and gore spread through remnants of mangled snow, and that meant it was time to switch weapons. Something beneath them hummed as it armed, and he shared a warm smile with Tsukasa. "You can be the one to blow it up."

"You're so generous." Tsukasa pressed a switch, and the limousine slowly began to crawl forward. Putting distance between themselves and the doomed semi.

Hizumi thought briefly of that massive grille, and felt a little bad for the truck.

Zero unfastened his belt and moved to the back, and Hizumi followed, both of them kneeling on the seat like children, watching out the window. After a moment, the limo twitched, and the semi exploded in a gorgeous howling fireball, black and orange and the most awesome thing Hizumi had ever seen. He laughed, Zero actually giggled, and okay, maybe not _the_ most awesome thing.

Behind them, Karyu cackling. "Perfect shot, my dear."

Tsukasa, smug, "You expected less?"

Hizumi had to admit to being slightly disappointed that the rest of the ride home went uninterrupted.

Still there were lingering thoughts, as they went inside on legs still shaky from being all topsy-turvy, that this meant things really weren't over with the Dragons. That they were still determined to cause trouble, and this was only the start of it.

Hizumi found he didn't mind the idea as much as he probably should.

+

The entire table was covered in papers.

Some of them carefully taped together to form a large blueprint of a building, other smaller blueprints scattered around. Some electrical wiring schematics, and various lists.

Hizumi stood at the window, looking at but not really seeing the clear blue sky, the sharp fragments of light on buildings.

He wasn't thinking about the papers. He was thinking about the Dragons.

It had been late when they got home, and everyone went to bed without discussing the big, road-rash flavored elephant in the room, and when he woke, Tsukasa and Karyu were already gone.

A note on the fridge saying, paperwork, be back later.

Hizumi imagined he could hear Karyu's cries of suffering from eleven floors away.

Predictably, part of him liked that there was something else to think about again, and he felt so guilty about that, that he would actually wish trouble on Tsukasa and Karyu to distract himself. But truth was truth, and he couldn't change it.

Every moment he spent with a gun in his hand was one less moment he had to spend thinking about why someone would want to kill his parents.

Eventually, he went back to the papers.

Karyu dragged Tsukasa into the apartment a few hours later, took one look at Hizumi with his spread, Zero surrounded by homework, and groaned. "There is no escape."

Tsukasa quietly laughed as Karyu disappeared somewhere down the hall.

Hizumi sympathized. "Any news on the Dragons?"

Careful not to upset Hizumi's work, Tsukasa settled into a chair, gave a tired shrug. "No one's heard anything, but we've sent some guys out to spy around. It's been on the news, apparently the cops think it's related to some kind of weapon trafficking problem going on right now, careless Dragons and their careless business. We're not going to retaliate, we'll sit here and listen and see if they do anything else, but we don't really know what to plan for. But everyone's on alert again, and I hate that."

Hizumi reached for Tsukasa's hand, felt guilt in his throat like bile. "I'm sorry. Maybe it really was a one time thing. Maybe they really were out there doing something with weapons, saw us on the road, and thought hey, perfect opportunity."

"Yeah, that's what Karyu says. I still don't like it." He gave Hizumi's hand a squeeze, then poked at one of the blueprints. "So what's all this?"

Hizumi's laugh was a little self-conscious. "This is me watching too many movies. I have a plan, but I need all of you to help me out with it. I mean if you want to, if you don't have anything else to do...."

Zero had of course been eavesdropping, and took this as the right time to move to the table. "Don't you ever pay attention?"

"Nope. He doesn't." Karyu, taking the last chair. "Hizumi-sensei, tell us your plan."

First though, Hizumi kicked him under the table. Karyu laughed. "Okay. The um, the files I've been reading, they've all been referencing some on-site files, paper files that I can't hack into. What I've been able to find out, is that they're stored in this location, so... I need to get in there."

Zero thought he might like this idea. "What's in the files?"

"Experiment logs, data, results. I've told you guys about the brain damage, the legitimate testing they were doing on volunteers, hospital patients, everything that led to the process they use now to save lives." Hizumi paused, let out a breath that was a bit more shaky than he'd expected. "I haven't told you about the reanimation."

Karyu whistled. "Now we're in movie territory."

Hizumi laughed. "Yeah. When I was a kid, my dad used to show me the mice. They would kill them with a gas, painless, wait a while, then inject them with something that would make them come back to life. Just mice though, it didn't even work on rats. Well these... these experiments weren't on mice or rats. They were trying to do this to people."

He let it sink in.

Wondering, how many people had his father killed in the name of science.

"I don't really know what was going on, but that's why I need these files. All the experiment details are kept in this one place, a lab they don't even use anymore, like they were trying to hide it. Maybe they used corpses bought from morgues, maybe it's not as bad as I'm thinking, but I need to be sure. I need to know."

"Because if these experiments were killing people, that... that might be something to, well, kill over." Karyu, stating the obvious, and Hizumi met his eyes over the expanse of paper, saw understanding.

Tsukasa shook his head, picked up the corner of a blueprint and put it back down, a mindless fidget. "So what do you need from us?"

"I'm thinking, I'll take Zero inside with me. Before we can go in, Karyu and I need to hack into the security system, get into the cameras, create a loop between our computers and their monitors. You know how this goes. We feed them a video of an empty room, while Zero and I are sneaking into it. That will be Karyu's job, while Tsukasa monitors the real security feeds, making sure areas we're going into are clear, that nobody's coming, all that. Make sense so far?"

Waiting for nods before continuing.

"I have all the schematics of the buildings, every security system they use, and their door locks are the same as ones I'm familiar with. I already have a crack program for those. But I'll need to do a test run, hack into everything and make sure nothing's been modified from what's in these plans. I can do that from here, no big deal. I've got these little ear communicator things, for when Zero and I go in, but this lab is mostly unused, and I don't really expect any interruptions. I just don't want to go in blind."

"It's a good plan. Like you said, we'll have to test run everything first, but it should work." Tsukasa looked thoughtful for a moment, then Karyu had to ruin it by laughing.

"Reminds me of that car job we did with Yuki. Remember that?" Grinning like pure mischief. "I was on security watch, Tsu and Yuki had to go in and get the cars out of this dealership, and I was watching the monitors so every time a guard came around where they were, I had to do this bird call over the PA system."

"It was careless and stupid and we could have been arrested."

"We were kids, what do you expect?"

Hizumi was laughing, he could imagine Karyu making ridiculous sounds he thought were bird sounds, and he glanced over to see Zero silently amused.

Zero caught him looking, nudged him under the table with his foot. "It's a good idea, Hizu. But don't let Karyu make any bird calls."

"No, no bird calls."

But he had that warm contented feeling again, watching them all investigate the papers, getting familiar with the blueprints and security camera locations.

Karyu running his finger through the building like a maze, trying out different doors and windows. Zero joining in and ruining Karyu's efforts, until Karyu had to make his hand attack Zero's like a big spindly spider, and Tsukasa was scolding them like a tired parent, don't tear that, we need it.

Hizumi knew then, they could do anything. The four of them together, they were unstoppable.

He realized, it was exactly the kind of reassurance he'd been looking for, and his old ghosts of insecurity and doubt were nowhere to be found.

+

Hizumi woke covered less in blanket, and more in Karyu. Trapped beneath sprawling limbs, and he didn't really mind, content to wander his fingers through tangled hair until Karyu stirred. "Morning, bed hog."

Karyu made a sleepy half laugh. "Morning." He leaned up enough to look at the time, then nestled his head back down on Hizumi's shoulder. " _Really_ morning."

A little past seven, the sun still as half asleep as they were.

"Yeah, cause of school. Where's Tsu?"

"Meeting with Daishi. Daishi keeps these ass crack of dawn hours too, what the hell is wrong with you people." The last word broke in a yawn. "But I thought I'd stay with you today, help out with the test run if you want me to."

"Of course I want you to."

It hit him again, in that defenseless moment, how much he loved this man.

How much he owed him. Because without him, without Tsukasa, Hizumi wouldn't be near as strong as he realized he'd become. He wouldn't be planning to break into a high security laboratory, closer and closer to finding out who to hold responsible.

Without them, he'd be the same scared, lifeless boy he'd been that first night in the rain.

And Zero, couldn't forget Zero, wonderful Zero coming into the bedroom with steaming mugs of coffee.

Karyu mumbled something appreciative and sat up, making room for Zero to sit.

It was still a little disorienting to see him in the uniform, like it was part of some other lifetime that tagged along without permission. So Hizumi sat up and kissed the skull on his neck to remind himself that nothing had changed.

But it was clearly going to be one of those days where the timeline was fluid, where his thoughts weren't going to stay in the present, where they belonged.

The mug Zero gave him was the one from Karyu's room, the one he'd first experienced Tsukasa's awful cure from hell in.

Hizumi vaguely wondered if he was dreaming.

"Drink it, don't stare at it." Karyu, looking bratty yet concerned, and he made a show of drinking his coffee to demonstrate how it should be done.

"Sorry, zoning." He took a sip and felt a little better. Zero always filled it with sugar. "So you have that history test today, right?"

Zero's expression said he'd rather be dead. "Yeah. Which means you'll have it in your email later, and I'm not telling you the answers."

"And here I thought you liked me."

Karyu couldn't help laughing. "You two make me feel old. I'm gonna go take a shower." Kissing them both loudly on the cheek before exiting in a sleepy stumble, taking his coffee along.

"Poor Karyu. If twenty-three is old, imagine what he'll be like when he turns thirty."

Hizumi laughed, wondered how many scars they'd all have by then. "He'll be overdramatic about it, I can guarantee that."

Time scattered forward, and he could see them all when they were old, creaky and worn down by wounds and experience, like weapons in museums. Tired, but still deadly. Still together, snarky and ridiculous.

He liked that image.

"Zoning again." Zero tugged at Hizumi's hair, smiled that rare soft smile when Hizumi's eyes focused on him.

"Thinking about us all when we're old."

Zero snorted. "I'm not getting old. Arthritis, dementia, pissing on myself, fuck that. We should all go out in a blaze of glory before then."

"There's cures for all that now, you know. We could still be doing this when we're a hundred."

"Or maybe by then, we can turn ourselves into robots and live forever." Smirking, Zero finished his coffee, and got up from the bed.

Hizumi followed and kissed him, and time stayed right where it should be. "I'm cool with being a robot."

Thinking while he dressed, of machineguns hidden in his forearms, rockets in his legs, his entire ribcage opening up full of weaponry. Then he wouldn't have to limp around while his bones healed, and nothing could stop him.

Definitely cool with being a robot.

+

Getting into the lab's security feed was predictably easy, as were Karyu's test loops.

If there was going to be a problem somewhere with his plan, that would not be it.

Hizumi watched Karyu's long fingers dance over the keys as he typed something into the program and saved it. "Well that works. Now I need to find where they're keeping the old files."

"Every room has a file cabinet." Karyu sounded apologetic.

Hizumi sighed. "Yeah. So I'll try checking their database. Looks like the basement is mostly storage though, we might get lucky there."

If he hadn't used up his luck already. Cheating death, and all that.

Karyu's turn to watch Hizumi work, clicking through folders, someone else's demented idea of organization, and he felt incredibly tidy in comparison. Even if he still couldn't decypher Tsukasa's filing system.

"You know, for someone who until now has been a proper law-abiding citizen, you really are good at this."

Hizumi laughed, looked up from the screen to find Karyu grinning. "I grew up in a world full of secrets and locked doors. At home, at the lab, everywhere we went, there was always this hidden layer beneath everything. Like all I ever saw was the shiny polished coating. One day I got sick of it, and taught myself to hack, and pick locks."

Karyu felt that overwhelming sensation of pride again. "Your parents never tried to stop you?"

"Not really." Hizumi barely laughed. "I don't think they really understood what I was capable of. They saw me in the mouse room, doing my homework, and thought that was all there was to it. That I found some way to sneak in and hang out with the Lazarus mice. They never thought I could be dangerous."

"But you were, you _are_. You could have taken them down completely from the inside, and they would never have realized." Karyu thought about it a moment, and purred. "Shit, Hizu. You are one beautiful weapon."

"And you thought I was just some spoiled rich kid."

"Nah, I knew, Tsukasa knew. You needed someone to load you with bullets and point you in the right direction."

Hizumi wanted to laugh, but he knew Karyu was exactly right. All he needed was a target. "I'm glad you found me that night."

Somehow, it wasn't so painful to think about anymore, and he wondered when that happened.

Still painful for Karyu though, all that guilt. "Fate."

Syllables like blood on his tongue, waiting for them to turn cold.

Hizumi heard the change in Karyu's voice, and he slid the computer onto the table, took Karyu's hands instead. "You admit I was made for this kind of thing, but you're still stuck at the beginning, you still think you're responsible. What can I do to change this?"

"You can't." Hizumi started to say something, to protest, and Karyu shook his head. "You'll understand someday."

"Everyone keeps saying that." He let go of Karyu's hands, angry and half afraid he might break the lovely things. Picking up the computer again, running through a mental list of emotions.

Bitter, disappointed, hopeless because he thought they'd all made their peace with this. Hizumi was a criminal now. And they weren't going to keep being mad at each other over what could happen in the future.

But there Karyu was, still wanting to stop him.

Hizumi sighed, changed the topic. "Okay, anyway, I can't find anything in the current data. This lab is all chemistry and drug research, there's nothing about experimental resurrections. I guess we'll have to get in there and try the basement. Doesn't look like anyone goes down there much, either."

Karyu absently nodded. Middle of the day, all the floors were glowing and busy with science, but the basement was dim, dusty. "Hizu...."

"What?"

"I really am sorry."

Hizumi was reaching for a stack of print-outs, and he snapped them, rattled them like the sound of something deadly. "Don't be. I'm happy here. And if we have to do this dance every time I plan something, then fine, but I won't stop saying it. I'm happy, and that's not going to change."

Karyu wanted to say, yes it will, everything changes. But he wasn't in the mood for this fight, he really wanted to watch Hizumi and his amazing mind and his amazing plans.

Reminding himself, if Hizumi hadn't been there, he would have lost Tsukasa.

"Fine, you're happy. So how are you getting into the building?"

"This is the list of maintenance companies they use. Zero and I can dress up like one of them, I'll forge a work order, even though I don't expect to run into anyone, someone could still see us on the way to the building. And if all they see is a couple of guys with company logos, looking at a clipboard, we won't look suspicious."

"In the middle of the night?"

Hizumi shrugged. "Labs keep everything running twenty-four-seven, and most scientists work late anyway. If something breaks, they don't wait until daytime hours to call someone. We can pick..." He paused, ran his finger along the list. "This company does refrigeration. That's something that couldn't wait, if it broke down."

Despite the lingering guilt, Karyu smiled. "You and your logic. Wanna use a company van, too? I bet our guys could get one, or paint one of ours with a logo, something."

"Actually, that's perfect, yeah. Use one of ours though, don't want any extra attention."

Hizumi set aside the computer again, wandered over to the table with blueprints still sprawled on it. "Come look. This back door is right by a set of stairs. We go in there, down to the basement. There's not as many windows on this side of the building either, or in the one across the street. So if we drive in from this back road, there's a chance no one will even see the van."

"And none of the cameras point at that street, just at the door, so that's all we'll have to erase you from."

"Right." Hizumi tapped his finger on the paper for a moment, then grabbed a pen, began to write. "So we need the van. We need the company logo, I'll check online for that, get as many detailed pictures of their vans as I can. And I'll find out what their guys wear, so we can look the part."

Karyu left him quietly mumbling to himself, writing out notes, sketching his own little map of the area. He came back with cake.

Hizumi took one look at the big 'Z' drawn in the frosting, and laughed. "He'll kill us if we eat this."

Karyu simply handed Hizumi a fork. "I'll buy more. Now eat. Successful planning deserves cake."

Hizumi couldn't argue with that.

+

Tsukasa lounged in his chair, the one he'd thrown. Still a little wobbly in places, but he thought that was true of both of them.

All of them, really.

Idly staring at Karyu's reflection in the bulletproof glass, unruly curls falling in his face as he typed, the absent way he brushed them back where they never would stay.

Still a little broken, but mending.

He spun the chair, taking up everyone's distracted hobbies tonight it seemed, and wasn't really surprised when Karyu stopped it so he could climb in too. Tsukasa smiled and gave it another spin.

"If the chair breaks, you're buying us a new one."

Karyu laughed, spun it again. "You keep insinuating that I'm fat."

"Not all of you, just your big fat head." Tsukasa smirked and dodged Karyu's swat, tilting the chair so that he had to use both hands for holding on, and not attacking.

Karyu put his feet down on the floor, stopping the chair, and Tsukasa finally laughed.

Karyu's grin was triumphant.

Tsukasa loved seeing him like that.

He deserved it, after so much worrying, so much guilt.

"I was looking over all our projects today, and it seems like everything's back where it should be. I think that deal with the Chinese was the last missing piece, and with Zero staying on in the garage, we don't have to worry about that anymore."

Karyu drew a hand through Tsukasa's hair, still feeling triumphant, and maybe a little peaceful. "So we're back to normal then?"

"Looks like it."

Except that Azaki was gone, and Daishi was in his place, and someone else in Daishi's place.

But there were positive changes too.

That connection forged between the Death and the Scarecrows, the way he could walk in and talk to Yuki without having to put up a front. Hizumi's confidence. Zero.

Tsukasa, forever thinking of fate. "I want to believe everything's going to be okay for a while."

"Me too. And Hizu's plan will be fun, don't you think?"

"I do. I'm interested to see what he finds in those files. I keep thinking, this research, it might be something we should get into. That lab saved our lives. Wouldn't hurt to have all those wonderful doctors on retainer."

Karyu was grinning again. "We really are going to take over the world."

Another quiet laugh from Tsukasa, and Karyu really could believe it in that moment, that everything would be okay.

"What a lucky world."

Karyu cackled, and spun the chair. What a lucky world indeed.


	16. Chapter 16

XVI · Moirai

 

Hizumi's watch glowed minutes past midnight, and he looked to the sky as he stepped out of the van, clear and cloudless beyond the city lights. Stars like points of ice in the cold night.

Zero shivered beside him, and the wind tried to blow them away as they crossed the road, followed the little sidewalk leading to the back door of the lab.

Hizumi liked winter, but sometimes he thought of it as a poisonous predator, something with fangs that would bite, wait for them to go numb and lie down and die, so it could eat them.

Pausing at the door, he looked up and gave a small wave to the camera, where Tsukasa would be watching.

Tsukasa, who spent the day helping him prepare. Painting fake license plates for the van while Hizumi fake-registered them to the repair company, painting logos on baseball caps and shirts that would be hidden beneath their coats, but he wanted to take every precaution.

Thinking of how they'd rushed into Morimoto's office without preparation, and he'd nearly lost Zero.

Light years away now, and Hizumi knew he'd finally learned how to be careful.

"It's clear in the hall and the stairs. Go on in." Karyu's voice in his ear, and Hizumi slid his fake card into the slot on the door, watched the keypad flash twice. Then the door clicked unlocked and he and Zero were in.

The hallway smelled like hospital. Hizumi's nose twitched, fighting memories, the four of them waiting to heal, a childhood spent in bleached white rooms, time overlapping again.

The way his father talked about science like it was the one true god everyone spent their lives searching for, showing Hizumi miracles, the path to a future where everyone could live without fear of diseases. Without fear of death.

Descending the stairs made Hizumi's bones ache, having left his cane in the van, carrying instead a clipboard and one of the toolboxes Zero borrowed from the garage, but even that was a miracle. He knew, without his father's research, he would have died too.

They might all be dead. More anonymous victims of violence in the morgue, raising the crime statistics for one of the safest cities in the world.

Hizumi wished his father were alive to see them, his miracles of life.

"There's no one in the basement, you're clear." Tsukasa that time, and Hizumi used his card gadget again to open the basement door.

Silent, and down there it smelled like dust, like a place no one bothered to clean, because nobody ever needed it.

Hizumi took one side of the hall, Zero took the other. Peering through small square windows at darkened rooms. A stash of broken equipment, piles of boxes and things probably long expired, another stack of equipment and boxes.

Finally, a file cabinet. "Zero, let's try this one." Whispering, but it sounded so loud in the hall, and Hizumi flinched as he hacked the door.

Zero slipped in behind him and they closed it, locked in. Hizumi pretended not to see how Zero faintly panicked for a moment. He would get them out as easily as he got them in.

The file cabinet was fluffy with dust, and Hizumi carefully pulled on the drawers from underneath the handles, where there wasn't as much dust to disrupt.

Zero got the hint and did the same to the next one. "What was the code again?"

"LR. These are all HC, what have you got?"

"BN and CP." Zero closed his drawer, picked another. One stack of rumpled folders inside, and he gave Hizumi a dangerous victory smile. "Bingo."

Hizumi grinned and took the folders, LR for longevity research, a fingerprint smudge in ink on one of the covers, and he wondered if it was his father's. If he'd been the one to file these away, hoping no one would find them.

Zero closed the drawer, and Hizumi crouched to fit everything in his toolbox, beneath a layer of tools, where it wouldn't be obvious if someone looked in.

They were half done, on their way out, but he still had to be cautious.

"Hey Tsu, Karyu, we've got them. We're coming out, is it all still clear?"

Karyu quietly whooped. "That was fast! Yeah it's clear, hurry out."

The path in reverse went faster, or seemed to at least. More confident and sure, trusting Tsukasa to warn them if he saw anyone, trusting Karyu to make them invisible.

Back in the van, Karyu driving them home, Hizumi thought he could get used to this. Saw Zero looking not quite so bored, and thought maybe he could too.

He refused to think about what that meant.

+

Zero came home to find Hizumi asleep at the table, slumped over between two piles of folders, Tsukasa and Karyu watching television quietly enough not to wake him.

Though it didn't really look like anything could wake him at that point.

Zero smiled to himself, and set his bag down against the wall. "Has he been reading those all day?"

"Yep." Karyu muted the television. It wasn't that interesting anyway, and Tsukasa was more involved in whatever he was doing on his phone.

Cars, it looked like. Probably planning another heist. Karyu considered suggesting he stand watch and make bird calls again, to make Tsukasa laugh.

"So far, most of what he's read has been chemical analyses, DNA comparisons, I don't really know. But there's files on failed experiments. He says they used to go into hospitals, find people who had recently died, and do their tests."

Zero picked up one of the folders, saw a bunch of science crap he didn't understand, and put it back down. "Maybe they weren't killing people then."

"I hope not, for Hizu's sake." Watching him sleep for a moment, Karyu couldn't avoid thinking about all the things he wouldn't be able to protect him from. A well-worn, hated path in his mind, and he got up from the couch, went to sit at the table to distract himself.

Picking up one of the folders from the unread stack, he could at least do this. Help out while Hizumi rested.

Zero took the chair beside him and the next folder. Research notes, names at the top, some he recognized from the lab. "Any of these people could be the one that wanted Hizumi's father dead. Get him out of the way, take credit for the research."

"Yeah, Hizumi said something about that earlier. We don't need another traitor though."

Both of them then, thinking of Azaki.

Karyu glanced back to see if Tsukasa heard, but he had his computer out, typing something. Found a worthy victim, apparently.

His file was mostly full of math and chemistry print outs, so he set it aside, picked up another.

Zero started writing a list of all the names he found, skimming through the text. When Karyu found one that wasn't on Zero's list, he passed him the page.

A dozen names, when they were finished going through everything, and Zero had that smug look that made Karyu want to pinch his cheeks. "Think Hizu would get mad if we checked out these people for him, or should I give him the list?"

"I think he'd appreciate it. Leaves him time to read through all this other stuff." Karyu silently laughed, and scooped everything back into piles, like Hizumi bookends.

One folder had been interesting though, words and not so many numbers, and he took that back out, flipping it open. Notes on results in clear normal language, and Karyu read through them while Zero started a casual search of the names. He wasn't a skilled hacker like Hizumi or Karyu, but he could use Google.

It didn't take Karyu long to realize what he was reading though.

These were the successes.

"Oh, oh shit." A little louder than planned, and Hizumi stirred, so Karyu grabbed his arm to shake him awake. "Hizu, wake up, you need to hear this. Tsu...."

Tsukasa was already on his way, sliding into the last chair.

Karyu waited for Hizumi to sit up, bleary but paying attention. "All of these are the ones where it worked. The reanimation. Um, this one, the guy woke up for a minute, asked what time it was. This woman sat up and drank a glass of water. Another guy actually walked around the room for nine minutes. They all had seizures and died again, but holy shit. Holy fucking shit."

Karyu passed around the papers, fifteen in total. Fifteen men and women who were dead, and then not dead. Aware, coherent, sane, for less than ten minutes.

It was the coolest thing he'd ever read.

"This woman asked if her daughter was okay, and was able to hold an actual conversation about her life. No memory loss after being dead for eight fucking hours." Rubbing sleep from his eyes, Hizumi wondered if he was still dreaming. Surely his father would have told him....

Zero of course, thinking the same thing. "Why didn't your dad tell you about this? I mean, did he ever even hint?"

"No, just... just the mice. He was so proud of everything they were doing, so excited. I'd think he would have told me about this too." Which brought back the suspicions again, the concerns. "There was probably some sort of secrecy, maybe he couldn't tell anyone. I mean they were stealing bodies from hospitals, it wasn't exactly dinner conversation. Maybe he was waiting until they got one to stay alive without seizures."

Karyu nodded, caught Hizumi's hand for a minute. "Maybe all of that. Like you said, he probably wanted to show you the final result, something he could be proud of."

"Probably." Giving Karyu's hand a squeeze, Hizumi decided it didn't really matter, whatever the reason.

Imagining his father, ten years from now, old and grey and laugh-lined, saying, watch the man come back to life.

Hizumi traced his father's signature with his fingertip, and wondered what could have been possible, if he had lived.

And then he realized, no one would give this up solely because one of the researchers was gone.

Hizumi picked up another file, shuffled through it quickly. "I remember, I saw something about a storage facility, about remains of experiments. This research has to still be going on. If they were that close, they wouldn't quit."

Tsukasa's eyebrows went up. "Of course not. Santos would have kept it going, wasn't he your father's main partner?"

"Yeah. So I need to get in that lab and find out what they're doing now. And find this storage facility, maybe there's video, there has to be video."

They all had to admit, if there was video, they needed to watch it.

Karyu packed up the success folder, put it back in the pile. "Okay. What's your plan?"

Hizumi took a slow calming breath. "First, I finish reading these. Then I find the storage facility. I'll save the current lab for last, because they know me there, if I'm caught, there's no excuse of being maintenance. And if someone _did_ kill my father over this, and they find me snooping, that puts all of us in danger."

"Speaking of that...." Zero slid his list across the table. "Karyu and I collected names out of the files. This is everyone that worked on the project, at least to the point where the files end. I've been looking up some of them, and I'll find out what I can. If nothing else, at least I can give you a list of things to hack."

That warm feeling again. "Thanks. That really does help."

But he didn't want to believe it, that it could have been one of his father's friends, someone he trusted. Someone he worked beside, shared excitement and victory with.

When Hizumi started this long investigation, he assumed it would be someone outside of the work, someone competitive, jealous, or someone who felt the work was immoral and blasphemous. But seeing what they were doing, what they were succeeding in.... This was the kind of thing that could change the world.

It was definitely the kind of thing worth killing for.

Hizumi left the table to use the bathroom, and once again he was left wondering how much worse things would get, before they got better.

+

The back room of Mayhem was crowded, but comfortably so.

Everyone catching up, telling stories, reports to pass on to Tsukasa, from those who didn't realize they were already talking to him. A couple of guys who kept calling Hizumi "Tsukasa" because it was a running joke now, this new kid who pretended to be their leader, and diffused a ridiculous situation.

It made Hizumi blush, but Karyu and Zero thought it was hilarious.

At least they weren't mad at him anymore.

Hizumi and Zero were sitting with Snake and a couple of guys Hizumi recognized but didn't actually know, and Snake was telling them all about one time when he got chased across Tokyo for setting some dude's car on fire.

It hit Hizumi in an unexpected moment, like most revelations do, that these were his friends now.

That somewhere along the way, they went from being Tsukasa's boys that he wanted to trust because of the skulls on their necks, to people he _did_ trust, to people familiar and comfortable, all part of each other's lives.

Laughing about burning cars, sharing molotov cocktail stories, Hizumi realized this was what it felt like to actually fit in somewhere.

Snake was telling another story, and that was when everything changed. Because of course, they couldn't simply have a peaceful night out.

The door to the back room opened to bullets.

Someone got hit, a wordless shout, before everyone dived behind chairs, tables, couches. Guns drawn to shoot back, and Hizumi saw three men fall in the doorway and a flicker of others running away.

He didn't stop to think, just climbed over the couch and took off after them.

The weekday club crowd was thin, the men hadn't needed to shoot themselves a path to the door, and Hizumi was grateful. It also gave him a clear shot to the last escaping man, but he missed, hit the wall instead and cursed.

Karyu caught up to him and then they were both out the door, watching a dark sports car peel away.

It was Tsukasa cursing then, behind him. "Fucking Dragons, what were they thinking?"

Hizumi spun to make sure Tsukasa wasn't hurt, a quick touch, assessment of bulletproof leather. "So much for last time being random opportunity. Where's Zero?"

"Bandaging Shou's arm. Go get him, we have to get out of here." Because they could hear sirens, and Karyu ran to get the Hummer started while Hizumi went to find Zero.

Met him in the middle of the club because none of them were idiots, and they all knew the drill.

Zero shook hands with an angry man covered in blood, then he and Hizumi were out, climbing into the car, doors barely closed before Karyu squealed them away.

"I got a text from Yuki, they attacked Six-Nine too. Looks like our waiting is over." Tsukasa sounded so tired.

Hizumi leaned forward, slid a hand through his hair and watched him type something. "What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. We're meeting Yuki tomorrow, but for now we're telling everyone to stay home, don't go out, don't give the Dragons a target." Tsukasa huffed, frustrated. "I'm sick of this shit. This is not the way I run my business."

Hizumi snickered quietly at that, got his arm pinched. "Well, I guess it's sort of like we talked about with the longevity research. You have what they want, this huge successful business, and they think they can take it if they kill you. Normal law-abiding businesses aren't any different, except that they fight with lawyers and loopholes instead of guns. Politics is like that too."

Tsukasa only sighed in response, so Hizumi draped both arms around his shoulders, kissed the side of his neck. "We'll get rid of them, Tsu."

"And then wait for the next gang to get the same idea?"

"Then we get rid of them, too. You're the one who warned me this life isn't all sunshine and rainbows."

Karyu laughed, and Hizumi watched his hand reach over to find Tsukasa's. "He's right. We'll be okay."

Like last time, they had to believe it. And prepare themselves to pick up the pieces again when it was over.

+

Predictably, Hizumi refused to let Zero go to school. Saying, if they were out looking for ways to ambush them, Zero would be a sitting fucking duck.

Zero complained for show, but Hizumi was right.

Once again, they all had to stay together, keep each other safe.

Yuki wanted them to meet at Six-Nine. Closed in the afternoon, he let them in through the back door, and everyone had a paranoid moment of making sure they weren't followed.

But theirs was a nocturnal line of work, and all the little Dragon boys were probably sleeping, or hungover.

"Well, what's our grand plan this time?" Yuki was behind the bar, restocking bottles that had been smashed the night before. Hizumi thought it was strange to see him actually working, and not lounging around somewhere.

Remembering the first time he saw Tsukasa out of his leather. But Yuki didn't look quite so angelic.

"There's only really two options. Do nothing, fight them when they attack and hope eventually they give up, or we go after them again." Tsukasa picked up one of Yuki's bottles, spun it on the bar. "Unfortunately, I don't think they're the type to give up."

Yuki sighed, and when he picked up the next bottle, looked more like he wanted to smash it than spin it. "So we take our boys to war again. Fantastic. You know insurance won't cover bullet holes? I spent all night sweeping up glass. They shot a ten thousand yen bottle of scotch."

"I'll buy you a new bottle of scotch, Yuki. But you could close the club for a while."

"Either way I lose money, right?" Another exasperated sigh. "But I'd rather lose it on a closed door, than have those bitches in here shooting up my customers. At least nobody got hurt last night, but I ain't taking chances."

"Yeah, last night was lucky. One of ours got shot, but he's okay."

Hizumi thought of all the funerals, all the flowers Tsukasa sent because they couldn't attend. "We can get them to close down Mayhem too, right?"

Because he was also thinking of that one phone call, the bomb that was a lie, but next time might not be.

"Take away our vulnerabilities, and they'll have nothing to hold hostage."

Tsukasa nodded, a defeated gesture, and spun the bottle again.

He knew how it felt. Everything going in circles, pushed by someone else's hand.

Yuki finally caught it, switched the lid for a pour spout, and put it on the shelf. "Okay tonight, we meet here. Bring whoever wants to be involved in the fight, and tell whoever doesn't to stay home."

For a long moment, nothing but the sounds of glass clinking, cardboard ripping, and Tsukasa and Karyu typing on their phones.

Hizumi almost startled when Zero spoke. "About staying home.... Tsu, I have to get that car finished. _Today_."

"Does that mean you don't want to come with us, or that you think I won't let you go to the garage?"

"It means I was thinking I could get the car finished this afternoon, before the fighting starts."

Tsukasa looked up then, satisfied, and Hizumi remembered when all they wanted was to keep Zero out of trouble.

Changes, blatantly everywhere.

"You can finish the car. I don't want any deals broken because of this shit. If anyone has a job to do tonight, they need to do that, instead of fighting, but they shouldn't be out clubbing for fun, then they're targets. That clear things up?"

Zero nodded once. "Perfectly. What about Hizumi?"

"What about me?"

"You're still healing, you should stay home."

Hizumi felt a defensive flare of anger, not so much at Zero, but at everything that led to him being shot with bullets that shouldn't have even been in circulation. "I'm fine, Zero. I can still shoot."

"He'll be okay." Yuki, with that odd proud look again. "I've seen what he can do. A little limp isn't gonna keep Mister _I'm Tsukasa_ down."

"I didn't ask you." Zero glared, narrow-eyed and vicious, and Hizumi thought he might like to try kissing him sometime, when he was angry like that.

Yuki laughed, gold teeth flashing. "I really do like this kid." But he took the hint, went back to his own business. Left Zero to turn that glare on Hizumi instead.

Still glaring as he leaned closer so he could speak quietly, one hand fisted in Hizumi's coat sleeve. "I thought you understood. I thought you'd finally fucking learned."

"I do understand. But you're going out there, right? Because that skull on your neck means something. Do you really think I'd let you go without me?"

The glare softened, but only a little. "Then you better the fuck not get hurt again."

"You either."

Then it was a glaring contest, a battle of wills, and Hizumi knew he'd lost because all he could think was how amazing Zero was when he was angry, and how he'd do anything to keep him safe.

But it wasn't only about Zero. He had to keep Tsukasa safe, and Karyu, and he couldn't let them fight without him.

Karyu, who was being way too silent on the matter. Hizumi reached for his hand, and that seemed to be all he was waiting for.

Turning on his stool, and he wasn't thinking of the lab, of ten cauterized bullet holes. He was thinking of Tsukasa, suggesting he sabotage Hizumi's crack program.

Realizing, he should have known then, that fate was not a line, or a string, or any other benign analogy. Fate was a bullet, and once it was fired, it could not be stopped.

"I'd say you both should stay home, but I know by now, it's not going to happen. So we all have to try not to get hurt again."

"Right. Keep each other safe."

Like a mantra, repeating, while the bullet of fate traveled on.

+

Hizumi went with Zero to the garage; if they couldn't all stay together, at least they could be in pairs. Besides, it gave him an excuse to see what Zero was working on.

He'd said once, they took ordinary cars and made them extraordinary, but that could mean anything.

"Wow." Hizumi had been expecting some dark, grease-covered shack, filled with scuzzy men and reeking of criminal activity. What Zero led him to instead was more like a giant operating room for vehicles.

About a dozen glossy cars filled the space, shimmering in the bright clear lights.

Maybe more like a showroom at the moment, than an operating room.

"So this is what a high-end chop shop looks like."

Zero laughed a little, took Hizumi by the sleeve and led him to a classic Chevy so glisteningly red it could have been dipped in blood. "It's not always this nice. When we're actually chopping, the place looks like a butcher shop. But these are almost done. They have to go out tonight."

Hizumi watched Zero raise the hood, and casually trailed his fingers over the sleek fender. "Our Porsche, did it come from here?"

"Probably. Could have been the one Kouichi was working on. In which case, we'll have double nitrous tanks. I didn't think to check."

Double nitrous, good for getting away fast, if they needed to. Hizumi didn't feel like thinking about that though.

Semis on snow-slick highways, how everything could have been so much worse.

Zero climbed into his coveralls, saw Hizumi staring at the car, zoning again. "What are you thinking?"

"That I'd kinda like to screw your brains out on the hood of this thing."

Zero snorted a laugh, caught off guard. "Too bad I'm in a rush, or I'd take you up on that offer." Leaning over the engine, he paused, looked up and gave Hizumi an absolutely filthy smirk. "We do have the Porsche though...."

Hizumi matched that smirk with one of his own. "Yes we do."

So he indulged himself with those thoughts for a while, sitting on Zero's rolly stool, Zero working to install a part Hizumi didn't recognize, but it was shiny and probably made the car go even faster. "Where are all of these going?"

"Some drag shop. They'll sell them to street racers. Sometimes I wish we could watch them race, I'd love to see what my cars do out there."

"We could, if you want. Once this shit with the Dragons is out of the way."

"Yeah?" Zero was watching Hizumi again, a smear of grease on his cheek, and Hizumi had to get up and wipe it off.

Which left him close enough to snatch Zero by the belt loops of his coveralls, pulling him closer. "Any time you want."

Zero hummed something meant to be an agreement, but he was more interested in Hizumi's mouth, and he leaned to kiss him, slamming the hood shut before winding both arms around his neck. Not surprised at all when he felt his back hit the hood, and he laughed a little against Hizumi's bottom lip. "Couldn't resist, could you."

Hizumi shamelessly grinned. "Nope."

They had a few minutes to spare. Enough time for a slow, heated kiss, enough time to pin Zero's wrists to the windshield, and slide against him to get one of those lovely moans out of his throat.

Enough time to forget about reality and just make each other shiver, coming fast with the taste of blood in their mouths, because blood was a necessity, blood was what bound their lives together, minute by minute, day by day.

It all began with blood, death on the floor, Hizumi's blood in Tsukasa's mouth, Zero's blood in Hizumi's mouth, those eldritch whispers. Wounds, and violence, and finally pleasure, bloodstained satisfaction.

Hizumi licked the fresh bite on Zero's collarbone, but he wasn't thinking of all the ways blood could create an unbreakable bond.

Zero was only thinking of how perfect it looked smeared on Hizumi's lips, how he could stay there forever and lick it away, except that there was a timer going off at the other end of the garage, and that meant they weren't going to be alone much longer.

Voices at that end, and the timer went silent, and Zero muttered obscene insults as he slid off the car. Leaving Hizumi to laugh because there were now handprints and a very clear coveralled Zero ass print on the shiny gloss.

"Oh fuck, move, I have to buff that out." But he was laughing too, couldn't not laugh. "Shut up. Next time you get to leave the ass print. _Naked_ ass print."

"I'll bet my naked ass leaves a very fine print, thank you very much."

They ended up beating each other with towels, but at least the car was clean, by the time they left.

Back to reality, and neither one had an excuse to tell the other to stay home, and Hizumi remembered Zero standing in the back room of Mayhem, saying, I told you, I'm not scared of anything.

Remembering the way Karyu clung to him, when he asked him to teach him how to kill.

Thinking of changes, thinking of fate, thinking of one inch of skin for every lie.

Jimmy Bartholomew's brain matter on a hotel wall.

Thinking of blood, and how it meant they were still alive, if they could bleed.

+

They had about an hour until time to meet Yuki at Six-Nine, and Hizumi didn't feel nervous at all as he checked over his guns, tightened silencers. It felt normal. Like all the time spent with files in his hands instead of weapons was a waiting period, a prologue to the actual events.

Karyu dropped onto the bed beside him, tossed full magazines into Hizumi's lap. "No getting hurt tonight, remember."

"You either." His eyes met Karyu's briefly, both of them saying without saying, and we can't let Tsukasa get hurt again.

"Maybe we shouldn't do it the same way as before." Zero, loading his gun with a snap. "I mean, last time you kinda got outsmarted."

Tsukasa turned, that pretty snarl on his face. "Excuse me?"

"Mayhem, the bomb.... They drew you out, while you were running around doing it the hard way."

"So what's your point?"

Zero shrugged. "This time, we should draw _them_ out."

Hizumi had to laugh; Zero the voice of reason again. "How should we do that? I don't think they'd fall for the bomb trick."

"Give them what they want." Another casual shrug, and Tsukasa wasn't glaring at him anymore, so he took that as a good sign. "Hizumi and Karyu can find a way to get their phone numbers, send a text saying Tsukasa's been caught, and everyone needs to gather somewhere to witness the execution. When they get there, we execute them instead."

Tsukasa hummed for a moment. "They own that parking garage, where we fought last time. We could lure them there and it wouldn't be suspicious."

Karyu crawled across the bed to where Tsukasa's computer lay unfolded, pressed a key to wake it up. "You've got the current list in here, right?"

"Yeah. In the work folder, under 'problems'."

For once, Karyu thought Tsukasa's filing system made sense, if not a little bit of an understatement.

Still he found the information easily, a list of all known surviving Dragons, the new leader, new recruits green and foolish. Phone numbers and home addresses like it was an ordinary business directory.

Probably to Tsukasa, it was.

Everything copied onto a small drive, which he passed to Hizumi. They could make the calls from the parking garage, then wait.

Always waiting.

Karyu snuck a kiss to Tsukasa's bare shoulder as he crawled past, off the bed, to finish preparing his guns. Hizumi was already transferring the information to his computer.

Tsukasa watched them with his usual conglomerate of pride and love and gratitude, watched Zero load his pockets with ammo, and added respect to the list. Slid his hand through Zero's hair, getting a curious, unsure expression for it. "It's a good plan, Zero. Thank you."

Zero smiled, maybe even blushed a little. "Thanks. Just doing my job."

But it was more than that, to Tsukasa, and perhaps someday he'd figure out a way to properly thank them all. Not only for their plans, but for the way they kept him alive.

The way he managed to survive, because they were there to hold him up when he wanted to fall.

Everything ready and packed, guns and knives and Hizumi's computer, leaving the apartment with the three of them at his side.

He'd never felt so invincible.

+

Hizumi watched the city pass by through the back window of the Hummer.

He hoped it would be enough, that their leather had been enhanced to protect against the H-9s.

Clouds and neon obscuring the stars again, but he needed something to wish on.

So he counted the constellation of bullet scars in his skin.

And wished for no more surprises.

+

Karyu stood picking at loose flecks of concrete around a bullet hole, wondered if it might have been one of his. If he'd recognize the bullet in there if he could somehow pull it out.

Hizumi beside him, fidgeting, all of them anxiously waiting.

He'd sent the texts about half an hour ago, and set it up so any replies would come back to his computer, so the Dragons couldn't communicate about it and figure out none of them actually sent it. Karyu didn't really think they were that smart, but Hizumi wasn't taking any chances.

Tsukasa was just glad everyone agreed to Zero's plan.

They'd met at Six-Nine, once again overflowing with Scarecrows and Death, scars and skulls, and they all thought it was a beautiful poetic justice to play their own greed against them. They wanted Tsukasa so bad, let it be their downfall.

He still wanted to know what it was all about. Sending Azaki to prove his identity, what had it really meant? If it was about killing him, couldn't they have pulled the bomb trick from the beginning?

Maybe he would never know. Maybe he wasn't meant to.

Headlights flashed beneath the door, brighter than the dim glow of lighting inside, and he saw Karyu tense, gloved fingers flexing on the grip of his gun.

The perimeter was secure, all entrances blocked except this one. Anyone who wanted in had to come through that door, and they weren't expecting an ambush, so he doubted they would be on too much alert.

Just in case, Hizumi and Karyu had made a sort of dummy Tsukasa out of old crap they found, and tied it to a chair in the middle of the space.

Attention would be drawn to that, and not the enemies waiting in the shadows.

And it worked. Three men entered through the door, made some laughing comment about Tsukasa, before a silent rain of bullets took them down. Quickly the bodies were dragged away, into a side room previously designated as the hiding place.

They couldn't do anything about the blood on the floor, but there was already so much, it fit right in.

It continued this way, for longer than Hizumi was able to count. In a little cubby hole made by fallen walls and pillars, with Tsukasa, Karyu, and Zero, working in a sort of rotation, taking turns shooting whoever walked through the door. None of them daring to speak, to give themselves away.

Hizumi felt a little sick, if he let himself think about it. Shooting them down like this, it was less like a war, and more like a slaughter, an extermination.

But his sympathy lasted only until he thought of Azaki, how Tsukasa and Karyu and Yuki had to kill their best friend, how they all almost lost each other, how he almost lost Zero.

It might not have been an entirely fair fight, but none of them were innocent. They all deserved to add their blood to the floor.

Hizumi leaned against Tsukasa's shoulder, quiet support, and decided not to spend another moment feeling bad about any of these pathetic bastards.

Tsukasa kept a tally on the wall, a count to compare with the list. When the numbers matched, he still made them wait an extra half hour, making sure his intel hadn't missed anyone.

Hizumi spent the time wondering how many gangs kept a count of the Black Death, how many files with his name and photograph and phone number. If anyone out there was as compulsively meticulous as Tsukasa, tracking every detail of their competition, in case they ever became enemies.

He hated the idea, but knew it was logical, they weren't invisible, and everyone had a phone with a camera in it.

Anyone could collect photographs of Tsukasa, of all the boys with skulls on their necks.

He couldn't let himself become paranoid about it.

Tsukasa distracted him then by picking up his bag, handing Hizumi his computer. "Okay guys, that's it. Come on out." His voice was kind of rough from so much time spent quiet, but it still echoed.

Footsteps seemed far too loud as everyone left their corners and nooks, meeting in the middle, beside the dummy. Yuki sat in its lap; Hizumi hurried to take a picture. Yuki made sure to flash a grin. "So, we got em all?"

"By my counting, yes, but we need to make sure. Some of you go back and stand guard at the door, the rest of you come with me. Put your gloves on. We need to find IDs on these people." Tsukasa led the way to the side room, while a small batch of Scarecrows went back to hiding.

Inside the room, it smelled of blood, gunpowder, messy death.

"Empty everyone's pockets. Make a pile for car keys, wallets. Keep any money you find, you've earned it, and I don't need it. Put drugs, guns, anything else like that back with the bodies. None of us need those. If you're not sure what to do with something, ask me. Any dildos go to Yuki."

Everyone laughed, and Yuki made only a token protest, but it lightened the mood, made it a little easier to start digging through dead men's pockets.

Tsukasa checked every ID, every dead face, against the list. Hizumi saved all the money he found and thought about the charities he could give it to. Food banks, animal rescue, disaster relief.... He could hack bank accounts later, let the money do some good.

After the last ID, Tsukasa shut down Hizumi's computer, and Hizumi felt the last bit of tension leave him then. It was done, the Dragons were gone. The end. "What should we do with the bodies?"

Tsukasa thought for a moment, considered fire, but that would attract attention. "I saw some construction equipment out back, we could dig a hole. None of you are required to stay for this part. If you want to go home now, go on home."

Nobody moved, and Hizumi wasn't surprised, but he was still proud. Someone calling out from the back, "No way, man. Let's plant these shitheads."

With everyone working, it didn't take long to have holes dug, all the bodies carried out and tossed in. Karyu having way too much fun with the backhoe, throwing dirt around.

Snake walking out in the middle when it was done, spitting on the grave. "That's for Ren, you fucking bitches."

Then everyone was spitting.

Everyone had someone they'd lost.

Hizumi and Zero went back inside with a few other guys, turning out lights, dismantling the Tsukasa dummy, making sure nothing was left behind. Leaving the building in darkness, and it was one of the Scarecrows who thought of the cars.

Someone suggested they get a trailer and take them all back to the garage, chop them for parts, and Tsukasa handed over the collected keys, left the car guys to deal with it.

He wanted to go home.

Climbing into the Hummer, his eyes closed with an exhaustion more mental than physical, a bone-deep relief. Allowing himself to believe it really was finally over.

But he'd thought that before, hadn't he?

Karyu kissed the tip of his ear, then the car was moving. "They're all going to Six-Nine to celebrate. You wanna go?"

Tsukasa shook his head, looked out the window and counted tail lights. "Not really. If you want to though, you can. I can drop you off and send the limo."

"Nah, they don't have cake, and it's not celebration without cake."

Zero kicked the back of Karyu's seat. "You owe me cake, you shit!"

Tsukasa quietly chuckled, and found Hizumi's reflection in the glass, while Karyu and Zero argued. Hizumi exaggerated an eye roll to make Tsukasa smile.

Both of them knowing in that moment, no matter what happened, everything was going to be fine.


	17. Chapter 17

XVII · Endgame

 

Outside the bulletproof glass, buildings fading into a soft grey fog that had yet to burn away in the sun, and Hizumi thought there was probably a perfectly fitting metaphor in there somewhere.

The way his old life faded into the new. The way nothing out there mattered as much as what existed in that apartment.

Sliding an oil-slick cloth over the barrel of his favorite gun, he realized he didn't much care anymore, about the old things, about what life went on beyond bulletproof glass. Maybe it was harsh, but it was truth.

And he felt good now, content, with the Dragons gone and Tsukasa seeming almost cheerful that morning, with his coffee and morning news and Karyu's head in his lap trying to sneak in more sleep.

Revenge, only a fraction of a light year away now, within reach.

Hizumi finished loading a clip and slid it into place.

Beside him, Zero doing the same, but Hizumi couldn't help noticing his hands were shaking a little, and he remembered with a painful sharpness of guilt, last night had been something new for Zero. Business as usual for Hizumi, but Zero had never shot anyone before.

He laid his gun on the table, and stole one of Zero's hands from his work, oil making both of them sticky. "Zero...."

All he got in response was a dirty look, and Zero snatched his hand back. If he weren't used to that kind of thing, it would have broke Hizumi's heart.

"Hey. Are you okay?"

Zero snorted. "Of course I'm okay, what the hell, Hizu?"

Hizumi picked up another gun, slowly took it apart, and tried not to relate to that. "I wasn't. Not really. I mean I was at first, when everything was still happening, but after, in the lab.... I started thinking about getting caught, what it meant that I'd killed people, and I couldn't take it back. I couldn't erase it from who I was." Zero was watching him then, curious. "Karyu told me once that it changes you, killing someone. He's right. It's weird, and it's okay that it's weird. We'd be psychopaths if it wasn't weird."

Zero's snort that time was a bit of a laugh, and he leaned back, curled against Hizumi's shoulder. "Yeah, I guess. It's different from how I thought it'd be."

"Different how?"

"I don't know." He shrugged; it wasn't something he could really define. "It's...."

"Different."

"Yeah."

Hizumi wanted to say, you don't have to do it ever again. Thinking of Karyu wanting to protect him, how somehow the roles had switched, and he understood why he begged for Hizumi to let him kill Jimmy instead.

"I could say, it will be easier next time. But there doesn't have to be a next time. Tsukasa won't force you to do anything you don't want to do."

"I never said I didn't want to do it, I just said it was different. We've been through this."

Hizumi shrugged that time, inevitably drawn to staring at the little skull on Zero's neck. "Yeah, but I didn't want you to think that because you're marked, you don't have a choice."

The tattoo that still burned sometimes, Tsukasa's blood mixed in with the ink, like a living thing, and it gave Zero an excuse to play dirty. Looking from Hizumi's concerned expression, to the metal skull resting heavy on his skin.

Tsukasa's blood, binding them all.

"You have a choice too."

Hizumi reached up to touch the necklace; maybe he felt Zero staring at it, maybe it was unconscious habit. "We all do, and I guess we all have to learn to accept each other's choices."

That same mobius strip they'd been traveling since the beginning. Promises to stop being angry about it, until the next opportunity struck, and someone got worried, someone got afraid, that ever-present fear of losing each other, and Hizumi was suddenly very sick of it. So he leaned and kissed Zero, kept him quiet for a moment. Kept himself from being a hypocrite.

"Promise you'll tell me if you're not happy."

Zero laughed then, cute and honest. "Oh you'll know when I'm not happy."

And that was truth, and truth made Hizumi feel better. Able to finish cleaning and reloading the pile of guns without worrying too much, now and then nudging Zero to get some kind of reaction, taking comfort in the smirks and eye rolls and things that were typically, perfectly Zero.

Outside, the fog was beginning to drift away.

+

Hizumi spent Saturday planning how to get into the storage facility, now and then with partners in crime at his side, but mostly alone.

With luck, it turned out to be cryostorage, which meant they could use their refrigeration disguises again.

Tsukasa told him not to start expecting these kinds of lucky breaks, and Hizumi wanted to argue with him, start a fight maybe, get Tsukasa to yell because he was pretty like that, but he knew he was right. Couldn't find an opposite side to debate, so he let it drop.

Karyu hacked into the security cameras with him again. Together they found the best path to the specific storage room, and Hizumi decided he didn't need luck, when he could plan, and have Karyu grinning at him like he held up the world.

Zero wanted to test the little comm units, saying his was crackly last time, so Hizumi sent him out to the parking garage and down the street until he fell out of range. Turned out there was a loose wire in the battery compartment, and he checked them all after that, sent Zero running around until he finally said fuck that, you go play in the street for a while.

By the evening, there was nothing left to plan. All the entrance and exit roads mapped out, escape routes in every direction, and Hizumi had them in the van around midnight again. Excited, because this was going to give them physical proof, not just words on paper or screens.

Part of him wished his father could have told him about this, kept him in the loop during all the failures and successes, but he understood the need for secrecy. He understood that this was beyond huge, and he wondered if his mother knew. If she'd at least been there with a proud smile or a comforting hand, her magical way of always knowing what to say to make things better.

Next time, sweetheart. You'll get it right next time.

Always impossible not to believe it, when she said it.

Now the voices that guided him were in his ear, leading him and Zero into the facility, tracking the guard making endless rounds with his flashlight and gun. Zero muttered something about feeling like Pac-man and made Karyu laugh, and Hizumi drew his confidence from that sound and the easy way Zero slipped through the hallways.

Left turn here, right turn there, and finally the door in front of them was the right one, numbers matching his files at home.

Zero gave him a smile, devious and perfect, and Hizumi unlocked the door, rushed them in before the guard made his lazy pass down the hall. Staying completely still, until Tsukasa gave them the okay to move. Realizing then, the storage room was huge. "Wow."

"No shit." Zero wandered to one of the refrigeration units, shined his flashlight inside. "Here's a bunch of blood samples."

Hizumi joined him, reading labels, and the only numbers he recognized were from the successes, which meant the rest were probably failures for comparison. "I wish we could take these, but I don't know what we'd do with them."

"It's the old stuff anyway. Who knows how far they've come since these experiments." Closing the door, he moved on to the next. More test tubes, pouches and little bottles of chemicals. Leaving Hizumi to admire it in his science-fascinated way, but Zero was looking for something more impressive.

The files, he recalled, had hinted at bodies.

One long freezer at the back, covered in digital screens and buttons, biohazard and cryohazard stickers, and if they were really there, that had to be the place. "Hizu, come here."

He caught up fast, and Zero glimpsed chemical compounds doodled on Hizumi's clipboard before he flipped the pages over. "Is it locked?"

Zero shrugged. "Try it."

He did and it wasn't, and Hizumi had to laugh quietly into his hands while his mind processed all the lumps and shapes. Not bodies, but parts. One round cryocontainer listed as the brain of a successful male patient. A brain that had died, been repaired, and revived.

Zero pulled out other brains, hearts, various tissues. "Okay I'm disappointed, I really wanted to find zombies in here or something."

Karyu cackled in their ears, but Hizumi's laugh managed somehow to be sympathetic. "Me too. This is cool though, useful for the research I guess."

"But not for us. Come on." A tug to his sleeve, and Zero understood Hizumi's curiosity, he really did, but time was passing, and nothing in here was going to help solve who wanted his father dead. But he also understood, Hizumi was trying to be thorough.

Answers would be easier to find if they filled in all the information gaps.

Hizumi made quick peeks into the rest of the freezer cabinets, and resigned his final search to the ordinary file cabinet in the corner. The top drawer, he figured, might cheer Zero up. "Hey sulky-pants, I found videos."

Tsukasa's voice then, "Videos are going to have to wait. The guard is on his way, he's shining his light through every window, so you better hide."

Hizumi thought he felt his heart stop, and he wondered how the hell Tsukasa could sound so calm, then remembered he was safe in the van, and not having to find somewhere to hide in that sterile, angular room.

"Fuck." Unable to think of another option, he grabbed Zero and shoved him onto the floor, both of them sliding beneath the nearest table, into shadows.

Panicking, but also kind of giddy, and he wanted to ask Tsukasa how close the guard was, but didn't dare make a sound. Instead he clung to Zero, mind racing over excuses if they happened to be caught. Hey, dropped a screwdriver under here, you see it anywhere? Help us out, shine that flashlight over there, thanks man, don't know where it could have gone.

Then the flashlight wasn't imaginary anymore, a bright beam flashing through the window, enough to bounce off the floor and illuminate the space under the table, and Hizumi could feel Zero holding his breath, both of them waiting....

The light went out. Faint clompy footsteps of the guard leading away, pausing at the next door, continuing on.

Waiting for Tsukasa's relieved voice, "Okay, you're clear."

They packed up the videos as fast as they could without making noise, not wanting any more close calls, done with this adventure and ready to go home already.

Tsukasa made them wait until the guard was halfway across the building before leading them out, and then the van was steady calm down one of Hizumi's exit routes, and Zero kissed him in the dark, knocking the stupid refrigeration hats out of the way.

Karyu couldn't wait to watch the videos. This was better than movies.

Hizumi spent the ride home trying not to get caught up in how easy it had been, this lab and the one before. Next would be the place where everyone knew them, where they couldn't walk in disguised with logos and clipboards and toolboxes, back-up plans full of excuses.

And somehow he knew it would be the end of the line. Either he would find answers there, or the trail would go cold, dead end, and he wasn't sure which scared him more.

Answers meant a name, maybe someone they knew, someone who had saved their lives, patched bullet holes and broken bones.

Hizumi thought of the blade inside his cane, and how one inch of skin for every lie wasn't such a bad idea anymore.

+

They watched the videos one after the other, and it would have been the most boring thing they'd ever done, if it wasn't for the context.

Clinging to each other on the couch, loud cheers whenever a man or woman sat up, spoke coherent and normal words. Like all they'd been doing was napping.

Turning death into a brief pause, instead of a full stop.

Zero watched an old woman playing checkers and touched the fading scar on the back of his head, remembering Hizumi's reluctant admission that Zero had died at least once while they were working on him, and he couldn't help wondering, couldn't help thinking....

Karyu stole his hand from the scar, shook his head, like he knew. Like he was saying, it didn't matter what happened or what was done, because he was there with them now, and his palm was warm against Karyu's, warm against Hizumi's on the other side.

On the screen, a bandaged man danced a waltz, and Zero understood why Tsukasa was so intent on expanding the Black Death into scientific research.

It wasn't about money, or power, or having doctors who would respect their secrets.

It was about protecting the things he loved, and one little chemical that could keep him from losing them.

On the screen, the dead came back to life, and died again, and all Zero could think was hurry, get it right before it's too late.

+

Hizumi lit a stick of incense, tucked it in among all the other burned out stubs, and knelt with his hands together in silence for a long moment.

Around him the wind blew cold, rustling dead leaves and papers covered in prayers, soft wordless voices that filled the cemetery.

Hizumi sighed and it fit right in.

"So I came to tell you I'm getting close."

Refusing to think of dead ends, potential failures.

"I think it's going to be soon, I just... I have this feeling."

Like he really expected to find the truth in a stack of medical files.

"Mom, you always said I should trust my intuition, so I am this time.

"But if I'm wrong, I won't give up. I'll keep trying."

Wind blew incense ash across the bleached grass, grey and fragile. Somewhere distant, the chiming of bells.

Hizumi left the silent unanswering headstones, back to the car where Zero sat pretending to sleep in the passenger seat, promises echoing in his mind.

I won't give up.

+

With Zero dropped off at school, Hizumi ran through his plans as he entered the apartment. Plans that were becoming familiar, a mental to-do list of blueprints, maps, hacking. Thinking he would get right to work on the hacking part, because it was easier to figure out entrances and exits when he knew where he had to go once they got inside.

Karyu, it seemed, had a different idea in mind.

Hizumi barely had his boots off when he was pressed flat against the door, kissed in that wonderful claiming way, like some kind of sleazy, kinky ambush, and he had to break away and laugh. "What was that for?"

Karyu smirked down at him, one hand on the door, one on Hizumi's chest. "It's that kind of morning."

Sometimes he forgot how tall Karyu was. Times like this, it was all he could think about.

Hizumi laughed again, drew Karyu down by his hair to resolve the distance. "Oh. Okay then." Kissing him there against the door until someone that had to be Tsukasa pulled them away from it, mouth on Hizumi's neck, an overwhelming presence that didn't require height to be intimidating.

Not that Hizumi could be intimidated by them anymore. Fleeting memories of leather in limousine darkness, the devil and his right hand, light years in the past.

"We realized today, we haven't had you to ourselves in a while." Smooth dangerous voice that Hizumi loved, and Tsukasa held him up as he sort of melted.

"Definitely need to do something about that." His words came out blurred against Karyu's mouth, but the point was made, and they stumbled their way through the apartment, Karyu bumping his hip into the table, Tsukasa's elbow on the bedroom door, and Hizumi laughing at them when he could catch his breath.

Tumbling against the bed, and he realized they weren't being careful with him, weren't treating him like fragile healing glass anymore and he didn't bother wondering when that changed, was simply grateful for the difference. Tsukasa's leg slung over his hip and it ached a little, but it wasn't going to break him, wasn't anything compared to the heat of Tsukasa's teeth in his neck.

Together they stripped Karyu, left bitemarks on every scar they could find, until he was trembling and breathless and then it was Tsukasa's turn. Karyu showing Hizumi the jagged white line on Tsukasa's thigh that would make him whimper, make him shiver like an electric shock. Teaching Hizumi how to claim wounds as his, that other people could damage them, but could never own them.

And when it was Hizumi's turn, mouths on bullet holes, teeth on the neat incision where they'd inserted pins and metal rods, he understood. Reshaping the wounds into bite marks, bruises conforming to the shape of a hand, and he could never associate the pain with being shot, because it didn't belong to that moment anymore.

All the lessons he'd been taught, how to fight, how to shoot, how to aim an uzi out the window of a moving car, nothing seemed so important as this one.

Hizumi found the faint scar from where he'd crashed a bike as a kid, pointed it out to Karyu. "That's yours too." Karyu bit it, and Hizumi arched up to scrape his ribs against teeth.

Like erasing the past, making everything clean, like that moment after it rains and everything shines fresh and new and green.

Then patience wore down, and they left behind claiming scars for claiming each other, Hizumi fitting between them like he was born for it, blood and pain and pleasure because it was what they were made of.

Morning passed them by, afternoon settled in with shifting sunlight, but none of that was important. Only the way the world lit up when they kissed. The way everything else faded away.

+

A wide hole blasted through the wood, and it must have been the final straw, because the whole thing collapsed in a pathetic, splintered heap, and Karyu crowed like a champion. "Fuck yeah, I love this gun! Can I keep it?"

"Don't you have enough guns already?" Tsukasa reloaded, while Karyu headed out to set up another piece of wood.

They were all shooting at Karyu's painted targets, not because they needed the practice, but because Tsukasa had been blessed with a shipment of brand new guns from their brand new gun guy, and they needed to be tested, calibrated for weight and accuracy.

They really were nice guns.

"I don't think he'll have enough until there's no room in the apartment for the rest of us." Hizumi laughed and shot off a corner, his favorite thing to do. Waiting while Karyu set up more targets for all of them, head tilted back to admire the sky. The warm, deceptively springlike day tricking him into listening for birds, watching for signs of awakening green.

But it was just a January warm spell, and he refused to look for any symbolism in it.

Refused to think of calms before storms.

Karyu was laughing close-by again, taunting Tsukasa, so Hizumi turned away from drifting clouds and went back to perforating spray painted lines. Zero gave him that dangerous smirk and turned around backward, tried shooting over his shoulder without looking.

Hizumi had no idea where that bullet went, but it made him laugh, and then he was backwards too, both of them wasting ammo and having a damn good time doing it.

Tsukasa watching them like they were insane, not surprised when Karyu spun around as well. "This is defeating the purpose...."

"Never know when it might come in handy." Karyu wiggled eyebrows, was the first one to actually graze the edge of his target, and Tsukasa took that as a challenge, shooting backwards with the rest of them.

Karyu had a point. Someday they might need to know how terribly awful they were at shooting behind themselves.

"Hey Hizu, found anything good in the new files yet?" Zero threw another bullet into the trees, watching Hizumi shrug.

Breaking into the lab had been as easy as the previous two.

It helped knowing which staff was around at night, and that Santos had something involving bone density tests scheduled for one in the morning, which left his office open and empty. Hizumi's pre-mission hack, as he called it, revealed that most of the sensitive files were in Santos's personal computer, so it didn't take long to slip in and transfer everything to an external drive.

Unlike the other times though, he felt a little guilty. Santos was someone he actually liked and respected. So he consoled himself with the fact that they hadn't taken anything, had only made copies, and no harm really was done.

"I've been skimming. There's a whole lot of shit in there, and a lot of it is the same stuff we've already got. We were right about them continuing the reanimation though. What I've read so far, they were trying different compounds, different lengths of time between death and revival, and they had some people stay alive for days before dying."

Karyu did his impressed whistle again. "That is so awesome. Kinda sad though, isn't it? I mean it's days, not hours, so they must have thought it worked. Those people thinking they could start getting back to their lives and everything, then bam, dead."

"Yeah. My dad said something about that, how it almost wasn't fair to them. False hope, and such." Hizumi tried to think about how he'd feel if it was him, then realized he'd be dead and not having feelings anymore, but that was a little depressing, so he kept it to himself.

"There's also some cool stuff about better ways to remove tumors without causing damage, and repairing the damage already caused. I remember him telling me about that."

"Speaking of tumors. With the Dragons gone --" Tsukasa had to stop there, wait until Karyu and Hizumi stopped laughing. "Anyway, we've assumed control of their territory, and tonight we're going out to talk to some of the club owners, see who's cool with it, and who's going to be a problem. I know some clubs really don't want gang members hanging around, and after the recent fiascos, I don't blame them."

"I don't either." Hizumi sighed and felt like an asshole. "At least that kind of thing isn't normal."

"No, and now that they're gone, hopefully nothing like it will happen for a while." Tsukasa didn't have to say, because he knew they all knew, that wasn't the way he liked to run his business. Shooting up someone else's buildings, risking lives.

All because Azaki was jealous....

Tsukasa tensed, and became the second person to hit their target backwards. Karyu cackled about it, but the victory was soured somewhat, tainted by the memory of the little black skull lying on the dirty floor.

Still he forced himself to smirk, to tease that his shot was closer to the center than Karyu's had been, and then the war was on, necessary distraction. Focus on beating Karyu, and he wouldn't have to think about everything he'd lost.

Remembering the lesson he'd learned, that it was more important to think about what he still had.

In the end, Karyu won.

Tsukasa would have been disappointed if he hadn't.

+

They took the Hummer because it was easier to find a place to park, to walk through the narrow, neon-vibrant streets.

Hizumi only briefly thought of when they'd come here looking for Azaki, long enough to catalog the differences. Strolling through the crowds, a slow, content appreciation of what was now entirely theirs. He'd be lying if he said he didn't love the way it felt.

Tsukasa paused in front of a maid cafe, pandas on the neon sign. "Dragons nearly ran this place out of business. We should go in and relieve them of their worries." Sharing a little grin with Karyu, and they went inside, seeking out the owner, greeting him with handshakes and respectful bows.

Hizumi hung back with Zero, out of the way, watching him look around the place with a slightly uncomfortable expression. "What?"

"My dad comes to places like this. Thinks my mom doesn't know. It's kinda gross to think he might be here right now, flirting." Zero stopped then because Hizumi was laughing, and he smacked him hard with an arm across the chest. "Shut up."

"Sorry. Don't think about it then." He watched a woman come out of a room, wearing panda ears and little black gloves with paw pads sewn on, and then he was laughing again. "They're dressed like pandas, does your dad make your mom dress like a panda?"

"Hizu!" Punching Hizumi in the arm, twice, because he wouldn't quit laughing. Backing away and trying to block, but Zero snuck through and hit him a good one in the elbow. It hurt his hand, but he managed to hit the funny bone nerve, and the satisfaction of watching Hizumi shake out the pain and numbness was worth it.

"You cheating sneaky bastard!"

"You deserved it."

Hizumi had to admit he probably did, but that didn't make his arm feel any better.

Still rubbing the pins and needles from it as Karyu passed by, giving them crazy looks on his way to the door. "Can't take you two anywhere."

Then Tsukasa was shooing them out, and Hizumi was almost to the door when another panda lady went trotting past, hands curled up like cute little paws, and he cracked up again, and Zero punched him hard in the back, but it was worth it.

He felt a bit guilty though, when Tsukasa turned around and glared. "If you guys would rather go somewhere else...."

"No, sorry, we'll be good." He heard Zero snort and almost lost it again, but this was important to Tsukasa, important for all of them, and Hizumi could save his teasing for when they were home.

He slipped into his usual routine then, watching Tsukasa and Karyu, like gods among unknowing mortals, serpentine and perfect. Watching the way they smiled to charm the club owners, managers, making friends with bartenders that promised free drinks and perks, everyone glad to be rid of the overbearing Dragons. Tsukasa purring promises of protection, of safety, handing out cards with his number on it, if anyone ever causes trouble, call us.

Hizumi realized, watching Tsukasa lean against the bar and smile, a contradiction of sultry and threatening, Karyu's hand ever so subtly on the back of Tsukasa's thigh, that this was his true source of power. Not the mojo in his clothing lining, not the strange piece of hoodoo he wore around his neck, but this, watching them together, their own personal magic spell woven in danger and beauty.

Remembering that first night at Mayhem, how it had sparked something deep and slumbering inside him, that desire to be like them, strong and confident and brave. Drunken promises in the elevator, unbreakable vows.

Irresistibly, the line coming to mind. Now I am become death, destroyer of worlds.

But he was _their_ death.

Tsukasa led them into another maid club, but the women were dressed normally, so there was nothing to tease about. Hizumi refused to feel disappointed. He was busy enough thinking about change, and how he'd grown into his leather and make-up, and so had Zero, looking like he'd spent his whole life in glistening vinyl and eye shadow bruises.

Thinking again of caterpillars and butterflies, and maybe they'd only spent their lives waiting, spinning cocoons.

Karyu leaned in beside him, stole his attention, and Hizumi would have kissed him if he thought they could get away with it here. "So, I'm hungry. Wanna go back to that McDonalds we passed?"

Zero answered for him, a quick "Fuck yes" that had Hizumi laughing, and Zero tempted to punch him again, but he needed to save his strength for cheeseburger eating.

Karyu shoved them all forward, keeping their priorities straight.

Tsukasa slipped his hand casually into Hizumi's, maybe as apology for snapping at him earlier, and Hizumi gave a squeeze that could have meant forgiveness, could have meant gratitude.

Could have been conspiracy, because they both smirked at the same time and slowed down, to get Karyu and Zero to pout and hurry them along.

It could have just been love.

+

Hizumi knew he had a problem with thinking about the past too much, with comparing it to the future, looking for changes, looking for hidden messages and clues, like a fortune telling in reverse. But there were times when he couldn't be anywhere except that moment, because that moment was so huge, so suffocating, leaving no room for anything else.

Sitting at the table, the sound of his computer quietly humming, it was one of those moments.

Sort of like the apocalypse, but not even a whimper. The silent ending of one era sliding into the beginning of the next.

Tsukasa settled into the chair across from him, reading the betrayal etched on his face, something he understood, and all he could say was, "Who?"

Hizumi slowly exhaled. "Santos."

And there it was. Tsukasa refused to think of Azaki, refused to think of downward spirals and inevitable ends. "I'm sorry, Hizu. I hoped it wouldn't be him."

"So did I."

Tsukasa watched Hizumi type something briefly, then extend a hand across the table, reaching for him, and Tsukasa tried to make it look like a coincidence when he folded his arms away. Imagining a bubble around Hizumi, a repellant to keep him out.

It was for the best; everything he'd ever done was for the best.

"What will you do?"

"Kill him, of course." Hizumi laughed then, a sharp pained sound. "Do you know why he did it? Why he wanted someone to kill my father? To save the fucking project. Because having the Yoshida name attached to it was drawing too much fucking attention."

Tsukasa tried to process that, tried to reshape it until it made sense, until it was logical. It was the most impossible thing he'd ever attempted. "There would have been so many other ways to accomplish that. Remove his name from it, pretend he'd moved on to different work, and continue in secret. What kind of person sees this as the best option?"

Hizumi could think of so many answers to that question, filthy insults pulled from the deepest gutters of his mind, the ones that hadn't seen daylight since the moment he took Azaki's eyes.

He wondered if he would take Santos's eyes too, then logically accepted he wouldn't have enough time. It would have to be quick, get in, make him admit who he hired, then shoot him.

He didn't deserve that kind of mercy, really.

"So I guess I'll do it tonight. I'll call first, make sure he's in his office, make up something about a pain in my leg or something, I don't know. I'll say it hurts where the pins are. He'll tell me it's normal and nothing to worry about, and we'll hang up, and I'll go then."

Tsukasa nodded, because there wasn't anything he could say. He'd learned the futility of "be careful". He'd learned Hizumi couldn't be stopped, when he had a plan in mind.

Karyu came in then, shaking off the cold, saw the way they were sitting like men at a funeral and knew. "What did you find?"

Tsukasa left the table, left Hizumi to explain that he'd found Santos's personal files, like a diary, his hopes and plans for the project. How he'd simply said one day, Yoshida has to go.

Karyu crashed on the floor, arms instantly around Hizumi, that desperate way of clinging like it might change something. "I'm so sorry."

"I'm killing him tonight."

And Karyu wasn't trapped in the present, thinking of when it had come to the day when it was time to kill Jimmy, and how Hizumi was so innocent once, and they'd ruined him. Stood by while he ruined himself.

But he had to try. "Let me do it."

Hizumi silently laughed, because that was Karyu, and he loved him for it. "You know I can't. Besides, you're helping this time. I still need you to make me invisible."

"Are you sure you want to do it in the lab?" Thinking of all the ways it could go wrong, someone could see him, and it wouldn't simply be a case of snooping through files. This would be murder.

Hizumi had thought about that too. "It's the best option. I know how to get in, I know where he'll be, and anywhere else, there's too many variables. At least in his office, if they find one of my hairs, some skin cells, it wouldn't be strange. But at his house, in his car, a random alley...."

"Yeah." Karyu sighed. "You always have a point."

Hizumi slid a hand through Karyu's hair, traced the curve of his skull, and thought of horizons in the distance, of finish lines and goals within reach. "It's almost over, Karyu."

"And then what? Once you've had your revenge, what?"

Hizumi laughed again, and it sounded nearly optimistic. "Then I'm free. Then I can do anything I want."

Karyu wanted to say, if only it was that simple.


	18. Chapter 18

XVIII · Nadir

 

A perfectly ordinary night expanded out beyond the perfectly ordinary glass of Santos's office, muted by the reflection of a desk lamp, and memories of when eons had passed, waiting to hear if Tsukasa and Zero were going to live.

Hizumi stood in the corner, leaning against a bookcase, his little communication ear piece tucked into his pocket. The last words he'd said to them were, if someone's coming and you need me to get out, set off the fire alarm.

Zero had protested, keep us with you, but Hizumi needed to be alone.

Santos came in then, shuffling papers in his hand, and Hizumi waited to be noticed, leaning so casual in all his leather, small bag on the floor beside him holding the cleaning supplies.

The doctor startled, looking terrified for a moment, then he realized who it was and smiled. "Well Hiroshi, that's a nice way to scare someone into a heart attack. Your leg still bothering you?"

He wanted to say, a heart attack would be far too kind. Instead he smiled back, and something primitive in Santos made him take a step away, ancient sixth sense recognizing danger. "My leg's fine. But I have something more important to ask you."

Santos fumbled a nod. "Yeah, yeah sure, go ahead."

Hizumi let his arm slide from behind him, gun in his hand like an extension of all that glistening black. "Who did you hire to kill my father?"

All the air whooshed out of Santos and he sat down hard, chair creaking, like it might tip him backward. "Hiroshi, you don't want to do this...."

"You're right, I don't want to do this. I actually liked you, I _trusted_ you, you saved me from losing people I care about. But that's not enough to save you, because I cared about my parents too, and I had to see them lying on the floor in their own blood, because of you. So tell me who you hired, make it easy for both of us."

Santos looked away from Hizumi, an instinctive glance at his computer. "You read my files somehow."

It didn't really need to be answered. Hizumi exhaled slow, refused to let his hand shake, refused to feel anything other than quiet rage. "There could have been other ways."

"No, there couldn't. Hiroshi, I can't ask you to forgive me, but for your father's sake, please don't do this."

"For _my father's sake_ , tell me who you hired. One act of redemption before you die."

Santos watched him, staring at the gun, and Hizumi knew it was like a black hole, the pull of it impossible to resist, the dark emptiness at the end of the tunnel. Then finally he slumped in the chair, surrender. "I hired a man named Tsukasa, I heard he was the best."

And there it was, that name. Hizumi snarled, hissed like something venomous, "You're lying."

"I'm not lying, why would you even think --"

"Because I know Tsukasa. It wasn't him." Jimmy Bartholomew all over again, everyone throwing out the one name they thought had to be believable, anything to avoid the truth, and why couldn't anyone tell him the fucking truth?

But Santos was looking at him almost sympathetic, like he actually felt bad. "I'm not lying. If you can get into my files, you can get into my phone records. I used this office phone to call him. Check the date of that entry, I called him that night."

Hizumi's teeth clenched, but he was too cold to feel it, and the edges of the world were going black and fuzzy, and he had to force himself to breathe. Hating himself because he almost believed it, of course he would hire the best, only the best. Tsukasa was the best.

Tsukasa knew everyone's methods, he could have made it look like Jimmy....

Hizumi growled through his teeth as he pulled the trigger and it sounded like a death rattle. Santos was the one shot in the face, but Hizumi was the one no longer alive. Something rotting and faded inhabiting his body, making it put the gun in the bag, take out all the necessary tools to erase his presence from the room.

It was hard to get the bullet out of the chair, but he managed.

Packing everything away, bag over his shoulder, numb and sick and burning with something he'd never felt before as he put the comm unit back in his ear. Amazed at how calm he sounded when he said, "It's done. Get me out of here."

Letting their voices lead him to the elevator, out of the building, to the waiting limousine around the corner.

The van would have been pointless. If he'd been caught, he could at least have pretended he'd come there to see Santos about his leg, and the limo wouldn't be out of place.

Now he almost felt bad for it, knew he'd miss it, when he was gone.

Hizumi slid inside, felt the limo begin to drive away, everyone asking questions at once and all he could do was shake his head. His computer was on the floor where he left it, and he picked it up, feeling an absurd rush of guilt as he executed a simple hack into Santos's phone records.

Like he was betraying Tsukasa and Karyu by even considering it could be true, and oh how he wanted it to be a lie, one last cruelty because Santos knew he was going to die either way, and why not hurt Hizumi on his way out.

But he recognized the number on the screen, knew Zero recognized it too because his fingers bit into Hizumi's arm, holding tight, while Hizumi directed his computer to dial the number.

Across the distance of the limo, Tsukasa's phone beeped the way it did when he got a call on his business line, and Hizumi's tears took that moment to fall. Karyu saying his name from so far away, and he didn't think a broken heart could hurt so terribly, worse than bullets, worse than anything.

Closing his computer, and he could only whisper through the pain, that visceral devastation. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Karyu made a sound that could have been choreographed to the way Hizumi felt, and he wanted to hate him, wanted to rejoice in the way his voice splintered. "We didn't want to lose you."

Tsukasa waited until Hizumi looked to him, chromatophores as black as death. "I asked you when we met, if you believed in fate. Why else do you think we picked you up that night? We knew you weren't in danger, nobody was after you. Then you said, you wanted to become like us. We gave you what you wanted. If we'd told you in the beginning, what would you have done? Panicked, tried to kill us? We'd have killed you before you even figured out how to pull the trigger."

That was the awful truth, wasn't it.

Hizumi knew it would have gone exactly like that, and he'd have been dead on the floor, blood for Karyu to scrub out of his rug, bitching at Tsukasa the whole time, why couldn't you have done it outside, dammit. A messy stain, and his life would be over. And none of this, everything he'd done, everything he'd become, every moment with the three of them, would never have happened.

Hizumi tried to swallow, but it didn't quite work, caught in his throat with the remnants of his heart. "Stop the limo."

"Hizu...." Karyu gasped the name, and Hizumi glared at him like knives, and he had to look away.

"I said, stop the limo. Here's what's going to happen. You two are going to get out, and Zero and I are going to go pack up some stuff. I know you won't do anything stupid with what we leave behind. We'll be back for it later. When we leave, I'll send the limo to Mayhem to pick you up."

Karyu still couldn't look at him. "Where will you go?"

"It doesn't matter." He noticed then, at some point Tsukasa had the limo pull to the side of the road, some darkened street at the borderline of neon. "Get out."

Karyu went first, knew if he didn't, he'd cross that empty space, cling to Hizumi until he changed his mind or killed him.

Tsukasa hesitated only long enough to say, "We never meant to hurt you," then he was standing beside Karyu, watching his limousine drive away.

Watching it disappear around a corner, Karyu broken in his arms, tears hot and accusing against the side of his throat, and there was nothing he could say to make it better. No way to take it all back.

Tsukasa let himself cry then, hands in Karyu's hair, familiar lifeline, the only thing holding him to the world. "If there were any way I could change this...."

Karyu laughed like a sob. "Fate, Tsu. Can't stop fate."

That bullet in the dark, damning them all.

+

The ride back to Tsukasa's building was too quiet, the soft sound of tires rushing over pavement, Zero breathing beside him like a comfort.

Hizumi couldn't think of the place as home, though there was no other place the word might fit.

Packing necessary things into a bag, packing everything else into his other bags, setting them in the corner to come back for later, and he refused to see the memories playing over the room like projections, like phantoms. Every moment was a haunting he couldn't exorcise.

Zero broke the silence, his bag packed and waiting. "We can go to my house. My parents won't care."

Hizumi nodded, because it was a good idea, somewhere Tsukasa and Karyu wouldn't think to look for them.

"Can I ask you something?" Watching Hizumi nod again. "If they had told you, what would you have done?"

The question almost knocked him down. "I guess it depends on when. Tsukasa's right, if he'd told me in the beginning, I would have tried to kill them, and I'd be dead right now. But later...."

"You wouldn't have been mad."

"No."

"You're not even mad about that now."

Hizumi turned, saw Zero looking at him in a way that was almost soft, without his usual defensive mask. "They could have told me, and I would have understood. It was just a job, it wasn't anything against me, or my family. Santos is the one to hate. But they lied, and they would have kept lying. That's what I can't forgive."

Zero nodded, slid a slow hand through Hizumi's hair. "Same here." Then he left Hizumi to finish packing, making sure he hadn't left one of his textbooks in the living room.

Hizumi stood by the bed, scanned the room one last time before dropping his car key on the pillow, because it wouldn't be right to take it.

Even more difficult, reaching back to unfasten the necklace, and he'd swear it pulled against gravity, trying to stay against his skin, and he whispered an apology to it. Laying it curled on the pillow, the large skull seemed to be begging him not to go, or maybe not to leave it behind, I can't protect you if I'm not with you.

Thinking, as he picked up his bag, I'm sorry, you took good care of me, but I have to go. Take care of Tsu and Karyu for me.

He picked up Zero's bag too, meeting him at the window. Both of them staring out for a long moment, until Zero took Hizumi's hand, led him to the door.

Realizing, he'd never done anything so impossible in his entire life.

Take him back to that moment in the rain when he'd been terrified, take him back to the hunt for Azaki, to the ten bullets in his flesh and bones. Anything but this.

Down the elevators, out the door, into the frozen night, and he stopped on the sidewalk, sent a message to the limousine so it could find them at Mayhem. They watched it drive past, watched it until it was gone, then they began to walk.

+

Zero's bedroom was small, covered in band posters and scattered CDs that he hadn't taken with him, an oddly green bass guitar and its amplifier stuffed into a corner, and it was comfortable, a place Hizumi could feel at home if he tried.

But the glass was ordinary, and it left him feeling exposed, unprotected, an easy target without bulletproof walls and silver skulls.

Zero caught him standing there anyway, at the sliding door that led to his cramped balcony. Dead brown courtyard and the backs of other buildings for a view, instead of a vast city sprawl.

"Hizu...." He stole Hizumi's hand from his pocket, tugged on it. "We can think tomorrow, let's get some sleep."

Zero's bed was warm, and they curled together under blankets that smelled of stale incense instead of gunpowder, fabric softener instead of blood. Hizumi with his fingers spread beneath Zero's shirt, covering the scars. "I'm glad I still have you."

Predictably, Zero snorted. "Always, idiot."

And that was enough to make him think he could actually survive this.

+

The only thing Karyu had been able to say after the limousine arrived empty, shattering his last hope that Hizumi might change his mind, was, we shouldn't have let him go.

Tsukasa's response, as empty as the Nebula, we couldn't have stopped him.

Finding the necklace on the pillow broke Karyu, and Tsukasa had to hold him together, while he whispered curses, snarled through rage and lamentation.

"We should have fucking told him."

Tsukasa held the key to the Porsche carefully, like a lucky charm, like he was afraid to wipe Hizumi's fingerprints away. "You're probably right." He felt Karyu sigh against his shoulder. "But we did what we thought was best."

Quiet for a while, clutching each other and their totems, while the moon crawled up the sky.

Karyu shifted, unable to get comfortable with so much space in the bed. "Hizu's smart, we can talk to him, he'll understand, right? We can get him back."

"If he's smart enough, he'll stay away."

Tsukasa was right, and Karyu had to weigh his options, battle his wants against each other. On one side, all he ever wanted was Hizumi safe, and now he was out, away from the gunfire and bullet wounds and imminent death. But Karyu could admit he was selfish, and he wanted that crazy boy back where he could touch him, could know he was safe because he was there, within reach.

"Which would you rather, Tsu?"

It didn't take him long to decide. "I want him back."

Unanimous then, and Karyu fell asleep with his fingers twisted in the necklace and Tsukasa's hair like a crooked braid, thinking there had to be some kind of spell, something in his blood that could bring him home.

+

Zero should have gone to school, but he wasn't in the mood. Didn't want to leave Hizumi there alone, watching the news like some sort of addict, waiting to see if they mentioned Santos.

It was like those days spent in the lab waiting for news about Morimoto, and he didn't really like the ouroboros of it all, but it was something he needed to do, some form of closure.

Zero sat beside him, cursing at geometry, and so far there wasn't anything about Santos. A dog food commercial with its happy barking song, and Hizumi wondered why sometimes the past seemed out to get him.

"What do you think we should do now?"

Zero closed his book, shoved it all aside and shrugged. "What do you _want_ to do?"

"I don't know." Hizumi sounded so lost, truly hopelessly lost, and Zero thought he might actually hate Tsukasa and Karyu for doing this to him. "I thought when the revenge part of my life was over, I thought we'd be celebrating. You know, get drunk, steal Karyu's cake. Then I imagined us all having a good time turning the Black Death into a massive world-consuming empire. And maybe we could travel, see some of that world. We could do fucking _anything_. Now... I don't know."

Because this had never been an option, never one of the available roads to map out, never fucking thought....

"So what do you want? What were your plans before you got caught up in all this?"

Zero laughed, barely. "I figured I'd join a band at some point. But I like your travel idea. When school's over we could get the fuck out of this city, go far away." But Hizumi was smiling at him, that misbehaving smile. "What?"

"You'd be hot in a band. I could be your groupie." He laughed, wiggling eyebrows, and Zero shoved him over, making him laugh harder, and maybe Zero was simply glad he could still laugh like that. "And I'd fight away all the other groupies, because I refuse to share. Maybe you'd have to wear a dog collar with a tag that says Property of Hizumi."

"I'm not wearing a dog collar, you filthy pervert." But he laughed anyway, and Hizumi was still sideways on the couch, so Zero sprawled over him. A moment of squirming limbs until they were comfortable.

Inevitably Hizumi's hand in Zero's hair, finding the scar among the grown-out softness. "But we could get out of the city. Maybe Europe, get lost in all the old towns where we can't understand anyone."

"Sounds good." And it did, just the two of them, all that beautiful architecture, real skies without the filtering glare of neon.

The thought of neon reminded him though, and he reached for his phone. "Oh crap, I have a car to finish. I'll tell Tsukasa that Kouichi can do it."

"Better warn Kouichi."

Zero snorted. "Yeah."

He sent a quick message to the man, _Hey, I can't finish that car tonight, don't ask. Can you do it?_ Then to Tsukasa, _Wanted you to know, I'm getting someone to finish that car for me. If you need me to, I'll continue to work until you can find a replacement. I don't think I can come back for good though. Don't think Hizumi's coming back either._

Watching the news for a slow minute before sending another. _You should have told him. He understands it was only a job._

Finally, _You're both assholes._

And he flung his phone onto the floor, didn't want to see if they replied, didn't really care what they had to say because they had their chance, and everything they should have said was an opportunity lost and irretrievable.

Down on the rug, his phone beeped, beeped again, and it might have been Kouichi cursing him out for the extra workload, but he wasn't going to take the chance and look. Instead he squirmed his hands underneath Hizumi, and watched the weather forecast for the week.

Nothing but clouds, and endless cold.

+

Sunlight was a traitorous deception, and Karyu squinted through smoke, angry exhalations, surrounded by shards of that fucking light where he stood on the roof of the parking garage.

Watching the road, though he knew better.

Tsukasa found him, because he had that special built-in Karyu-detecting radar, and stole one of his cigarettes. Maybe if they smoked enough, they could block out the sun. "Karyu...."

"Hizumi's right."

Not exactly the response he was expecting. "What?"

"We should quit, quit killing people. Because this isn't what I signed up for." He was smoking filter then, and he stabbed it into the ledge hard enough to scrape his knuckles on the concrete. "I mean, is this really what you're happy doing? Taking people away from the ones who love them? We tell ourselves the people we kill deserve it, but look at Hizumi's dad, he was one of the good guys. He was saving lives, saving the world, trying to find a way to stop the exact kind of thing we did to Hizumi, the loss of someone they love. And I...."

Karyu had that look on his face, the sad defeated look that made him seem so vulnerable, and Tsukasa knew he'd agree to anything to make it go away. "Is that what you want then, to quit?"

"I don't know. We're not bad people, Tsu. But how many other amazing things have we stopped from happening because we killed the person that was supposed to invent or discover them?"

Tsukasa wanted to say, it's not my problem. Watching Karyu light another cigarette, almost a snarl on that pretty mouth as he blew out smoke, and he realized it wasn't really about saving the good guys, it was about getting Hizumi back. "Okay. I'll think about it."

Karyu's eyebrows went up. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Maybe we could be like vigilantes instead. Decide for ourselves who we kill, hunt down the people the world really would be better without." Tsukasa sighed through his own smoke. "Because I don't think I can live without death, no matter the consequences."

Remembering, that frozen day when he told Hizumi, it's the risk we take.

"I don't think I can either. What does that say about us?"

"That we're monsters."

Karyu looked away, down to the road, the angles of the buildings across the street, so many suns reflected in endless windows.

Tsukasa stabbed out his cigarette, flicked it over the edge. "The rumors were always true, you know."

The devil and his right hand.

Distantly, Karyu shrugged. "It's a good idea though, killing the people we want to kill, reshape the world _our_ way."

And maybe Hizumi would approve of that, maybe he'd help with the research, if they could get him back. If they told him, we're not going to be assassins anymore, we're going to be more careful.

Saying finally, without warning, "I really fucking miss him."

Tsukasa couldn't lie. "I do too."

Zero's texts were right, they should have told him. And they might have lost him for good.

+

At first, Hizumi thought he was hallucinating.

His phone ringing in the nonsense hours of the morning, the ass crack of dawn, Karyu's favorite phrase, and there was no one to call him anymore so it shouldn't even be ringing. Eventually it stopped and Hizumi tried to go back to sleep, but then it was ringing again, and he had to look.

The number was familiar, and the words above it said "Dad Mobile", and Hizumi dropped his phone with a clatter.

Zero mumbling behind him, "What the hell?"

"Someone's calling me from my dad's phone."

That got Zero sitting up. "What?!"

The phone rang again from the floor, and Hizumi snatched it up, answered with a snarl. "Who the fuck is this?"

A quiet breath on the other end, maybe a sigh. "Son, it's me, we... we need to talk."

Hizumi felt goosebumps prickle over his skin, Zero's hand clutching his arm, and he thought somewhat absurd and hysterical, ghosts only make phone calls in the movies.

"My father is dead, don't fuck with me. Who is this?"

"I'm sorry, Hiroshi, I really am. I can explain and you're not going to like it, but I feel like I owe you the truth. Meet me at the house, at noon."

Another ridiculous thought, Hizumi was glad he didn't say "home", because that house wasn't anyone's home anymore. "I'll be there." He hung up, before that voice could say anything more, that voice from the grave, and it still could be a trick. His father's words taken from various recordings, pieced together into sentences, something to lure him into a trap.

Zero took his phone from him and looked it over, like it might have the answers. "Was that really him?"

"I don't know. It was his voice, but you know that doesn't mean anything. Could be someone that knows about Santos, thinking they could blackmail the rich kid or something." Hizumi snorted, felt sick because he didn't know which version he preferred, a blackmail scenario, or his father back from the dead.

Well, logically, never dead at all.

But he'd seen the bodies, he _knew_....

Zero felt like shooting something. "If it is blackmail, what will you do?"

"I don't know." Hizumi laughed, a tired sound, and fell back against the pillows. "My first thought is to kill them. But usually people who do this kind of thing, they've seen the movies too, and in the movies there's always a back-up plan. A letter somewhere, you know, if I die, open this, and all the proof would be in there. I mean that's what I'd do. Or if he's clever enough to have found out, maybe he's worth talking to. Can't hurt to have someone like that on our side, right?"

Zero shrugged; it was so Hizumi. "Can I tell you something honestly?"

"Yeah of course."

"I think if you started your own criminal empire, you could run the Black Death out of business. I think you could take over the world faster than Tsukasa ever could."

Hizumi laughed at that. "What?"

"Seriously. Someone might be trying to blackmail you, and your solution is to get them to work for you instead. Tsukasa would kill them, and then if you're right, there's some proof out there somewhere, he'd be fucked. And the only reason they're even alive right now is because of you. I think you'd be amazing, that's all." Zero watched Hizumi stare at him, and when it was obvious he wasn't going to speak any time soon, he shrugged again and crawled out of bed, searching for the cleanest pair of jeans on the floor.

Hizumi was pretty sure those were his jeans Zero was putting on, but he wasn't going to say anything. "I think... you're half right and half wrong. I don't have the business sense, I don't have the patience for all that. I just solve problems."

Zero faintly smiled, the tiniest bit of expression. "You underestimate yourself, Hizu."

"Or you _over_ estimate me." Completely expecting it when Zero rolled his eyes. "Okay fine, anyway, what are we going to do about _this_ problem? Even if it is my father, I feel like I should have back-up. Maybe I could call Yuki."

Zero found an actual clean pair of jeans and threw them at Hizumi, his daily quota of generosity. "Call Snake. He likes you, he'll bring his boys, lots of back-up."

Hizumi hummed, wiggled into the jeans. "That's a good idea."

"Of course it is. I'm smart too." That filthy smirk, and Zero left the room, left Hizumi to laugh and make phone calls.

Both of them grateful for some kind of distraction again, and Zero realized they'd never be satisfied with any other kind of life. They were going to need guns, action, problems to solve.

He was okay with that.

+

Despite the restricted view, Hizumi liked Zero's balcony.

Quiet there, just birds, sometimes a door opening and closing.

Like the garden used to be, back when that big old house was home.

Hizumi thought about playing catch with his father, how they'd laugh whenever someone missed and had to run after the ball, always teasing, what's the matter son, you need glasses, should I paint the ball red, what's the matter Dad, you getting old, need me to throw it softer?

Sometimes his mother would play too, and she had a damn good throw, and she could tease with the best of them.

That voice on the phone, and he wondered what he would do if his father was really alive.

The worst trick of all.

And what did that mean for his mother, was she alive too?

Or was she simply an illusion gone bad, the magician shoving the wrong sword into the wrong slot and oops, his faithful assistant disappears in a shower of blood.

Hizumi thought of wine drying in vivid Rorschach blots, and wondered if he could shoot his father in the face, if it came down to that.

+

Six of them, three in one car, three in the other, like a magic spell, and Hizumi sat in the passenger seat with Snake driving, feeling a crazy mixture of grateful and anxious and paranoid. Pulling up the curve of the driveway, and the sight of his father not dead at all but standing on the porch made his hands shake.

Snake's car quivered a little when he put it in park, like it didn't want to be still. "Remember, anything goes crazy, we're here."

Hizumi nodded, glancing up at the roof line as he stepped out of the car. Looking for snipers or something, he didn't really know, maybe avoiding looking at his father for as long as he could.

"Hello, Hiroshi. It's good to see you." And the man was actually smiling, when Hizumi looked down, and the breath knocked out of him in a whoosh as he figured it out, finally got it.

"You finished it, didn't you, the reanimation. You got it to work without everyone dying again." The entire situation forgotten, Hizumi laughed, because holy fucking shit.

"I have no idea how you found out about it, but... yes. It is finally a success."

His instant thought, he couldn't wait to tell Zero and Tsukasa and Karyu, and there, he remembered, laughter dropping off into silence. "I've been reading all your files, your research, because it was the only thing I could think to do. I wanted to find out who killed you. It was Santos, did you know that?"

But the older Yoshida shook his head. "It was my plan all along, Hiroshi. I had to do what was best for the project, and the only way I could truly distance myself from it was if I was dead."

It took a moment, sinking in, like a soul caught in quicksand, pulling infinitely slowly downward. Then Hizumi snarled, took a step forward, driving his father back. "For the fucking _project_?! What about your fucking family! What about us! Did you think we'd be fucking okay with that?!"

Yoshida hit the wall, had nowhere else to go, hands raised in supplication. "I had no other choice, I --"

"Fuck you, yes you did. You had a lot of fucking choices. What about Mom, did you at least bring her back too?"

He looked sad then, older, and Hizumi knew the answer before he could say it. "We didn't get to her body in time. There's... there's a time limit, and the police kept us at the scene too long, and Santos was barely able to get me out of the morgue. The coroner already started working on your mother, we wouldn't have had time to put her back together and still make the limit."

Hizumi felt sick, had to look away again, down to the cracked concrete of the porch, hands curling into fists in their bulletproof leather gloves.

"She wasn't supposed to die, you have to understand that."

"And that somehow makes it okay?" Snarling again, an angry tremor. "I've spent three months looking for your killer, three fucking months, and all along it's been you. _You_ killed my parents, _you_ ruined my family.... I nearly died! Did you know that, were you there hiding in the lab while your friends put my bones back together?"

Yoshida's turn to look desperately ill. "I never wanted this for you."

"Too late for that, isn't it."

"I was there, in the lab. I helped take care of you and your friends. The one with the skull and spine fractures... you should know, since there's no point keeping it a secret any longer, we had to bring him back too."

Hizumi gasped. What they'd all known but not wanted to know. "But he'll be okay, right? There's no surprise seizures down the road?"

Thinking, dizzy and lost, that Zero had died, that he could actually have lost him, and he thought of miracles, thought of patients in hospital gowns playing cards, dancing, before they collapsed on the floor.

Yoshida's hand on Hizumi's shoulder, and he startled, made himself breathe. "Your friend is fine. I wouldn't have done it to myself if it wasn't flawless." Watching his son look out to the car he'd came in, pale and worried, and he realized, "You're in love with that boy, aren't you."

"Yeah." The word escaped on a breath, and he should have been embarrassed, but he wasn't. "Yeah I am."

He felt a little clearer then, stepping away, putting space back between himself and his father. The man who brought his Zero back from the dead.

"So whose body did we cremate? Whose ashes did your family cry over?"

"He was some man, already dead. We looked enough alike that it didn't take much work to correct the differences. And he had no family, so no one would miss him."

"And Mariko, does she know about all this?" Remembering the sympathy, could she have faked it?

"Only now, when I needed her help bringing back Santos. He isn't angry about that, if you're wondering."

Hizumi shrugged. "I didn't really care. He's only partly innocent, he still went along with it. He still deserved the bullet in his face."

Yoshida's cheeks flushed. "Hiroshi don't you dare speak like that! I did not raise you to be a murderer!"

But Hizumi had to laugh. "You can't tell me what to do anymore, you forfeited that right when you --"

"I am still your father!"

"No, you are not!"

Silence then, and the sudden sounds of wind hushing through bare branches, two engines rumbling in wait.

Finally, "My father is dead. You killed him."

Yoshida looked away, blinking in a war against tears. "Hiroshi...."

"Hiroshi is dead too." Hizumi turned then, began to descend the steps.

"Wait. Promise me... promise you'll keep going to Mariko for check-ups, promise you'll come to the lab if you're hurt again, or your friends. You're still welcome there, and you know there isn't anywhere else that will save you, or keep your secrets."

Hizumi wanted to be spiteful and refuse, wanted to say, I don't owe you any promises. But the man was right, and he knew that if something happened to Zero, he'd take him right back to the lab without even thinking about what his father had done. "Tell Mariko I'll be on time next week." It was the most he could concede.

Then there was nothing else he could say. Though part of him wanted to take this chance to say the goodbye he'd been denied before, to tell his father how much he'd meant to him, that he really had loved him....

Instead, he climbed into the warm, waiting car, and told Snake to take them home.


	19. Chapter 19

XIX · Benediction

 

Zero sat silent at the end of the bed, elbows on his knees, watching Hizumi pace back and forth. Words spilling out of Hizumi's mouth, but all Zero could think about was how sunny it was outside, when the weather forecast said it would be cloudy all week.

His mind, he realized, going a little insane because it refused to ask, didn't want to know.

Finally he looked from the window to the worry on Hizumi's face, and interrupted a tirade about family values. "What aren't you telling me?"

Hizumi stopped pacing. Since Snake dropped them off, he'd told Zero everything, except the one thing that terrified him, that one cold fact.

Thinking, I really did lose you. But they gave you back to me.

Zero bit his lip, looking cute for a moment, then just angry. "Hizu!"

He dropped to the floor in front of Zero, caught his hands in their fidgeting and held them still. "He said... he said you died, while they were working on you. And they had to bring you back." Zero shivered; Hizumi knew he was thinking about the videos, counting the days. "But it's fine, they perfected it, we don't have to worry. He wouldn't have used it on himself if it wasn't perfect."

And that was it, they had to trust the word of a man willing to kill himself and ruin his family for the sake of his work.

Zero made a sound that might have been Hizumi's name caught in his throat, and slid off the bed, Hizumi's arms instantly around him, one hand on the back of his head, one low on his spine, like stigmata. "I wanted to die. I was so fucking mad that I survived."

"Well you did. Congratulations." The words came out flat, and Hizumi let his arms drop.

Zero leaned away, arms folded, because if Hizumi was going to play that game, so was he. "And you're still pissed."

Hizumi sighed. It was all so far away now, it didn't seem real. So much had happened between one era and the next. "No, not really, it doesn't matter anymore. We're past all that. Like Tsukasa says, what's done cannot be undone."

A predictable shrug, then Zero slithered off Hizumi's lap, moved to his previous spot on the bed. "Speaking of Tsukasa...."

He'd been avoiding that too. Now that all the pieces of the sick and distorted puzzle were in place, he needed to reassess how he felt about Tsukasa, and Karyu, and he didn't want to, didn't know where to begin.

Now that all the blame could be put on his father, it had to come down to one thing -- could he forgive them for lying?

"I don't want to be mad at them anymore, but...."

"But they lied."

"Yeah."

Zero shrugged again. "If it helps, I'd have lied to you too, if I was them."

Hizumi's gaze snapped up to meet Zero's. "What?"

"Wouldn't you have done it? You said already, there was no right time to tell you. And if I was a hit man, and the son of someone I killed came to me talking about revenge, I sure as hell wouldn't tell him it was me. Think about it, he also had Karyu to protect."

"I know." He laughed then, suddenly realized, connected the stupid dots. "All this time I've been worried about someone coming after them, wanting revenge, wanting to kill them, and it was me all along. I've been my own worst fear."

Zero snorted, kind of laughed. "Irony's a bitch."

"Shut up. _You're_ a bitch." Hizumi shoved his leg, and Zero fully laughed, harmlessly kicking.

"So maybe talk to them, give them a chance to explain."

Always the voice of reason. Hizumi made himself breathe slow, like maybe Zero's logic could sink in that way, chase away the stinging edge of pride that wanted him to say, no, I won't go crawling back.

But love was more important than pride, wasn't it?

"Okay, I'll call, I'll see what they say."

It wouldn't hurt, to talk, let them show their hand. Maybe he could fold for once, and let them win.

+

Zero left Hizumi alone so he could make the call. He was glad for that, because it meant he didn't have to hide the way his hands shook, waiting for Tsukasa to answer.

Not sure what to expect, maybe Tsukasa telling him to fuck off, he had his chance to talk, and instead he threw him out of his own fucking car. Maybe it was too late and everything was ruined.

And he realized, thinking that, he knew exactly what he wanted.

No matter how the conversation went, he wanted them back.

"Hello." Tsukasa's voice was blank, professional. It made Hizumi ache.

"Hey. Are you at home? Cause if you are, I'd like to come over and talk. I mean if that's okay."

A long pause, Karyu in the distance telling someone to run, no the other way, dumbass, but Hizumi knew the people in movies never listened. He wondered if he'd been running the wrong way too.

Finally, "We're at home. Are you at Zero's?"

Hizumi nodded, then remembered to speak. "Yeah."

"I'll send the limo." Tsukasa hung up. Hizumi let his phone fall out of his hand, onto the bed.

He felt jittery, like an addict, like someone deprived of something necessary they needed to survive.

He probably should have been disturbed by that, but he wasn't.

+

The door to the apartment was open, waiting, and Hizumi hesitated, wondering if he should knock. Then Karyu was there, and Hizumi sort of melted into his arms, thinking it didn't matter where they were because _this_ was home. This was where he belonged.

Karyu sighing against the side of his throat, "Please don't hate us."

And Hizumi couldn't lie. "I don't hate you, I could never hate you. Just... you should have told me."

It seemed reluctant, the slow way Karyu let go, took a step backward. "We'll tell you everything. It might not change anything, but at least you'll know."

Hizumi left him there to hug Zero, and found Tsukasa sitting at the table. Papers in front of him, and it felt oddly familiar, like nothing had changed, and Hizumi took the seat opposite, waited until Tsukasa looked up. "My father's not dead."

It was the first thing he could think of to say, to keep himself from saying, I miss you.

Tsukasa's eyes went slightly wide. Karyu hurried across the room. "What did you say?"

"He's not dead. Or he was, but they used the reanimation on him, and he's back. They perfected it."

Karyu laughed, that bright, excited laugh Hizumi loved. "Holy fucking shit! Seriously, it works?" Laughing again as Hizumi nodded, as he sat down in the nearest chair, reached over and grabbed Hizumi's arm. "But wait, why didn't he tell you he was alive? I mean they had to do it soon after he died, right?"

"I wasn't supposed to know. See, it was his plan all along. Santos was the one who called you, hired you for the hit, but... it was my dad's idea. He would pretend to die, and carry on the research in secret."

Karyu made a disgusted sound. "What about your mom?"

"They didn't get her body in time." Hizumi closed his eyes, felt Zero knock a foot against his leg. "So I want to be happy the reanimation works, I mean now we know, everything we've seen, it's exactly what we were hoping for. I'm still pissed though."

Karyu mumbled something like a curse, got up and disappeared into the kitchen. Tsukasa watched the doorway for a minute. "I'm assuming they brought back Santos too."

"Yeah." Hizumi barely laughed. "All that hard work for nothing."

"It wasn't for nothing, Hizu. It was what you needed to do. But he could be dangerous now...."

"I thought of that, him and my father knowing what I'd done, but he says Santos isn't angry, and from what I know about scientists, he was probably glad to get the chance to experience the reincarnation for himself." Because he would look at it that way, if it had been him. No need to waste money hiring someone for a hit.

That put everything back in perspective, and Hizumi sighed. "Now it's your turn."

The truth he'd been waiting for, the immutable facts.

Tsukasa carefully slid his papers into a pile, and moved them to the middle, out of everyone's way. Fidgeting with the edges until Karyu sat back down and cleared his throat. His expression saying, get on with it, Tsu.

"We got the call. As you know, it was from his office phone, no attempt to block the number. We've always known it was Santos. And you're probably wondering, why did we go to the lab, knowing it was him, but he didn't know who we were. There was no danger. Anyway, we did the job. You know how that went."

"Why did you make it look like Jimmy Bartholomew?"

Tsukasa looked up, caught Hizumi's eyes. "Because that's what we do. Our method is to copy everyone else's, we don't have one of our own."

Hizumi slowly exhaled. "So nothing can ever tie back to you."

"Exactly. We chose Jimmy's method that night completely at random, it was the first that came to mind. It had nothing to do with Santos or your father."

"How did Santos pay? Was it like with Jimmy, do you have them drop off the money in a locker, half now half later sort of thing?"

"No, we take it all at once. Karyu hacks their bank account, takes it without leaving a trace."

Hizumi had to laugh at that, and Karyu was grinning adorable mischief, and some of the worries he'd carried for so long were allowed to fade. No way to tie a murder to them, no way to trap them at the drop off point because there wasn't one.

"And then, we hear you're out looking for us. For me, my name, spread everywhere. We thought you'd somehow figured it out, maybe got it out of Santos somehow, and you were looking to kill us. That's the reason we picked you up. Because if there was going to be a fight, it would be on our terms." Tsukasa smirked a little. "When you got in the limousine, there were no less than four guns pointed at you the entire time."

Laughing again, because that fucking car. That fucking amazing car. "It has guns on the inside too."

Zero snorted. Not surprised by _anything_ anymore.

"I wasn't taking any chances. But then we realized, you didn't know, you weren't a threat. You were just scared. So we thought we'd keep you for a few days, until you felt safe enough to go home, but then that morning, I saw that you weren't just a scared little boy. I saw a strength in you, and I wanted to see what you would become if given the chance. You wanted to become death, and I knew that you could. When I gave you the necklace and made you part of us, it wasn't because of what we'd been hired to do, it was because I saw someone amazing, hidden away. I wanted to set you free."

Tsukasa paused then, stared down at the corner of paper in his hands, curled to the shape of his finger.

"I planned on telling you, when I thought you were stable enough to handle it. But I never expected you to be so fucking smart. When you solved the Azaki problem, like it was nothing, like we were all blind and you were the only one who could see, I knew I _couldn't_ tell you. I wanted to watch you solve it for yourself, because I knew you could, and I didn't want to take that victory away from you. I didn't have the right. And what Karyu said was true also, we didn't want to lose you."

Hizumi had to grip the edge of the table, suddenly dizzy, remembering all the fights, all the times they were mad at each other and he couldn't understand why. Tsukasa always saying, someday you will. "Every time I said I was lucky to have met you...."

"Now you understand."

Hizumi nodded, swallowed hard. "But, I would rather have had you, than the victory."

And that was what it all came down to, everything else stripped away, bared like a soul. It all meant nothing, if he lost what really mattered.

Karyu reached for Hizumi's hand and he met him halfway, fingers linking tight. He thought of something then. "We've decided to stop. Being hired, I mean. We're gonna pick who to kill from now on, so we can make sure we're not accidentally killing someone who's trying to save the world. It'll be safer, too."

Hizumi saw it for the white flag it was, a way of saying, we're willing to make sacrifices for you, too. Wanting to point out, there would still be people hurt, the threat of revenge, but he didn't want to ruin it. "I like that idea."

Karyu smiled and relaxed, and Hizumi knew what was next, thunder after lightning and he held his breath, counting the miles. "Are you ever coming home?"

He let go of Karyu's hand, ignored the sensation of loss. "I want to. I do. I'm still mad, but... I know I didn't put you in an easy position, I know you couldn't tell me the truth from the start. Everything in me is divided, and I can't reconcile.... I'm in love with the men who killed my parents." Hizumi laughed then, that sad kind of laugh. "But since my dad isn't dead, and it's all his fault, like some kind of extended suicide, it's hard for me to even blame you. So I suppose I'm trying to convince myself that none of it matters anymore, that I can come back to you, and let it all go."

Tsukasa's turn to reach across, catch Hizumi's hands where they twisted against the table. "It does matter, but we can work through it." He looked to Zero then, slouching and bored, but they all knew better. "And you, Zero?"

He gave a silent laugh, and shrugged. "I still want to punch you both in the face, but I'll come back, if Hizumi does."

Karyu cackled and kicked him underneath the table, freaky long legs reaching everywhere. "You can hit us if you want, but we'll enjoy it."

"Of course you would, psycho." Trying to kick back, but he missed, kicked Tsukasa instead, and then it was a kick war, and Hizumi had to pull his legs into the chair to avoid being collateral damage.

Asking himself, could he truly give this up? That warm feeling rushing in, something he could now identify as love, contentment, happiness.

The facts were, they did lie, they did conceal the truth, but he understood their reasons. And all relationships, all manner of family, friendships, even soulmates like Tsukasa and Karyu, they had their difficult moments.

Thinking of when Tsukasa punched Karyu and he thought the world was going to end, but it didn't.

Because love got them through it. Love was stronger than disappointment, stronger than pain. And lies could be forgiven.

"Okay. Okay, I'll come home."

And the world did not end.

+

Tsukasa gave him the key to his car, _your_ car, Hizumi, I didn't give it to you so you could leave it behind. Karyu put his necklace back on, heavy skulls warming instantly.

Totems returned to their rightful places.

It didn't take long for them to gather everything they'd taken to Zero's, one brief search for a lost sock, and Zero packing up some extra things since they had a car to carry it in. Hizumi pausing beside the guitar on its stand, remembering what Zero said. "Do you want to take this?"

Zero tossed down a book he'd been flipping through, traced a fingertip over the lines of the headstock. "I'll come back for it. We can bring the limo and I can take the amp too." Because Hizumi's car was nice, but it was kind of small, not really made for transporting bass gear.

Hizumi nodded, and dropped onto the bed while Zero finished sorting through books, CDs, video games. "Pick something we can challenge Karyu to and win."

Zero snorted a laugh. "I'll take Gundam Z. He'll hate us forever."

Hizumi quietly cackled, grinned when Zero smirked all naughty and stuck the game in his bag. Thinking so intensely, like an electrical shock, I love you so much.

One thing still bothered him though, and he thought about it long enough to make him jittery, while he watched Zero. "Can I ask you...."

"What?"

"Are you really okay with moving back? I know you said you were, but that was when Tsukasa asked."

And they both knew, Zero still wore his mask around Tsukasa, most of the time.

But Zero shrugged. "I'm okay with it. If I thought it was a bad idea, if I thought you were making a mistake, I'd have told you already."

Hizumi had to laugh at that, had to admit it was true. "Not shy with your opinions, are you."

"Nope." Zero smirked again. Then he gave Hizumi a more serious look. "I honestly think you're making the right choice."

"Okay, thank you." It was what he needed to hear.

He left Zero alone while he finished packing, watched him write a note to his parents, and Hizumi stuck it on the fridge for him on the way out. When Zero wasn't looking, he scribbled an addition of his own.

Thanks for letting me stay. Don't worry, I'll take care of Michi.

And when Zero asked him what he was smiling about, he refused to tell.

+

Hizumi sat with his chair pressed next to Tsukasa's, both of them sharing the desk space, printed papers spread between them. Tsukasa had a list of new recruits, and Hizumi offered to help with assigning jobs based on what they were good at.

There were so many, he couldn't avoid feeling impressed.

"Where did you get all these guys?"

"A lot of them from the new territories, but they're from everywhere really. We're still trying to replace what we've lost." A tinge of sadness in Tsukasa's voice, and Hizumi touched his shoulder, thinking at least the Dragons were gone, punishment had been dealt.

It made him feel a little better, but it still didn't bring back all those loyal boys with skulls on their necks.

He went back to the list, reading the next name, interests and skills. Tsukasa told him, if they mentioned wanting to learn something, mark them down for classes, and he'd get them into whatever university or college necessary. Hizumi thought it was a good investment, good business sense, paying to train the boys so they could do more, but he also thought it was Tsukasa's soft side showing itself. Easy to admit, joining the Black Death was more like joining a family, than an ordinary street gang.

Hizumi made a note to get a guy named Taka into an accounting course, and thought about what he'd said to Zero before. "Y'know, Zero asked me what I wanted to do now that the big mystery is over, everything's all solved. I told him I thought we could focus on turning the Black Death into a big world-consuming empire." He laughed; Tsukasa regarded him with a raised eyebrow. "What, you don't think it's possible?"

Barely, Tsukasa shrugged. "I think it's not a very good answer to the question."

Hizumi had no idea how to take that, no clue what Tsukasa meant. "I don't --"

"What are your personal goals, Hizumi? Both you and Zero will finish school this year, have you thought about what you want to do next? I'd expect you have scholarship offers lined up."

Hizumi felt a flush of irritation, and set down his pen, before he stabbed something with it. "I thought... I'd continue working for you. I thought that was the whole purpose of the training. Now that my own business is finished, I can devote myself to being your bodyguard, to the hacking jobs. I thought we could work together to expand everything, like you've talked about. Clean up the departments, make sure everyone's doing their job. I have scholarships I could take, but it's not what I want right now."

Tsukasa watched him for a moment, leaning back in his chair, away from the desk, and Hizumi kind of wanted to climb into the chair with him, but figured he'd probably get shoved out. "If you're sure that's what you want."

"I'm sure, Tsu."

"I don't want to take your future away from you."

"You're not, I...." He did it then, climbed right over, squirmed his knees into the chair on either side of Tsukasa's hips. "My future is here, with you. I never really had a plan anyway, I felt like something was missing, and now I don't feel like that anymore. Technology is what I've always loved, and I don't think there's anything I could learn in a classroom that I can't learn by myself."

Sliding a hand into Hizumi's hair, Tsukasa thought about that strength he always saw beneath the surface, and how it was no longer hidden, and he wanted to say, you're everything I knew you would be. Instead, he pulled him down and kissed him.

Hizumi had to catch himself on the back of the chair, but he let one hand drift to Tsukasa's shoulder, the tiny hole in the fabric that Hizumi knew so well because it was one of the t-shirts he'd left behind.

And that said everything, didn't it.

He broke away from the kiss, enough to speak almost soundlessly against Tsukasa's lips. "You think you're taking something away from me, but really you've given me everything. I still mean it when I say I'm lucky to have you."

Those old protests rising up, that ever-present fate like a shroud, but it was different now. He couldn't say, someday you'll understand, because they were past that, horizons in the distance, and everything Tsukasa always fought against now crept back in. He could let go of the guilt, he could love this boy, and there was nothing left to stand between them.

Tsukasa sighed, bit at Hizumi's bottom lip. "I won't lie to you again. I promise."

Hizumi trembled with the relief of hearing those words. "I won't lie to you either. I'm yours, forever." Kissing him again, and he thought that maybe, sometimes, fate knew exactly what it was doing.

+

Hizumi stood at the window, the bulletproof glass lit up with neon, scattered across clouds. He had to admit he missed the view, the way the city unfolded and sprawled toward the horizon. The way he could stand there and feel entirely isolated, yet entirely safe.

It was late, his bad habit of not being able to sleep, drawn to the window, and he wasn't really surprised when Tsukasa's reflection joined him.

They were all kind of wired from the night, granting Zero's wish of attending one of the Sunday night street races. Of course they'd bet on Zero's car, ocean blue and tuned to perfection, and the giddy way Zero laughed when it won was worth everything.

And Zero had purred like that beautiful engine, still laughing and blissed out, as Hizumi fucked him into the hood of the limousine, feeling nitrous-soaked and unstoppable.

It was about Zero, the reason Tsukasa was awake, seeking out Hizumi in the dark. Slipping a small wooden box into Hizumi's hand, and the significance gave him chills. "Is this...."

"It's for Zero. I should have given him one sooner."

Hizumi opened the box, little silver skulls reflecting a rainbow of neon. "Thank you. This means a lot to me."

Because he knew Tsukasa wasn't protecting Zero for himself, it was for Hizumi, because he knew how much it would tear him apart to lose him.

Standing there breathless and overwhelmed, so much in love, and safer than any treated glass could ever make him feel.

Tsukasa distracted him then with a soft bite to his throat, teeth fitting into the bruises they left hours ago. "We should get to sleep, Hizu. It's going to be a long day tomorrow, and Karyu's not going to take tired as an excuse."

Back to training, since he was almost fully healed, and Hizumi quietly groaned, letting Tsukasa push him toward the bedroom. "I'm gonna die."

"Yep. Might as well rest while you can."

Hizumi laughed and pinched Tsukasa's arm. "Maybe we should drag you out with us."

Tsukasa gave him a look. "Oh, I would kick your ass faster than you could blink, tough guy."

"You might have to prove that."

The bedroom door closed behind them, sealing in the sound of Tsukasa laughing, clear and wonderful, while outside the bulletproof glass, the clouds parted enough to let the stars shine through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew.
> 
> I want to thank everyone who rambled with me in comments, when I posted the first batch of the story on LJ. You guys kept me in line, because I knew if I screwed up somewhere or went inconsistent, someone would tell me. xD I was on my own for the last few chapters, & I really missed all the input, the questions that reminded me to make sure everything came out coherent & complete. Hopefully it still turned out right.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


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